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    RHJunior

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    File:Rhj.jpg
    RHJunior in his natural state
    File:Rhjuniorfestive.jpg
    Xmas wishes from Ralphie

    RHJunior aka "Ben Bruin" is the ultimate in ultra-rightwing furries, renowned in Livejournal land for his hilarious burblings on economics, politics, science and all kinds of shit that he knows nothing about. Like all LJ demagogues, comments on his nonsense are ruthlessly deleted and unwelcome commenters banned.

    To add icing to the cake of sad, he's a misogynistic 44-year-old virgin, chickenhawk, Young Earth creationist, homophobe, racist, and one of the few people to be kicked out of that band of happy furry retards called the Burned Furs for being an unbearable dick, which is like being expelled from the Jewish Defence League for being too Zionist.

    His regular ranting on capitalism and welfare and the virtues of hard work is rendered infinitely ironic by the fact that he is a self-employed "professional cartoonist" who is doing so well at his chosen profession he has to regularly beg for "donations" (re: handouts) from the fans of his retarded webcomics and recently achieved the nadir of having to give up his shitbox "efficiency apartment" and go live with his folks in flyover territory.

    Opinion is divided as to whether his mental state is due to fetal alcohol syndrome, being homeschooled, or being the offspring of a witless Baptist pastor so feckless and ineffectual the family had to go on welfare and food stamps several times. Current wisdom holds that the cognitive dissonance required for him to simultaneously hate anything remotely socialist while subsiding off government handouts has rendered him permanently retarded.

    He is also a 300+ pound fat fuck with zero self control, who tirelessly preaches about consequences and self reliability. How he managed to get so fat while needing to beg his readers for money to buy ketchup is anyone's guess.

    He also owes his readers 9000 commissions and his fans keep giving him money, proof positive that the libertarian free market economics he loves so much can sustain any number of idiots.

    Ralph loves dogfucking, torture, and burly men in army uniforms and hates brown people, faggots, and the US Constitution.

    Politics

    RHJunior vs. D. C. Simpson

    On November 15, 2006, Ralphie, annoyed by an increase in the left-wing (as perceived by him) lineup of KeenSpot, announced in his LiveJournal that he was declaring war on liberal webcomic author D. C. Simpson. He followed this up one minute later with a hastily drawn comic that in typical Ralph fashion managed to totally miss the point of Simpson's original. Ralph subsequently made a third post, calling Simpson an evil propogandist, and will doubtless make many more before he's through.

    Simpson responded on his blog that he's too good to deal with the likes of Ralph, much to the disappointment of drama addicts who were anticipating a juicy slapfight between the two egomaniacs. Ralph duly responded the next day with a bizarre caricature of D. C. featuring himself as some kind of weird Neanderthal creature. Stay tuned for more crippling retardation.

    The drama was picked up by an already ongoing CrushYiffDestroy thread, D.C. Simpson's fans and Ralphie's own band of mouthbreathing asslickers but has mostly died away.

    Keenspot

    Ralph's shoddy comics were hosted by Keenspot/ComicsGenesis, which gives comic creators their own associated forums. Naturally the forums for Ralph's comics degenerated into the expected trainwreck as he used them as a soapbox for his inane babblings, receiving the usual blowjobs from his rightwing fanboys and ruthlessly deleting any disagreeing replies. Irony intervened when he was demodded from his own forums for overuse of the delete function [1] which was apparently causing all kinds of upsets to Keenspace's forum system. Consequently he has moved his comics to their own site designed by one of his asslickers and of course equipped with a forum.

    Ralph's Forum

    The jewel in the badly plated brass crown tinfoil hat that is Ralph's forum is the "Debate Hall". This of course conforms to the usual Internet forum definition of debate: agree with the majority or get banned. This is the place for trolling - even the most minimally left leaning comments will be buried under an avalanche of right wing extremism not often encountered outside the Hitler Youth. Although to be fair, the Hitler Youth didn't contain a high percentage of lardy neckbeards and actually managed to get off their asses and do something constructive with their spite.

    The forum inmates are Ralph's usual right wing circle jerkers; paranoid xenophobic nut jobs who believe that the filthy liebruls are going to sell America to the Arabs as soon as possible - ironically they are unable to comprehend that the Arabs already own a sizeable share of America and it was their man Bush and his daddy and his granddaddy who sold those shares. This is of course a good point to troll them with. They have a nice mix of fundamentalism and politics (because separation of church and state is for fags) and fuck-off hilarious sections on gun control (because Jesus loved guns) and why Kalifornia (sic) should be nuked.

