|Interesting Fact: |
This article needs moar ginger an heroes. You can help by adding general failure and self-pwning by those freckled fucks. Aside from the freckles and flaming hair Gingers are recognized by their empty cold facial expression which reveals that they are devoid of empathy.
"Better to be red than dead!" - Osho
It's true that gingers are evil but so is everybody else. See Feminism for details.
Through the ages retardation has been a huge problem. Whereas most societies put their retarded babies in a sack filled with bricks to dispose of in the nearest river, the civilized West tries to integrate the less-abled. This has turned into a problem with the greatest form of retardation, Gingervitis. Scientists speculate that most children afflicted with gingervitis are the mule offspring of albinos and humans.
Jerhi-curl negro hair with a flaming red hue serves as a warning to everyone that the person inflicted with it is not to be trusted and should be avoided at all costs.
- 1 Ginger-Spotting
- 2 Their lack of a Soul
- 3 Ginger Culture
- 4 FUN FACT
- 5 How To Handle Them
- 6 What to do if You are a Ginger
- 7 Video Documentation of the Plague
- 8 Gallery
- 9 See Also
- 10 Gingers OL
Now how do you spot a ginger? Well this really isn't hard thanks to their glowing heads. But there are two different types of ginger, and it is important to know how to distinguish between the two:
- The first type of ginger is your regular type, the one you see out only on very dull days - or if it is sunny they will have their skin completely covered. They have bright orange hair (as do all of them) along with freckles (and lots of acne) on their faces, but their skin is also a very pale white meaning they are unable to go out in sunlight as it burns them.
- The other type of ginger is nearly identical, but it has a normal skin tone allowing it to come out into the sunlight without protection" this sub-species of gingers are called "Daywalkers". It's also believed that all gingers have freckles all over their bodies but no-one knows for sure. You see, no-one has ever seen a ginger without their clothes on, seeing as how they are souless, their gentaila is often non-existent and/or deformed and they never wash.
Gingers do not live in regular houses like normal people, rather they all dwell in dry caves on hillsides and mountains much like bats. You can spot a ginger habitat by the bright orange glow coming from it. Never enter a ginger habitat, the effect of looking directly at so many fire heads is equivalent to looking directly at the sun through a magnifying glass on the brightest day of the year, your eyes and face will be permanently burned and you will be blinded. Some gingers even have secret magic that they use to seduce non-gingers. Even Harry Potter lost out to Ron Weasley, for instance. Could it be related to a sense of humor? Nahhh.
Terminology and Pronunciation
Most of the world says Gin-ger, like the drink. However, in the natural environment of Gingerkind - the terminally inbred United Kingdom, it's pronounced Ging-er, like Ping. This is because the ginger is actually cockney rhyming slang for minger, the English term for growing pube-like hair all over one's body and a common trait of all gingers.
Contrary to popular belief, gingers do often have sex. Gingervitis is caused by having sex with a woman while she is on the rag, hence it is often much safer to use the dirt track. This is not a problem since female gingers are rare, and male gingers prefer using a different hole.
Males: The size of the average ginger penis is not known. Interestingly, ginger (the edible root) is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. This may explain where the myth of gingers having a half-decent sex life came from.
Females: Not surprisingly female gingers are often whores, as the vast majority of male gingers are homosexuals and no straight man who values his dick is willing to put it in a fire ant hill. Jokes about female gingers coming into heat are common, but unfunny.
Gingers are the closest living relatives to vampires today, unlike otherkin, who simply claim to be. In fact, in the past, people often killed Gingers because their skin color did not allow them to go outside whilst the sun was up. This is a very similar disability to the trait vampires possess - which is why you can see how many people got confused.
Along with being unable to expose themselves to sunlight, gingers have a whole host of other health problems. Most, if not all, gingers are born with many diseases, which include H.I.G. (Highly Infected Ginger), Hepatitis G, Gingervitis, and Ginger Syndrome. No cure has been found for these illnesses. It's a good thing.
Many gingers are noticeably fat - coincidentally the genes that cause them to eat until their tongues bleed are the same genes which give them red hair, as proof that God has marked them as unholy fucktards who should be sterilized at birth.
It is also a proven fact that all gingers have yellow teeth, because, like their hair and pubic regions, their teeth are also ginger.
Their lack of a Soul
Don't be fooled by the fact that Gingers seem to be able to move around under their own power and cleverly simulate the behaviors of a sentient being. They are actually soulless automatons. In the following video, a red-haired flesh golem randomly runs through a series of pre-programmed rebuttals to the undeniable fact of the soullessness of the Ginger.
Gingers can be divided into different types or classes.
- The Joker - Like fat bitches, these gingers attempt to be funny their whole life to make up for their disability. In reality, everyone knows the only thing that makes people laugh is their appearance. Famous Joker Ginger: Conan O'Brien.
- The Emo - These gingers usually try to dye their hair black, but due to the intense heat of the hair this usually fails and it just becomes scorched around the edges. Emo Gingers are generally no different from regular emos, except they have more to whine and cut about. Famous Emo Ginger: That fag from Harry Potter.
- The Chav Ginger - Usually bleaches the repulsive hair to blend in with peers. Unfortunately for them this results in what gingers-in-denial claim "Strawberry Blond" isn't. This class may also become a hybrid with The Joker in a futile effort to "fit in." This is of course impossible: everybody hates gingers, and no normal person could get turned on over that repulsive skin. Famous Stud Ginger: Ronald McDonald.
