Robert Hawkins (hey) went out
in of style in an event dubbed the LOLmaha Massacre '07. After getting kicked out of his house by his parents, failing the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery Test, losing his job at McDonald's, breaking up with his girlfriend, and getting his CD player stolen, he snapped. Dressed in stylish Army camo and sporting a freshly styled military haircut he went to the balcony of a shopping mall in Omaha, Nebraska where he began picking-off employees and customers with an AK47 while the mall piped seasonal favorites such as "Jingle Bells" to accompany the screams of the dying.
He pwned eight people and wounded five before eviscerating a teddy bear and then turning the gun on himself for one more confirmed kill. Hawkins died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Mysteriously, over 50 Jews that worked at the mall stayed home from work that tragic day.
Police aren't sure yet, but Hawkins is speculated to have lost his iPod while some argue he was just a pissed-off kid who'd spent his life getting ass raped in one foster home or another. He was also being treated for ADD and depression. In one of many rambling suicide notes, he told his latest foster mother that he didn't want to be a burden on her any more. And now he'd be famous.
Mainly though, Robert Hawkings will be remembered as an Epic Fail Guy since if he really wanted to be famous and go out in style, he would have tried to shoot President Bush. Bush himself was in Omaha on Wednesday for a fund-raiser, but left about an hour before the shootings. Coincidence? You decide.
The scholars at /b/ are currently crunching the numbers regarding Hawkins' kill ratio before awarding him a WIN or a FAIL and determining his chart position with other FPS heroes such as The Finnisher and The Blazn Azn. Determining factors include body-count to target (aka 'holiday shoppers') ratio, shots fired, and the shooter's available firepower. Current estimates lean toward FAIL however, as 6 of his 8 victims were over the age of 45 and all were mall-shoppers.
Just the facts?
Hawkins, known as Robbie, was an emotionally troubled, high school dropout who, according to friends, had lost his job that Wednesday and his girlfriend in the two weeks prior. Hawkins moved in with his friend Will's family last year in the Quail Creek subdivision of Bellevue, according to Will's mother, Debora Maruca. It seems the boys liked to target and skeet-shoot at her family's cabin. The night before the shooting, Hawkins and her sons showed her an SKS semiautomatic Russian military rifle. At this time it is unconfirmed whether the motive behind the shooting was Mary Lee Walsh breaking his sign.
In Sarpy County in 2005, Hawkins admitted to a drug charge. He also pleaded guilty that year to disorderly conduct in Washington County and later was arrested for not paying the $100 fine. Hawkins' father, Ronald, had been concerned about his son, said neighbor John Hubbard, a captain at the Douglas County Jail. Ronald Hawkins asked Hubbard earlier this year if he would take the youth on a tour of the jail to get him "scared straight".
Hawkins was a student at Papillion-La Vista High School "off and on," Principal Jim Glover said. Hawkins quit school in March 2006, his senior year. Maruca said he later had gotten his general equivalency degree (GED).
He made about $800 a month working at a nearby McDonald's and had started to pay rent in an effort to become more responsible. He had gotten his driver's license in July, and on Nov. 28 he licensed a 1995 green Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo.
"He must have felt like everything he touched turned to crap," Maruca said. Maruca is a nurse in the recovery room at the Nebraska Medical Center. "I guess he was right, because he turned my weekend to crap with all the wounded fly-over state fatties he blasted the fuck up. What a dick"
The Rick Murray Connection
Many people may feel inclined, and rightly so, to compare Robert Hawkins to a fictional character by the name of Rick Murray from the popular adolescent drama, Degrassi. Both the actor and The Real Boy bases his fame around a prototype of a killa, as is shown through their chosen style of dress and cool hair. Badass hair. The fictional character, Rick Murray, attempted to shoot up his school but failed. Bob Hawkins, after years of studying the mistakes of his contemporary, managed to nab one million Christmas Shoppers. He consequently won the coveted "I shot a bunch of people and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" award of DOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!
8 years later
Nearly a decade after his massacre, his parents appeared on the show "Evil Lives Here" on the very first episode, where they lie and cover up their abuse of Robbie. This brought a small amount of renewed interest in the incident. Torrent the episode as jewtube keeps shutting it down.
An OP That delivered
|Total score: 72/100 (C-)|
What people are saying about Robbie Hawkins...
The bathroom: neutral zone.
- Low Prices
- Free Shipping
- No Traffic
- No Lines
- Low chance of getting shot by emo kids (unless you shop at Amazon.com)
An Hero's Gallery
- I DIDN'T EAT THAT FUCKIN SANDWICH OR THE TOILET THING EITHER!
- I FUCKING YOU GUYS
- Jarrad Willis
- Matthew Murray
- Cho Seung-Hui
- Pekka-Eric Auvinen
- An hero
- Robert Steinhäuser - Another kid called Robert who tried to get the high score and actually did good.
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|Featured article December 16, 2007|
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