    This forum badly needs trolling.

    Examples of their stupidity:

    • Discussing the legislation that outlawed the Minutemen border patrols:

    Race-based tactics? What the hell? These people aren't out looking for Mexicans who happen to be border-crossers. They're looking for Boarder-crosser who just happen to be Mexicans. Sheesh. Or Muslims sneaking over the border.

    • On California:

    Why can;t Lex Luthor sink the place?

    • On finding a book in the school library that espouses the Slippery Slope theory to be a logical fallacy:

    Book should have become kindling.

    • On feminism

    You know why I hate feminists? I'll tell you why I hate feminists. A woman who tells you she's a feminist is telling you, straight up, that she is a complainer.

    LJ

    Thanks to Ralph losing access to his own forum, he now contains the majority of his burblings to his livejournal. The usual standards of banning everyone who disagree has been maintained. In some cases, Ralph has been known to edit and post replies to comments made over a year ago, to banned accounts, to keep his precious walled garden of right wing idiocy together.

    The lack of outraged libtards has resulted in a distinct lack of lulz, but everyone with six brain cells has jumped the LJ failboat, leaving Ralph a sad, sad king of his tiny domain.

    Quotes

    File:Rhjunior persecution complex.gif
    RHJunior inserts himself into all three of his comics at once to reveal his fundie persecution complex.
       
     
    Thanks to the unending efforts of bloodless, shrivelled-ovaried, lantern jawed, testicle-eating, baby-strangling, unnatural, inhuman homonculoid THINGS like these (feminists), we now have a culture where every other marriage implodes in "no fault" divorce, where one in four pregnancies end in abortion, where fatherless children swell the ranks of streetgangs and prisons, where the ranks of the ratrace are swelled with frantic, "career-focused" women..... and, to listen to any females who have any blood left in them, where women have never been more miserable.
     

     
     

    —-Rhjunior being a sweetheart

       
     
    GROW SOME HAIRS, YOU MEWLING PUKING WHINY WAND WAVING PUSSIES. You don't know JACK SQUAT about oppression, you little Hot Topic retard. When the nation's leaders round up you and your fellow believers and feeds them to lions in the Coliseum, that's oppression.
     

     
     

    —-Rh feeling persecuted

       
     
    According to the Feminists, she's not a real woman until she looks like a dog, dresses like a man, acts like a slut, and treats her offspring like a kennelled pet, her job like her lover and her man like a sperm donor.... and if she doesn't view every man as the Great Satan, or for that matter still shaves her legs and pits, she's under suspicion as a possible turncoat.
     

     
     

    —-RH h8s wimmins

       
     
    I wouldn't hire a homosexual, for the same reason I would never hire an adulterer, philanderer, perpetual drunk, or a fight-happy brawler. I regard such people as lacking in moral, ethical and practical judgement, and I wouldn't want to have to either depend on them or deal with their eventual spiral into self destruction --- and frankly, the "I can do whatever I want" attitude is one that stinks to high heaven.
     

     
     

    —-RH taking the moral high ground

       
     
    HOMOSEUALS ARE SICK. SICK AS IN ILL. MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY AND EMOTOINALLY ILL. AS MESSED UP AS ANY DRUNK OR DRUGGIE.
     

     
     

    — -RH on why homos are BAD. BAD!!!

       
     
    It's depressing. I don't even bother with the dating game-- outside of my personal poverty, lack of transportation (oh fine, YOU try and set a date with a woman and get away with reminding her to have CHANGE FOR THE BUS) and low personal "market value" as a date (dirt poor, overweight, and over 30), I've worked too long with women and listened too long to them talking about how they handle their men. Around here, either they're skanky, too old, too young, or already married/engaged/shacking up. Or any combination of the aforementioned. Or divorced. And to those who date divorcees-- good God, man, why don't you just stick your hand in a running blender while you're at it? She's already devoured at least one man before you, what makes you think she'll change for the better? And don't give me no crap about wonderful remarried divorcees in your life-- I rate them right up there with pit bulls that are good with children; they do happen, but they're NOT what the breed is known for.
     

     
     

    —-RH on being a HUEG flaming hypocrite

       
     
    In a society as prosperous as our own, if anyone got "left behind" it would be because they sat on their ass while everyone else forged ahead.
     

