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Sydney is the oldest city in Australia, founded hundreds of years ago by eternal ruler John Howard, who even back then was considered ancient. It is the most populated of all Australian cities, owing much to constant riots preventing people from leaving. Still, people have been known to escape, but usually spend years recovering from the trauma life in Sydney has bestowed upon them. This explains why even though it is the largest and most famous city in Australia, everyone you ever meet from Australia who has made something of themselves is never from Sydney.


Seeing as the average Sydneysider isn't intelligent enough to realise how cities in the rest of the world are run, Sydney has about 800 Mayors ruling over various suburbs. The Mayor of the part of Sydney people actually know about is Clover Moore, a former leprechaun (source: her name is clover for fucks sake) and, according to qualified political analyst Kyle Sandilands, present day witch.


Sydney is known for a bridge, an opera house, beaches, and violent gang rapes. The Opera house is notorious for its poorly thought out execution, in contrast to the highly successful gang rapes, which are frequently hailed as a huge triumph of modern sexual assault. The rapes have caused controversy, however, due to the fact that they were carried out by Lebanese and not real Australians, causing many to feel as if they were being bested by the middle east.

The first of many race riots which took the world by storm

These feelings of inadequacy lead to the creation of the cities top attraction; The annual race riot, held in early summer when wogs and various non-whites come out of hibernation. The riots usually commence with heavy drinking, and then participates wait for a middle eastern person (or someone close enough) to show up. They take their presence as consent and commence the riot. Crowds from around the world fly in to witness this event, many of whom end up beaten to death.

More tourist attractions are pitched to varying degrees of success.


Sydney is a very multicultural city. Try not to get culturally enriched.

  • Bankstown: Crawling with lebos.
  • Blacktown: Huge African population (who would've guessed, right?).
  • Bondi: Rich cunts galore.
  • Cabramatta: Vietnamese
  • Hurstville: Full of chinks. Only reason for it to exist is the Westfield.
  • Lakemba: Moar lebos.
  • Leichhardt: Wog central.
  • Mt. Druitt: Land of poor bogans and ice.
  • Newtown: Full of sheltered artsy alternative types that would probably shit themselves if they ever actually saw a brown person.
  • Penrith: Toothless grots.
  • Redfern: See for yourself.

Relationship with Melbourne

Sydney is known for its penis envy of Melbourne. Despite Sydney's better weather, the city finds itself struggling to compete with Melbourne's far superior Racial violence and gangland killings. In a method to ensure Sydney overtaking Melbourne as gang capital of Australia, New South Wales Premier Kristina Keneally announced plans to make it illegal to not have murdered anyone in the past. This proved not an issue to the ethnic, Aboriginal, and of course, gay communities (because of AIDS), as well as for war lord John Howard. An additional requirement that everyone violently attack someone of a different race proved a struggle for people living in Rich Sydney, who didn't even know black people existed.


Westies is a term invented by Sydney surfers (because they don't know how to speak English so make up words) to insult people who live in Western Sydney. The term, used now to describe all people who are poor and stupid, is synonymous with Bogans.

Some argue that Westies aren't really all that bad, but remember this: Surfers describe them as retarded and uncultured. If surfers are higher up in the intelligence category than Westies, they must be really fucked.

Notable residents

Fun Facts

- There are many witchdoctors and shit over there.

External Links

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Just another British fucking colony...


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