A tattoo is a mullet you can never cut. Commonly introduced as a nasty ass virus that enters your body through dirty needles. It works its way through the blood stream until it reaches the skin. Once there, it will cluster and group into the ugliest design its little virus's mind can think of. Tattoos officially stopped being cool once Miley Cyrus started getting them.
How it is contracted
Anybody is open to infection but you're more likely to be vulnerable if you do any of the following:
- Live in a trailer park.
- Listen to Amy Winehouse
- Are a stupid babyfur
- Listen to metal
- Want to be a rebel
- Drink Beer
- Attend a liberal arts college
- Respond to the name Kimberley story on YouTube
- Want to prove to your current boyfriend/girlfriend that you'll do anything for them
- Think that butterflies symbolize you perfectly
- Are a slut
If you find yourself with one or more symptoms immediately call your best friend or richest living relative. They'll know what to do with you.
The tattoo comes in many forms - go look for them on the internets. All artists are whores, but especially body artists!
BME is a good source for shitty tattoo designs and other freakish man-made "mods" (1337 speak for guys chopping off their nuts and eating them for breakfast) which will keep you awake at night waiting for Cthulhu to consume the planet to spare you any further misery. If you're still unsure of what design you want to express your individuality, go to your nearest shady tattoo shop where you can choose a generic tattoo design that's already been inked on thousands of people.
SPECIAL MENTION: Eyeball Tattoos
What's the most painful place you can have a tattoo yet make sure it's the first thing terrified strangers see? Your eyes. Long thought to be an internet rumour, eyeball tattoos are horribly real. They're also illegal so the first were created in prison. The inmates were thrilled to be the 1st / 2nd / 3rd / 8th people to have the world's first eyeball tattoos, right up until every douchebag starts copying them and the laser-eye sturgery theaters of the future start looking like a Jackson Pollock painting.
There is also no possible way to have these tattoos removed.
—A prisoner worried about frightening his fellow prisoners.
Gallery Of Failed Tattoos
is part of a series on
[Go Live One]