⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Novell

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search
    File:MessmanCBS.jpg
    Novell CEO, Jack Messman is well-known amongst the Freemason community.


    Novell is a publicly traded software company (listed as NOVL). They were founded at least 100 years ago upon the release of NetWare, a program used for sharing files over a LAN. Netware remains one of their headline products today and is used by no more than 99 people worldwide as a marital aid. Novell's core operations are not that fancy, employing over 9000 people in over 43 countries, the company became huge by providing an unlimited supply of donuts for their staff. This led to the increased expense associated by having special chairs built for all the fatties.

    Their products are well known, and aside from NetWare include: ZENworks, Border Manager, Ximian, the Jack Russell Bestial Dildo and Nsure. More recently, Novell bought out SUSE Linux, and are now pushing hard for their Windows based NetWare customers to migrate to an open source Linux environment. Of course the customers just can't get enough, and shriek "More! More!" while salivating all over their keyboards.

    The structure of Novell's company is rather confusing at first. The head bone is connected to the neck bone, but the neck bone is connected to the knee bone, which is probably the main cause of confusion. It is obvious that the company is merely raping communist programmers in order to strengthen the price of their shares.


    File:NovellMonitor.jpg
    A state of the art Novell computer screen


    Like many other major software companies (see Microsoft, Sun Microsystems, and Adobe), Novell invests some of its profit in underdeveloped nations. The idea behind this plan is to establish education and other community facilities that breed cheap programmers who will obey their every command, and wear the corporate uniform which includes a very short vinyl skirt and see-through blouse. This kind of corporate development and 'charity' also ensures that foreign nations remain poor. This is due to the injection of Novell capital into the host nation's arse, causing inflation to rise, local software businesses to remain undeveloped, and develops an over-dependence on Novell products in order for the nation's technological infrastructure to survive. Charity work also acts as a tax deduction in many nations, meaning that Novell is able to spend its tax money on drugs, and then charge host governments outrageous prices for software licenses.

    People who use Novell products will often appropriate them to a corporate environment. Novell control the critical networks of companies such as: Honda, The Washington Post, Cathay Pacific, British Telecom, Star Alliance, and British Airways. The company also controls a number of regions in the United States, not only do they control the city of Los Angeles, but also the government networks and zoological parks for the entire state of California.

    Novell CEO Jack Messman is quite prominent amongst the Freemason community, and has used his company's products to rig elections and wage international war in the past. Famous people who rely upon Novell products for personal gain and pleasure include: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Bush, Martha Stewart, and Bill Gates. It is not known whether Messman plays a direct role in the programming of Novell products, however it is widely suspected that his products contain a backdoor that enables Messman to watch over your private parts while you sleep. If this was in fact Messman's own work, then it is assumed that he programmed this feature by summoning Satan, during a secret occult ritual that took place not very far from the White House. Trapped in the living world, Satan bargained with Messman, agreeing to write code for Novell so long as the CEO agreed to send him back to the underworld once he was finished. Since few people believe in Satan these days, it is assumed that he still works in the dungeons of Novell, most likely in Bangalore, India.

    Since last thursday, Novell owns lunix. However, because Microsoft owns all of the workings of linux and unix and actually invented UNIX, Microsoft has agreed to be a nice friend and not sue anyone who uses novell. This means if you use linux but not novell, you're a criminal and need to gb2prison.

    [RecessionInflation]
    £€ Novell is a part of a series on Money
    150px Companies

    AdFlyAdobeAmazonAppleAT&TBDICBellBitcoinBurger KingCelestial ToystoreComcastDisneyDuckDuckGoeBayFox NewsGNWTGoogleHappy Madison ProductionsIBMIKEAMicrosoftMcDonald'sMTVNew Media RockstarsNintendoNovellOracle CorporationPatreonPayPalSonySun MicrosystemsT-MobileVerizonViacomWal-MartWikiaYahooYouTube

    People

    Steve ChenLyor CohenBill GatesChad HurleyL. Ron JeremySteve JobsMario LaudicinaBernie MadoffLarry SangerMartin ShkreliHal TurnerJimbo Wales

    Ideology / Politics

    Bailout PlanCapitalismCommunismGlobalisationGovernmentGun controlHealth Care RageIceslaveJudaismKarl MarxObamacareRon PaulAyn RandRandroidSocialistRonald ReaganWelfareZeitgeist MovementZeitgeist - The Movie

    Selling

    AdvertisingBitcoinBriberyExtreme AdvertisingBilly MaysPorn AdvertisementsShamwowSpamSubservient ChickenWinnebago ManGeorge Zimmer

    Topics

    419 Nigerian Email ScamsThe Dot.Com BubbleEconomistEconomyForeign GirlfriendInternet moneyJew GoldMoneyPoorProfitRape dollarsScientologyToilet Paper Hoarding