This user is a filthy fucking furfag.
You can help by hunting them down, deriding their psychological maladjustment to life, turning them into roadkill, and performing taxidermy on them.
Schnookums (originally fashioned as Snookums), aka Weasel, Lurking Schnookums, Interstellar Shipping & Trading Co., David Th3purifier, and countless other sock accounts, is an infamous ED admin and a former contributor to WikiFur.
His list of endeavors include previously being banned from both Encyclopedia Dramatica and WikiFur, being EDF's shortest-lived moderator until he begged to have his privs back, a well-earned nomination for Faggot of the Year in 2013, and a well-earned victory for Faggot of the Year for 2014. Also notable was his online slap fight with disgraced former admin Onideus (which resulted in a temporary hissy fit until the Hatter was eventually banned), and a since-resolved online battle with ED sysop Uberfukken over the weasel's obsessive stalking behavior, as well as a dramatic saga between the two of them and a Hungarian otter.
Schnookums is an autistically-challenged furfag whose time on the wiki is spent developing new and ever more complicated ways of going about things. He's also known for sharing boring news stories on the ED forums and using them as an outlet for his political views, commandeering the main page with the aid of Brand X coffee and Evan Williams bourbon, and verbally fellating new users so that they might give consideration to becoming his friend.
When not shitting up the wiki or the forums, he can be observed engaging in cringe-worthy conversations in IRC. Users of ED-related channels have on more than one occasion proposed the creation of a Kickstarter project in order to finance the payment of corrupt IRCops and have him G-lined for great justice.
What We Know
Schnookums is a godless politifur who is very good with covering his digital tracks and offers little to no information about himself. He is yet to show his weaselly face on camera to anyone. Naturally this tells everyone he has much to hide, and that he most likely has more skeletons in his closet than Jeffrey Dahmer did.
By his own admission, our weasel pal has divulged his age as being in his 30's. That's a reputable age to be passing yourself off as an animated purple weasel on the internet!
With his political beliefs, his preference of whiskey and country music, and his ungodly yeehaw accent, Schnookums claims the land of steers and queers as his home state. Schnookums may have ties to New Jersey (Schnooki from Jersey!) based off a drunk chat with Beekeeper (Matthew Coons of British Columbia, Canada), a guy who was persuaded by several people on 888chan to revenge-post photos and information about his furry sister
BALEETED Savannah (Karen Coons), who Schnookums was hoping to hook up with. In April 2014, he temporarily fled Texas on horseback by riding up north to Colorado.
Claiming to be a vegetarian, you'd expect Schnookums to be sickly pale and scrawny in appearance. His roommates don't mind, though. They're all animals that are eagerly standing by to pick at his bones once he croaks from malnutrition.
Schnookums himself has admitted to being an excessive drinker who is
sometimes usually drunk while editing ED and often drinks himself to sleep at night every morning. How he manages to hold a job is a question science is yet to answer.
Schnookums also admits he's a self-loathing furfag, but denies that he fursuits or goes to furcons. When he isn't working, he spends all his free time jerking off to hawt, yiffy, role-playing sessions with random ladyfurs on furryMUCK. There's simply no natural attraction to fellow humans existing in his perverted brain. He deals with this dilemma by taking his rage out on other furfags.
- 5 ferrets - no, this is not a typo.
- 1 cat - wants to kill the ferrets.
- 1 mouse - wants to kill Schnookums.
- 1 pygmy rabbit - may be small, but can still kill Schnookums.
As if that's not enough already, he's also expressed interest in obtaining a few rats and a skunk. Be thankful you're not one of his neighbors.
|Good News, Everyone!|
Lyle was by the power of Wilkins!
A disturbing photo was posted to the forums, which baited Schnookums into reporting it to the head honchos. Lyle was banned as a result, and vowed never to return again... but not before venturing onto the wiki one final time to upload more bestiality. He lurked around on Facebook and Tinychat until the flames died down, then came back in full cat-killing form on both the wiki and the forums.
