Patreon is an online begging/money laundering website where unnoticed sellout artists and furfags go to rob money from their affectionate fantards. Unlike PayPal or any other form of donations website, Patrons are expected to pay for the product before it is even made so that fat fucks can put even less effort into making it. What makes this the king of Jew schemes is that all donations take the form of monthly payments, making it the perfect supplement to food stamps.
The site has also been a big attraction to fat freckled faced Sonicfags, feminist con artists, porn artists, and sick fucks who also love to suck cock for $$$. It's also a good place to play keep-away with lolcows by promising to give them money and then backing out at the last moment.
Patreon charges people 15% of the money that is donated to them for acting like a glorified delivery service. They literally do nothing besides make bank transfers while raking in more of a cut than a Hollywood agent. And when they aren't robbing people blind, they're working hand-in-hand with known con artists to help them try and do the same. In particular serial rapists Brianna Wu and Zoe Quinn, alongside meth addict Randi Harper have allegedly convinced Patreon to make up contrived excuses to ban people they dislike... or so Wu claims. However, this is the same Brianna Wu who once posted "proof" of filing a restraining order against a person that doesn't exist, so she probably did virtually nothing and is now trying to take credit.
Either way, while sites like ED and 8chan got banned (neither of us lost any money over it), the ToS is selectively enforced, so that people like over 9000 incest porn cartoonists and Shanley Kane get to keep their accounts despite Patreon admitting that they are in clear violation. Some might come to the mistaken conclusion that Patreon has been taken over by SJW's, but in reality, Patreon refused to ban The Sarkeesian Effect and would probably let Boko Haram use their services as long as no one complains, rather than willingly forgo any of their precious shekels. That's because Patreon is run by something worse than SJWs, greedy Jews.
"So, how do I use Patreon?"
Simple, you just make an account promising to create content if people financially support you and then create it. However, that won't actually get you any money. The right way to earn money on Patreon is to do the exact opposite. IE: create some kind of content until you gather up enough gullible fans and then promptly stop doing anything once you get enough supporters to have your rent regularly paid.
Or you could just make porn.
You see, actual good artists don't make any money on Patreon. But if you are willing to draw 8 year old cartoon characters from children's TV shows being fucked in the ass by their dad, you'll be swimming in it. You don't even have to be good! As long as you draw something there will be enough autistic manchildren that will pay you as long as they get to jerk off to some MS Paint drawn tits. Or just draw it furry. Since furries have yet to discover the wonders of going outside, enough of them are glued to their computer screen, thinking about which kind of dog they would most like to fuck, that they can easily pay your wage.
The third way to make money on Patreon is professional victimhood.
Simply send a death threat to yourself on twitter and then screencap it (remember to log back in to your real account and wait a few seconds so it doesn't look too obvious like it did when Anita did it) and watch the money roll in. That is, unless you're a white male. But it's sure to work if you're
black Asian Hispanic Jewish crippled dying a woman.
Because SJWs don't actually care about minorities, this scam only works for women and the only people who donate to them are white knights. However, if you're not a woman and still want to profit off of this, simply do what Laurelai did and say you're a tranny. You don't actually have to get diagnosed or have surgery or anything, just grow out your hair a little and make no attempt of looking any less like a man whatsoever. If anyone complains you can accuse them of denying your identity and say you're the kind of tranny who's a different gender inside but doesn't need to act on it outwardly (that's a real fake thing on Tumblr right now), then respond to all future allegations of fraud with claims of harassment. That way you might still not get any money from SJWs, but you'll be able to make a good profit off of the same white knights that would support women, but happen to also like dick girls.
How to Troll Patreon
Simply either donate to people you want to troll with money you don't have so that every month they are disappointed when no money gets through from your rejected credit card, or promise to donate an absurd amount of money to someone you don't like, only to withdraw your support a day before the money is to be charged. Much like what was done to Brianna Wu when someone pledged $10,000 to his Patreon and then cancelled his account shortly before the money was about to come through.
This has the added bonus of pissing off the trolls who hate this person by making them think a lolcow that they hate is about to get a lot of money, allowing you to participate in the time-honored tradition of trolls trolling trolls.
KickStarter and IndieGoGo are even more susceptible to this sort of troll.
What you do is: Find a project that you want to fuck up, pledge almost the entire amount needed to fund it, and withdraw your pledge a day before completion. This works best with projects that have only started, and is particularly lulzy because it may convince potential donors that the project has already been funded and there is no need to contribute. This way, when you finally revert your pledge, the entire thing will be too late to save and will crash along with the creator's hopes and dreams.
People who use Patreon
- Feminists who are shinning examples of independence.
- Atheists whose shamelessness proves that there is no God.
- Trannies who threaten suicide every other day.
- Washed up Video Game Reviewers.
- Aspiring Internet reviewers that nobody watches.
- Furry artists, porn artists and furry porn artists.
- Con artists.
Patreon Accounts Worth Supporting
8chanNope. Got banned, and when Patreon asked hotwheelz to come back he told them to fuck off because now he gets his money from 2ch. Encyclopedia DramaticaNOPE. Spent about a year openly antagonizing them before creating our own donation server that works exactly like Patreon a week prior to getting banned over the "Niggers" article. Everyone moved, we didn't lose any money and now we don't even have to give those Jews 15%.
