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    Sasha Grey

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    Sasha explains the subtle differences between absurdism and existentialism licking a toilet seat

    Marina Ann Hantzis (alias Sasha Grey) is a porn star who sucks dicks and drinks urine for money. What separates Ms. Hantzis from the oodles of ugly whores on the internet is the fact that she parades herself around as an intellectual, and every time she's in an interview she paints herself as a strong and empowered feminist heroine. Did we mention she also licks toilet seats for money? Truly, she is a role model for young women everywhere.

    I want to tell young women that sex is ok. It's ok to be a slut. You don't have to be ashamed.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, in Rolling Stone Magazine, trying to justify her career choice.

    How many 18 year-old porn stars are existentialist?


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on believing she is a unique snowflake.

    Uhmmmmmm... a lot of people also ask me do I like the taste [of semen], is it disgusting, hard to swallow? Surprisingly I found a lot of girls don't like the taste of it, it's had for them to swallow, but it's... I like the taste of it personally, and uhm... I also found if you eat... a lot of fruit it helps. Especially pineapple. Uhm... asparagus, alcohol, caffeine, those are all things you want to stay away from if you're trying to get a girl to swallow your cum. Because it definitely wont help. Uhmm... drugs. Those are a few of the things that make your cum taste disgusting. Basically if you're a healthy person the better chance you have of better tasting lube. So go figure.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, displaying her genius intellect on youtube.

    several different options in choosing your enema um... most generic one would have to be something you buy at the store like fleet enemas they come in um... if you go to the laxitive area at the drug store at the grocery store. Comes usually in a two pack um... they're disposable plastic bottle. Never ever ever use the saline solution in the enemas because its bad for you it dries you out. You can get sick, if you're a woman you can get yeast infections because it strips away the good bacteria.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on existential enemas.

    No one in porn knows how to do makeup right. The only thing they know how to do is make my face orange. I'd rather do it myself. I'd rather have it be my fault.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on Nietzsche's purviews of existentialism proper makeup application.

    I want to have sex on top of a washing machine. I love the smell of laundry. I get off on the smell of laundry.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on smells she enjoys.

    As far as I'm concerned, Suicide Girl types with black hair and tattoos are the new blondes with bolt-on tits. Those women look the same, and they're idiots.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on the pot calling the kettle black.

    When you're in the industry, and your body is what you sell, [catching something] makes you feel like shit.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on catching gonorrhea twice and chlamydia once.

    Coconut & passion fruit was the magick answer!


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, one of her many cerebral tweets

    The World's Smartest Porn Star

    Invite me to read to your children!

    Some argue that Marina Ann Hantzis is the smartest porn star alive. Vanessa Grigoriadis' Rolling Stone article "The Dirtiest Girl in the World," says that Ms. Hantzis "reads Nietzsche, likes it rough" and is "liberating women one gangbang at a time." She may not be able to close her mouth or open her eyes all the way, giving her face a permanent expression of mental retardation, but one only has to listen to her words of wisdom to realize the unbridled intelligence that lurks within her semen-stained mind.

    For entertainment, she watches the films of Fassbinder, Herzog, Truffaut, Godard, Bertolucci, Mallick amongst other even more obscure artists. What are Ms. Hantzis' thoughts on these directors? In her opinion, what is the most striking thing about Bertolucci's cinematography? What common themes can be found within Herzog's films? Nobody knows, because Ms. Hantzis has never said anything about those films. Demonstrating that she subscribes to Desiderius Erasmus' "Philosophy of Name Dropping," all Ms. Hantzis does is say she's intelligent because she's read [Insert Smart Book Title/Philosopher Here] and watched [Insert Critically Acclaimed Movie/Director Here], but never actually demonstrates that she has an elementary understanding of the things she's read or watched. This proves that she is one of those hipsters who thinks that naming a bunch of obscure authors and artists give her credibility. We all know the type. Rather than discuss philosophies and avant-garde art Ms. Hantzis does like to talk about applying makeup, how to make your semen taste better,[1] why racism is bad,[2] and how to use an enema.[3] What little she does say on the internet is often misspelled. Watch out, Sweden! Someone's coming after your Nobel Prizes!

    Wikipedia Drama

    File:Sasha Grey (Marina Ann Hantzis) CC.JPG
    An image that Sasha doesn't want available to the public

    When not being buttfucked to the max for Jew Gold, Ms. Hantzis spends her time being vain and moderating the Sasha Grey Wikipedia article with her two Wikipedia accounts Madjabuds and SashaGrey3. The drama started in May 2007, when Ms. Hantzis decided that she didn't like the portrait of herself the article was using. After hours of unsuccessfully trying to upload her new portrait, she removed the unflattering image and replaced it with one which was more to her liking. Much to Ms. Hantzis' chagrin, the Wiki-nerds kept reverting her edits to the Sasha Grey article and re-uploading the photos of her which made her look ugly. She then did the only reasonable thing and threatened to sick her lawyers on Wikipedia. Wikipedia users were sick of Ms. Hantzis' shit and told her that if she kept threatening to sue Wikipedia users they would block her from editing.

    whoever posted my id better not do it again, i have a lawyer iand i don't like using him so do not re-post my id!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on suing people who call her Marina Ann Hantzis.

