Youngstown used to be a nice city that was located between the forests and the glens of North-East Ohio. This utopian ideal where unicorns ran free and nymphs with huge racks sang beside sunlit ponds ended. 99 years ago when Mike Sandy felt the need to do a Doofenshmirtz and took it over, quickly driving it into the direction of becoming a shithole city full of AIDS and FAIL that it has come to be known for across the world.
The Youngstown-Warren Metropolitan Statistical Area (MSA) averages over 9,000 people, 102% of which are either Guidos, slavshits or niggers and all of whom are 1337 haxors because they have finished Computer Science III
It should be noted that the city has a popular saying, "If the gangs don't kill you then the cops will,"' because everyone in the city is so scared of its shadow that no one leaves their house without Kevlar on because even the cops will shoot at the slightest sound of BOO and have been known to plant a plastic gun on a kid so they can claim self defense after they fill a kid with 3 magazines worth of lead in its back.
- 1 History
- 2 Fun Things To Do In Youngstown
- 3 Climate
- 4 Education
- 5 Emo Infestation
- 6 Butthurt Over Yurich Trial
- 7 Robert Seman, Child Molester and Child Killer An Heroes
- 8 Promiscuous News Reporters
- 9 Zombie Racoons
- 10 Drugs
- 11 Our City Can Make Yours Disappear
- 12 People Of Interest
- 13 Summing It Up
- 14 See Also
- 15 External links
Last Thursday, Youngstown was one of the primary fleshlight and steel manufacturers in the United States. Then, after getting pwned in WWII and Japan flooding the market with Wii, black people, and shitty steel, the resulting economic butt-fuck earned Youngstown the nickname Epic Fail City. Around this time, a bunch of [[|Italy|guidos]] in the mafia were running out of pasta and money and started putting drama bombs in ppls cars. This earned car bombs the nickname Youngstown-tuneups, and Youngstown itself earned several other nicknames, including Little Chicago, Murdertown USA, Yompton, and Edward J. DeBartolo's Cluster Fuck From Hell. When Lincoln Continental freed the slaves, a bunch of black people showed up looking for jobs, white women, and cheap crack.
Then, congressman Jim Traficunt took some bribes and ignored some murders. He got caught, of course, and the trial was shown on national TV, humiliating the city in front of the whole country once again. Realizing the severity of the situation, local minorities began making babies and forming treet gangs until Youngstown became the shining beacon of economic and political failure it is today, with most of its residents living at or below the federal poverty line.
Fun Things To Do In Youngstown
- If you're a dago guinea wop greaseball goombah (or at least pass as one as many sand niggers, Turks, and Armenians do), you can always run around wearing Nike track suits and pretend that you're a part of the Mafia.
- Get raped by niggers.
- Get almost raped by a pack of niggers. It will be your fault.
- Become a wigger and join one of the over 9,000 gangs in the area.
- Join The YSU Football team, become a star player and get away with raping girls as young as 11 because the local newspapers will defend you by crying that they were all opportunistic whores and asking for it.
- Start a nice heroin habit, though fentanyl is what the cool kids are on lately.
- Get blown up by a bomb some dago put in your car.
- Troll IRL.
- Pwn noobs with the The Power 5.
- Raep 16 year old girls.
- Rape 13-year-old_boys.
- Buy a camera and produce your own CP.
- Experience a warm civic welcome.
- Stay at a bed & breakfast.
- Drink Natural Light or Keystone
—God Emperor Trump on his 25 July 2017 visit to Youngstown, Ohio
Northeastern Ohio is notorious for its completely fucktarded weather patterns and persistently overcast skies. The sun only comes out twice a year in Youngstown, and meteorologists speculate that this is because god hates violent minorities almost as much as he hates teh Jews. In Youngstown, it is possible to experience all four seasons in one day.
Local weather forecasts now include drive-by shootings as well as precipitation, considering both happen equally as often and are equally predictable.
Youngstown State University is full of gay homos that think the Buttfuck Institute of American Art is something to be proud of, azns and curry niggers that only go there for the slightly above average engineering college, black people that only got in because of their lax admissions and about a million inscrutable frat boys that go there only to half-ass a 4 year business degree so no one complains when daddy hires his son in over people that have invested their life in the company, because they are too dumb to leave or too drunk to drive and it's within walking distance.
It is also home to one of the most forgettable football teams in college sports history and if it weren't for its football team's members making National news every two years because they gang raped a Junior High School girl or forced a 13-year-old boy to be in a video where he's sucking off the whole team, even the National Collegiate Athletics Association would forget they have a football team.
The 16 year old girls and 13 year old boys of Youngstown took to the emo trend of the 2000's like flies to shit, the only difference was they were slightly more androgynous than flies and were slightly more capable of threatening suicide OL. It is not unusual to see shambling packs of prepubescent scenester cunts flocking to Hot Topic at the shopping mall or standing around looking depressed at rock shows.
