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Rules of the Internet
There is no real set of Rules to the Internet, only a standard four on which everyone agrees (1, 2, 33, 34, and 35) and some bullshit rules that came out of nowhere. Rules 12 and 13, however, apply universally and ruthlessly, whether you agree with them or not, and people's reputations are regularly destroyed as a result of breaking them. While 8 and 9 here are intended to specifically refer to /b/ on 4chan, in practical terms, the reality is that they actually apply on virtually every moderated Internet forum in existence. Some forums might have extremely extensive sets of written rules, but said rules generally won't prevent the owner of the given site from banning someone for no reason at all, other than for the lulz.
Several of the other rules here, also function effectively as observations about Internet philosophy; they don't necessarily describe the way people should behave online, so much as the way they do behave. Although to a milder extent, this was also true on Usenet, which predated /b/, and was generally much less hostile; so they can be viewed as an important artifact of Internet history. Rules 18, 20, 36, 42, and 43, are also generally only true among atheists.
There have been countless renderings of the rules, all of which have sucked balls in one way or another, the earliest originating from IRC faggotry. Nonetheless, since all 13-year-old boys subconsciously crave supervision because their parents are physically and emotionally unavailable (much like converts to Islam crave direction in a world gone mad after leaving the family hugbox), The Rules of the Internet have become a virtual Internets Ten Commandments for them.
Rules of the Internet
1. Do not talk about /b/
2. Do NOT talk about /b/
3. We are Anonymous
4. Anonymous is legion
5. Anonymous never forgives
6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver
8. There are no real rules about posting
9. There are no real rules about moderation either - enjoy your ban
10. If you enjoy any rival sites - DON'T
11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored
12. Anything you say can and will be used against you
13. Anything you say can be turned into something else - fixed
14. Do not argue with trolls - it means that they win
15. The harder you try the harder you will fail
16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure
17. Every win fails eventually
18. Everything that can be labeled can be hated
19. The more you hate it the stronger it gets
20. Nothing is to be taken seriously
21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old
22. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
23. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
24. Every repost is always a repost of a repost
25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post
26. Any topic can be easily turned into something totally unrelated
27. Always question a person's sexual preferences without any real reason
28. Always question a person's gender - just in case it's really a man
29. In the internet all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents
30. There are no girls on the internet
31. TITS or GTFO - the choice is yours
32. You must have pictures to prove your statements
33. Lurk more - it's never enough
34. There is porn of it, no exceptions
35. If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made
36. There will always be even more fucked up shit than what you just saw
37. You cannot divide by zero (just because the calculator says so)
38. No real limits of any kind apply here - not even the sky
39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER
41. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.
42. Nothing is Sacred
43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is - the more satisfying it is to corrupt it
44. Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you a weeaboo
45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.
46. There is always furry porn of it.
47. The pool is always closed.
The rules below have been submitted by various denizens of the internet. Every year, one of these rule suggestions is chosen to ascend as an official internet rule.
0. There are or will be nazis in the comments section.
47. No matter what it is, Tony Stark can build it in his cave with a box of scraps.
48. Everybody lies.
49. Puns are always unfunny.
50. One's USI increases with time spent on the internet.
51. Everyone is gay for Bridget.
52. Milhouse is not a meme.
53. Leetspeak makes you cool.
54. The OP is invariably a fag.
55. The OP never delivers.
56. God hates fags.
57. TIME CUBE REIGNS SUPREME!
58. There are dicks everywhere.
59. 8chan is the new 4chan.
60. Everyone on the internet will claim to be an atheist.
61. It's always rape.
62. On the internet, no one can hear you get raped.
63. There is always a female version of a male character, and vice versa (Note: This rule is already official. It's only here because the official rule list only goes up to 47. Retarded, amirite?)
64. Every meme always becomes an old meme.
65. Every old meme always becomes a dead meme.
66. Don't divide by zero.
67. The truth is always painful.
68. If you're looking at an incomprehensible image of something that is the same colour as any kind of human skin, your brain is warning you that you don't want to know what it really is. This goes double if there is even a spot of red coloration in the image.
69. The number 69 is the exception to unofficial rules 64 and 65.
70. Targeted ads aren't for what you want, but for what someone else wants you to do.
Rules of the Internet is part of a series on
Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article July 2 & July 3, 2011|
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