Meanwhile, the forums were lit ablaze with feels over the photo snitching, and things started going downhill from there. Schnookums gained himself a new enemy, and this would ultimately lead to the loss of a friend.
After the ensuing de-ottering, several months worth of
private chat logs (LOL baleeted by Schnookums) consisting of private yiff attempts between a man pretending to be a weasel and a man pretending to be an otter were leaked by the otter himself in an effort to expose him, earning him the nickname "Missionary Otter." Aside from insufferable belly rubs, the logs basically revealed that Schnookums had only been buttering Linkermann up the entire time so he could extract Uberfukken's given name from him, a fact which Uberfukken has actually shared with many EDiots who aren't obsessive stalkers. Apparently he needed to add it to his list of personal information he had compiled by reading through several years worth of Uber's forum/shoutbox posts.
This forum drama caused Schnookums to become an inspiring subject for music, including two diss raps from a ban-evading veteran originally believed to be a noob, and two collaborations by drunken forum rat , all of which can be found below.
Hardcore Diss Raps
- "Fuck Schnookums (A cappella)"
- "Fuck Schnookums (Pt.II)"
The drama mentioned above gave Schnookums a terrible reputation on the forums he once felt at home on. Instead of realizing why he was being outed from them like Onideus before him and trying to make things right, he began to react childishly by making it his mission to undermine the place as much as possible for his own selfish amusement. He suddenly claimed the forums were nothing more than a place for EDiots to "cannibalize" each other on, as if he had never stalked
on ED himself over something as petty as an argument or a slapfight, and that the Noob Introduction thread was counter-productively scaring off new users, as if past posts didn't show him telling new users to fuck off and kill themselves. He also jumped on the IRC > forums bandwagon to further prove this stance.
For the longest time after this drama, every time Schnookums showed up in a thread on the forums, his name got mentioned in a post, or even if the word "weasel" was typed by anyone, a clusterfuck of tags would soon follow.
Below is a compiled list of tags that followed his presence on the forums like his own shadow. As if the forums weren't interesting enough already...
In the end, Schnookums was unable to repair the damage he had inflicted upon his own image, and had to resort to asking Zaiger to ban him from the forums and follow through with an accompanying screenshot as a cover so it wouldn't appear as though he were leaving with his tail between his legs like so many before him.
Comparison With Onideus
Some people see an uncanny resemblance between Weaselfucker and disgraced former SysOP Onideus. Some say that the bitchslaps he received from Onideus scarred him so badly that he began emulating him.
Let's compare Schnooky and Onideus:
- Attempts to exercise inordinate control over articles? Check, and check.
- Enjoys inserting self into matters that have nothing to do with him? Check, and check.
- Abuses admin power to cover up evidence of own faggotry? Check, and check.
- Bans other editors for disagreeing? Check, and check.
- Reverts edits that don't show him in favorable light? Check, and check.
Confirmed sockpuppet accounts:
- Th3purifier • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Weasel • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Interstellar Shipping Inc. • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Interstellar Shipping & Trading • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Echo of Schnookums • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- SchnookumsWeasel • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- NotSchnookums • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Farfoos • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Mipsus • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
- Here2Talk2NKO • ( talk | contribs | blocks| protections| deletions| moves| rights| groups)
• Supporting evidence:
8:36, 5 December 2013 Hu1 (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Weasel (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, e-mail blocked) (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages)
- Schnookums logs - logs contained on uber's userspace that he deleted out of butthurt
- Adriel Hampton - see
- Vermin - frenemies 4 life <3
- Shadowfox - a fine example of his furfag acquaintances
- Mr Jonzz - personally thank this man for mentoring and unleashing this freak upon us all.. scratch that, he realized his errors and left ED
- Oliver Hart - better known as Zeekill, tried adding fake dox to this article
- Play Weasel - it's exactly what it sounds like...
- EDF2: In-jokes
• Visibly display your contempt with this Userbox
• Stylish alternative
- Faggot of the Year: 2013
- Weasel words
- WHY IS THEY AN SYSOPS?
- Dying Alone
Schnookums is part of a series on
|Featured article March 28th & 29th, 2014|