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    Virgin

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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    Virgin Meter.jpg



    I AM BECOME DEATH.png

    OL

    Untouched and pure, as in "virgin snow." Virgins are new to an IRC channel or a given community. When virgins innocently violate unspoken rules of netiquette, those experienced with the internets flame them into a smoking pile of greasy ashes, much like the NRA encountering Bambi. Because of their boorish behavior, virgins can appear to be trolls. However, trolls are consciously obnoxious for the lulz while virgins have no idea they are idiots. Savvy trolls will often create a sock puppet who pretends to be a virgin.

    Sexual Virginity

    According to a survey of 13-year-old boys, girls fall into three categories: virgins, sluts, and mothers. According to a survey of 16-year-old girls, females remain virgin as long as they only fuck Jesus and/or only take it in the ass. History demonstrates that most all girls are not virgins (unless they're under 10, you pedo). Much to their regret, most 13-year-old boys are because they have small penises and noone wants them. (And most 13-year-old boys don't like being victim to pederasty, no matter how handsome Noone is.) See also: Technical virgin. Usually virgins' pussies smell great.

    Virgins Who Want To Stay That Way

    File:Weebvirgin.jpg
    A surefire way to keep the opposite sex off the tip of your dick.
    File:Boyscout virgin.jpg
    121 reasons why he will always, always be a virgin. And no, getting sodomized by the scoutmaster doesn't count.

    Oddly, some virgins wish to continue their useless state of frustrated abstinence.

    • Modest Girls
      • Sample Entry: "I love Jesus. He's my lover and lives inside of my temple...so I don't need to show it off." (Note: An excellent source of what.)
    • Iron Hymen
      • You don't have to be a slut! Instead, you can live a bone-dry life that is bereft of disgusting penis snot that will try to cry its way up your uterus. Yes, you too can be a virgin for the rest of your life!
    • Platonic Love
      • Sample Entry: "Weezer lead singer Rivers Cuomo is continuing his celibacy past his self-declared deadline. 'Abstinence doesn't require as much self-discipline anymoar,' he says. 'We never had any serious groupies, anyway. Our generation got screwed.'
    • Everyone on Encyclopedia Dramatica.
      • I suck cocks.
    • Anne Coulter
    • thepeaguy!!!
    • Consecrated Virgins
    • WheatThins
    • Asexuals
    • Equivamp


       
     

    <WheatThins> debating what kind of condom to buy for first time
     


     
     

    #ed

    Want To Be More Virginal

    even if you've been dating for 5 years, sex before marriage is a sin and will send you straight in satan's anus

    Fucking for Virginity Page was baleeted.

    Chris-chan claims to be a virgin with rage, but when Clyde Cash sent prostitutes to his house, Chris refused them because he wants romance. [1]

    What We Know

    Not much is known about virgins because those who are virgins typically claim that they are really sex fiends. Scientists speculate that most virgins are actually recluses who have small penises. Female virgins often complain about it on their blog.

    Useful Advice For Virgins

    |

    Gallery Of Virgins

    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

    PermaVirgin

    Typical aspie virgin.


    Another lazy dying alone autistic virgin.


    File:Retractedmicrowang.jpg
    A man's penis after having no sex for 5 years.
    This is what happens to male virgins.
    File:TinyPenis.jpg
    Typical virgin penis.

    PermaVirgin is an incurable affliction caused by the horrible virus known as "Nice Guy Syndrome". These boys are caught in a downward spiral that keeps them virgins forever, no matter how hard they try or how desperate they get. Part of this downward spiral is them doing exactly what women tell them they want, being a yes man, and buying gifts for her, which, unless they're a dominatrix, triggers the woman's "Don't Fuck" instinct (any real man knows that the key to getting laid is doing the exact opposite of what a woman says she wants, being an asshole to them). PermaVirgin is also known and best described as the Friend Zone. It can also be, and is more commonly caused by internets disease.

    Famous Virgins

    Famous non-virgins

    See Also

    Portal sex.jpg

    Virgin is part of a series on

    Sex

    Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

    Virgin is part of a series on Language & Communication
    Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
    Click topics to expand
    HitlerPikachu.png
    Virgin is part of a series on Dying Alone

    [DeadCry yourself to sleep]

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