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    Peter Callan

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    He'll suck your dick for dope money.

    Peter James Callan (more suitably named Peter Callous, shat out on April 28, 1992) is a deviantARTist, hardcore dope fiend, and up-and-coming career criminal with multiple mental disorders. Peter is best known for documenting his edgy, drug-riddled lifestyle all over the internet, e-dating lolcow Luna Slater, and for being a struggling artist with a penchant for drawing psychopathic, pessimistic, and drug-fueled scribbles, and attempting to hawk said drawings for dope money.

    By his own admission, Peter is bisexual, bipolar, schizophrenic, heavily into BDSM, and he shares a split residence with the streets of sunny California and the cold cells of Los Angeles County Jail, where he's known to frequent and likely get his frail, baby-faced figure violated regularly, although he sometimes takes vacation trips to the jails of other US states as well.

    File:Peter RIP drawing.jpg
    Peter is dead inside, and no one wants to fuck him anyway.

    The Emo Diaries

    At the ripe age of 15, Peter began his career as an art-ard by posting his psychopathic scribbles online using the alias File:Deviantart-favicon.png the-war-in-my-head while simultaneously chronicling his various stints in rehabs, treatment centers, and boarding schools in his deviant journals. As if drawing the kind of shit that this kid did at 15 wasn't a big enough red flag for anyone, it only got worse from there.

    Peter, your typical DA user.

    At the same age, Peter decided to reach out to the DA community with this post and establish himself right off the bat as a piece of shit who fucks everyone over and doesn't care about it.

    Im 15 And Im The Type That Steals, Vanadlizes, Blazes, Drinks, Smokes, Pill-Pops.

    ive pretty much been an asshole to everyone since like 7th grade which im ok with. but im a small white guy which means jail or a treatment center would not be good because out in the real world i use weapons to protect myself, i obviously cant carry weapons in jail other than toothbrush shivs. so i dunno what to do... if i go to jail ill be ass fucked. if i change my ways ill feel an emptyness inside and probally just finish myself off.


    —Peter Callan, 11/25/07

    tl;dr version: "I'm a druggie and a loser who's afraid to get buttfucked in jail, please feed my ego."

    The Community's Response

    While some DA users took the bait and offered him sympathy and parental advice, most people put the little punk in his place and called him out for moronic shitposting and crying out for attention. Some even went as far as to tell him to take his own suggested route of finishing himself off. Sadly, he didn't take that advice, or any of the other advice that he asked for, proving the obvious that he was only looking for attention. Luckily for Peter, he would get to experience the very jail life he blogged about for himself plenty of times in the near future. No word yet on if he ever learned how to make those toothbrush shanks, though.

    Apparently Peter didn't realize that going out of your way to let the world know that you're a hardcore druggie, and then asking the same audience to buy your crazy drawings was an obvious ploy for drug money:

    My favorite movie just came out on dvd, Wristcutters www.amazon.com/Wristcutters-Lo…, It's fantastic!

    I'm open for some more commissions, I'll draw anything, seriously

    Sketch - $5 Drawing - $10 Super Good Drawing - $15 Comic - $20 Super Good Comic - $25

    My friend damn-and-a-blast is in the hosbital, so visit his page.


    —3/30/08 (source)

    More Lies and Emo Faggotry

    The wretched punk himself is no stranger to "hosbitals," [sic] and proves in this journal post that his favorite movie is indeed Wristcutters:

    Yeah, I was at a mental hosbital for cutting my arms really bad with a razor. It sucked alot, I really hate hosbitals. The only really cool thing that happened was that my friend took out 15 hosbital guards at once. The pills they give me fuck me up so bad, and to top it off I've got child services on my ass and they are going to start drug testing me, my girlfriend broke up with me, and some asshole want to fight me. Seriously who breaks up with someone while they're in a mental hosbital, and she has my stuff.


    —3/21/08 (source)

    At least he got to see his friend take out 15 hosbital guards at once while he was recovering from his emo angst!

    At this point, Peter has let everyone know everything they need to know about him: he's a teenage druggie, alky, emo wrist-cutter, drama queen, pint-sized badass, budding psychopath, and he even claims his parents have child care keeping an eye on them because they're apparently enabling his self-destructive behavior. Oh, and he also draws stuff.

    Gallery of a failure in the making
    His parents must be so proud

    The Heroin Diaries

    Version 2.0: older, bolder, and more emo.

    For whatever reason, Peter decided to abandon his first DA profile (although user comments claim he had one before this) and became reborn on the internet as File:Deviantart-favicon.png the-chemical-actor. Now 19 years old, Peter showed a slight shift from his former online personality, and as he grew, his addictions did as well. Instead of being a pill-popping, pot-smoking, underage drinking delinquent, he was now a heroin and meth addict as well.

