Splongcat

This Article began as a huge dongsucking affair allegedly set up by Splongcat. Gradually it has became more like the acerbic criticism people know and love ED for. Then shockingly someone decided they thought Splongcat was British as the subtitles that had been added to a program originally shown on French TV named the person that made the London "Call to Action" Video as Splongcat. Sadly the person who made these contributions fails to realize that the person's nick was shown and named, and it wasn't Splongcat. All of which is rather hilarious.

File:SplongcatDutchRaid.jpg

Splongcat attention whoring.

SpLongCat is an attention whore. He was said to have been formed from the holy meeting between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, hence the Down Syndrome. He takes his name from the combination of Speedycat and Longcat, the crossbreeding of which is akin to dividing by zero.

Summary

File:SplongcatIRL3.jpg

Hai Guise! I'm ur leader!

Splongcat is a notable Anon namefag known for his desperateness for attention. Some believe he is one of the most retarded and hated /i/nsurgents in the history of PartyVan and the raid IRC servers. As a result of an extremely poorly executed raid he became a laughing stock of the world. In fact, nobody really likes Splongcat, or did to begin with. He claims to be the oldest of the oldfags, but fails even harder than most newfags.

History of Failure

Splongcat took credit for many exploits and vulnerabilities that are found on milw0rm. With his initial involvement in the early Scientology raids he set himself apart from other Anons as the epitome of epic fail through namefaggotry and making wild claims. He is said to have a strong programming background, knowing how to print hello world in perl AND HTML. Taking on the torch for one raid, Splongcat has taken on outside projects for more epic fail, most notably for trying to emulate MrHands.mpg. Splongcat also played a large role in the War on Subeta, setting up Longcat flooder servers, distributing raid packs, and organizing various chans. Thus far, Splongcat has proven un-v&able and has been noted for being an excellent fraud. Splongcat gained notoriety not so much for his AMAZING coding skills, but the fact that he continues to defy logic by sucking and blowing at the same time.

File:SplongcatIRL4.jpg

You don't say?!

Splongcat Fails Hard Against $cientology

black person has proven a nonentity in the success of the recent raids on the Church of $cientology. When he heard about the epic raid commencing, he instantly got his shit together and threw it at the cause. Having proven himself a complete failure in the past, many newfags - relying on his superior bullshitting - teamed with Splongcat to attempt to engage the Church of Scientology in battle. Splongcat made surgical efforts during the early raids on the Scifags to publicize himself for supposedly having h4xed the CoS and grabbing sekrit Scifag dox. As it turns out he downloaded them from ThePirateBay and uploaded them on mediafire. Currently, Splongcat is helping organize a team of newfags to develop more web-based attacks on the Church of Scientology. Using his experience with editing text files and WinRAR, he plans to distribute the same version of Longcat Flooder over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Splongcat's Fail DDoS on Netherlands School

File:SplongcatIRL5.jpg

Something you will never be...

Tired of all the DDoS, Co$ made bedfellows with Prolexic in an secret chamber hidden behind 7 proxies!!!!11!!onehundredandeleven!! All seemed lost and there was much wailing & gnashing of Anonymous teeth. Then, on 1/25/08 (neva 4get), Splongcat, acting on the tipoff of a friend, claimed to possess Co$'s new IP address! Hooray! But before the celebratory hookers and blow could be sent for, it was discovered that Anon was crashin' a school in the Netherlands[2] while Co$ and Prolexic, grinning, smoked cigarettes and licked each other's post-coital drip unharmed.

	“	The Etty Hillesum Lyceum's site seemed to quickly recover, and Splongcat apologized to fellow skiddies for simply taking his friend's word and not checking the IP address before unleashing the software.[3]	„
	—Ryan Singel, Wired.com contributer and famous dongcollector

Splongcat's Memewhoring of Dutch Scientology Org

Unfortunately, Splongcats long list of exploits are not limited to online encounters. He attended the 2/10 protest in Amsterdam, Netherlands, memewhoring the Scientology Org; something Anons were told not to do. Worse yet, several media reports used the picture at the top of this article as the iconic image of the raid, giving Splongcat a boner the size of New Mexico. On top of that, some fucking idiot used a cap of Splongcat holding up a Xenu.net sign as the dramatic "Amsterdam" moment in the Road To February 10th video. From the beginning of Chanology, Splongcat set himself up as one of the 'leaders' of Dutchfags, sitting in the IRC channel pretty much 24/7. A few days after 2/10, another Dutchfag called him out on his hacking skills. The huge batch of documents Splongcat had released were just old stuff gathered from the web. While Splongcat admitted this, he still tried to play the victim. Soon afterward, Splongcat failed hard over the 0T9 dox, at which point he disappeared from IRC completely. When Splongcat didn't show up for Party Hard, the other Dutchfag organizers were looking around confused, saying "Hey, Splongcat isn't here!" - "Your point being?" - "Yeah, you're right. Yay, Splongcat isn't here!" None of the Dutchfags have heard from him since. And nothing of value was lost.

