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Sounds above 80 decibels can cause hearing damage. At 120 decibels pain ensues. Vuvuzelas clock in at 127 decibels. Sounds of about 150 decibels can rupture eardrums.
Ye Olde Vuvuzela

The Vuvuzela, (Also known as the "Vuvunigra", "Monkey Trumpet", "Niggerhorn", "Fuzzywuzzy Fail-Flute", "Fly Catching Horn", "Wog Siren", "Jiggabugle", "Zulu Kazoo", "Coon Clarinet", "Spook Flute", Cotton-Pickin' Clamorphone", "Donkey-Kong Dissonance Bong", "Jiggaboo Digereedoo", "Sambo Sousaphone", "Blacky Funnel" or "Mandingo Megaphone") is a sonic warfare weapon developed by South African negro scientists to do what they do best... Annoy the shit out of whitey in retaliation for years of repressive apartheid. The dumb shits claim that the brightly colored plastic horn/funnel is part of their culture, but so is GRIDS, starvation, crime and poverty. But we don't really want to see that kind of stuff at the World Cup, right? The horn creates lulz by trolling millions of people worldwide so much, that they want to commit an hero.

The Vuvuzela was South Africa's best kept secret until the 2010 World Cup when the whole world discovered this beautiful mellifluous instrument that sounds like millions of bees swarming when it was used to drive everyone crazy every fucking second of every single football soccer football soccer football soccer football soccer Football tennis match Swim Meet Nascar race Your daughters ballet recital for a solid month. This is primarily because vuvuzela users are autistic, preferring not to blow them when they score, but rather all the time, regardless of the situation.

Opinions on the omnipresent BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ of the Vuvuzela range from mild annoyance to extreme hatred. Most players (with the exception of the South African team who don't stand a chance in hell of winning the World Cup) want FIFA to ban the Vuvuzela because it is annoying and they can't communicate with each other, but FIFA is too scared of offending the host nation's delicate sensibilities, so all they've done is lean on the South African Prez to ban it during National Anthems.

If you think it's annoying on TV, you know nothing of cruel and unusual punishment because the company that controls the audio/visual feed for the world has already filtered it three times over to decrease the effects of this enhanced interrogation method.

Vuvuzela on 4chan

Donate to the poor children of Africa,and what do they buy?A FUCKING TRUMPET!

Starting on June 14th 2010, Moot decided to troll all of 4chan's /b/ board by looping a sound-clip of vuvuzelas and replacing the normal header with "/b/ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ". This has led to much lulz, as there is much butthurt over this ongoing epidemic. Next, /v/ was hit with /v/uvuzela as well, making all of /v/irgins rage because they couldn't watch E3 and be on /v/ at the same time. GODDOMOT it's now spread to /r9k/ "a gangbang of whining". Of course 4chan's /sp/ - sports board wasn't spared either. Some would argue that the vuvuzelization of the boards is part of the chemo that is curing 4chan, because everyone who isn't capable of turning off the sound is a giant newfag and retard and might be driven the fuck off the site by the earrape. Others argue that it is modfaggotry and thus also cancer.

NEWSFLASH: All boards are back to normal and no longer contain the ear raping Vuvuzela.

Vuvuzela on Adult Swim

In keeping with their tradition of not being original, Adult Swim has started playing the Vuvuzela sound during all their bumps and promotions. As if the network wasn't crappy enough already...


Apparently there is no escape to this sound as even YouTube has picked up on it by adding a soccer ball button on videos that makes this annoying droning rape whistle sound over the video you are watching. Now you know FIFA, this is why you don't let niggers host the World Cup.


South Africa has begun the process of ruling the world with these death horns by delivering them to Niggers all over the globe. In Chicago, when Walmart cut down the pay of black teens' paychecks in the South Side, many blacks formed an extremely unorganized rally using these horns that sound like Your Mom getting screwed with a trumpet.

Vuvuzela in ECLIPSE!!!

To create an unimaginable rage in the hearts of all the Twitards, an ingenious plan was devised to make the Twilight movie better by replacing the score with nothing but LIVE BEAUTIFUL VUVUZELA MUSIC!! Soon teenyboppers will be drowned in its amazing sound!!! GO FORTH!!!



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See also

External Links

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All vuvuzelas come Covercat approved.


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Featured article June 22, 2010
Preceded by
Aaron Williams
Vuvuzela Succeeded by
Andrew Quah

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