     
     

    —-RH admitting he sits on his ass

       
     
    Save your pity for people who work for a living, only to see it taken away by force and given away to the wilfully worthless.
     

     
     

    —-RH being oblivious to his own personal status as a financial leech on society

       
     
    At one time, skeptics claimed that the Ark was simply too big to float. Then they built the QE2. Nowadays, they tend to claim that the Ark was simply too SMALL to hold all the animals necessary... But a little math lesson and Applied Common Sense is all that's needed to address that issue.
     

     
     

    —-RH holds the secrets to the universe

       
     
    You insist that the National SOCIALIST party of Germany wasn't socialist. Fine. Name one way, either in policy or practice, that they differed from the Socialists.
     

     
     

    —-RH watching out for those dirty commies

       
     
    I happen to be a 31 year old virgin, and I intend to stay that way till I find the woman I wish to marry. Oh, what a loss-- I fear the absence of venereal disease, paternity suits, guilt, emotional hangups, and psychotic former sex partners in my life will just WARP my fragile little mind.....
     

     
     

    —-RH loves teh cock

       
     
    The "black community" has been sustaining itself for literal decades on the narrative that Whitey Keepin' tha Brutha down. It's become a substitute for family, for faith, for work ethic, for personal responsibility.... "Whitey Keepin' tha Brutha down." They take it in with their mother's milk; before they nurse their own children they nurse a grudge--- for sins committed, and repented of, before they or their parents or their grandparents were even born. It's the first, last and only gospel of the First Church of Blackness. Celebrities and authors and artists have built their entire stinking careers around flogging that narrative... people who've lived their entire lives enjoying rights, freedoms and outright privileges that ninety nine percent of all humans who have ever lived and three fourths of the world's population today--- red, yellow, black OR white--- have never known, talking about how Whitey is "oppressing" them.... smacking me and mine in the face with one hand while snatching up a taxpayer-funded welfare check in the other.... and kissing the buttocks of the Democrat party that exploits them.
     

     
     

    —-RH describing how racist he isn't

       
     
    Shortly after posting my little vent about bicycle helmet laws (government legislation of private behavior for the sake of a vanishingly small statistical risk, people...) I was inundated with emails by people regaling me with tales of how they had barely escaped gruesome and potentially fatal injuries because they Wore Their Helmet (cue the "more you know" infomercial sound effect. Yo Joe.) Allow me to say, first of all: Congratulations. You're a statistic. According to John Hopkins, an incredibly small one at that. The few, the proud, the Darwin Award near-misses-- your friends and family must be impressed. You have not convinced me that the government should be passing helmet laws; to the contrary, you have convinced me that you are either a clutz or a disaster magnet. You are not a cautionary tale, you are a freak accident.
     

     
     

    —-from this follow-up LJ entry to an entry that managed to piss off most of his readership. Maybe he should just stick to posting links to "Answers in Genesis".

       
     
    A pacifist is someone who expects SOMEONE ELSE to bleed and die for THEIR safety. They don't know WHO, and they don't really care. They want the advantage of cowardice, irresponsibility, and moral superiority at the same time.
     

     
     

    —- RH on why pacifists are smart

       
     
    In my own child I was praised frequently for being "exceptionally smart and talented...."
     

     
     

