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Æ Roadmap

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  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

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    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Zune

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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    Moarknow.png
    Did You Know: MS no longer speaks of the Zune since the release of WP7. Good Night Sweet Prince


    File:ZuneBrick.JPG
    The Zune in its natural habitat; breaking like a piece of shit.
    File:ZuneOwners.jpg
    Typical Zune users.

    After releasing the shining achievement that was the Xbox 360 to the public, Microsoft thought that they weren’t having enough cash sucked out of their assholes, and decided to create the shit colored (and filled) music player called the Zune. Microshaft seems to be under the impression that the Zune is an iPod killer. This might have something to do with Billy Gates’ noggin’ being filled with Steve Job’s man mustard. Mmm, business. The Zune comes in four different colors; Psychopath White, Fall Out Boy Black, Scat Lover's Brown, and Homoerotic Pink. They also came out with Bloodshed Red last weekend or something. Another color for the scene fucks!


    Why noone knows about the very existance of the Zune

    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • BUT WAIT, THERE'S MOAR!
    • Ipod
    • Ipod
    • Maybe an MP3 player

    Why the Zune Sucks

    Because Bill Gates has a fetish for busted hardware, the Zune launched with many problems. Zune has an utterly useless feature that lets you beam songs to other Zune users, since the only people in the world who own a Zune are Bill Gates, Tycho from Penny Arcade, and Your Mom. You can only keep the songs for 'three days or three plays', which might be a result of all Zune users having shitty tastes in music. The Zune also has a series of useless Firmware updates, which have still yet to make the Zune any less shitty.

    The software got an update! Now it fucks up your library and puts fucking Green Day album art on ALL your music!

    This video is proof that their advertising wasn't the cause for failure

    The Zune and Bricking

    Like many Microsoft products, It is not compatible with other Microsoft products and it's said to have a form of some STD, acquired when linking the Zune to its incestuous cousin, the 360. It's said that the 360 acquired this STD after Bill Gates decided that the Memory Card slot looked oddly like a vagina at the time, due to massive amounts of shit in his brain.

    The best way to restore your Zune is to press back and up on the Dpad until Satan is spawned from hell and shits out another one from his ass.

    Why the Zune Rocks

    It's not an iPod. Also, it's got a big ass screen on it so that you can play your CP on it in the Chuck E. Cheese bathrooms, you faggot.

    Additionally, its got semi-useful firmware updates! Now you don't have to listen to the Coldplay dickshit songs your gay cousin sent you within 3 days! You can keep them as long as you want, but you can only listen to them three times. Which will probably happen because who the fuck is going to listen to Coldplay?

    Also, it has wireless sync now. So you can sync your CP FROM the Chuck E. Cheese bathrooms! Xna games are totally free along with firmware updates. Also, it's been rated the #1 portable device for viewing horse pr0n, which is a major selling point which many Zune owners take pride in.

    Apparently the Zune also has better sound quality then the ipod, Although if you own an ipod Steve Jobs' subliminal messages sneaked into the audio would say otherwise.

    The 2008 Zune Apocalypse

       
     
    I had my Zune docked, and all the sudden I hear it start whirring as I'm sitting here at the laptop,I looked up just in time to see it restarting itself at exactly 12:00 midnight, and then, the freeze. Great. WHAT is going on!?
     

     
     

    — one man

    Around midnight Pacific time on December 31st 2008, 30GB Zunes began restarting and locking up at their boot screens. Reports swamped official forums and fan sites. Reported by hundreds of owners in forum threads at Zune.net and other sites, one of which already has over 1,000 replies, the 30GB model of Microsoft's Zune digital media player—and apparently only the 30GB model—entered a coma last Thursday. Whether a Zune was sitting idle or was in the middle of playing a song, users report that the device either shut itself off or restarted and then locked up at its boot screen. Microsoft said that a leap year issue caused problems with the 30-gigabyte versions of its Zune digital music player, following a flood of online customer complaints about the devices freezing up.

    Bill Gates made an appearance wearing a Windows Vista thong and issued a statement pinpointing “a bug in the internal clock driver related to the way the device handles a leap year.” Which can be interpreted as Zune's closed due to leap years.


       
     
    Last night, the battery in my Zune 30gig just burst into flames for no reason Shocked. I am not making this up. Has this happened to anyone else? What the hell is going on?
     

     
     

    —and the trolling begins...


