⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️
There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.
Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically) Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
.onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)
Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.
If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.
You can also email me via [email protected]
Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.
Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021!
—Every "sXe" 15-year-old, ever.
Straight edge (sXe, pron. essex-ee, also written fag) is a Mormon cult for 13 year old boys created by Ian MacKaye (pronounced Make Gay) of the band Minor Threat as a means of rebelling against the concepts of sex, drugs, and rock & roll (because the cool kids, who drink, smoke and have sex, choose not to associate with these fags). In other words, they are to the sea of piss that is punk music what moralfags and mods are to the interwebs. Reeking of butthurt and unwarranted self importance, incapable of separating their whiny, self-absorbed personalities from their music, it was MacKaye's straight edgers who, after a brief period of closet dwelling as punk musicians, eventually came out in order to give birth to the dreaded abomination known as emo ("emotional hardcore"). This is proof that all straight edgers are simply closet emos and will probably end up dying of AIDS.
Acting as young, elitist republicans, Straight-edgers believe that if they do not drink, smoke, think, do drugs, have fun, or have casual sex, they will be granted special powers and buttsecks with semi-divine level-18 dickgirls when Ian MacKaye returns from the dead as an all-powerful zombie monarch. They are also often vegans, vegetarians, and always retarded. Straight-Edgers can all be very proud of the fact that they made a militant "movement" spanning nearly three decades out of a 48-second song written by a man who later decided that a little weed here and there couldn't hurt. Many straight-edgers populate LJ and can be spotted from time to time in indiefucks, when they're not practicing shitty three-chord songs in their garage with the rest of the band, xNutsackx. It is a firm belief of all straight-edgians that to be the biggest badass among the scene they must obtain the perfect trophy girlfriend. If said girl cannot be found they must indulge in gatherings where members remove their shirts and wrestle.
It is worth noting that 99% of all sXe kids break edge by the time they turn 18, and end up becoming self-loathing alcoholics before they turn 30.
In the olden days, if someone had X's around their name (i.e. xfuthmanx for futhman), that would mean they are sXe. However, non-sxe individuals very quickly adopted this as a way to make their name look cool or be able to use an otherwise-taken username.
Nonetheless, it is pretty much common knowledge that the Xs around the names are synonymous with sXe. People often mock sXe usernames by using other letters, such as Y (yfuthmany) or Z (zfuthmanz), or by being cute and ironic (xvodkax or xigetlaidx). However, if you try doing both (yredmeaty) it is unfunny.
sXe kids put Xs on their hands to show they're speshul. Members of this movement claim that in the USA, if a minor goes to a venue serving alcohol, the bouncers would mark their hands with black X's indicating to barstaff that they are not supposed to be served booze. This entire concept is practiced outside of some clubs in the Washington DC metro area. Still, the story is perpetuated because it sounds so fucking hardcore. Even so, marking your hands after you are of drinking age makes you look like a tool. Furthermore, marking your hands in countries other than the USA makes you a tool whether you're of drinking age or not, unless you're in a nightclub in the UK, which routinely stamp punters hands to shown that they have payed. He had marked his hands with Xez while trolling some sXe'rz. His father was a carpenter though and was used to hammering nails in the spots where he'd placed X'ez. This is how the accident happened.
- sXe kids that are committed to being sXe are known as being true. A common sXe battle cry is "true till death", i.e. they will never abandon the sXe ideals. Yeah right, just wait until they turn 21. (19 or 18 in Canada)(18 in Australia)(4 in Mexico) (2 in Russia) (Still as a sperm in Germany)
Being sXe adds +100 points to your emo street cred. It shows how dedicated you are to your image. Much like vegans or vegetarians, sacrificing something EVERYONE enjoys to be different makes you a more viable candidate to be crowned King Shit, the most hardcore emofuck of all. It is also well known that sXe is also employed by Christians in order to get some street/punk/hardcore/non-Christian cred. But Jesus turned water into wine and not the other way around, so they're fags both in their religion and out.
Some sXe kids, tend to take on abbreviations and other internet slang IRL, claiming it to be their own. Whether it is while conversing with another sXe mate in FYE, battling about who has bigger gauges at Hot Topic, or even naming their own shitty songs from their own shitty bands internet slang. (Commonly overused, uncreative, and still shitty song titles include: ROFLCOPTER, LOLERZ, PWNZORED, and FTW) None of which did the band members spend hours in a a deep meditative state to come up with, but rather just copying it (which they always seem to have a knack for) from internet forums, other bands, or just World of Warcraft (which they all play and is the sole thing keeping them from breaking edge LOLZ).
The sXe curse
Hardcore is an off-shoot of punk rock that encourages anyone stupid enough to listen to it to flail their arms like a fucktarded ape (which is supposed to make the music "more aggressive"), and eventually gave birth to other really terrible kinds of music like emo.
HXC has a prominent Internet presence, as many adherents are underemployed, troubled, social rejects in their teens who want to be a part of something and have plenty of spare time to whine about it.
Spike TV for Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Originally an azn game show from the 80's (entitled "Takeshi's Castle") made of lulz and win, hosted by Takeshi Kitano. Later stolen and pussified by inflicting shit dubbing on the viewer by such hilarious comedians as Mary Scheer, who hasn't worked since the mid-90's. If you need to experience something like this, and are to fucking unsophisticated to immerse yourself in the pure win of Japanese pwning themselves in some of the most embarrassing ways possible, just push some Japanese guy into the mud, then make a penis, anus or vag joke.
Apparently, there are some people who think the straight edge movement is way too liberal and further measures must be taken. In addition to not doing any of the totally cool things straight-edgers refuse to do, hardliners won't drink coffee or eat meat products. Additionally, they are are pro-life extremists and think jacking off to pr0n and being gay or bisexual are unnatural; acts of violence against anyone who is gay, has an abortion, and/or touches themselves is encouraged by these people. They do, however, love engaging in a bizarre synthesis of Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Taoism, and a bunch of other random shit. Basically, they're either nutbags or Mormons trying to get some scene cred.
The Painful Truth
sXe kids are sXe so they have an excuse for failing at life, for example the sXe kid will claim he is a virgin not because he's a loser who couldn't score to save his life, but rather that he's somehow beyond such carnal urges. As for drinking, drugs etc. It's because they're too much of a pussy to risk buttsex with Bubba for booze and drugs, so use this lame fascia of restraint and iron will to hide their self loathing and inadequacy.
- Music (
usually badalways bad)
- Shotgun mouthwash
- an hero
Straight Edge is part of a series on
Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.
is part of a series on
[Expand Your Mind]