    This is Sasha Grey I am asking nicely that you do not post my id, etc. again on wiki-look at my talk page for further info if you feel it's needed! [email protected]


    Marina Ann Hantzis, asking wikipedia editors to not post her real name.

    The first thing I would like to address the person who posted my id on here, if someone does this again i will contact my lawyer immediately. if anyone has something they would like to post that they think i may have a problem with email me at [email protected] Again, do not put my id on wiki, or anywhere else for that matter!


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, if you write facts about her she will contact her lawyers.

    Secondly, whoever the user Nolanus is, seems to want two very hideous pictures on my commons page. I have asked numerous times for these pictures to not be posted for quality control. If you look at Nolanus' page it states that he doesn't visit wiki, but he does seem to visit enough to make sure those pictures are viewable. Again, this is quality control, do not re-post these images.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on posting unflattering pictures of herself.

    Ok, I see someone deleted MY ORIGINAL picture and replaced it with the one with the headband...That's okay I'll load my picture later!


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on Wikipedia editing wars.

    Once again removing a photo from MY page, and replacing it with mine, quality control people!


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on quality control.

    edited bio-I wasn't born in Gary, Indiana-I am getting a retraction on this article.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on being born in Gary, Indiana.

    Removing in-factual information from an article with many misquotes by the author, this has been discussed a long time ago


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on removing "in-factual" information.

    Ms. Hantzis has made a shit ton of edits on Wikipedia, exclusively targeting her own Wikipedia biography, which demonstrates that she is incapable of discussing anything not related to herself. Multiple times she tried to hide the fact that she was born in Gary, Indiana, and switched her birth place to Sacramento, California. She also caused a stir by admitting that her real name is Marina Ann Hantzis, but then threatened to sue people if her true identity wasn't removed from the article.

    Neü Sex

    File:Sasha hantzis.jpg
    From the murks of the Sadean abyss.

    To demonstrate her intellectual prowess, Ms. Hantzis decided to write a book titled "Neü Sex" which would chronicle her adventures from porn set to porn set, giving readers a behind a view look of what her life was really like. However, Ms. Hantzis quickly remembered that she was incapable of spelling or using proper punctuation, and she was haunted with doubts that if she actually wrote something it would only display her intellectual incompetence and reveal her as being a brain-dead buffoon with nothing interesting or cerebraly stimulating to say. So rather than write a book, she purchased a SLR camera and made a picture book. Ms. Hantzis then realized that she wasn't a competent photographer either, and she let her boyfriend Ian take the photos for her. She openly admitted this in the product description for her book on amazon.com, saying:

    On days where I was physically unable to capture an image, Ian, my fiancé, became my third arm. He understands my aesthetic, or lack thereof.


    —Marina Ann Hantzis, on her inability to press a button on a camera.

    The book itself contains nothing but portraits of Marina Ann Hantzis. It is therefor less of a practice in photojournalism and more so a collection of self-indulgent myspace photos. It is also painfully obvious which photos were taken by Ms. Hantzis and which were taken by Ian. Ian's photos often show a basic understanding of the elementary rules of composition such as "the rule of thirds," "depth of field," "framing," and "angles." In the photos Ms. Hantzis took she is clearly holding the camera and pointing it at herself, meaning that this book would have been impossible to make if not for auto-focus. Her attempt to disguise her inability to write a book about herself has only further damned her by demonstrating that she cannot even make a photography book about herself.

    After the book's release a shitstorm was born on amazon.com. After receiving a scathing one star review fans of Marina Ann Hantzis' films flocked to the page and stuffed the ballot box with five star reviews so ridiculously positive its hard to tell if they're really fans or just sockpuppet accounts.

    N.E.U. Sex is an amazing book. The book is made well excellent paper and binding. Sasha Grey surpassed my expectations with this work. I was literally taken through my entire emotional spectrum as I turned through the pages. The photographs range from serious to funny all with a touch of beautiful sexyness.


    —David C., his one and only amazon review.

    Fast Food, Faster Lovin' (The Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum)

    On December 2012 Marina Ann Hantzis got tired of being an awful DJ and decided to try her hand at being an awful writer, so she moseyed on down to Amazon.com and gave David Foster Wallace a run for his money by self publishing a short story, Fast Food, Faster Lovin currently her most existential and enigmatic work yet. In it Marina explores the terrifying nihilist void of the modern workplace and the inescapable longing for authenticity through literary motifs of nipple pinching, clitoris rubbing, and dirty talk.

