NIU Valentine's Day Massacre

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He did it for the lulz luvz.

The Northern Illinois University Valentine's Day Massacre seemed to come from a parallel universe. Steven Phillip Kazmierczak entered a side door at approximately 3:00 pm CST near the front of an introductory oceanography class in a large lecture hall with 150 to 200 students and began to fire gunshots. The gunman was reported to be a thin, white male wearing a long, black trench coat and a black beanie. Word on the street is he was a sociology major, that had something against the ocean. The gunman walked onto stage and opened fire. 18 people were shot before the gunman shot himself. Many victims were shot in the head, with at least three of the victims in critical condition, eight in stable condition and five in good dead condition.

Where Steve spent the last few moments of his an heroic life.

The guy might have been butthurt over the fact that it's V-Day and instead of masturbating using his tears as lube he decided to pwn some students instead. This is argued to be the latest attempt to break Cho's score at V-Tech. Too bad he failed miserably.

It must be noted that he didn't quite do it for the lulz. He did it for the luvz <3.


The perpetrator

found on his LJ; obviously he was disturbed
Stevie's taste in women was terrible impeccable

It's reported that the gunman was a current student of sociology at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. He had received the Dean's award from NIU in 2006. According to the NIU sociology website, coupled with the information provided in the Chicago Tribune article, the shooter can be identified as Steven Kazmierczak, which is also confirmed by the academic paper referenced , "Self-Injury In Correctional Settings: "Pathology" of Prisons or of Prisoners?", co-authored by Jim Thomas. Kazmierczak was a graduate student at the School of Social Work, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, who had received the NIU Dean's Award in 2006; he was Vice-President of the NIU Academic Criminal Justice Association in 2005 and had written on prison conditions and the U.S. correctional system. Local police and students who called local radio stations reported that the gunman was carrying two handguns and a shotgun. One of the handguns was believed to be a Glock, the other a small caliber handgun. The small-caliber handgun has not yet been recovered. Some argue Kazmierczak was a passive-aggresive closet case.

Some information that leaked on U of I's online directory, which quickly got deleted.

  • alias: skazmie2
  • name: Kazmierczak Steven Phillip
  • pretty_name: Steven Phillip Kazmierczak
  • first_name: Steven
  • middle_name: Phillip
  • last_name: Kazmierczak
  • email: [email protected]
  • student_department_name: School of Social Work
  • student_program_name: MSW:Social Work -UIUC
  • student_level_description: Graduate - Urbana-Champaign
  • student_major_name: Social Work

address: 1207 W. Oregon

M/C 140
Urbana, IL 61801

office_address: 1207 W. Oregon

M/C 140
Urbana, IL 61801
  • department: School of Social Work
  • type: person phone student staff

Steve had an odd habit of collecting jobs with a high probability of rectal trauma and proceeding to fuck up at them. Some examples of these jobs are being in the military but getting kicked out before completing basic training, and working at a women's correctional facility where he managed to endure about three weeks of pegging before deciding to never come back.

A message from you, Steveo?

I Hope You Read This, Melissa
1st of all, what have i EVER done to you?

its obvious you have issues. anyone who knows 
you knows at least that. but more importantly, what have i ever done?

the last time we hung out was great. i dont get it.

unfortunately i didnt see your goodbye entry to me 
before you deleted it or something. by the way, why IS it gone?

it couldn't be because your argument was completely idiotic, 
and later when you tell others about this make sure u dont tell
 them i said you were idiotic; just your argument was. you are 
angry with me because i didn't tell you about christine, am i right?

well here is my rebuttal (forgive me for the spelling):
i dont need permission from you to date people.
i dont ever remember promising to tell you when i liked someone,
 but that should be no surprise to you because if you ever knew 
me you know i have a terrible memory.
even if i did promise that, it shouldnt matter.
you found out about us going out BEFORE I TOLD ANYONE! BEFORE I 
besides we have been broken up for many months now.
i know you have problems with ex-bfs but its not like i left you 
to go out with her like someone else i know.
and its not like i've fucked a bunch of people since weve broken 
up like another person i know.

heres the bottom line:
i think your argument is absolutely absurd.
but i am not willing to give up on our friendship for something as
 silly as this.
please respond to this and remember that this is about your argument
, not you, so dont take offense. 

assumed to be posted over 2 years ago

The Polack's Father Speaks!

He's spreading the luvz up in heaven now. Live the dream, Steve; you huge piece of shit

When reporters descended upon the single-story house of Steve's father, Robert Kazmierczak, the butthurt and sobbing Lakeland, Florida bitch only had one comment to make:

All I can say is that he did it for the luvz. This is a very hard time. I'm a diabetic and I don't want to go into a relapse.