    While his previous drawings simply represented a twisted adolescent view on things like school, television characters, and self-image, this new profile was littered with references to shooting up, his favorite junkie celebrities, poems about dope sickness, and a disturbing fascination with suffocating himself.

    His journals during this time reflected the troubled mind of a young adult who was chronicling his ever-worsening downward spiral in life. He details how he was turned onto heroin by a girl he met, how he discovered that meth was cheaper and stronger than coke, and how he would sell his art and hustle on the streets of Hollywood to get money for his next fix. For obvious reasons, he left out the likely instances of when he likely had to suck dick for dope money.

    He also divulges how he intends to take full advantage of every government assistance program that he can, and asks his loyal DA followers "can you get a (legal) job or apply for SSI if you have warrants?" to which no one gave a shit and didn't respond. Hey, on the upside, at least he's going to college, right?

    Peter's artwork matures
    along with his adolescent brain

    When he isn't begging on the streets, Peter reveals that he draws artwork for magazines and band CD covers, sells stickers, and Photoshops some of his demented drawings to use as t-shirt designs to sell for $12 apiece in order to get by and stay high. He was even sure to inform the police officers that would end up arresting him down the road that his occupation was an artist so that it would appear as such on his record.

    In his defense, Peter also details making attempts at staying sober and going through rehab programs, but this was obviously done just to try to satisfy the judge that was threatening to lock his sorry ass away.

    Recognized For Insanity

    Peter was proud to share with his followers that he had officially been recognized as an artist with mental problems by sharing this link, which is an induction into a "bipolar artist's colony" called The Van Gogh Complex.

    While Peter is yet to cut off one of his ears and mail it to one of his ex's like Van Gogh, we wouldn't put it past him to do it one day.

    California Strikes Back

    File:Peter age 21.jpg
    Somehow he lived to be 21.

    Becoming another classic case of how institutional rehab facilities and government reprogramming can't change the thoughts or behavior of criminally insane drug addicts, Peter began getting arrested for serious charges that landed him in multiple stints in jail once he somehow made it to his 20's.

    Strike One

    On February 26th, 2013, Peter was booked into the Robert Presley Detention Center in Riverside, CA, on the following charges:

    • Petty/retail theft (misdemeanor)
    • Possession of narcotics (felony)
    • Possession of a controlled substance (misdemeanor)
    • Using/under the influence of a controlled substance (misdemeanor)

    According to the booking report, at the time of his arrest he was 21 years old, 5'10" tall, and weighed a mere 125 pounds.

    Strike Two

    File:Peter Callan november 2013.jpg
    Peter looking wretched in November 2013.

    On January 21st, 2014, almost a year later, he was picked up by the Orange County Sheriff's Office and booked at the Central Men's Jail with a bond of $6,500. The booking report reveals that the blue-eyed artist had lost another 5 pounds since his last arrest.

    He would be charged 2 days later in court for an "unknown number of offenses." For some reason the idiots at California Crime Data couldn't find any previous arrest records for him even though his prior arrest from last year is publicly viewable on the internet.

    Hopefully Peter has heard of California's "3 strike rule," seeing as he has chosen that state to be the one he fucks up in. Inb4 he strikes out, or overdoses before he's even able to.

    Strike Three

    What convict wouldn't wanna have their way with him?
    Have a great time! Don't forget to write!

    And then came the news that Peter had struck again, this time in a different state. Back in March of 2014, Peter attempted to flee California to escape his doomed existence and likely spend his life with his long distance girlfriend, Peter Callan#Luna Slater. However, Peter's wedding plans were ruined after a trip to Las Vegas landed him in jail in April. The charge? Drugs, of course. Heroin specifically, to quote the bum himself.

    He was lucky enough to beat prison time, and made it out safely after serving about 10 days in the Nevada pokey. He was able to celebrate his 22nd birthday freely after this, and likely did so by getting loaded, drawing more psychopathic scribbles, and then masturbating all over them.

    In May, Peter returned to California, informing everyone on Facebook that he had "tore Vegas the fuck up," when in reality it was likely his asshole that had been torn up while he spent his vacation there in jail. Shortly after this idiotic post, that's exactly where he ended up...AGAIN.

    Strike three for Peter came in the form of a 60-day all-access pass to a cold cell in Los Angeles County Jail, in which he must be quickly becoming accustomed to by now, and is gunning to call home more so than the streets that he's been living on.

