Brandon Scott Hole
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|Brandon Scott Hole|
|High Score||8 killed, 5 injured|
|Top 50?||Hell no|
|Style||FPS, Single player|
Brandon Scott Hole (also known as Brandon Cornhole, Brandon ScatHole, Brandon Butt Hole, or just B-Hole for short) was a 19 year old pathetic loser that shot the shit out of a FedEx sorting facility in Indianapolis that he had once worked at, before an heroing himself like the coward that he was. He's a prime example of why autistic children shouldn't be allowed to play with plastic silverware, let alone firearms. Even his mother, who warned law enforcement well in advance of her son's Chris-Chan levels of dickless retardation knew that it was only a matter of time before he went for the high score. Why he wasn't kept in chains in Guantanamo Bay after getting arrested the first time is still a mystery. When asked, police and FBI just shrugged and went back to hanging out in the drug evidence locker while playing hide the pickle with each other.
Officials stated the gunman was a former employee of the FedEx facility who was already on law enforcement's radar. His crackwhore trailer mom had warned law enforcement officials between drags on her menthols that he might try to attempt "suicide by cop.” An F.B.I. special agent confirmed that the gunman had been interviewed by federal agents in April 2020, and that he was put on an “immediate detention mental health temporary hold.” He was not charged with a crime, and the agent said that a shotgun was not returned to him, whatever the fuck that means. Thanks for all the details, flat foot. What, did you write all that on a fucking post-it-note??
Mr Hole last worked at the FedEx facility in 2020, perhaps as recently as the fall of last year, said Deputy Chief Craig McCartt of the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department. He said he did not know why Mr. Hole stopped working there, but it has been speculated that it was most likely due to him being an incel who collected pictures of other employees unflushed turds in the restroom instead of doing his job. Once fired, he swore that one day he would return to either complete his fecal photo collection, or kill everyone. Being a man of his word, he chose the latter due to the bathroom being closed for cleaning.
Perhaps funniest (and least surprising) of all was how Hole was a brony who wanted to be with cartoon ponies in the afterlife as opposed to bumming smokes off of Jesus or banging 40 virgins. He was quoted shortly before the shooting saying "I hope that I can be with applejack in the afterlife, my life has no meaning without her." As far as final last words, these ones take the lulz cake as they might be the dumbest thing an hero has said before hitting the delete button IRL and improving the gene pool. You can show your respect by visiting his grave, planting some appleseeds, and taking a huge shit on them for fertilizer.
The authorities described a Counter-Strike-esque scene at the FedEx facility late last Thursday, when gunfire erupted about 11 PM. Mr. Hole had been huffing Jenkem in the parking lot before he got out, sang the autism national anthem, and started shooting. He did not seem to be after anyone in particular, suggesting that he may have thought he was simply playing a game of Call of Duty while being high on shit fumes. The predominately Sikh employees working at the time Scott probably thought were simply rag-heads he was supposed to kill before they could set the bomb, sparking allegations of racist motives from Law Enforcement and the media as the workforce was 90% Sikh, which is totally not indicative of racist hiring practices at all.
“He just appeared to randomly start shooting,” said Chief McCartt, who said there were at least 100 people at the FedEx location at the time, which means Hole should have achieved a much higher score than he did. However, after clearing the parking lot level of the game, he continued into level 2, the warehouse, where he failed to level up his character and mod his weapon which resulted in him missing several targets, thus resulting in a pathetic final score before hitting the reset button to try again. He's most likely getting Red Bull cans thrown at his head in hell for dragging the LAN party's team score down because he just plain sucks at the game and can't play for shit due to huffing crap his whole life.
|Accuracy:||10/20 8 dead, 7 injured|
|Style:||5/20 Unoriginal going postal shooting, in a city that has already seen two other High Scores so far in 2021|
|Butthurt:||8/20 Moderate amount of butthurt, was quickly forgotten shortly thereafter|
|Bonus:||0/20 Bronies get 10 points automatically deducted from their score|
|Total Score: 31/100 (F)|
|Brandon Scott Hole
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