Sam Cassidy

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The boomer fag himself."
Sam Cassidy
Nationality: Americunt  MiniflagUSA.png
High Score 9 killed, 0 injured
Top 50? No
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? Yes


Sam Cassidy AKA Sam Ass-a-diddly, or Sam the Ham, is a fat boomer cunt who shot up a bunch of losers at a rail yard in San Jose California because they all made fun of him for being a bigger loser than they were. Unlike other shooters in 2021, he seemed to have somewhat of a plan as he targeted specific individuals. While his score was not very high, he made sure to kill those he had came for, making him at least a pretty good version of a Hitman 3 tutorial level. However, like most shooter pussies, he killed himself before the cops could take a crack at him. He lived like a coward, and he died like one too. More importantly, however, is that Sammy serves as a fantastic example of the US government completely failing at their job in that they did not warn the Valley Transportation Authority about his plan to FUCKING MURDER THEM ALL.

The TSA Fails Again

Like most shooters, it was clear that Sam should not have ever been allowed to own a gun, let alone "three pistols and 32 magazines on him and a stockpile of ammunition and guns at home". This included extended magazines, which hold more than 10 rounds and are illegal to possess in California.

He was stopped by the TSA after returning from a trip to the Philippines on August 8, 2016. He had taken the trip so that he could buttfuck a few kids overseas without authorities giving him any guff. Turned out they suspected him anyways, but instead of finding panties and CP in his bag, they found a bunch of shooter manifestos, books about terrorism, and several edgy poems about how much he hated his co workers. Instead of arresting him like the obvious criminal that he was, they simply called him a pussy while kicking him out of the airport security room. "You don't have the guts..." They whispered in his ear as they slid his little black murder book back into his hand. "Do it, faggot..."

In their defense, the TSA was right. It took him several years later to finally go postal. Whether this was because he was a massive pussy, or if he was simply distracted by all of the CP on his computer, is still under debate.


   
 
It doesn't appear that follow-up action was taken after the 2016 search, the official said. Cassidy traveled at least one more time to the Philippines after the 2016 inspection, the official said, but it's unclear if he was extensively searched after that subsequent trip.
 

 
 

—CNN, explaining how a child rapist traveling back and forth to the Philippines with terrorist manifestos somehow slipped through the fingers of the Government

Walking Away From the Explosion Without Looking Back

Before he got down to murdering his coworkers, Sammy decided it would probably be a good idea to burn his house down to the ground. This was likely due to having the following in his home:

  • Massive amounts of illegal child porn on his computer.
  • More guns and ammunition.
  • Several terror-friendly items (such as premade molotov cocktails).

Since he simply could not carry all of this evidence with him before hitting the reset button as the police arrived on the scene, he decide to delete fucking everything after he left the house to get to the second level. What where the cocktails for, Sam? Did you have a plan A and end up settling for plan B? Or were you too fat to carry the backpack that held them? I guess we will never know, eh fatass?


Bodycam footage from the shooting (an hero at 3:31)

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 9/20 9 killed, 0 injured
Accuracy: 20/20 All shots hit on target
Style: 5/20 Another unoriginal workplace shooting
Butthurt: 10/20 Decent amount of initial butthurt, will be forgotten about in a week however
Bonus: 15/20 Set his own house on fire.
Total Score: 59/100 (F+)
Some originality wouldn't hurt.
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
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___________________

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Police Force


See Also



Sam Cassidy is part of a series on HSTButton.png


Ranked Mode (Single Player)

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCharles Whitman's TumorCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyFort HoodJack Gilbert GrahamJames HubertyJeffrey DahmerLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSagamihara StabbingsShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWoo Bum-kon

Casual Mode (Single Player)

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAli David SonbolyAnton Lundin PetterssonAurora Theatre ShootingBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles BishopChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Sniper AttacksDavid KatzDavid Malcolm GrayDavid LongDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriJames Alex FieldsJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LepineMark BartonMark EssexMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzPekka-Eric AuvinenPennsylvania School StabbingRamadan Van ManRandy StairRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSantino William LeganSayfullo SaipovSaint Petersburg Metro bombingThe Twinkie ManThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTJ LaneTrystan Andrew TerrellUnabomberWade Michael PageZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Co-Operative Mode

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Sid Meier's Civilization

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Banned From Scoring

Asa CoonBilly MitchellBrian Isaack ClydeJohn EarnestLogan ClarkNasim AghdamSam HydeSol PaisTodd RogersWilliam Atchison

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Sam Cassidy
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Failures

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Sam Cassidy is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

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