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William Atchison

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William is living it up in lulz hell heaven.
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This page contains an hero.


NEVAR!!!! This user was willing to die for the lulz... and did.


   
 
He's not only a cowardly loser that probably never got laid, he was evil incarnate.
 

 
 

—San Juan County Sheriff Ken Christesen



#CouchCrew2k15 #TangoDown


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This loser never scored.
William Atchison
Born March 18, 1996
Nationality Americunt MiniflagUSA.png
Occupation ED sysop, basement dweller
High score Killed 2 (did worse than Randy Stair)
Top 50? Lol no
Style FPS, Singleplayer
An Hero? Yes, self-pwnd after being thwarted by a couch

William Edward Atchison (also known by his uncreative aliases AlGore, Vance Stone, FuckYou, MrApophis, and SatanicDruggie) was an Encyclopedia Dramatica admin and pasty-faced little runt of a manlet, edgelord, and Freckle Chan's suspected cousin who shot up a school in Aztec, New Mexico on December 7, 2017. Atchison presumably aimed for the high score, but was only able to drop two noobs before becoming an hero.

Bill's long, slow descent into madness began when he joined Encyclopedia Dramatica at the age of 11. Fast forward to a decade later, he was so drained of the will to live or accomplish anything that he decided to carry out a school shooting, just like the many he had obsessively worshiped and cataloged in ED articles. His dreams of attaining immortality were tragically shot down by the fact that he was a useless pussy who couldn't even get past a sofa barricade held by an elderly woman, just as he had secretly feared all along. Thus, this article is entertaining in a way Bill didn't want, but definitely deserved for pulling such a failed stunt.

Let's hope that there's WiFi in Hell so William can read this.

Background

File:William atchison - plan of action.jpg
Amazingly, this photo is not from The Onion.

Having been born on March 18, 1996 in Aztec, it is likely that William grew up in a trailer with a white trash background just like every other white devil in the state. In high school, he was a loner, wearing a trenchcoat to school everyday just like his idols, and inevitably got picked on for wearing a trenchcoat in the hot ass desert shithole where he lived. Too dumb to graduate from high school, he ended up working at a gas station and frittering away his meager Jewgolds on buying FPS games, Doritos, and poor quality drugs. He certainly never saved up enough to lose his virginity to one of the state's many affordable, fuck-for-a-buck, Mexican or Injun whores, which no doubt increased his fears that he was deeply homosexual. Or perhaps he didn't save up for a ride because he knew his pindick wouldn't respond, exposing him to further humiliation.

On the other hand, or Willy's other girlfriend as it came to be, he did display some initiative by managing to scrape together enough from his pocket-money wages to buy a Glock from a licensed dealer sometime in 2017 (not that it makes much of a difference seeing guns are as accessible in New Mexico as alcohol and STDs). A new 9mm Glock costs at least $400 and probably more like $550. That's half a grand that Atchison could have used to improve his life. Some IT studies to bolster his résumé? A second-hand car, to widen his job prospects? A reasonable whore and half-a-dozen points of change, with change left over for Taco Bell and a wasted weekend on the beer?

Eventually, he gave up completely on trying to have a meaningful life or find a girlfriend/hooker, and instead settled for becoming a sexless fedora-tipping brony/furfag who shitposted on /pol/, eventually becoming a sysop on ED.

Almost V&

A frequent visitor to Steam game discussions, our boy Willy was first investigated by the feds, both local police and FBI, back in 2014 or 2015 (by his account) when somebody reported his profile to fuck with him. There was hypocrisy here, as he frowned upon people saying the most depraved shit for shock value, but he participated in the same things he whined and bitched about others doing it himself.

In 2016, the dipshit made comments to other online gamers about carrying out a school shooting and which assault rifle was best suited to the task. Because of course, telling unknown numbers of complete strangers what you are planning is the perfect way to keep it secret. Unsurprisingly, the Feebs were on his doorstep pretty much immediately. Also unsurprisingly, Atchison pussied out of it by telling the G-Men that he was just trolling. Since he didn't have a gun of any kind, the lawmen decided he was just some stupid kid and posed no threat to anyone.

