OJ Simpson

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search

This article is about some nigger. You may have been looking for orange juice.
Still looking for the "real killers".
It's plain to see. OJ is a criminal
First words in the afterlife, "Here's your fucking glasses."

And 12 total charges

O.J. Simpson (also known as The Juice, moar like the JEWice, amirite?) is a famous football player who dindu nuffin. Is best known for bringing the knife of swift justice to his adulterous whore of a white wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her gay BFF tennis Jew. When confronted he authored a suicide note which was apparently done for the lulz but was perceived otherwise by teh fuzz.

In court Johnny Cochran (J.C.) saved his black ass from goatseaction by Bubba unless of course he was going to become the new Bubba. He found that the glove did not fit, so they had to acquit him from the murder charges.

BTW, he's really innocent and is "looking for the real killers." Ya rly. Apparently, his house doesn't have any mirrors in it because the black person sold them all for crack. Actually, in a civil trial he was found guilty of the wrongful death of Goldman and battery against Goldman and Brown. This means that despite being found not guilty in the criminal case, we can still refer to him as a DIRTY GODDAMN MURDERER.

As a typical nigger, he seems to be interested in nothing more than hooking up with white women. After murdering his old white girlfriend, he hooked up with another one (Christie Prody) and when she cheated on him with the pool boy Janos Gonzalez, OJ went to the guy she cheated with and told him "I will fucking kill you!" and when OJ Simpson says he's going to kill you, you better believe he will kill you. Read news story.

Everyday Usage

  • "Innocent as O.J." (translation: guilty as a motherfucker)
  • "I'm about to go O.J." (translation: look the fuck out)

OJ Simpson is colored.

When the search for the real killers consumed OJ's financial resources, he was forced to steal your bike for transportation.

Initial Drama

Mark Fuhrman of the LAPD was ultimately pwned, as a result of having referred to blacks as black persons. The jury then played the Race Card, called him a n00b, and acquitted teh Juice.

A short video made by YouTube user 'Evaporation's.

Blacks believe he is innocent, because every brotha on the stand is a victim of a hate crime and quite stupid to begin with, duh. Whites, on the other hand, believe he is guilty, because all minorities have a propensity for committing crime, being Moon-worshiping Satanists, and all.

Murder For Dummies

OJ Simpson recently announced that he did, in fact, kill his wife Nicole and her lover. However his "Murder For Dummies: I Did It, Here's How!" was ixnayed by publisher Rupert Murdoch after getting himself a new asshole ripped by an angry mob. [1]

However, publisher Lifetime Books inc. received distribution rights after Goldman's lawyers told the judge that they Jew. This decision comes a little late for the sparking of lulz because the book has been available on Bittorrent since last Thursday.

To support his addiction to snorting powdered blondes, OJ was then forced to resort to IRL trolling and tried selling the OJmobile on TV. You can actually still buy OJ's infamous black person Bronco, dawg.

OJ Admits He Did It

Other Possible Theories

(Disclaimer In early 2014, it wouldn't come as a surprise to many to find that the OJ case started grabbing national headlines again as the 20th anniversary of the most lulziest soap opera drama evar in American history was nearing. Shockingly, the media was armed and ready at the time to provide all of the juicy details to the public about the trial of America's most beloved sports hero. News articles and television reports were popping up everywhere claiming to have "new evidence" or "exclusive details" to reveal about OJ's guilt or innocence. Unbeknownst to the media, however, their tactics failed miserably as only a small percentage of the population actually gives a shit anymore).

  • No alternative theory. OJ did it alone.
  • Mark Furhman of the LAPD did it and framed OJ.
  • OJ DID do it, but with an unknown accomplice named "Charlie" (whom surprisingly OJ NEVER revealed before).
  • Ron did it; he attacked Nicole first and then turned the knife on himself once OJ arrived. (WTF?)
  • He did it for the lulz.
  • Kato did it and OJ took the fall for him.
  • The Goldman family did it and set OJ up for the lulz and the Jewgold.
  • A psycho white hillbilly redneck serial killer did it.
  • The KKK did it and framed OJ.
  • Denise Brown did it.
  • OJ's kids did it.
  • JEWS DID OJ!!!
  • LAPD did it.
  • Nicole's dog did it.
  • You did it, you fuckin' murdering scum!

Armed Robbery

"Bicycle gloves!!! Dammit!!!"
Dead Bitches don't know about my acquittal

On September 14th, 2007, OJ, being the uppity black person he is, decided to play police officer in a "Sting Operation" to steal some sports memorabilia a bicycle from an upstanding white citizen. He claims that he wasn't robbing anyone because it was his stuff bicycle, he was just 'reclaiming' it and, besides, if one of his posse had a gun he didn't know about it. He apparently didn't realize his sports memorabilia wasn't worth shit after he became a murderer. After realizing he was going to lose the case he decided to plead that it was only for the lulz and cried like a little bitch. This strategem however, proved to be futile.

Unfortunately for OJ, US law says that even if you were driving the getaway car in an armed (bicycle) robbery, you get the same treatment as the guy with the gun -even if you didn't know about it.

OJ is expected to sign a book deal covering the bicycle jacking and describing in detail how he did it, that is...if he actually did it. Theoretically, it involves a locked bicycle, a Kryptonite lock and an accomplice with a Bic pen (that OJ didn't know about).

Capt. James Dillon said Friday at a news conference that, because Simpson was involved, police were being extra careful to conduct "a thorough, unbiased and competent investigation."

Amazingly, the all-white jury found OJ guilty of these crimes on 4 October 2008. The verdict was immediately appealed but -nonetheless- OJ was sent back to the can to await sentencing on Dec 4th -a sentence that could be up to 15 yearslife in prison.

Bonus points were scored by the all-white jury when they delivered the guilty verdict on the 13th anniversary of OJ's acquittal for murdering his wife and her gay friend.

In July of 2017, OJ was paroled from prison after serving nine years of his sentence. The Juice is loose once more.


Fwed Goldman, the sperm donor daddy of Rawn Goldman, (and rapist of OJ's bank accounts,) met news cameras outside the courthouse immediately after the December 5th sentencing. He gave a press release...that is he tried to but got severely trolled by a gang of niggers. At times the news mics could barely filter his voice through the jeers of the hecklers, calling him things like "Gold Digger" and the ever-so-insulting Jew @ 0:19 No, srsly, who da fock would ever stand for being called a Hebe? If I were Goldman, I'd sucker punch that ape after throwing a watermelon at him...oh yeah, he is a Jew.

...and nothing of value was lost...


In a Nutshell

See Also

External Link


Featured article June 30 & July 1, 2013
Preceded by
OJ Simpson Succeeded by
Featured article February 1 & 2, 2019
Preceded by
OJ Simpson Succeeded by
Linda Carty