Most of these retards worship a local band called Another Found Self, which has an openly homosexual lead singer named Julian (or Cunt Puffin for short). AFS used to have a forum, but had to remove it due to constant trolling by people who found it necessary to photoshop various members of the band engaging in wholesome homoerotic acts.
Butthurt Over Yurich Trial
Every uneducated black person in the city of Youngstown, Ohio is crying corruption and preferential treatment because Dr. Joseph Yurich who was found guilty of the misdemeanor charges of vehicular homicide and leaving the scene of an accident was only sentenced to 10 days in jail plus other punishments such as community service and house arrest.
Trying to use their uneducated monkey brains for more than thinking of how to score dope, figuring out how many Flavor-Aid packets are needed to make a gallon of grape drink when a single packet makes a quart or who they are going to rape tonight, the minority population of Youngstown is trying to compare felony punishments for drug dealing and murder to misdemeanor punishments. These idiots are trying to make the case that the good Doctor only got off easy because he is white, actually his parents are from Spain, educated and rich. If he were black, they want intelligent people to believe, he'd be doing 20 years even though the crimes he was convicted of don't carry these kinds of sentence recommendations.
All these fuckwits are doing is ensuring that everyone knows why Youngstown rates so high as a ghetto city in the State of Ohio and America because these 7th grade drop outs can't get it through their heads that misdemeanor and felony charges are two different animals entirely and the only way these mental midgets can settle this ignorance is to blame it on the White Man's Conspiracy to keep the Black Man down.
What once used to be a state that was known for birthing brilliant engineers, astronauts, politicians, designers and creative artists now only can birth retard after retard.
If Our God Emperor Trump has any empathy he will hire someone to rip this state's uterus out or push it down the stairs the next time it gets pregnant.
Robert Seman, Child Molester and Child Killer An Heroes
On the warm, sunny day of the tenth of April 2017 Robert Seman, Brony and obsessed twitter follower of Tara Strong who was on trial for murdering a tiny, innocent, angel of a child in a house fire to keep her from testifying about his sickening, repeated rapes of her decided that the decent thing for him to do and the best way to apologize for his being born a sick fuck would be to meet the devil halfway by becoming an hero and throwing himself off of the top floor, center balcony of the Mahoning County Courthouse to the marble floor below. Seman discovered that as a pedophile in an Ohio prison he'd be subjected to a favorite Ohio inmate pastime called lifeflighting where you don't kill the pervert but beat them to within an inch of their life so they have to be life flighted out to a hospital and are then returned to prison when they have improved.
The idea behind the game as one inmate puts it. "If you kill them, it's over. But this way we make sure they keep getting what's coming to them." There were some allegations that Seman may have been pushed by a sheriff deputy but even the Youngstown local news responded with "Really? Who said that? Who thinks it's a bad thing to protect society from a kiddie freak?" After which, no one responded. Seman will not be missed. Even his mother made sure to spit on his corpse and kick him in his dead balls while calling him a failure as a son and human being. No Golden iPod will be sent to hell for him.
To quote the admins here at Encyclopedia Dramatica, "We hope the devil starts by parking a diesel train engine up his ass." To this day, the only thing he is known for is knocking a picture off the wall of an office the second his evil, child molesting, baby killing, furry, fat brony ass hit the floor.
Promiscuous News Reporters
Local news anchor Catherine Bosley achieved temporary internet stardom when she was caught participating in a wet t-shirt contest while on spring break in Key West], Florida in 2004. Claiming to have only done it for the lulz wasn't enough to save her job, however. Apparently proud of her strange, grapefruit-like tits, Catherine did a triple shot of tequila and the promptly sacrificed her job for the few minutes of attention she so desperately craved. Exactly three seconds later, the pictures were all over teh internets. Having been a news anchor for well over ten years, opportunities to be in front of a camera were evidently few and far between.
If you needed any more proof that Youngstown, Ohio is a hellish, soulless abattoir of moral decay that God will, one day, get around to uncreating and that secret black opp government agencies are putting fluoride in their water for nefarious purposes such as creating a super powered murder nigger, the city's residents are now claiming to be overrun by a horde of zombie racoons.
Trying to put the citizens at ease and hopefully ignore the large government agency hiding behind the screen, experts are claiming that people are simply confusing racoon distemper as zombie behavior.
Confused behavior in the racoon, a pus-like discharge from its eyes, coughing up blood and the racoon's body decaying to the point that its bones and internal organs can be seen through its decompsing skin can easily be explaimed by the distemper virus, experts have said, and there's no reason for people to worry.
For no other reason than safety and to keep the virus from spreading to dogs and other pets, government agencies such as the Ohio Department of Wildlife are asking people to report these diseased racoons so they can be euthanized and incinerated after their brains have been properly dissected.
