|This person is a sick fuck!
They should never be trusted by anyone!
|Watch Out!||This faggot waits for the child to make the first move in a sexual situation.
You can help by contacting Federal Authorities and alerting Chris Hansen.
|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
—Pan busting a nut
"Pan Pizza" is a pedo hispanic cringelord Youtube "reviewer" with an interest in nothing unrelated to Rule 34 and hentai. He is known for only two things: being the guy who turned gothic culture into a joke, and wanting to asscrack Raven and the OC of some hentai artist on Newgrounds. Pan spends most of his time in Tumblr jerking his guts out to anything colored black, blue, purple and pink. He a great example of a hoarder who lives in his dad's basement collecting goth shit, living off patreon, masterbating, and cutting himself over the fact that he will never get a real goth ass before the day he nuts too hard and kills himself. He images himself in the form of some kind of alien that is clearly a recolor of Danger Dolan, that drives some kind of space taxi goth pimpmobile. Aside from patreon winning votes, Pan only reviews whatever animation he finds in Tumblr, pornhub, and Zone-Archive that has a character that gets his dick hard.
He and his lil dick always wanted his own ED page, so this article might actually be giving him a favor.
The Penis Party Porncast
The "Pizza Party Podcast" is a shitty animation porn podcast that pan hosts with his friends from tumblr where they discuss "animation news" and whatever shit dredges in the sewers these subhumans call their brains.
Members of the podcast
- Nolan - An anti-sjw chubby furfag who's known for getting really pretentious when talking about art and acting like a snobby prick to people he sees as below himself to make up for the fact that his art "career" isn't going anywhere and if it weren't for the podcast, noone would care about him or what he has to say. Other than being an odd mix of Milo Yiannopoulos and Tom Preston he is known for being a very hypocritical dramawhore. A good example of this is that he supposedly hates "fake" people but has no qualms about being nice to someone on the podcast and preceding to shittalk them later. One of the people Nolan did this too was Digibro(Whom he got along well with on the podcast) for him being a lolicon on twitter despite literally wanting to fuck Steven from Steven Universe. But don't worry, he's totally not like that anymore! This A-loggery is exemplified by the fact he once wrote an Sonichuesque crossover comic at one point.
- Ken - Edgy nigger known for being one of the few only non-retarded individuals on the podcast and the only one who had the balls to call everyone out on their shit and generally being a pretty cool guy. He is also the most overrated of the Podcast Members, as whenever he speaks he interrupts the other person with LOL XD SHOCK HUMOR. But he eventually got bored of making fun of Pan and decided to make his own podcast called Mommy's Boys starring him, Nolan and his 2 friends Jo and Jared. However this podcast only lasted 5 seconds due to Nolan entering a slapfight with Jared which led to him getting kicked from the podcast for being a faggot. The podcast was later rebooted with Nolan having no involvement and despite being absolutely awful, it still manages to be less autistic than The Pizza Party Porncast.
- Izzy (formerly Stev) - A former overweight neckbeard waifufag who never talked and when he did it was always about animation(during one of 3 times animation is ever talked about) and essentially being Ken's replacement. But then he became she when he realized he wanted become Rose Quartz from Steven Universe. That's right, this guy literally is to Steven Universe what Randy Stair was to Danny Phantom. At that point Stev became an massive SJW and became massively despised by the fans because Izzy would try to make every conceivable conversation about social justice bullshit and constantly bitch about how hard it is being trans and because she would e-beg for jewgolds for hormones and surgery.
- Jim - The holy grail of the podcast. A guy who has a family, a life outside the internet. And has actual knowledge of film and the industry of animation as a whole.
The podcast has had many, many guests. Unsurprisingly many of the guests are lolcows in their own right and/or even have their own ED articles. Such as:
- I Hate Everything
- Mumkey Jones
- Ian Jones Quartey, the husband of Rebecca Sugar✡ and the supervising director of Steven Universe
- The Gamer from Mars
Episode 61 was an episode where Pan, Izzy, Nolan, some camwhore with an egg laying fetish and AKnotholeResident did nothing but talk about their fetishes. Despite this being standard fare this episode is considered the "worst" by many fans apparently ignoring the previous 60 episodes of pure autism that occurred prior.
Pan cries about getting cucked during a Let's Play
During a let's play of Toy Story for the SNES, Pan told a story about how he got rejected by a girl named "Nancy" and his revelation that she was fucking other guys which therefore led to the epiphany of him realizing that his faggot ass will never get laid. The video itself explains it better than anything else.
Pan’s awkward form of conversing with girls
As if the Puberty Party Van hit him with the strength of Uncle Sam’s first battalion, his way of talking to the wimmin (example found in above video) is very strange and sounds like when you asked that dirty skunk of a hoe in fourth grade because your ass wanted a shitty pseudo-relationship that would fuck up in a month. TEEHEE, OMG, GIRLS! BLUSHING LIKE A FAG! and, because he’s a virginfag, his potent sweat is known to wipe away the layer of shitty deodorant he applied last Thursday because of how much of it he produces from his ugly body. Not only that, but his larynx will hit the “annoying high pitch switch” really fucking hard if he even THINKS about the topic of wammin or underage goth girls, which causes his voice to sound like “Guhuguugh, I.. didn’t even KNOW? Like, oh my goD?”. It’s very hard to explain in text, but if you watch said video above, you’ll know exactly what we mean. It is known to crush any form of dignity anyone has and forces said person(s) to stick their heads in the garbage.
He has a shitty webcomic that's full of nothing but self-inserts, fetishes, boning puns, and unpopular culture references. No one on Tumblr really likes any of his fugly knockoff characters and only draws fanart so he can reblog them and promote their blogs.
Apart from 82% of his followers who can only laugh and point at his endless status as a virgin single, Pan has a handful of asskissers who think he's funny, cute, and misunderstood. These fans believe his "cister" Emily and "Pan Pizza: trouble in tokyo" are real, and ship him with Zone-Tan thinking she's real and Pan wants more than just to rape and kill her.
- TheMysteriousMrEnter - His supposed archenemy.
- AniMat✡ - Similar to Mr. Enter, but someone who tried desperately but fails to emulate Pan's style.
- Brucesnoop - The dollar-bin version of Pan
- Zone - Pan said he would suck Zone's basement dweller cock any day.
- Basement Dweller
- Autism - His most likely diagnosis.
- Panty and Stocking
RebelTaxi is part of a series on YouTube.
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[Embrace your inner darkness]
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