       
     
    Emotions were running high on the Zune message board as some users said they were about to cry and others went so far as to say they might even die without their player.
     

     
     

    Serious Fucking Business

    [-+]Zune Usage

    Searching for nearby Zunes... None found. Searching for nearby Zunes... None found. Searching for nearby Zunes... "Lola" found.

    Sending "Hello" by Lionel Richie

    Receiving "Hi There" by Killdozer

    Sending "Do You Come Here Often?" by The Tornados Ridin' the Wind

    Receiving "I Get Around" by The Beach Boys

    Sending "Welcome To The Jungle" by Guns 'N' Roses

    Sending "What Brings You Here?" by Sandra Knight

    Receiving "Dateless Losers" by Reel Big Fish

    Sending "Come On" by Technotronic

    Receiving "Bad Experience" by Juan Rogelo Camilon

    Sending "You Don't Say" by Pinhead Circus

    Receiving "Long Story" by Rudy Mills

    Sending "I Got Time" by Letters to Cleo

    Receiving "My Ex" by The Jackys

    Receiving "We Had It All" by Willie Nelson

    Receiving "Money" by Pink Floyd

    Receiving "Fame" by Irene Cara

    Receiving "Diamonds" by Los Lonely Boys

    Receiving "Minions" by Wild Strawberries

    Receiving "The Six Million Dollar Sandwich" by The Dead Texan

    Sending "What Happened To You?" by The Offspring

    Receiving "Love Died" by The Order

    Sending "Let Me Guess" by Welcome to Florida

    Sending "Someone Else" by The Radio Dept.

    Receiving "No" by De La Soul

    Receiving "Science Fiction" by Ruffo

    Receiving "Outer Space" by The Muffs

    Receiving "Infatuation" by Rod Stewart

    Receiving "Movies" by Alien Ant Farm

    Receiving "Merchandise" by Fugazi

    Receiving "Little Dolls" by Ozzy Osbourne

    Receiving "Life in Outer Space" by Grand Funk Railroad

    Receiving "He Didn't Care For Me" by The White Mountain Boys

    Sending "Funny How Love Can Be" by Harpers Bizarre

    Receiving "I Don't Know How I Got By" by Edwin McCain

    Receiving "I Freaked Out Like a Big Truck" by John Davis

    Receiving "Total Nutcase" by A. Graham & The Moment Band

    Receiving "Burning Down the House" by Talking Heads

    Receiving "I Made Love to a Martian" by Mustard Plug

    Receiving "I Did It For The Toys" by Dance Hall Crashers

    Receiving "Freaks in Uniforms" by The HorrorPops

    Receiving "Kill Them All" by The Upsetters

    Sending "That's Not Nice To Say" by 2nd Chapter of Acts

    Receiving "I Don't Care" by Black Flag

    Receiving "I Don't Want To Care" by Jessica Simpson

    Receiving "This Much I Know" by Dwight Yoakam

    Receiving "I Like You" by Morrissey

    Receiving "Why Don't We Get Drunk" by Jimmy Buffett

    Receiving "Let Me See Your Underwear" by Blow-up

    Sending, "Hey, Wanna Throw Up? Get Me Naked" by Minus the Bear

    Receiving "Strip" by Adam Ant

    Sending "I Can't" by Sammie

    Receiving "Tell Me Why" by Neil Young

    Sending "Chewbacca's On My Underwear" by Rutherford B. Hayes is Dead

    Receiving "Do You Hear What I Hear?" by Bing Crosby

    Sending "What?" by Soft Cell

    Receiving "The Breakup Song" by American Hi-Fi

    Sending "Please Don't Go" by Double You

    Sending "I Don't Want To Lose You" by REO Speedwagon

    Receiving "Bozo Weirdo Wacko Creep" by David Baerwald

    Playing "Alone Again (Naturally)" by Gilbert O'Sullivan

    Zune HD

    In September 2009, Microsoft released the Zune HD, a touchscreen media player with the sole purpose of kicking the iPod touch's ass. It has HD radio and can connect to a dock that lets it play HD video. It has little to any apps or games, much to the whinings of its respective users. The internet browser as of now doesn't support flash applications, and therefore cannot play YouTube. Currently available in 16, 32, and 64GB.

    With the release of Windows Phone 7, though, Microsoft has stopped caring about the Zune. There were talks about a Zune HD2, but those were just fanboy rumors.

    See also

    External Links

    Template:Microsoft

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