—Robert Kazmierczak, fat piece of shit that obviously doesn't understand how diabetes works. Having a psychopathic scumbag of a son doesn't make your diabetes go apeshit.


Steveo; emo


We're no strangers to love, You know the rules and so do I, I, I.
Emo-Sexual...and trying to quit


—Steve; found on this LJ

he he he... internet etiquette? no caps? angry mobs? riots? speaking of swhitchery that reminds me of the race riots in plainfield my mom told me about when MLK Jr. was assassinated. my eyes sag like the corners of my soul. emo emo emo. ACK!


— Steveo

I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!!!!! i just got a paid account and im trying to customize it but I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THIS S2 SHIT! why cant a just write it in java or html? i dont understand this at all. how do i even design it? how do i set any properties that i create? can i create properties? im completely lost..... :( by.


—Steveo on the extremely difficulties of LJ

Dog Mongler and Child Abuser?!

steve motherucking kazmierczak. yes thats exactly the problem here.

i was working at pirates cove in late 1995 and i was you know $4.50/hr child labor laws be damned and like i remember steve kazmierczak, the kind of kid who engaged in odd acts of fellatio with his dog, the kind of kid who'd go and masturbate in the bathroom while you were over at his house, the kind of person who injured kids on the train ride cuz he was mental and he shouldn't be given domain over kids on little faux-traincars with an aluminum baseball bat... when steve fucking kazmierczak ran up to me in late 95 early 96 proudly boasting his brand new copy of "i care because you do" like he was finally in with the cool kids.

both me and my friend joe died a little bit that day. The OP's name is supposedly Jim Schaefer. And he is a total cock.

Feel free to read the rest of the forum post this asshat made. It actually has nothing to do with the actual crime itself, but is rather an analysis of shit bands.

This hasn't stopped ABC news from using this poster's opinion like the blessed word of Raptor Jesus in an article that fucks the corpse of all the rest of the news coverage out there. ABC also seems to use the exact same sources as we have at ED, just at a later time than us - this is just proof that ED makes the best primary source material for all your research needs.

Further gayness has erupted from this situation as the writer of this steaming pile of crap is now suffering from an eruption of unwarranted self-importance. He can now be seen screaming "Look at me! I'm Important!" in his forum profile, which also contains most of his contact information. Also proof this news story is asshole bait.

i am strill trying to figure out wtf posessed me to start off this thread with his name... must've been the story. how random, right?


—OP dickwitch chimes

I remember a worker whom I managed at Pirate's Cove in Elk Grove Village named Jim Schaefer , who had to be removed from his position because he never showed up on time, and because of the serious allegations of sexually inappropriate conduct with minors at our park. I mean, we knew that Jim had some serious psychological issues, but when we found out about these claims of touching, we had to let this guy go. This was quite disturbing to all of the managers at Pirate's Cove, and a police report had to be filed, (yeah, a lot of drama at our quaint little park). Although the claims of abuse were never proven, the allegations alone caused my sister Joy and I to terminate him.


— OP's boss gives a response in the original thread. Uh oh, seems like someone's got a thing for the jaibait!

Oh, but it doesn't end here. Thanks to the majick of modern communications, people have come out of the woodwork to let the entire world know how much of a dumbfuck the OP is. This might be a rare pot of jew gold at the end of the rainbow.

The last time I saw Jim and Joe was at a mall over four years ago; Jim tried to explain that he was trying to get a deal as a rapper and asked for my email address so he could interview me for a zine. I was spinning records for a few months and we talked at a party a few weeks before that. He also told me he bought a car from Bob and was living in it. Joe was incoherent.


— Comment on a blog recording the drama for posterity by one of the OP's friends.

The pwnt; the victims

UIUC drama.jpg

For your viewing/Myspace trolling pleasure...

Possible motive?

You want motive? This is what psychologists call a trigger

Last Thursday some guy, possibly the shooter wrote racist shit on a wall.

Possible preview?

“Tell those niggers to go home, ME / OUT ...Die Sem Burr 10th . . . Hmz Sdn Cr


—some guy

Of course the faggot used txt speak and no one took him seriously...until now.

..if you have pictures of this strategy (cough) i mean tragedy send them to fox news !


—Shepard Smith Fox News

Translated it said: "Tell thosse niggers to go home, i'm going to pwn them on December 10th at a place on campus. brb, gun."

Like most negros he was late....two months late.

According to CNN, nigras were fleeing the campus like looters in New Orleans.

90% chance this was carried out by enraged Wikipedo hitmen in response to the butthurt caused by the Zoe / Professor Tim Pierce vandalism war. I mean, how many fucking professors could there be at a shitty, black person infested school like NIU?

UIUC Drama!

