Seattle

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What Seattle looks like.
What we wish Seattle looked like.

Livejournal was started in Seattle while Brad Fitzpatrick attended the UW. Because of this Seattle has a disproportionately large representation among the users, employees and founding members. Lots of drama starts in Seattle and gets a lot of attention by being close to the comitatus IRL.

Seattle is famous for Grey's Anatomy, rain, hippies, emos, azns, suicide rate, grunge, and for its love of coffee.

Seattleites

Seattle people are fucking weird. The women are pale, snotty, mousy-faced cunts with unshaven pits, pink/blue hair, and shitty personalities. The Seattle male is still an unsolved mystery as often times the biggest faggots walking around are not the homosexuals. Women dress in baggy clothes and sweatpants whereas the men wear skinny jeans three sizes too small effectively preventing circulation to their testicles. Alternatively they wear fucking kilts.

It's impressive how well the average Seattleite manages to avoid showers, eye contact, conversation, homeless people, and reality.

Seattle's Addictions

Coffee is to Seattle as G-strings are to strippers. Many very famous coffee retail chains are located in Seattle:

  • Starbucks (a.k.a. Charbucks, Starschmucks, Whorebucks, Chuckbucks, PornoMermaid)
  • Seattle's Best Coffee (formerly an independent company called Stewart Brothers Coffee, once bought by Charbucks it took on its present name, a.k.a. SBC, which is made by two brothers named Stewart shitting into water)
  • Tully's (Archrivals of Starbucks--this feud started the Great Seattle Coffeebean Wars).
  • Torrefazione (also bought by Charbucks)
This is what locals call "the pit", where coffee junkies satisfy their darkest, French-roasted desires.

The odd thing is that nobody in Seattle drinks the coffee from these places if they can help it. As soon as someone moves to Seattle the first thing they do is become a coffee snob and randomly select an independent espresso cart as their favorite. Everyone has huge arguments about whose coffee is superior. Also, 90% of people in Seattle have professional grade espresso machines in their house and they spend all their Saturdays going to find the perfect coffee bean perfectly roasted and setting their grinders to select the perfect grind so that it will produce the perfect flavor of whatever drink they're making at home (french press, espresso, drip coffee, semen, etc.)

If you took the sum of all the gallons of coffee drunk in the civilized parts of the world on a yearly basis, then the sum of all gallons of coffee drunk in the non-civilized parts of the world on a yearly basis, and multiplied them, you would get half of the gallons drunk in Seattle on an hourly basis.

BLACK TAR HEROIN

One of Seattle's best kept secrets can be found 24 hours a day at First Avenue and Pike Street. Just approach any illegal alien and say "LeNegra" and you will be led to the drug king pin. No works? Not a problem, as a convenience to the customers a FREE needle exchange is located right around the corner at Second Avenue and Pike Street. You will be able to pick up what ever you need: syringes, elastic arm bands, cookers and even cotton balls! CAUTION: Watch out for the "Jump Out Van," which is a dark colored windowless police van that shows up out of nowhere to suck up unsuspecting drug addicts like a super sized Hoover vacuum cleaner. GOOD LUCK!

It should be noted that these "Jump Out Vans" will only abduct drug users who are doing their damnedest to not get caught. The nigger in front of the CVS on 4th Avenue with his hands in the I POSSESS DRUGS WITH INTENT TO SELL position is apparently totally fucking un-arrestable. By this logic, your best bet for not getting caught is to walk around with the needle dangling out of your arm.

Other Useless Information About Seattle

Seattle is the pretend home of TV-shows Frasier and Grey's Anatomy. Everyone in Seattle hates both of these shows, as there is not enough gay butt sex in either of them. It does not accurately depict Seattle. It also pisses all Seattleites off that McDreamy gets all snooty about calling ferries "ferry boats" when everyone in Seattle actually calls them ferries.

Seattle has an all-female roller derby league called the Rat City Rollergirls. If seeing fat girls in spandex skate slowly around a flat track in an abandoned air force hangar is fun for you then enjoy.

LNN has its headquarters there and because of this often reports Seattle news events in the most detail and with more frequency.

Seattle also has the Space Needle, which is modeled after Bill Gates' cybernetic peen.

Seattle is a large metropolitan area, but the actual city is much smaller than most realize. Its surrounded by lame, white trash suburbs (West Seattle, White Center, Tukwila, South Park, North Sea-Tac, Edmonds, Lynnwood, Renton, and Rainier Valley). Although there are some really decent suburbs in the outskirts of Seattle like Burien, Normandy Park, Kent, Des Moines, Mercer Island, Federal Way, Auburn, Puyallup(?), Bellevue, Kirkland, etc. Basically, the farther you are from the city, the better.

Seattle is the birthplace of emo and grunge, which are just lame versions of metal. Seattle might also be the birthplace of indie, but emos dispute this because they think Seattle is too faggy to come up with less shit music.

Seattle is known for giving a shit about the environment. For example, in order to preserve the region's ancient forests and natural resources, 69% of Seattle's electrical energy is produced by a giant dynamo downtown that runs on homeless people and pubes.

