⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    PureVolume

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    (Redirected from Purevolume)
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    File:Purevolume.jpg
    Purevolume in its internets emo glory.

    Purevolume is a website created to host MP3 files for local bands.

    In 2004, a group of internet programmers with a hatred of music began trying to destroy it. Capitalizing on CNet's purchase and dismantling of MP3.Com, Purevolume was created to cause this destruction by showcasing emo music made by talentless high schoolers.

    Recording for Purevolume

    Unlike other music sites which prefer quality music, Purevolume has a very specific recording method in mind. You will need the following equipment:

    • Tape recorder with a built in microphone
    • Cheap practice instruments and amplifiers
    • One microphone hooked into a borrowed stereo system
    • Seven minutes of practice per song
    • Stupid name.

    Place the tape recorder on a flat, hard object which will cause it to bounce and resonate. Turn the microphone and all of your practice equipment up to 10. Press record. Practice.

    Next, hit rewind and pop the tab in the tape. You did a great job during your practice run! Connect the tape player's headphone jack into your computer's microphone jack. Really, it's good for computers. Record using Audacity, convert it directly to mp3 without any mastering, and upload your new masterpiece to Purevolume.

    That's all there is!

    Picking Your Purevolume Name

    Despite claiming to be an emotionally-charged band, you should have a name which more closely resembles the mindset of a soulless psychopath. "Knife the Puppets" and "Cold at Heart" are two perfect examples. Three words are preferable because all of those shit bands took all the cool one and two word names at least 100 years ago.

    Promoting Your Band

    Spam as many message boards as possible under the guise of being the singer's girlfriend, classmate, or best friend. Be sure to create your own Wikipedia article while you are at it -- the world wants to know about your band, really.

    Songwriting

    Songwriting is based on a scoring system at Purevolume. Whoever wins gets "most emo" bragging rights at his local Hot Topic.

    I, me

    • Earn one point for the first use of "I" or "me" in the song, add 2 more for the second use, add 3 more points for third use, and so forth. The more you speak about yourself, the higher your cumulative score.

    Verbs

    • Common verbs such as "hurt," "cheat," and "cry" are worth one point each.
    • Less common verbs or compound verbs such as "dismantle" and "pain-sobbing" are worth three points each.
    • Archiac verbs or advanced compound verbs such as "contuse" or "laceration-indignify" are worth five points each.

    Adjectives

    • Earn one point for every self-loathing insult. "I am teh suck," "No one loves me", "poofy haired freak"
    • Earn five points for adjectives which make no sense. "gashed-infestinal."
    • Lose fifty points for any adjective which conveys or may potentially convey any positive qualities, unless singing the praises of angst and ennui through irony.

    Recording Quality

    • One point for a well-mixed and mastered song.
    • Ten points for a song a that was recorded on a portable mixer and poorly transferred to mp3.
    • Twenty-five points for a song that was recorded on a cheap tape recorder.
    • One thousand points for a song that was recorded on a cheap tape recorder with every instrument out of tune and the singer's out-of-key performance wailing straight into the built-in microphone.

    Links

    The best and brightest emo bands at Purevolume:

    Portalsites.png

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