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    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Politics

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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    File:IRpolitician.png
    Truly an accurate depiction.

    The first person shooter genre was treached among novelty money grabbing whores
    But as gaming became a faded rose
    Only people showing up with the stence of a rotting corpse
    They called themselves gamer, a moniker reminding of dismay

    The gamers created a community of sorts
    There they all played great sports
    Shoot to kill
    Frag at will

    Games evolved, Some began to scold
    Don’t shoot that tank, its bound to make the game fade
    Don’t spank the monk, its griefing and its lame
    Don’t spam that chat, it makes me insane

    As dissensions rose, locarious demagogues
    Began riding on the high horse
    They arouse debacle
    They saw opportunity in every spectacle

    "Insert the banhammer" one said
    "Lets make explotation our new god
    It can not be our fault
    that the game makers shoes are wrongly shod"

    The constant clamouring created an empty sound
    And idleness was in abound
    Finally they agreed on something they all could hate
    "Those leavers we have to ship off on a freight"

    So they created a commite
    And came up with a leaderboard
    "Let’s ban all those leavers who are deadweight
    With a negative score"

    Kids planned their lives around their games
    Tensions with their parents rose
    And as a protest they always begun to glean
    against the computer screen

    "But what about those jerks ruining every game?
    They are truly lame!
    I scream at them every day calling them gay!
    But I am not racist, so that must make me great!"

    So noobs too were banned
    They couldn’t come to this new gaming land
    Left to their own device
    “What if” would be the question forever on their mind

    Next their were alleged lamers
    They played to win
    At every cost
    They could not stand one single loss

    "You fools you want to forbid our method
    What we see as a virtue you see as a sin"
    So they farmed two parties
    One were the fucktards and the other were the retards

    The first played forever more
    The same map
    Just so they could glee at their computer screen
    And not realize that they were a useless team

    The second screamed until the end of time
    "Ban this, ban this
    Gaming is too me a holy shrine
    If something goes wrong I have to whine"

    But games did come easy
    You didn’t have to buy a big box
    Now gaming was as commonplace as socks
    But also as worn out

    Gaming was now for those in doubt
    The fingering gimmick
    Were giving gamers the itch
    So new rules were applied

    Female gamers were constantly tested
    Uneasy was now their plight
    Saddened and heartbroken they now left
    For they did not want to be a part of a cruel test

    Now gamers had no one to mate
    All they could do was masturbate
    Had they only been more lenient
    Then their genes wouldn’t fade out as gaming rooms that evaporate

    Oh. Who am I fooling with this tale?
    They can never get laid
    Their love is as empty as space
    But let me tell you something real

    Gamers don’t want to be told how to feel
    "Ban bare tits
    Its sight reminds me of a bitch
    Who happens to be better than me

    In every way
    The point is she is a more attractive lay
    I am not asking much", I heard the feminist say
    I just wish every man was gay

    But this third group became a prominent force
    All we want is new skin
    so we won’t look like whores
    The fucktards went behind the retards back

    And said "give women their bodies back"
    So they were given a new braid
    But then neckbeards arrived
    We don’t care for your orgies

    We don’t want to pay
    For someones ugly topée
    But we would like off course
    Have some good defense of sorts

    So our games can run smooth and well
    On the latest gaming shell
    "Wait hang on there!
    Why should we pay so that you can have your laundry clean?"

    "Using dirty laundry on a new and polished machine?
    We play how its meant to be played
    In its natural way
    We play it as a clean state

    How about some museums for our fine projects?"
    The bickering went on
    And the forum had not a treasure to spare
    "I know, let's give the community a vote"

    They were presented with a charming man
    "He said I promise health kits for all games ever made
    No more gimmicks
    And those that will scream in the mike shall be forced to take a hike"

    These promised seemed to suffice
    The majority was happy and everything seemed nice
    "We want to party with our gimmicks games"
    The self proclaimed cool kids said

    Without it we can’ be our cool selves
    Now we have to put our prides on our shelves
    We are very afraid
    How are we now supposed to both be cool and get laid?

    But your style does not have to be so prominent
    Sometimes the answer is heaven sent
    Pirated games came
    Buy it it from a shady dealer and hope he is not a money stealer

    "Without quick deaths our game became a lagging hell
    And without leadership it is crap
    For those booming commanding voices made the game well"
    Now the president seemed like a sap

    So then there was space for more candidates
    They sai"d look what our records say"
    "My gaming history is as clean as a slate
    I have not camped"

    We shit were we eat
    For our gaming chair is were we forever will sit
    But one of them said
    I am little more like you

    "Look at my intelligence
    The others are just as a leave from lent
    Hold out! what you call a autumn fallout
    Is what makes other players want to dropout

    We never leave
    In our camping space
    Is were we look
    For gamings next phase

    “Hold on” you are both wrong
    Gaming is not about who has the most clout
    He who sees in gaming
    A virtue and not a sin