Seattleites are too busy with the butt sex to do anything about the fact that they live on sand in a fault zone. When the earthquake hits, all of downtown will fall like 9/11, and the Alaskan Way Viaduct will be the only thing left standing The only thing left underground will be some tunnel. The only way that this will not happen is if all the volcanoes around the city go off first, drowning the city in sauce.

Seattle is also the home of the annoying Vern Fonk TV Commercials. Fonk you, Mr. Fonk.


HONK FOR FONK!!!!!!1111!!!1oneoneone!!!eleven1!!

File:Lj-favicon.png seattlegate '06

On 7/15/06, Evan, a former resident of Seattle and all around douchebag who lurked as maintainer of File:Lj-favicon.png seattle for at least 100 years staged a pointless coup and fired the very popular mods of Seattle (ninaf, prince, and jameth) which resulted in a full scale troll invasion of Seattle. A scant few hours later, Evan recanted, de-modded himself and his cronies, and reinstated Ninaf and Prince, but not Jameth, thus providing the shortest File:Lj-favicon.png seattle dramafest lulz of all time. Evan was last seen having anal sex with Brad.

RFJason Seattle Craigslist Pwning

In August 2006, RFJason created the RFJason CL Experiment, and laid waste to all of the Seattle Craigslist.

List of Famous People from Seattle

Jameth is here

Freedom

In Seattle, store plastic bags are illegal and so is talking about politics from the center-right POV. Goddamnya Liberals! See snob, WASP and rich people for MOAR INFO.

Chaz

Following the Death of some Nigger 1600 miles away in Minneapolis the residents of Seattle were mad at the Seattle Police (for some reason). So they put down the crack pipe and created their own autonomous region, Chaz (short for Capital Hill Autonomous Zone).

So lets go over the Chaz (Later known as CHOP so they could play victim if trump sent in the national guard) and its entire life cycle. Which is kind of like HWNDU meets lord of the flies.

Day 1) Chaz is born, a bunch of Antifa faggots with their BLM allies "take over" capitol hill, because The Mayor basically allowed them to do so and told the cops to be extra nice to them.

Day 2) Not even a day into the Commie utopia they already managed to run out of food because their "community markets" got fucking raided by hobos and they could do nothing but cry about how the evil poor have betrayed them; luckily they got some foreign aid by other Antifa sending in more soy products.

Day 3) They start a farm in the middle of a field, the farm had pretty much already begun to die before they had even fucking finished planting it. They also thought that a "farm" about the size of a paddling pool could feed everyone there before their emergency soy supplies ran out.

Day 4) Their first female leader of their anarchist commune (wrap your fucking head around that one) was ousted after raping some 12 year old girls

Day 5) Some upper class nigger known as Raz Simone gives some Guns to his homies and they take over the place, it seriously took less than a week for a warlord to take over.

Day 6) The place starts to stink like shit because leftists don't wash themselves and the niggers couldn't help themselves and started shitting everywhere; since everyone in the place is high on Meth and Benadryl all the time they had to ask the mayor to send in clean up crews to wipe their asses for them and supply porta potty's for everyone; also the mayor decides to make it even more fucking obvious that shes a traitor to the USA by instructing the police to help Antifa put up even stronger barricades to CHAZ because the protesters don't know how to build anything more complicated than a pile of wood nailed together.

Day 7) Not much news apart from that Rape has fucking skyrocketed in the area and the anti police protesters are beginning to bitch about the cops not showing up to help them out because who knew leftists have a lot of rapists in their mists; also none of the rapists ever saw any punishment because Raz's crew were out smoking Weed that night.

Day 12) The first shooting happens, but no one gives the cops any info on who did it because FUCK DA POLICE ammirite? The dude killed was a black teenager in case you were curious; Warlord Raz bitches about how an ambulance didn't show up because they didn't want to go into their cop-free hood.

Day 13) Another shooting; The black female police chief also casually drops that "groups of individuals engaging in shootings, a rape, assault, burglary, arson and property destruction." and is called a racist by CNN

Day 16) Yet another shooting but this time the CHAZ fucktards try to claim it was the KKK or the proud boys who dun it.

Day 22) More shootings; democrats are getting pretty worried this will make Trump look like he had a point in stopping this shit at day one so they halfheartedly pretend it didn't happen.

Day 25) The mayor gives into demand and places an executive order to ask everyone there to please go home; the protesters then showed up at her house to try and rape her and she finally gave the orders to let the police use slightly more force than soft cuddles. Needless to say the skinny crackhead kids that still occupied the area were driven off with no effort whatsoever.


The Location locally known as Little Somalia was a land free of da evil white man. Sounds good right? The libtard mayor even went on to say it was like a big block party. Well if Black Block Parties include shootings than she was right. This new zone free from police contained over 4 shootings in a three day period resulting in at least one death make it two now with a 14 year old fighting for his life in critical condition.

The business owners in the region are attempting to sue the City for abandoning them. The Mayor however responded by calling them spoiled ass white people and told them to go fuck themselves and hand over their wives and property to the horde of locusts Coons.

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