One of the few things Youngstown has going for it is cheap drugs. An 8Ball of crack averages about $70 in the city leading many conspiracy theorists to argue that the government is secretly behind the demise of Youngstown while others argue that the City of Youngstown is behind such cut throat prices because it is trying to inflate its numbers by drawing addicts into its city limits with cheap drug prices. However, you can still get fucked over if you are a retard. Enjoy the cut to shit cocaine sold to you by fat spics or niggers for $20 a bump.
Our City Can Make Yours Disappear
In response to Mayor Rudy Giuliani changing the New York City motto to, "Our city can kick your city's ass," in April of 1995 and the always en vogue motto of Chicago of, "Hey! What the fuck you looking at?" then Youngstown Mayor Patrick Ungaro decided to show how low his city's balls hung and started promoting the City of Youngstown's New Motto of, "Our City can make yours disappear." To show that he and his city meant business, small suburbs like Forest Hills in Queens, Sea Aislle in New Jersey and Stoned Harbor in Pa suddenly dissapeared off the map and after years of FBI investigations nothing could ever be pinned on the city of Youngstown. To this day, the bigger cities like New York and Chicago remain unimpressed by this Crackhead of a city because the greatest trick Youngstown ever performed was making itself disappear.
People Of Interest
Since this is Youngstown and the only decent thing to come out of it was a new design for a machine gun belt during World War II that helped maximize the number of kills, we'll stick with the city's favorite subject and focus on people that tried their best at playing The Godfather
|Ronald The King Crab Carabbia: Youngstown Enforcer that is best known for doing in Cleveland mobster Danny Greene when he installed some after market mods in his car.|
|Lenine Lenny The Snitch Strollo: Wannabe, greaseball toughguy that had the bright idea that if he hired a couple of niggers to assassinate Mahoning County Prosecutor Paul Gains in 1996 that he could avoid prosecution and get a new prosecutor in office that would be willing to play ball. Like any job trusted to a nigger, it was a spectacular Fuck Up and Paul Gains survived the attempt on his life. The Party Van was called in and the second Lenny got pinched he started ratting out everyone he could to save his ass because he knew that he really fucked up this time. His "Snitching" created a number of new jobs in the Youngstown Area when the Mahoning County Sheriff's Department and Youngstown Police Force, for no reason, had to hire new officers after firing 30% of their forces for no particular reason.
|Charles Cadillac Charlie Cavallaro: Youngstown Crime Boss that is best known for Newspapers giving the names of Crimetown USA, Little Chicago, Bombtown USA to Youngstown, Ohio and coining the phrase Youngstown Tune-Up when he and his 11-year-old son Thomas Cavallaro were assassinated by a car bomb the day after Thanksgiving, 23 November 1962, when Charles Cavallaro started to back his car out of his house's garage to take his son to Football practice. The explosion was said to be so gruesome that only the hardest parts of Thomas Cavallaro's skeleton such as his lower jaw, forehead and thigh bone were able to be recovered.|
|Joseph Sandy Naples: Mid-Level Youngstown crime figure known for running the gambling rackets, the numbers and illegal lotteries. Best known for his getting Shotgunned to death, along with his girlfriend Mary Ann Vrancich in March 1960 when he was supposed to be locked up and in jail facing gambling charges. Many Youngstown, Ohio conspiracy theories suggest that is was actually the Youngstown Police who assassinated Sandy Naples to expose police corruption because there would obviously an investigation to discover the reason why Sandy Naples was found shot to death, along with his girlfriend, on her front porch and not in Jail, where he was supposed to be.|
|Jim Traficant: The king of Lulz and the all time favorite politician of the ED Sysops because he mooned then FBI director Janet Reno after calling her a lesbian during a congressional hearing. Probably the most famous local politician ever because, at one time, most of America knew him despite his only being a 1 in 435 member of the House of Represenatives because of things like him preaching Jew Hate and other Racism on Daytime talk shows like Donohue and Oprah and his constantly being brought up on charges for mob connections. Died in the least lulzy way when he was working on his farm and his tractor flipped over on him. With the way he lived, we hoped for a better end for him such as a methane explosion from him lighting a cigar in a barn while all the cows are farting after someone fed them beans. We hope his last words were I did it for the lulz. He will be missed.|
|Tiny Tina: A psychotic bitch that likes to blow shit up for Shits and Giggles. She's the unofficial mascot of Youngstown, Ohio.|
|Satin Doll: stripper from the old mafia days of Youngstown that Richard Pryor reminisces about below when he was working burlesque|
Summing It Up
In the over 9,000 year history of Youngstown, Ohio. The only thing the city has to show for itself are actor Ed O'Neil and a Boy Band named after it.
- Borderlands 2 Known for having the unofficial mascot of Youngstown, Ohio: Tiny Tina
- Youngstown Website] Much like the city, there's not much going on here.
- YSU lets convicted rapist play football
- [If you're really sweating for a University that will take anyone and couldn't give a fuck about that .75 GPA you're so proud of, look no further than YSU
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