Robert Aaron Long

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Budd Reverse.gif
Find an iPod?

This page is about an attempted an hero.


Elliot Selfie (25).jpg


The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.


Robert-aaron-long-mugshot.jpg
Robert Aaron Long
Nationality: Americunt  MiniflagUSA.png
High Score 8 killed, 1 injured
Top 50? Hell no
Style FPS, Single player
An Hero? No


Imagine: It's early 2021. Corona-chan has ravaged the Americunt landscape. High Scores haven't happened for the better part of a year; life is looking bleak for the land of burgers. Enter Robert Aaron Long. This basement-dwelling virgin had decided he had enough of jacking off his chode to anime porn. So he did what any sane and rational person would do - he shot up a couple of Azn rub-n-tug massage parlors. This sperg-out was the push needed to get Americunts to get back to their favorite pastime of going for the High Score, after months of hiatus. Nature truly is healing.

Background

Before the shooting, Robert was your typical Bible-thumping redneck (as detailed in his Instagram page). Unfortunately for Robbie-boy, he developed somewhat of a pornography addiction somewhere along the way, which we all know is antithetical to traditional Christian values. As a result, Robert spent a considerable amount of time in "Evangelical" addiction centers. Unfortunately for Robert, no amount of divine intervention would be enough to prevent him from whacking his two-inch chode to loli hentai (according to his roommates at the rehab facility). All of this came to a head the day before the shooting, when his parents finally kicked him out of the basement, because he wouldn't clean up his cum rags. Robert would later tell the pigs that he had thought of killing himself, but decided to go for the High Score instead to, quote unquote, "help others with their sex addictions".

Robert's Bad Day

Caught on Camera!

Now obviously before Robert was able to go for the High Score, he had to get a gun first. And that is exactly what happened on March 16, 2021, where Robert got a 9MM pistol mere hours before going for the High Score, much to the chagrin of gun control advocates, who were butthurt at the revelation as a result. From there, Robert went around to several "happy ending" spas that he was previously a customer of, and proceeded to ventilate a grand total of six Azn women who were unfortunate enough to have wanked off his micro-penis in the first place (Two white people were also ventilated by the shooter; they were actually customers, so they should be seen as collateral damage).

At this point, his CCTV image was circulated across the entire state of Georgia, and the feds were looking for his ass. So he did what anybody else would've done: run. And he did run, in fact, for roughly 150 miles before he was arrested by the pigs in the southern part of Georgia. When asked where he was going, Long said that he was headed to Florida to possibly ventilate people related to the porn industry (based on this info, he was likely going to target either BangBros or Reality Kings, which are both based in Miami).

Aftermath

   
 
When I spoke to the investigators, they interviewed him this morning and they got that impression, that, yes, he understood the gravity of it. And he was pretty much fed up and kind of at the end of his rope. And yesterday was a really bad day for him and this is what he did.
 

 
 

Captain Jay Baker. Much butthurt ensued as a result of this quote.

Much butthurt was to be had among libtards, especially among the Azn community, who were already being pwned by mostly niggers in the year before the shooting due to corona-chan. So, as a response to the violence, #StopAsianHate became trending in the weeks following the shooting, brought to you by the same people who created Black Lives Matter (ironically enough, the conveniently timed social engineering campaign was supposed to be called Asian Lives Matter, but Black Lives Matter asked them to change it due to the names sounding too similar).

Several rallies were held in the days following the shooting, but it is unclear whether the movement will make as much of an impact as BLM. More recently, Congress passed a resolution that officially condemns the shooting; they also passed another bill that allocates more law enforcement resources to investigate hate crimes against Asians. The state of Georgia also has announced that they are planning on seeking the death penalty against Long.

Regardless of outcome, one thing is for certain, Long will definitely have his sex addiction fulfilled in the slammer.

Gallery

Videos

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count: 8/20 8 dead, 1 injured
Accuracy: 18/20 Only one survivor
Style: 15/20 Kind of like the anti-Elliot Rodger
Butthurt: 20/20 Nationwide protests & attention from US gov
Bonus: 15/20 -5 points for being a coomer, +20 points for jumpstarting America's favorite pastime
Total Score: 76/100 (C)
Not bad, try not to get caught next time
See full ranking


Wanted Level:
___________________

Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png Wantedstar.png

___________________

Wanted4swat.png


Vice Squad


See Also


Pika Pika.gif

Robert Aaron Long is related to a series on AZNS.