    Sing along now, Peter:
    Move up from the table
    Stick her arm let her go
    Dropped dime on me last time
    By morning his blood turned bold
    Runnin' from the law since Monday
    'Cause Suzy went down on time
    Got enough to last till Sunday
    So I'm burning on down that line
    Killing Yourself
    Killing Yourself
    Killing Yourself
    K-K-K-Killing Yourself
    Move up from the table
    Fat man going down
    Some run from the big gun
    Some just run from the sound
    Runnin' from the law since Monday
    'Cause Suzy went down on time
    Got enough to last till Sunday
    So I'm burning on down that line
    Suzy was a bad child
    Always on the wrong side
    Ah, she was no good
    She was bad, bad, bad with the bad cats
    Always punching the needle in her arm
    Ah, but when she's good, she's so damn good
    Killing Yourself
    Killing Yourself
    Killing Yourself
    K-K-K-Killing Yourself
    You're just killing yourself

    Luna Slater

    Faghag Luna Slater, the perfect girl for a bottom feeder like Peter.
    A post from one of Luna's now-deleted blogs, archived on lolcow.farm.

    Peter's e-cred increased when it became known that he was e-dating lolcow Luna Slater (Rose), a fellow junkie who also documented her junkie lifestyle all over the internet. She quickly gained fame by begging the internet for donations and lying about what she needed them for, and simultaneously uploading photos of her shooting up heroin, making it obvious where the money was really going.

    Luna has used aliases such as funeralhome420, junkhun1996, lilcherub1996, and howl1996, which she attempted to delete upon discovery, but most, if not all, have been archived by members of lolcow.farm to be read in all their drug-riddled glory. In fact, she has her own thread on lolcow.farm, which briefly mentions Peter and mentions this very article about him.

    As previously noted, their "relationship" was nothing more than an internet promise to one day meet and wed, which of course never happened. According to a blog post by Peter, however, he claims that he truly loved her then, and truly loves her to this day, even though their internet relationship fell apart.

    Faces of Death

    An evolutionary timeline of what drugs can do to a twisted, young punk About missing Pics
    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

    Interactive Challenge

    Sleeping in his girlfriend's car clearly wasn't an option.

    Hi, everybody! Do ya like games? We're gonna take the Peter Callous quiz, where you get to vote on the outcome of Peter's life, which he likes to play with on a daily basis. Let's begin:

    1: How long do you think Peter has to live?

    A) A few more years tops

    B) I give him a few months

    C) He'll be dead before ya know it

    D) He's already dead to me

    2: Where will Peter's final resting place be?

    A) A nice, cold jail cell

    B) The mean streets of California

    C) A dirty hotel room, surrounded by needles and crack pipes

    D) Underwater wearing concrete shoes

    3: How will Peter meet his imminent demise?

    A) Accidental drug overdose

    B) Intentional drug overdose

    C) Murdered over unpaid drug debts

    D) Murdered in jail or prison


    Turning Over a New (Poppy) Leaf

    Stay fresh, like the track marks that define you.

    Peter announced that on January 18th, 2015, he had finally quit heroin. He claims to have went the cold turkey route and endured much dope sickness and withdrawal. Luckily for him, time heals all wounds, including intravenous needle marks.

    Peter moved himself into a sober living house and applied for college in hopes of getting everything back that heroin had taken from him. Hopefully his dignity is at the top of that list.

    I read a statistic that only 8% of people that inject heroin can stop themselves cold turkey. I'm finally through the sickness. I didn't sleep for the first week at all (I'm not even kidding awake 24/7) and every imaginable feeling of physical and emotional pain attacks you full force with no intermission.

    Fuck heroin and everybody who wanted me to fail. I'm the top 8% because I can do whatever I want.

    Whatever I want...


    —Peter, but what's the percentage of the 8% who actually stick with it?

    Given the nature of his drug of choice's powerful influence over the brains of weak-minded and psychopathic young people, and his choice of admitting himself into a drug-riddled "sobriety house" instead of a mental ward, it's no surprise that not everyone will be taking his word on it. Talking the talk is easy (especially when you're as outspoken as Peter Callan), but it's hard to walk a straight line when you're under the influence of your own shortcomings.

    Lol jk, Peter's back to doing heroin with his homeless homies again in California, as mentioned in his Tumblr blogs. He now refers to himself as "Scum" and posts photos of his "Scumlife" graffiti, selfies of him getting high with his pals, and revealing the best locations to score crack 24/7.

    Further Recognition

    In popular media, Peter has been recognized both for being a retard and for thinking he has gigantic balls.

    See Also

    External Links

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