The shooting

File:William Atchison - Who Would Win.jpg
School used COUCH! It's super effective!
   
 
Work sucks, school sucks, life sucks. I just want out of this shit.
 

 
 

—Suicide note, completely avoiding any responsibility for his own shitty situation and ripping off another failure. Note that the dutiful prole literally planned to work until the day he died (see note above).



The shooting happened on the 7th of December, 2017. Atchison (known on Blockland as Sephiroth) entered Aztec High School disguised as a student and made his way to a 2nd-floor bathroom where he was literally caught with his pants down by an actual student, causing Atchison to panic.

With his plan jeopardized by the child in front of him, he shot and killed the student and ran out into the hallway, desperately searching for another victim. After picking off a second stranded target he sought out a classroom to hold hostage, but got cucked when he discovered a sofa was placed in his path.

He rightfully killed himself in shame as the police surrounded him and he came to the realization that he was actually more pathetic of a manchild than Randy Robert Stair.

Loadout

File:Supercouch111.jpg
He never foresaw the militarization of couches. GG.
Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Glock 19 Gen 4
  • 761 hours experience in CS:GO.
  • Thrown: Backpack
  • Perk 1: Ghost Pro
ATS Ghost Pro.png
  • Invisible against Spy Planes and Substitute Teachers.

Online presence

File:William Atchison - Making Death Threats.png
Making random death threats was Willy's way of shaking hands with people online.
File:Cs aztec.jpg
AlGore's POV

Suffering from the tism and never able to make friends irl, Atchison spent the majority ALL of his time running around online constantly screeching "NIGGER" and "KILL YOURSELF" and all sorts of other tired, unimaginative nonsense. Even in more pedestrian level forums, the "shock" value of his pedantic alt-right wannabe parroting always wore thin pretty quickly.

He was not liked by anyone and his presence was only ever tolerated when he could be put to work as an online janitor, cleaning up wiki pages like ED. That was really the only useful purpose he ever served online and it was his one outlet of self-importance and he felt a great deal of virtual control by editing wiki sites like ED and as such routinely abused his position of imagined power by uploading thousands upon thousands of unironic white supremacist propaganda and meandering hate screed against niggers, Jews, SJWs and pretty much anyone not of the overly cuntservative cracker ass persuasion. Once this began to booze on out of control, several ED admins took to the forums to voice their concerns with the way he was basically fucking up everything on the site.

On Steam, Atchison would befriend Ali David Sonboly (and consequently contributed to his ED page more than anyone else) in between leaving edgy reviews on video games such as Wolfenstein and Hatred, getting himself v& for cheating in online matches.

Meanwhile, on Kiwi Farms he was also a largely unknown poster. He attempted to get in good graces with the staff, probably hoping he could get sysop on their own wiki much as he did here on ED. One of his last few posts involved thirsting after fellow failed mass shooter, Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath.

Profiles

William left a lot of evidence for people to find after he killed himself, including his numerous online profiles. The following are publicly-known as of June 2019:

Forum Posts

  • Stuck in a Rural Redneck town - Self-explanatory post, whining about the town he lives in, himself, and his family. (Archived: ArchiveToday-favicon.png1 Wayback Machine Favicon.jpg 2)
  • Entry #16 - A 2016 Newgrounds post saying his goodbyes and once again, complaining. (Archived: ArchiveToday-favicon.png1 Wayback Machine Favicon.jpg 2)

Videos

Galleries

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Evidence Lockup About missing Pics
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Internet postings About missing Pics
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Internet reactions About missing Pics
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Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 2/20 Did worse than Randy Stair
Accuracy: 5/20 Shot at a wall for two minutes
Style: 7/20 Disguised himself as a student to get inside
Butthurt: 2/20 School shootings are so common now that nobody noticed
Bonus: -1/20 Couldn't even make it on the High Score leaderboard
Total Score: 15/100 (F-)
Sofa cuck
See full ranking

Wanted Level:
___________________

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___________________

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Mall Cop


See also

External links



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