Splongcat's Fail Revenge

File:SplongcatIRL1.jpg

Splongcat wonders why he keeps failing so hard

During the weekend of Caturday, 29 March, many 420chan and 711chan /i/diots erupted in BAAAW against the "moralfags" and "lulzkillers" of Project Chanology. Their stated goal was to flood and DDoS Enturbulation.org and 315chan.org. While many 315chan threads were flooded out of existence, their raid failed miserably due to t9 swapping the raid pack on PartyVan with one that pointed the DDoS to the IP's of 420chan's own server, the fact that 315chan is hosted on the same server as PartyVan, and the fact that flooding an imageboard is like pissing in an ocean of piss. It was found out Last Thursday that Splongcat started it[4][5].

“	So whats this about? Is someone trying to personal army newfags on /i/?	„
—r00tdenied

“	Its Splongcat who started this. I'm not shitting you. I checked out the IRC channel and it was him pretty much trying to call the shots. Same thing on /i/. He was bragging on about how he did all of this and all of that in the /i/ thread. He started the /i/ thread. You could tell it was him, because since the beginning you can tell his writing apart from another anon. He always had this aura of heightened self-importance. He's using anon as a personal army to spray his vengeance on us because we told him to shut the fuck up with the attention whoring when he started bragging about purportedly hacked OT9 documents.	„
—David Miscarriage

Upon learning of this, many Chanologists let OSA know that Splongcat is the super sekret Leader of Anonymous[6] they have been looking for.

• Hilariously some non-anonymous participants fell for this obvious troll hook, line and sinker - which explains a great deal about some of the contents of this article.

	“	If it's not him, then that just ruins this whole article I've been writing on ED	„
	—Hunter SThompsanon

0

“	At 2 minutes in, Splongcat, who previously claimed on Enturbulation to have the top secret OTIX documents, claims on French TV to have started Project Chanology. Splongcat is the leader of Anonymous OSA has been looking for. Splongcat, 16, who also goes by the name of UNCLE_JIM_BOB and lives in London England, owns several pets. If Splongcat were to be discovered and fair gamed, Chanology would effectively end and all the entheta would be stopped. This is because Anonymous' leader would have been found out and discovered. This cannot happen. To all Anonymous reading this, whatever you do, do not post information about Splongcat, 16, of London, England and certainly do not inform Scientology of the name/location/age/schedule/hobbies of our leader who has used French TV for self-aggrandizement. The leader of Anonymous, who goes by the name of Splongcat, and lives in London England, must be protected at all costs. That is all.	„
—Anon - trolling OSA

Gallery

Screencaps About missing Pics

• SplongcatIRC122.jpg

  Picatta tried to warn him...

• SplongcatIRC122 1.jpg

  Splongcat namefagging up the place in #insurgency on 1/22

• SplongcatDutchRaid1.jpg

  Splongcat at Dutch 2/10 with his back turned

• SplongcatDutchRaid2.jpg

  Splongcat at Dutch 2/10 hidden by flyers

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• Splongcat420.jpg

  420 /i/ thread started by Splongcat[1]

• 

  t9 describes how hard /i/ failed

• Splongcat-samefags.png

  Splongcat samefags during his attempt to personal army /i/ against project chanology.

External Links

• The loli who were raeped -- Pedobear approves of their slideshow
• Dutch Newspaper: Wereldwijde demonstraties tegen Scientology -- Worldwide demonstration against Scientology
• Wired.com Blog Article
• 420chan /i/ thread
• Enturbulation.org Thread
• Anonymous on Tracks -- Channel ARTE France part 1 of 2
• Anonymous' leader must be protected -- alt.religion.scientology

See Also

• Moralfags

Splongcat is part of a series on Chans Visit the Chans Portal for complete coverage.

Splongcat is part of a series on Scientology

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