Portugal, also known as Poortugal, Pretogal, Moortugal, or Spain's retarded little brother is a shithole non-country state that is part of the Gay Union. However, it pretty much can be considered a North African nation-state because Europe is a biological concept and the poortugayse are pretty much a mixture of niggers and sandniggers with a semitic culture. It once was a big commercial empire and created aberrations like Brownzil which is basically Portugal on a large scale.
The people who dwell there are known as Poortugayse or, according to capitalists, Porkies. The poortugayse like to be poor so much that their fascist dictator Salazar, who ruled for about 40 years, was elected by them in a contest as the greatest poortugayse of all time. Poortugayse love to show their patriotism during football matches when they sing the anthem. This happens because besides football or religion Portugal has no culture and nothing to be proud about except maybe their long gone miscegenation empire. Being a shitty non-country, their citizens are being very wise by leaving in hope of finding a less shitty place and at the same time making Poortugal a state populated by old people.
Fun Facts: Only one out of ten Portuguese children know that Portugal is a country. No one can find it on a map. Porkies are really good at fucking things up; in fact they're the only country that is going to be in economic recession next year. Tourists recognize Portugal mainly for its greatest achievement: losing Madeleine McCann. The best thing to have ever come out of Portugal is the highway to Spain. The best poortugayse footballer of all time was a nigger. Portuguese Fado music is one of the many cultural moorish heritage of Poortugal.
Porkies eat strange food. They eat snails and other stuff like that, and they love it. They also have dishes which would be qualified as creepy by nearly everyone else. Most of them consist of mixing up every single part of the pig (like ears, nose, balls, and cock) with beans, bread, or even potatoes, letting it all float for a while in yummy liquid straight from Tubgirl's anus and then find fancy names for them such as "papas de sarrabulho" or "cozido à porkieguesa." They also eat something called codfish, used also in the military as a shield, and considered a national dish even though most of it is imported from Norway. They have also been known for eating lamprey and cow's guts. Sardines are also eaten a lot, to the point where they have a lot of recipes for them. As for drinks, portuguese love their beer and wine.
Portugal is the creator of race-mixing and globalization as we know it today. Portugal was the first country in the world to have successfully produced and distributed bottled /b/. It comes in many flavors, such as Orange, Lemonaids, and others more random like Coffee and Lemon.
All good Portuguese people went to Brazil - but since there were noone anyway, Brazil stayed the same. Portugal has an old alliance with the UK where they promised the british to suck their cock and be their bitches all the time in exchange of protection.
Portugal has not had an international dispute since 1801. Portugal lost against niggers in the colonial war in 1974. Their once great empire fell down in a matter of years, something the Porkies still bawww over today.
A Complete List of Worthwhile Porkies
- Afonso I of Portugal - First Poortugayse King whose daddy was from Burgundy. Founded the kingdom after beating up his mommy and assimilating the moors in the south of the peninsula.
- Sebastian I - A king who led the entire Portuguese army and to their deaths and his own. Spaniards occupied the Portuguese throne soon afterwards.
- José Castelo Branco - Typical poortugayse.
- Vasco da Gama - Discovered the atlantic sea route to India, enriching the indians with christianity and other shit in exchange for spices which the poortugayse could sell to the europeans for a profit.
- Christopher Columbus - Discovered America and named it after himself. Crossed the globe at the service of Spain, because the Portugayse Court raised several questions and had more important financial priorities.
- António O. Salazar - Portugal's greatest dictator. Tortured and deported political prisoners to Cape Verde and censored the press for teh lulz.
- Justin Credible - Former Professional Wrestler, now eats people's assholes in the back of Taco Bell.
- José Saramago - Literature Nobel Prize possibly won thanks to being the only guy who can write whole books without a goddamned period dash or comma get away with it and even be praised for his unique style of writing.
- Fernando Pessoa - An austistic poortugayse poet who created different personalities and wrote letters to himself. Although he was a massive faggot that no one cared about, the poortugayse intellectuals of today love him and he is studied in the schools.
- Eusébio - The greatest poortugayse footballer of all time and favorite propaganda tool of Salazar's regime.
- José Mourinho - Football coach who was deported for being too good for poortugayse standards and for being extremely serious.
- Cristiano Ronaldo - The most cry babby football player in the world. Also known for having a strong taste for teh cock and common customer to Sharjah Ruler's Child Prostitution services.
- Viriathus - The poortugayse claim he was one of them even though he has no connections to Portugal and existed 1000 years before the kingdom of Portugal was created. He kept a straight record of pwning Roman ass until he was killed by his followers.
- Álvaro Cunhal - The poortugayse Stalin. Tried to turn Portugal into an USSR bitch. Ultimately failed and the poortugayse followed the model of the western democracy.
- José Sócrates - former Prime Minister.
- Mariza - Today's most popular fado singer. Everyone loves her despite her annoying, shrieking voice.
- Durão Barroso - Yes, he is Poortugayse! Where do you think all that shit comes from?
It is a well known fact that 90% of the population in Portugal is depressed and/or unlulzy. This is why many poortugayse move to Brazil, which they think is better than Poortugal but in reality is a much worse shithole. Most of their youth today are either guidos or gypsies.
Since all of Portugal is black market software and CP trade, the offical Per Capita GDP is Cork. The CP trade is booming; however, the software pirating industry is being undermined by China. Currently there are no lulz exported from Portugal. There is a VAT of 23% that even though makes Portugal an anti-lulz country, still makes their leader an epic IRL troll. There have been talks about changing Portugal's currency back to mud and going out of the Gay Union, since it's the only thing nationalistic fucktards can fap about.
- Tell them Portugal is a part of Dagoland.
- Tell them Brazil is better than Portugal.
- If they start speaking Portuguese say: "I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish."
- Tell them all their women have mustaches.
- Ask them if they can speak Brazilian.
- Remind them of how much more successful Brazil is despite their people being poor and homeless.
- Also mention "Brazil" and "Soccer" in the same sentence.
- Say that Portugal got their independence from Brazil.
- Say Messi is better than Ronaldo.
- Actually, making fun of their soccer teams and players is the only thing that'll get them to rage, especially if you mention one of the three major clubs.
- If they talk about their fascinating history, ask them if they're still butthurt about losing half the world in less than a century.
- Say that they are Dago.
- Vasco da Gama
- Henry the Navigator
- Alberto Barbosa
- Jose Mourinho
- Cristiano Ronaldo