- The LaxKing - The Gingers are really timid inside but have a hard outer-shell, both physically and psychologically. They tend to participate in really manly sports and beat up on everyone, completely unprovoked. Famous LaxKing Ginger: Paul Scholes.
- The Furry - Like to dress up as popular browser-logos in daily life. Famous Furry Ginger: Lindsay Lohan.
- Scots - This news article goes on to say that 40% of people in Scotland are Gingers. Famous scots: none.
- Swedish-English-Scottish-Irish-Hungarian A bit heavy, but you wouldn't even know they were a ginger - easily mistaken for a dark blonde and notorious for fooling ginger-hunters.
All Gingers hail to the same god and his name is Gingeus Christ. This religion, also known as Gingerism, started at the dawn of time, when Gingeus created the first ginger man and woman to corrupt the human race. To the right is an image of the Ginger God himself.
As gingers have no souls, once they die, they do not have to worry about whether they go to Heaven or Hell. The ginger itself ceases to exist. What does happen, however, is the fire demon residing in the ginger's hair is released from it's physical bonds. After a violent spontaneous combustion from the now-dead hair it settles down in a newly formed fetus, devouring the developing soul within causing the child to be born as a new ginger. This is why gingers are kept separate from other patients in hospitals, and especially from the maternity ward.
Red-haired people are the result of the influence of the Devil at the time of their conception. That's why they have red hair = the color of Hell and Satan. If the Devil assumes the form of for example a dog or cat and is present in the room when a child is conceived, the child will be born red-haired with pale skin and freckles. All red-haired people should be killed or satanic powers are going to win and form a communist one world government which will enslave all of humanity.
Luckily, we will not have to worry about Gingers for much longer, as scientists claim they will be extinct by the time humanity gets its shit together.
The vast majority of gingers have already been wiped out. Neanderthals were shown to have the ginger gene (light skin et al.), which explains why many people see these creatures as sub-human.
How To Handle Them
Although they will not be around much longer as the section below details, we should do our best to keep them as low as possible on the social totem pole to ensure that no bitches will mate with them and propagate the species. Girls are blind and aimless creatures. They seek out the alpha male in the pack, trying to achieve some combination of status, wealth, or another type of personal gain to further themselves. Make sure to humiliate any and all gingers on the fringes of your social group to ensure that the fact they're porcelain-fleshed freaks remains steady in the public eye.
While not difficult due to the fact that they're inherently alien, there are methods to ensure they know their place in society:
- When one walks up to a conversation, look at him, and say like he is a fellow blonde or brunnette, that you despise all gingers. Be as nonchalant as possible, as if you don't even realise he is a ginger. When he gets angry or starts arguing immediately apologize and simply tell him that you thought he was being ironic with his dye-job ever since they gassed all the gingers.
- Bring a pitchfork and a torch to any social gathering where one may be found. Be sure to bring enough for everyone else as well.
- Don't make eye contact with it.
Did You Know?
- 98% of Goths are actually Ginger. Due to a lazy hair dying routine, most Goths end up with what is known as a "Ginger Halo".
- Their emotional state switches between Goth and Vampire; they are so laid back that they seem to be in a coma or they explode into fits of unholy rage.
- Ginger is an anagram for "individual of the black persuasion." Gingers are essentially the abbos of the UK, hence it is so.
- In areas that they are passionate about; they are geniuses yet often don’t know what day it is. For example Boudicca, the most ferocious Vampire Queen, defeated the Roman armies yet failed to seize the Roman Empire and went home poor.
- The Blade series was originally written about a ginger, but was changed by a Jew-troll into being about uppity niggers.
- Science has proven that gingers are more closely related to Neanderthals than regular humans.
- Gingers are not all bad, some can overcome their beastly nature present themselfs in a normal "human" order. With cons and pros, just like an everyday person. Can't be too careful tough. So make sure when they arn't looking, please kindly shove them off a large cliff or
- Once a Ginger, always a ginger.
Hug a Ginger Day
On the 27th of December of each year the special event of "Hug a Ginger Day" takes place. This is the day when the moon blocks the sun and the gingers transform into normal humans for 24 hours, with 24 hours of a human beings body the gingers can take place in normal activities, such as touching, hugging, having human rights, not being lol'd at, not blowing up in the sun and many other activities which the normal human being would do everyday.
What to do if You are a Ginger
Be a progressive role-model: commit public suicide.
1. Chavs will forever pick on you if you live in the UK, meaning you have carte blanche to kick their faces in.
2. No one ever came up with an original insult about gingers. Ever. It's either "hey Ron Weasley!" (regardless of your actual level of resemblance to Ron Weasley) or "Ginger bastard/cunt/wanker!" To the former, ignore and wonder why they thought comparing you to an insanely famous character played by an insanely rich actor is a bad thing. To the latter, sarcastically congratulate them on not being colour blind.
4. Gingers are usually descended from either the Irish, the Scottish, or the Danish Vikings. So either you can hold your drink, you can hold your drink and have superbly cold resistant balls, or you're descended from the hardest arseholes of the Dark Ages.
5. You're not a black person.
Video Documentation of the Plague
- CopperCab - YouTube ginger apologist and sufferer.
- Olngact - The red cat of the Apocalypse.
- Twilight - Another breed of vampire.
- Cracky-chan - A ginger made famous on /b/.
- Tssz - Home of Tristan Oliver, troll and general fag.
- Lara Croft - Play as a ginger!