FROM    : Chancellor Richard Herman
SENT    : 15 February 2008 07:47
TO      : [FUCKING EVERYONE (literally)]

The University has learned that U of I student has been identified as the
gunman in a fatal shooting at Northern Illinois University that left seven
people dead and more than a dozen more injured. 

The entire University of Illinois family extends its deepest condolences to
the friends and family of the victims, and to everyone on the Northern
Illinois University campus affected by today's tragedy. Counselors from the
U of I are enroute to DeKalb to assist NIU's staff. And we will continue to
offer whatever assistance we can.

In the days to come it is important for all of us in the Illinois community
to come together to express our feelings concerning this horrible tragedy
and to share the grief that follows. We can expect to feel a wide range of

That is why I strongly encourage any U of I faculty, staff or student who
feels the need to seek counseling as a result of this tragic incident to
contact the Counseling Center.

Please remember that we are a community and, as such, we must continue to
care for each other. And, in dark moments such as these, we must turn
toward each other, not away.

Richard Herman


This mailing approved by:
The Office of the Chancellor


Translation: We fucked up. Sorry NIU. :'(

More UIUC Drama

FROM    : Chancellor Richard Herman 
DATE    : 15 février 2008 16:38
TO      : [FUCKING EVERYONE (again)]
SUBJECT : MASSMAIL - Memorial Vigil/Northern Illinois Tragedy

TO:	Members of the Campus Community
FROM:	Richard Herman, Chancellor
	Justin Randall, President, Illinois Student Senate

On Monday, February 18, the University of Illinois is hosting a 
campus/community vigil that will begin at 9:00 p.m. on the north end of 
the Quad in the wake of the February 14 shootings at Northern Illinois 

The memorial vigil will enable the campus community to express solidarity 
for our colleagues at Northern Illinois University.  A threat to any 
campus community undermines the educational environment which we strive to 

Our deepest condolences go out to the families of the victims of the 
tragedy at Northern Illinois University.  We are especially saddened that 
a member of our campus community would commit such a violent and horrific 
act.  We will come together not only to lament the losses that were 
suffered at Northern, but also to renew our commitment to ensuring an 
environment where students, faculty and staff can live, learn and work 
without being threatened by the rage and hostility of others.

Translation: No, seriously, we really fucked up. :','(

Possible warning signs

This card should have tipped off the authorities

The campus was shut down for a day in December 2007, during exam week, after graffiti was found on a restroom wall warning of a possible shooting. A spokesman said that the warning, which was discovered December 10, made reference to the Virginia Tech massacre, which killed 32 people at Virginia Tech on April 16, 2007. At that time that an unknown person posted the graffiti in the Grant Towers D residence hall, and that the graffiti included a racial slur and the notation, “What time? The VA tech shooters messed up w/ having only one shooter.”

Possible warning signs II: The Quickening

/b/ did it

Last Thursday, Anonymous posted about his school getting shot up tomorrow.

Video games being blamed?

Jack Thompson, the Daily Show's Senior School Shooting Expert. Watch and be amazed as Jack manages to rehash everything he's ever said in the history of his career AND manage to completely ignore the anchor-person's question in its entirety.

you mean to tell me video games are simulatorz? tellz me [email protected]

And the anchorperson's comments at the end are pretty lulzy. Apparently he's never heard of good ol' Jack.


Expect black person or Hillary Clinton to engage in warp three, goatse-worthy butthurt about guns in under 9000 minutes.


Reportedly, he was off his meds. He stopped taking his anti-depressant because it made him "feel like a zombie" (Good call!)

His (ugly) girlfriend

His horse of a girlfriend, Jessica Baty (who didn't know shit) spoke out to CNN. Sadly, the shooter didn't pwn her ugly ass.


Maybe if he had a hotter gf, he wouldn't have to become an hero. It's amazing the level of denial JB is in. If you find info on her, drop it like it's hot asap.

Prior to dying, Steve mailed off some packages to Jessica. Included in them were some bizzare shit, like Nietzsche and textbooks on serial killers, and a note (non-suicide related). However, if he was a true b-tard, he would have sent her thousands of spam and anchovy pizzas.

Graded Score

Graded score
Kill count: 6/20 (21 injured)
Accuracy: 13/20
Style: 18/20 Presented the ultimate school play, on stage!
Butthurt: 14/20 Moderate shitstorm nationwide, for 15 minutes.
Bonus: 14/20 Doing it, fgt.
Total score: 65/100 (D)
Close but no cigar.
See full ranking

Wanted Level:

Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png



Police Force

See Also


*Steveo's Info !CENSORED

NIU Valentine's Day Massacre is part of a series on HSTButton.png
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NIU Valentine's Day Massacre is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo:

Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 David Long 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫


Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

Main ideas:

Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting


Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik

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