- Red Letter Media?, LOL, NO.
Model Patreon Citizens
- Sakimi Chan, $33,569.50 per two weeks. The highest paid account on Patreon. Draws her own original characters like Poison Ivy from Batman, Kiki from Kiki's Delivery Service, Rosalina from Mario, Riku from Kingdom Hearts, Elsa from Frozen, Ariel from The Little Mermaid, the squid girl from Splatoon, the underage girls from Kill la Kill fondling each others' exposed bodies, the cast of Naruto... and of course, men fucking each other in the ass.
Breeding SeasonCANCELLED, $38,190.20 per month. One of the highest paid accounts on Patreon. A poorly made Flash game where you force animalsfurries of differing size and species to have sex while you watch, before fucking them yourself. The first screen of the game lets you pick whether you'll see male-on-male sex, female-on-female sex, hermaphroditic animals, animals exhibiting neoteny, and of course, straight up feral animals. A few screens later you can buy bottles of animal jizz from a loli shopkeeper. Has been in development for more than 8 years, yet each update of this 12MB game somehow has even less content than the last. In the same amount of time Japan has made complete games that are objectively better in every way.
- For $10 you can get the debug passwords, which are currently "iknowwhereyouliveanon" (gallery), "youthinkidontknow.X" (money), "butireallydo.X" (guild points), and "addenergy.X" (energy), where X is a number over 9000. The most current backer version is at the bottom of this page.
$1,493.35$1,644 per week ( $5,973.40$6,576 per month). A swimsuit model who has decent boobs but will never do nudes (allegedly).
- Shanley Kane, $1,692 per three weeks. Feminist, USI sufferer. Doxed a reporter, which Patreon flat out agreed was a violation of its ToS. Account still exists a year later.
- Star Fox the Animated Series, $1,584 per month. Not made by Nintendo. Totally legal guiz, it's a "noncommercial parody fan project". Because being paid a livable wage to make this autistic mess makes it noncommercial, or a parody. Was C&D'd by Nintendo years ago, long before the maker decided to make money off of it.
- Shadman, $1,524 per month. Has drawn 10-year-old Dash from Pixar's The Incredibles fucking his mother, Superman's dog Krypto fucking Wonder Woman, underage girls exploring each others' bodies, among other wonders.
- HungrySuccubus, $1077.01 per month. Furry vore fetish artist. Account subtitle: "There can never be enough porn in the world, amirite?"
- SadisticIrony, $1,064.01 per game update. Makes RPG Maker hentai games. Out of four games, four are described using the word "rape". Three are described as having "some loli", the other "general offensiveness".
- Aesir, $1,048 per month. "I do fun, energetic fetish art from vore and futa to more mundane things like S&M!"
- leave2gether, $829 per month. Shitty Flash game with furries molesting women in an office setting while spewing Engrish at each other. Despite stiffly tweened models and a codebase ripped from some medieval fantasy game, and nine months passing from its inception to version 0.06 (the latest version's sole difference being "eye emotions"), it has raised enough money to cover rent and living expenses in most areas. For a pledge of $10 you can get the gallery password. It's "Gallery".
- Precia, $371 per two weeks. Makes drawing tutorials, like how to draw naked children.
- StudioPirrate, $580 per month. Drew this highly realistic image of a fat, preadolescent boy fucking Wonder Woman, complete with cutaway view of his chubby little dick spraying its cream inside her pastry hole. As well as the high school girls from Kill la Kill being violated by dogs, and good old fashioned rape.
- Derpibooru, $519.06 per month. A website hosting all the horrendous My Little Pony porn a manchild could ever wish for.
- iyumiblue, $504 per month. Draws cartoon men fucking each other in the ass.
- ANMA, $501 per month. Draws cartoon men fucking each other in the ass.
- Smudge Proof, $332 per month. My Little Pony artist with works such as Twilight Sparkle with dick, naked Nazi loli girl, naked loli, another naked loli, and more sick pony shit.
- Sketchman, $229 per month. Draws characters wearing shit-filled diapers.
- Dolphpup, $116 per month. "Dolphpup is creating Erotic Artwork, Pornography and Fetish illustrations".
- Kroxco, $110 per month. Hundreds of crappy 3D renders and drawings of Disney characters raping underage boys, like naked Aladdin holding a knife to Sora's throat, bestiality with Simba, Big Hero 6 gay incest and ejaculating Naruto with a dildo up his ass.
- The Weight Is Over, $60 per month. Draws disgusting fat slobs, disgusting fat furries, and furries fucking disgusting fat slobs, with a side order of wishful thinking.
- Areg5, $52 per month. Makes mind-boggling 3D renders of sexual scenes involving infants.
Quality Patreon Content
While honorable organizations like ED and 8chan.net are banned per request of overweight feminists, here is some of the stuff that does meet Patreon's meticulous standards, including but not limited to CP, bestiality, incest and rape. Someone has taken the liberty of transforming some of these examples into advertisements for the site, which you can feel free to spread around.
- Ela Thier
- Brianna Wu
- The Sarkeesian Effect
- Only 2 percent - The amount of money that will actually end up reaching you if you use Patreon
- Hypocrisy - It seems like it was only yesterday that ED was banned from Patreon for violating community guidelines
Patreon is part of a series on
|Featured article May 5st & 6nd, 2015|