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|This Article began as a huge dongsucking affair allegedly set up by Splongcat. Gradually it has became more like the acerbic criticism people know and love ED for. Then shockingly someone decided they thought Splongcat was British as the subtitles that had been added to a program originally shown on French TV named the person that made the London "Call to Action" Video as Splongcat. Sadly the person who made these contributions fails to realize that the person's nick was shown and named, and it wasn't Splongcat. |
All of which is rather hilarious.
SpLongCat is an attention whore. He was said to have been formed from the holy meeting between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, hence the Down Syndrome. He takes his name from the combination of Speedycat and Longcat, the crossbreeding of which is akin to dividing by zero.
Splongcat is a notable Anon namefag known for his desperateness for attention. Some believe he is one of the most retarded and hated /i/nsurgents in the history of PartyVan and the raid IRC servers. As a result of an extremely poorly executed raid he became a laughing stock of the world. In fact, nobody really likes Splongcat, or did to begin with. He claims to be the oldest of the oldfags, but fails even harder than most newfags.
History of Failure
Splongcat took credit for many exploits and vulnerabilities that are found on milw0rm. With his initial involvement in the early Scientology raids he set himself apart from other Anons as the epitome of epic fail through namefaggotry and making wild claims. He is said to have a strong programming background, knowing how to print hello world in perl AND HTML. Taking on the torch for one raid, Splongcat has taken on outside projects for more epic fail, most notably for trying to emulate MrHands.mpg. Splongcat also played a large role in the War on Subeta, setting up Longcat flooder servers, distributing raid packs, and organizing various chans. Thus far, Splongcat has proven un-v&able and has been noted for being an excellent fraud. Splongcat gained notoriety not so much for his AMAZING coding skills, but the fact that he continues to defy logic by sucking and blowing at the same time.
Splongcat Fails Hard Against $cientology
black person has proven a nonentity in the success of the recent raids on the Church of $cientology. When he heard about the epic raid commencing, he instantly got his shit together and threw it at the cause. Having proven himself a complete failure in the past, many newfags - relying on his superior bullshitting - teamed with Splongcat to attempt to engage the Church of Scientology in battle. Splongcat made surgical efforts during the early raids on the Scifags to publicize himself for supposedly having h4xed the CoS and grabbing sekrit Scifag dox. As it turns out he downloaded them from ThePirateBay and uploaded them on mediafire. Currently, Splongcat is helping organize a team of newfags to develop more web-based attacks on the Church of Scientology. Using his experience with editing text files and WinRAR, he plans to distribute the same version of Longcat Flooder over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
Splongcat's Fail DDoS on Netherlands School
Tired of all the DDoS, Co$ made bedfellows with Prolexic in an secret chamber hidden behind 7 proxies!!!!11!!onehundredandeleven!! All seemed lost and there was much wailing & gnashing of Anonymous teeth. Then, on 1/25/08 (neva 4get), Splongcat, acting on the tipoff of a friend, claimed to possess Co$'s new IP address! Hooray! But before the celebratory hookers and blow could be sent for, it was discovered that Anon was crashin' a school in the Netherlands while Co$ and Prolexic, grinning, smoked cigarettes and licked each other's post-coital drip unharmed.
—Ryan Singel, Wired.com contributer and famous dongcollector
Splongcat's Memewhoring of Dutch Scientology Org
Unfortunately, Splongcats long list of exploits are not limited to online encounters. He attended the 2/10 protest in Amsterdam, Netherlands, memewhoring the Scientology Org; something Anons were told not to do. Worse yet, several media reports used the picture at the top of this article as the iconic image of the raid, giving Splongcat a boner the size of New Mexico. On top of that, some fucking idiot used a cap of Splongcat holding up a Xenu.net sign as the dramatic "Amsterdam" moment in the Road To February 10th video. From the beginning of Chanology, Splongcat set himself up as one of the 'leaders' of Dutchfags, sitting in the IRC channel pretty much 24/7. A few days after 2/10, another Dutchfag called him out on his hacking skills. The huge batch of documents Splongcat had released were just old stuff gathered from the web. While Splongcat admitted this, he still tried to play the victim. Soon afterward, Splongcat failed hard over the 0T9 dox, at which point he disappeared from IRC completely. When Splongcat didn't show up for Party Hard, the other Dutchfag organizers were looking around confused, saying "Hey, Splongcat isn't here!" - "Your point being?" - "Yeah, you're right. Yay, Splongcat isn't here!" None of the Dutchfags have heard from him since. And nothing of value was lost.
Splongcat's Fail Revenge
During the weekend of Caturday, 29 March, many 420chan and 711chan /i/diots erupted in BAAAW against the "moralfags" and "lulzkillers" of Project Chanology. Their stated goal was to flood and DDoS Enturbulation.org and 315chan.org. While many 315chan threads were flooded out of existence, their raid failed miserably due to t9 swapping the raid pack on PartyVan with one that pointed the DDoS to the IP's of 420chan's own server, the fact that 315chan is hosted on the same server as PartyVan, and the fact that flooding an imageboard is like pissing in an ocean of piss. It was found out Last Thursday that Splongcat started it.
- Hilariously some non-anonymous participants fell for this obvious troll hook, line and sinker - which explains a great deal about some of the contents of this article.
- The loli who were raeped -- Pedobear approves of their slideshow
- Dutch Newspaper: Wereldwijde demonstraties tegen Scientology -- Worldwide demonstration against Scientology
- Wired.com Blog Article
- 420chan /i/ thread
- Enturbulation.org Thread
- Anonymous on Tracks -- Channel ARTE France part 1 of 2
- Anonymous' leader must be protected -- alt.religion.scientology
Splongcat is part of a series on
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"Leaders" of Anonymous