Silk Screen Goku Shirt
Here's a scenario for you: It's Friday night, your parents took away FFXI for a week and Paheal is refusing to load. Everyone on IRC is out enjoying the holiday weekend with family and friends and for some reason every station on TV is running National Treasure. You figure it's about time you re-entered civilization and perhaps mingle with the uncouth savages of reality. You douse yourself in Axe and leap to your feet, eyes narrowed on your closet. Today is a special occasion, and you must dress for success for you are on the hunt. When the icy cold maidens see what you're wearing, you're going to melt that hardened facade and drown yourself in pussy. That's right, today's the day you bring your A game; today's the day you wear your silk screen Goku shirt.
The Shirt Itself
If you're old enough to drink but not old enough to not get carded despite your righteous neckbeard, you probably still remember High School. And depending on your social standing back then, you were either making fun of the kids wearing these or you bought about 8 of them when they were on clearance at J.C. Penny. To the unaware, between about 2001 and 2005, DBZ was fucking astronomically popular for reasons unknown. Weeaboos at the time, lacking a uniform or style of dress that defined them as a group, latched onto the Goku shirt and quickly claimed it as their signature veil. The idea behind the shirt is that it empowers the socially weak enough to mingle into groups of higher standing because seriously:
—Every 13 year old male of the last 20 years
However misguided the thinking may have been, it was certainly benign enough to stave off assbeatings. Unlike its cousin, the Wolf shirt, the Goku shirt has a mysterious power to evade physical confrontation. Not because of the intimidating look of an acne-ridden faggot with a musclebound half-naked screaming man on his chest, but because fuck: when was the last time you heard of a guy in a Goku shirt getting his ass kicked? It just never happens, I swear. Should someone be spotted with a shirt outside of their social circle's accepted norm, they are either on their way to a friend's basement, comic book shop, DVD retailer or they are simply lost.
Button-up shirts in general are known for their ability to help hide only the slightest bit of bulge, and Goku shirts are no exception to the rule. Skinny people are less likely to wear a Goku shirt because it makes them look fatter than they really are. Fat people are more likely to wear a Goku shirt, unaware that it makes them look gayer than the other fat kids wearing Big Dog shirts.
More often than not, the Silk Screen Goku Shirt doesn't actually have Goku on it at all. Over the years and mostly due in part of DBZ's waning popularity, the Goku shirt is now more of a general idea than anything. Silk screen shirts with designs of dragons, wolves, tribal markings and even motorcycles are more common these days than a pissed off saiyan with 6 buttons adorning their chest. These shirts are almost universally found in budget retail giants like Walmart, and they can be seen in action primarily at anime conventions or game tournaments. Authentic Goku shirts somehow managed to become less cool than their newer, hipper counterparts but still manage to make rare appearances.
To wear a Goku shirt in hot weather is a sign of extreme desperation, because unlike normal button-ups, you must NEVER undo your Goku shirt. You will ruin the cool design on the front and reveal the sweaty meat underneath that the shirt was designed to hide in the first place. Long hair is a must, or at the very least it must be wild and unkempt to symbolize your disdain for modern society's acceptable standards. You are wearing a Goku shirt, you must be as free as Goku.
Silk Screen Goku Shirt is part of a series on