    Is surely he who will ultimately win
    “Jesus Christ” grab a bike
    Don’t take everything so serious
    Festivities and trends are here for you and me

    Live today for tomorrow might take you away
    So differents parties were formed
    They had different slogans
    To show their great pretenses

    “We play fair, cheating is never populair (but forbidding is)!”
    “We would be great, if only our skills were a fraction of our body weight!”
    “Hold tight, and see reviews of games we don’t master right!”
    “We are uninterested fags only following gameing fads”

    And so the politicians adopted a new dressing code
    And said were everything seemed to explode
    "Look at me I am just like you
    I masturbate a lot, even when I have the flu

    My sits are all over my face
    I am bleak, mager and kinda lame
    To vote for someone else would be insane"
    But a face might not do the trick

    Then you could always give an emotional kick
    If what we have to say feels bare
    Then we can always build castles in the air
    And publish to the press

    The feeling of community last heartbeat was felt
    As everyone was indulged in their own emotional self
    Hackers erased all the scores
    With all this insecurity where do we now our games store?

    So they started a public exponation
    "Here we can present our latest innovation"
    And leave our fans with infatuation
    But you are only welcome if you have a flashy presentation

    The speakers were roaring
    As they could hear the crowds soaring
    But on that stage
    Came a boy who had not yet come of age

    "Forgive for my ballsacks has yet to drop
    I might be naive, I might be a fool
    But shouldnt we all just
    strive to follow the golden rule?"

    Typical politician talks about issues.

    Gallery

    Political Satire About missing Pics
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    Political Scale

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    See Also

    Politics
    is part of a series on Politics.
    Ideologies: [You are wrong!We are right!]

    Alt-rightAnarchyCapitalismCentrismCommunismConservatismDemocratHippieLiberalismLibertarianismMiltopismNaziNihilismNeo-conPacifismRepublicanReconquistaSocialismStoner GuruTory

    Issues: [Fuck it, Too lazy.Get it fixed!]

    AbortionArab SpringBahrainBarron TrumpBirthCISPADeath penaltyDrugsEnvironmentalismGaysGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleGirlfriendsMarijuana AddictionGround Zero MosqueMarijuana AddictionMass ShootingGun controlGunsHealthcare (2) (3)• HomelessHousing CrisisHuntingIceslaveIranMarriageMiller TestMiltopiaNAUPimpin'RacismShoesTaxesTerrorismUnemploymentWarWelfare

    Politicians: [Rigging Elections is funVote for me]

    AhmadinejadAkinB.AllenG. AllenAngleAshburnBachmannBhuttoBin LadenBlagojevichBlairBoehnerG.BrownS.BrownBunningJim TraficantDubya BushGeorge H. W. BushBurrByrdCainCameronChavezCheCheneyChomskyChretienChurchillClintonClinton IIChelsea Clinton Hillary Clinton CleggCohenColemanCorbynCowgerCraigCthulhuCunninghamCurtisD'AlemaDeanDelayDuterteDwyerEdwardsFaganFiorinaFoleyGerald FordRob FordGellerGillardGingrichGiulianiGonzalesGoreGrahamGravelGreeneGriffinHagueHansonHardingHarperHitlerHowardHuckabeeHusseinJacksonJamesJidetteJohnsonJohnson, BorisKennedyLaRoucheLBJLottKerryKindKissingerKucinichLewinskyLiebermanLimbaughLoughnerMajorMarceaux.comMarxMcBerryMcCainMcHenryMcKinneyMercerMichael BloombergMooreMorocco MoleMussoliniNaderNixonObamaO'DonnellOsbornePainePaladinoPalinPaulPelosiPencePerryPinochetPrittPutinQuahQuayleRasanskyReaganRendellRiceRobertsonRomneyRoveRuddRumsfeldRyanSaakashviliSandersSantorumSchumerSchwarzeneggerSharptonCyril SmithJacqui SmithSpitzerStevensStranahanSupremeTaitzThatcherThompsonThorleyTPMMuckraker MoleTrudeauTrumpVenturaVitterWarsiWashingtonWaxmanWeinerWestWilliamsWilsonWolfowitzXXenophon

    Parties: [No beer? Fuck that.Hell yeah, a party!]

    America's Third PartyBlack BlocDramacratic PartyHard PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaNorth American DONG PartyOBAMACORNSocialist Workers PartyPirate PartyZapatistas

    Tactics: [Rage Quit.How do I get elect?]

    2013 US Government ShutdownBlaming ChinaCaptain Nigga DefendaCloward Piven StrategyCuckservativesDemockeryDoomsday ClockG20 Toronto LollercaustLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberal guiltMacaca#NotMySuperbowlChampsOccupy DemocratsOperation LemonpartyRaped StatisticsThe ResistanceUpworthyWunderground

    See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communities

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