    Here is an excerpt from Amazon:

    It was the end of the nightshift and Amy walked into the office and sat down in the chair. She tossed her visor on the deska nd took out the elastic that had been holding her auburn ponytail in place. She ran her fingers through her hair and arched her shoulders back, hoping that Mike, the night manager, would notice the recent developments in her figure. She had just turned 18, but she had been a late bloomer. She was athletic by nature and her body had always been more muscular than curvy, but after working in a fast food restaurant for a few months she'd managed to add some curves to her frame without sacrificing the toned features that guys seemed to love. While she used to look like a cute little gymnast, she now looked like a sexy stripper, even with the polyester uniform. The guys working with her had really started to notice, and she loved the attention she'd been getting, but it was Mike that she wanted to have tonight.


    —Paragraph 1 of Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    There's not much flattering about a fast food uniform. It's usually loose and almost always made of some horribly synthetic material. Amy had started out wearing a small polo top, but her new curves had the fabric stretched tight against her growing cleavage. Her chest pressed against the fabric all the time, and on nights when she was feeling extra naughty, she'd take off her bra while on her break and work the rest of the night with her hard nipples rubbing against the polyester. When this happened, she couldn't help herself from rubbing them, and that always led to her hand trailing down her body and into her slacks. Many times had she taken a customer's order with one hand on the cash register and the other on her clit. If the customers who came through the drivethru knew how many orgasms she'd had while waiting for them to place their order, she figured the night shift wouldn't be quite as slow as it usually was.


    —Paragraph 2 of Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    Tonight had been an exceptionally great night. One of the guys in the drivethru tipped her $5, and since he was kind of cute she thanked him with a quick flash of her fantastic breasts. She was blushing while she did it, half from her natural- but quickly fading - shyness, and the other from the erotic thrill of it all.


    —Paragraph 3 of Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    "If that's on the menu, I'd love to take it to go!" he said with a smile.


    —Excerpt from Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    Amy giggled as she replied "Nope. That was your reward for being the 69th customer tonight. Try again tomorrow. Please come again."


    —Excerpt from Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    The man in the car replied as he started to drive away "Fuck yeah, I'm going to cum again. And again. And again. You can too!"


    —Excerpt from Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    She had been playing with her nipples for the past hour and this recent bit of exhibitionism had gotten her hot. She could feel the wetness growing between her legs, but she had promised herself that she wasn't going to touch herself tonight. She was planning on having Mike, and one way or the other, she would - if she didn't explode between now and then. She reached her hand up under her top and pulled on her nipple. She closed her eyes as she played with it, and when she opened them up, she saw Kevin, the night cleaner, walking away. She bet he had a helluva smile on his face. She knew she had to keep her hands busy for the rest of the night, or else she might just rip off her clothes and pleasure herself no matter who was still there.


    —Paragraph 4 of Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    “Maybe you should take a picture – it’ll last longer” she joked at him, her green eyes blazing with desire.


    —Excerpt from Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    “Uh yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare” he stammered.


    —Excerpt from Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    “Oh, that’s ok. Actually, I was kinda hoping you’d notice. I wanted to talk to you about something tonight, and wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” She scooted her chair towards him as she spoke. “You might not know this about me, but I’m a bit competitive. I’ve always been good at sports, but it’s pretty easy to tell if you’re better than the people you’re running against. If you finish first, you win. Nice and easy. My problem is, my last boyfriend told me I give the best blow jobs. He said that I’m freaking amazing. It’s not that I don’t believe him, it’s just that … I know he’s never had one before me, so there’s nothing for him to compare it to. Maybe I’m not good, but he’s just easily…amused. I know you’ve been with a bunch of girls, and I was hoping that maybe I could get your opinion.” as she finished the last word, she slid her hand on to Mike’s thigh. She felt him tense at her touch, and this made her feel even braver. She slowly moved her chair towards him, moving her hand up his leg as she closed in.


    —Paragraph ??? of Fast Food, Faster Lovin'

    Ms. Hantzis Visits Your Children in School

    In November 2011 Principal Beth Gregor of Emerson Elemtary School invited Marina Ann Hantzis to visit the school and read “Dog Breath” by Dav Pilkey to a class of first graders. Either Principal Gregor was unaware of Marina Ann Hantzis' very extensive and very filthy background in pornography or the principal was a big fan of her work. Once the tabloids had photos of Hantzis' visiting the elementary school and word got out that prostitutes were visiting their children in school, angry parents contacted the PTA, who then contacted Principal Gregor. Since the incident, the school went into damage control mode and denied Hantzis or her gonorrhea ever visited their children. Hantzis saw this as an opportunity to whore herself out to tabloids as a victim and a patron saint for education and quadruple penetration.

    Some argue that Principal Gregor just got butthurt because Sasha didn't suck his old flaccid penis.


    External Links

    File:MY.gif Sasha Grey's mySpace
    Twitter-favicon.png Sasha Grey's twitter
    Fb-favicon.png Her facebook (BALEETED!)

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    Sasha Grey is part of a series on


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    Sasha Grey is part of a series on


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