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Tajikistan is Groovy

Tajikistan is a great place (officially the DickTaterShit of Tajikistan). With a 100% infant mortality rate, an oppressive system that keeps women in line and an Orwellian dictatorship, Tajikistan is a rockin' place. Anyday in Tajikistan is a good day, you can find donkey face tajik whore to insert your sickfuck furry bitch fetish delights in.

Exports include tears, goatse, tiny baby caskets, and whores. Unfortunately Tajikistani whores have vaginas with a circumference of at least 100 inches, giving pleasure to no man, but on the upside, they have 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000-pound tits

Imports of Tajikistan are tourists, blood, bear traps (explained below), and decorative garden gnomes.

The People

Tajiks belong to the same racial group as the Iranian Poorsians (or pseudo-Sand niggers) and also speak the Persian (poorsand) language.

Tajiks desperately want to be annexed by daddy bear Iran. You can usually find a Tajik furiously masturbating to his copy of one of Ferdowsi's works.

Tajikistani people are very happy, because they have to be, as their government has decided it's easier to torture anyone who complains.

Tajikistan excels at torture, using disproportionate force to punish crimes from jaywalking to abortion. That's right, abortion is illegal in Tajikistan.

Many of the torture methods involve the stretching and wrecking of the anus, resulting in an abundance of goatse.

In 1879, Tajikistan began exporting goatse to one of the only two markets available, Japan. It wasn't until eleven years later that Tajikistan broadened their goatse exports to include sick fucks.

Bears commonly roam throughout Russia and its surrounding countries as addressed by comedian Eugene Mirman. Tajikistan is no exception, and is commonly plundered by roves of cowboy hat wearing bear bandits.

Lacking the actual facilities to manufacture their own bear traps, 78% of Tajikistan's annual income is spent importing bear traps.


Tajikistan has many things that are super interesting including rivers and mountains. Unfortunately, these things seriously lack lulz...unless of course you swim in the Gunt river, which is full of severed vaginas that sink to the bottom. These are here from a "war" that happened at least 100 years ago (You can guess what happened...). If you are too much of a pussy to go into the water, sundried vaginas are sold at local gift shops, because they are commonly "fished" out of the water every Caturday.

The whole weeping country needs a lulz enema. Can we send an ediot over there to make teh dramaz?

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