[Domo ArigatoHerrow]

Pangya01.jpg

More Dangerous Than They Look

Nevada-tanHideki KamiyaJiverly VoongKenneth EngLindsay Kantha SouvannarathRiboflavinRockonlittleoneWayne ChiangMutsuo ToiElliot RodgerPoisonIvyLulKatoOtoya YamaguchiBus UncleVincent Li

Noted Tyrants

Chairman MaoCho Seung HuiHirohitoKim Jong IllPol PotEllen Pao

Cam Whores

Ayuka NaritaBiostudentgirlEelgirlEmotion EricHard GayLittle FattyTila TequilaTubgirlThe Wine KoneTrap-kunXiao RishuYuri Kochiyama

Weeaboos

AimeeApplemilk1988Arudou DebitoDesu-radioFiredarkdragonFred GallagherHidoshiJellobunsKevin and KatMari IijimaMRirianPyroboobyReyvataeilSnapesnoggerSe-chanTwo-Ton-NekoValerie (Pai)ZS3

Musical Endeavors

J-EmoJ-PopJ-RockKpop

Me No Rikey Velly Much

Rucka Rucka AliMiley CyrusMark WahlbergUnited Airlines

Azn Stuff

Edison Chen photo scandalAnti-CNNFan deathMilkMizhi County No. 3 Middle School AttackPockyRamenRicersThe SATYaeba


Robert Aaron Long is part of a series on HSTButton.png


Ranked Mode (Single Player)

Adam LanzaAnders Behring BreivikAndrew KehoeAriana Grande MassacreBaruch GoldsteinBrenton TarrantCampo Elías DelgadoCharles Whitman's TumorCho Seung-HuiDevin Patrick KelleyFort HoodJack Gilbert GrahamJames HubertyJeffrey DahmerLuby's massacreMartin BryantMutsuo ToiNice Truck Attack 2016Omar MateenPatrick CrusiusReina Nightclub MassacreSagamihara StabbingsShinji AobaStephen PaddockTed BundyVladislav RoslyakovWoo Bum-kon

Casual Mode (Single Player)

Aaron AlexisAlexandre BissonnetteAli David SonbolyAnton Lundin PetterssonAurora Theatre ShootingBreda Highschool MassacreBreitscheidplatzBruce Jeffrey PardoCapital Gazette ShootingCharles BishopChris Harper-MercerConnor BettsDallas Sniper AttacksDavid KatzDavid Malcolm GrayDavid LongDeath to Traitors, Freedom for BritainDerrick BirdDeWayne CraddockDimitrios PagourtzisDmitry VinogradovDylann Storm RoofElliot RodgerÉric BorelGabe ParkerGeorge SodiniGian Luigi FerriJames Alex FieldsJared Lee LoughnerJason DaltonJason RodriguezJaylen FrybergJeff WeiseJesse OsborneJiverly VoongJoe StackJohn Russel HouserJosef FritzlKhalid MasoodKimveer GillKip KinkelLam Kor WanMamoru TakumaMarc LepineMark BartonMark EssexMatthew de GroodMichael CarnealMichael Kenneth McLendonMichael RyanMikese MorseMr. SaariNghtmrchld26Nikolas CruzPekka-Eric AuvinenPennsylvania School StabbingRamadan Van ManRandy StairRobert BalesRobert BowersRobert HawkinsRobert SteinhäuserSantino William LeganSayfullo SaipovSaint Petersburg Metro bombingThe Twinkie ManThomas Watt HamiltonTim KretschmerTJ LaneTrystan Andrew TerrellUnabomberWade Michael PageZhao ZeweiZug Massacre

Co-Operative Mode

1-14 Jakarta AttacksBoston Marathon BombingCharlie HebdoColumbineHiroshima and NagasakiJews did WTCPearl HarborSan Bernardino shootingSandniggers in ParisSri Lanka Easter BombingsTimothy McVeigh

Sid Meier's Civilization

Adolf HitlerAugusto PinochetCharles MansonHeaven's GateHolocaustJonestownJoseph StalinKim Il-sungMao ZedongOsama bin LadenPol PotSaddam HusseinWacoWorld War II

Banned From Scoring

Asa CoonBilly MitchellBrian Isaack ClydeJohn EarnestLogan ClarkNasim AghdamSam HydeSol PaisTodd RogersWilliam Atchison

Robert Aaron Long is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAnna Nicole SmithAsa CoonBrian AdamsBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyGeorge SodiniGizgizHappyCabbieHarambeHeath LedgerJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKate SpadeKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShaySteve StephensTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganZhao Zewei

Those Dying Alone

03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAngry GrandpaAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmy SchumerAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsa CoonAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCheeyevChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868Dorian_GayDoug WalkerDragoneerDrakonDustinEmer PrevostEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGather Against FateGeorge LopezGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles Cheongicze⁴rImma-The-DeerInkBunnyJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKaBlamBandicoot64Kat DenningsKendall JennerKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLordelthibarLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackManchildrenMarblesMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMaxtaroMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMichael BattonMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMike SandyMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriOFWGKTAOnyx ForepawPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter BrightPeter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperRedheadXilamGuyRicki RavenRMG ProductionsRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSarah ButtsSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSpax3StormySuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotUrinatingTreeVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!WoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmXenuriaYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

Their Methods

9gagAdventure TimeAIDSAnimuArt SchoolAsperger's SyndromeAssigned Maleask.fmBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedCollectorComputer Science IIICosplayDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDeviantARTDrugsEdginessFanFictionFeminismFidget spinner The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGravity FallsGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffInfantilismInsane Clown PosseInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLegoLeague of LegendsLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/RobloxRuneScapeSecond LifeSilk Screen Goku ShirtTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSpeakoniaTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUndertaleVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube