Penis Pump

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Penis Pump is not a fad, but a fucking troll revolution
Typical intellectual chat in #pp4l on EFnet
Pumpsghetti, the dish theorized to give p(l)umpers their special trolling abilities

Penis Pump (Penis Pump 4 Life) was established last Thursday as one of the world's elite secret societies. Founders synth & pheco looked to pave the way for a new generation of trolls to come, which led them to preaching the holy doctrine of the almighty Pump throughout the industrious country of India, where Penis Pump headquarters now stands in Mumbai. During this time, over nine thousand people flocked to the streets in pursuit of the two mighty warriors who had brought joy and lulz to their country, and by the power of the lulz, they united themselves as one into the legion of mass terror known as Penis Pump, codename PP4L. It is well known that pumpers have no life.

Today, the radical Penis Pump warriors exist as merciless internet superheroes who have chosen the path of the lulz, and thus have chosen to dedicate their lives to the important cause of spreading lulz, G.R.I.D.S., anti-Israeli 9/11 conspiracies, and other serious business throughout the intarwebs. They also troll and crapflood every website, forum, and IRC chatroom that refuses to accept that the only true way to salvation is through the ancient art of pumping. Each pumper plays a specific role in this quest.

Pumpers are known to place a very high social status on shemales. Most of the pumpers believe that shemales are holy in one aspect or another, and because of this, the pumpers are known to worship shemales. When a known shemale enters the channel, they are automatically met well and given operator status, along with various other virtual presents. Any pumper who is dating a shemale is the envy of the entire channel, no exceptions. It is believed by some that the trolling tactics and lulzy demeanor of the pumpers is a direct result of shemale envy.


Typical pumper drinking typical pumper beverage
The PP4L war machine preparing for the #wop invasion

Opers & jupes

Penis Pump is notoriously known by most EFnet chatters as the network's ghetto. Its lulz often times infuriate server opers, who in turn jupe the current channel of the pumpers into oblivion. New pumper channels tend to be juped within 24 hours on any given EFnet server. Jupes are often caused by misunderstandings and overall oper faggotry, because when anything on the server goes wrong, the pumpers are usually blamed. Opers are summoned to the channel at least 100 times a day.

Penis Pump was first recognized as a threat when keke from loaded thousands of bots into the #penispump channel, the original channel used by the pumpers. This effectively caused a fire drill on the channel, dropped servers, and pissed off a lot of the EFnet opers. Many jupes occurred, and oh how the packets flew. This was done primarily for the lulz. Since then, the pumpers have been switching channels regularly due to further juping and hate.

It's also worth noting that at various times of its existence, Penis Pump has also had select EFnet opers on its side to help the cause of lulz and to help fight off the other big bad serious fucking business opers. The pumpers are generally grateful that these opers actually care about the holy doctrine of the Pump, but some pumpers remain bitter regardless.

In recent news, September 27th, 2007 was a historical day in the Pump and on EFNet in general, equating in much win for the pumpers. moon, one of EFnet's few opers who takes the Pump's side and believes in the right to bare lulz, was the first oper to adopt a prestigious Penis Pump spoof:

01:33 ,---Whois--< killoppi [[email protected]]
01:33 | ircname  :

This highly controversial move was met with much resistance from her fellow opers. The "ircname" she used is a link to vap0r's song, which is about how ghey the opers are. This is the same song that pitbull pumper f1re posted a link to in the #efnet channel, causing his host, subnet, and multiple eggdrop bots to be g-lined by an unknown source.

When pumper ragal was interviewed regarding who he speculated to be responsible for this faggotry, he was quoted as saying: "we get shemale, we get boat, we go island, we blame zi (#freebsdhelp), ayzee, and _static_ (#efnet), then we fuck shemale."

Other trolling groups

The pumpers have had many run-ins with other trolling groups and similar oriented channels. Often times the result is complete lulz. Lately, however, there seems to be an abundance of new trolls showing up from former trolling groups that have since fallen. This makes the pumpers the trolls of the future.

On the cold, foggy morning of February 25th, 2007, Pump sergeant f1re issued a call to arms against similar oriented IRC trolls #wop, but this war ended up being called off quickly due to fear of the extreme bloodshed that may have followed. This war may have proved to have been one of the bloodiest wars in the history of the internets had it gone on.

However, it was later revealed that this call to war just turned out to be a cleverly disguised media campaign to boost #wop into the higher echelon of the EFnet network. It didn't work. #wop soon folded. Jews did #wop. Over 4,000 jews were absent from IRC on the day that #wop folded. Conspiracy or not? You decide.

It is now known that there are spies in Penis Pump for other trolling groups, so the pumpers have been keeping their pumps up and hoes down. New pumpers are always welcome, but sometimes trolls with tainted names from other trolling groups are turned away.

Masskill (12/16/07)

...coming soon... ok...

BUT WAIT! You get more! If you want to go drop a line, the pp4l has setup shop at EFNET.XS4ALL.NL. Lobby channel: #holypump. Main channel: #40oz <cutie578 is the password>


EFnet was trolled hard during the great #penispump bot load
Typical Penis Pump troll on Yahoo! Answers
Typical response of someone who has been trolled by the pumpers

Penis Pump will target anything or anyone who doesn't believe that the only true way to salvation is through the ancient art of pumping. While the tactics of the pumpers have sometimes been labeled as terroristic, they're mostly just for the shemales out on the streets keepin' it #real, and for the lulz. Also, cocks.

Some attacks by the pumpers are politically motivated in that pumper ke is interested in running for presidency of the USA. As president, she will supply penis pumps to needy families everywhere who cannot afford to buy their own. For this, she is a very classy and noble woman, and is praised by pumpers everywhere. She sets a great example for all aspiring pumpers.

Only common targets of the pumpers are listed here, and the IRC channels listed are mostly specific to the EFnet network. Many pumpers are known to troll people or places outside of those listed, and this is perfectly fine because spreading the messages and joy of lulz and the almighty Pump is considered a love gesture, not a hate gesture.


#admin2                  #israel
#bearcave                #lebanon
#bible                   #lsg
#bodybuilding            #marijuana
#christian               #math
#TERROR                  #microsoft
#christian-discussion    #obs
#computers               #olsentwins
#freebsdhelp             #php
#gnaa                    #politics
#Help                    #science
#I.TAKE.IRC.SERIOUSLY    #scientology
#impulse                 #wii
#irchelp                 #ytmnd
#islam                   #ytmnd2
#jewslol                 #zidane
#papermoon               #nhl
#cars                    #shemales
#bonghit                 #fta
#weed                    #ftabins
#sex                     #kampung
#spiritual               #anxiety
#space_ghetto            #ubun2


MySpace                  YTMND
Facebook                 Yahoo! Answers
YouTube                  Christian forums
Stickam                  Teen discussion forums
Bebo                     Help/support forums


E_T doing what he does best
Christian girl's MySpace gets pumped
Chuggo Ascii scroll on IRC

Pumped IRCers

The pumpers often target chatters on the EFnet network who do not agree with their pumping philosophy and thus are not one with the lulz. Their most infamous target isE_T.

Defaced MySpaces

The pumpers love to deface MySpace pages. Many lulz have been had doing this, because MySpace users are generally fucktarded. Recently a Christian girl was owned repeatedly in what escalated to an epic battle of religion versus lulz.

The pumpers kept defacing the girl's MySpace, and the victim kept fixing her page. This went on for hours, with the pumpers defacing the site numerous times. The girl eventually ended up swearing that Jesus would strike the pumpers down, and deleted her MySpace. Her brother's MySpace was also pumped into oblivion, and her mother's page was spammed with epic jew propaganda.

In addition to this, dozens of other pages have been defaced by the pumpers. Most have since been deleted by MySpace for violating their terms of service agreement, or just plain deleted by the faggots who have been pumped.

A favorite song selection for pumped MySpaces is "The Wrong Fag To Fuck With" by Gay Pimp.

Penis Pump Sex Scandal

Moar info: Penis Pump Sex Scandal.

The great Penis Pump Sex Scandal was when pumpers jUmB0 and MissLaVey hooked up IRL. Much drama followed and made the two infamous throughout the EFnet network. Most of the pumpers believed jUmB0's side of the story because MissLaVey is a dumb slut. You can go directly to the chat logs here.


Chuggo, since found by the pumpers, has been given a virtuous rank not granted to many other people, if any at all. He has been declared an honorary pumper for his song "AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY". His myspace has been pumped several times for the lulz. A task is currently underway to form a Chuggolation. Likewise with the Pumpilation (see Here), this will feature a compilation of different versions of Chuggo's "AHHH CMON FUCK A GUY". Current, and future, Chuggo versions, also known as Chuggers, made by the pumpers, are available at

Chuggo has also been interviewed by Penis Pump, and a report of this interview can be found Here

Other lulz

The pumpers have also rigorously trolled Yahoo! Answers, generating many lulz. The pumpers have also made many lulzy YTMNDs, many of which have pissed off regular users of the website. You can view a list of Penis Pump related YTMNDs here (coming soon).

On Friday, June 29th, 2007, the pumpers invaded l0de's radio show with requests to hear their own troll song DDoS King (which is about EFnet regular E_T), assorted voice-crapflooding, and questions about l0de's status as a Jew. Clips can be heard here.

Pumper Creations

vap0r in the studio working on the latest pumper jam
ASCII Pumper, a popular program by pumper Lampiasis

Troll music

The Pump is especially infamous for its troll music, mostly created by vap0r. The lyrics are good, the beats are phat, and it's all professionally recorded. Troll music makes for great listening material while trolling, cruising on the freeway, or stabbing your mother to death. Give it a listen. Srsly, do it fgt. [1][2]


Pumpilations are Albums compiled and released by the pumpers known to us as shaggs and vap0r, for all the pumpers to enjoy. It is ingeniously named Pumpilation because it is a compilation of tunes for Pumping to, and Pumpilation is a word created via an amalgamation of these words. The Pumpilations are available at and is filled with epicness.

Other goodies

Penis Pumper Lampiasis is known throughout the channel for creating ASCII Pumper, an excellent program that is used for creating ASCII drawings ready for IRC usage. The creation of this program has helped to bolster Penis Pump's vast library of ASCII art.

Another Pump invention is gnaddy & goatty, the set of bots created by pumper gonadgoat. They are the workhorses of the channel, and support various fun commands which make pumping easier. One of the most notable features is gnaddy's ability to read ASCII from the Penis Pump library via HTTP, and scroll the results on IRC. RIP

And while not exactly a Pump invention, it's also worth mentioning cutie578, the official channel mascot. She runs on SeeBorg PyBorg software, and sits and learns the talk of the channel. Periodically she will respond with things she's learned from the channel regulars. Occasionally she'll say something very lulzy.


See also

External links

Portal trolls.png

Penis Pump is part of a series on


Penis Pump

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AOTN July 16 & 17, 2012
Preceded by
Penis Pump Succeeded by
Faux News