    —-RH belonged in speshul skool


    [01:13] <strange_wulf> Start another friggin' boy band and you'll be on my
    list of weekend targets...
    [01:14] <deano> how about gay death metal band?
    [01:15] <strange_wulf> ...fine.
    [01:15] * creaWORK grumbles and gets pissy about the IRS.
    [01:15] <strange_wulf> Just stay away from my kids when I finally have
            some...
    [01:15] <rhodin> Bah. Death metal is just good clean fun. 
    [01:15] <creawork> How about getting a date before you start making plans?
    [01:15] <deano> eh, I don't have the voice to wail and the stomach to booze
            every minute
    [01:16] * Rhodin cranks up some Bolt Thrower and ponders going to bed.
    [01:16] <deano> how about good old fasion gay porn?
    [01:16] <strange_wulf> Crea: that was a little too close... you need to
            die...
    [01:17] <creawork> Ok, how about getting a girl to even think about looking
    at you naked without handing over a couple hundred dollars before you make
            plans?
    [01:18] <strange_wulf> Have you done it?
    [01:18] <creawork> Yep.
    [01:19] <rhjunior> crea: the hundred dollars to bribe a reluctant hooker, or
            the gay porn?
    [01:19] <rhjunior> cause knowing you, it was probably both.
    [01:19] <creawork> The sex without the money, thing.
    [01:19] <rhjunior> And probably at the same time.
    [01:19] <rhjunior> SO how drunk was she?
    [01:19] <creawork> Actually, I've had offers to do gay and straight porn,
            and have no interest in it doing either.
    [01:20] <creawork> Not sure. She was the one trying to get me drunk.
    [01:20] <creawork> Least one of them was.
    [01:20] <strange_wulf> One.
    [01:20] <strange_wulf> One of them. Implies a group.
    [01:20] <creawork> No, implies that I've had sex with more then one woman.
    [01:20] <strange_wulf> Either he's lying or he doesn't have the decency to
            stick to one girl...
    [01:21] <creawork> That or I don't have a problem with one-night stands.
    [01:21] <rhodin> What does decency have to do with sticking to one sex
            partner?
    [01:21] <strange_wulf> Depends on your morals, really...
    [01:21] <rhjunior> Getting laid, seriously, is nothing you can really brag
            about. All it means is that either one of you was drunk, one of you was
            desperate, money exchanged hands, or all three. Big deal.
    [01:21] <creawork> Which I have none of.
    [01:21] <strange_wulf> Much as I'd like to jump from bed to bed, I think I'd
            rather find one woman who loves me and sleep with her for the rest of my sex
            life.
    [01:22] <rhodin> I've had sex with more than one person at once, but it
            doesn't mean I didn't care a
            great deal for each of them or lose any respect for/from them. 
    [01:22] <creawork> RH, having seen you in person, I can understand why you
            think that.
    [01:22] <strange_wulf> Oh, big man... "I get some and you don't 'cause
            you're ugly!"
    [01:22] <creawork> Oh, I wouldn't mind finding that one woman to settle down
            with as well.
    [01:23] <creawork> No, I don't think he gets it because of his religious
            beliefs.
    [01:23] <rhjunior> correction, I don't PURSUE it because of my religious
            beliefs. "getting some" in a society as sex-obsessed as this one is scarcely
            a monumental task.

    (File:Lj-favicon.png strange_wulf is Ralphie's #1 fanboy and completely gay for him)

    See Also

    External links

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    RHJunior is part of a series on

    Furfaggotry

    Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

    [Boring. Move on.Read me!]

    RHJunior is part of a series on Webcomics

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    Manga Ripoffs - MegatokyoSnafu comicsSuirenoki

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    Furry bullshit - BengoExterminatus NowHousepets!Kevin & KellLackadaisySonichuTails Gets TrolledThe Dragon DoctorsTwoKinds

    Soap operas - Moon Over JuneSingle Asian FemaleQuestionable contentThe Nice Guy Comic

    Gaming - CTRL ALT DeleteGod ModeMSPaint AdventuresPenny ArcadeSore ThumbsSweet Bro and Hella Jeff

    Fandom - Ancient RealmsHow I Became YoursTG ComicsThe Legend of Razor

    Weird shit - Apartment 18Assigned MaleAutobiography of an invisible monsterBilly The HereticChick tractsCocoa The ClownDeCadence ComicThe Dilbert HoleDNS ComicDr.Choker and PalsDrawn-chanElectric RetardExplosmHathor the Cow GoddessHipster HitlerHumonJerkcityJoe Mathlete explains MarmadukeLego Robot ComicsLOOK WHAT I BROUGHT HOMEManic Pixie Nightmare GirlsNeo-KosmosMarried to the SeaMorning GloryRocky DennisSarah's ScribblesSpace Moosexkcd

    Providers - Anne OnymousBengoBlazesonicCarlos LatuffCheddar-CheesiaChris-chanComic GenesisD.C. SimpsonDave CheungDave HopkinsDave KellyDavid GontermanDragonfiendDisneyFan01Drshnaps ProductionsEric W. SchwartzHamletMachineHeather DowdeeHayakainHumonImmelmannJames M. HardimanJay NaylorJennifer Diane ReitzJohn CampbellJustflyakiteKay FedewaKurohimeLeoianPsyguyRaulo CáceresRHJuniorRodney CastonSmackjeevesSnapesnoggerSteve MacIsaacTargTim BuckleyTim ToddTom PrestonWhitedog1Wyatt MannZyklon Ben

    Enemies - Constructive CriticismJohn SolomonTalent