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    Neon Genesis Evangelion

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    The entire plot of Evangelion, no need to watch the craptastic show.
    The character Rei inside her "skin-tight" plug suit.

    This show, commonly refered to as Neon Genesis Evangelion, Evangelion, Eva, "Ee-Van-Jelly-Un", "Evangel Lion", or sometimes What the fuck did I just watch? is about a azn emo kid named Shinji Ikari who is under the care of Misato Katsuragi, an alcoholic pedophile. Along the way, he meets an emotionless loli named Rei and a Nazi loli named Asuka. These two have become legendary fap interests for virgin otaku the world over.

    The Deep, Sophisticated and Intricate Plot

    The Actual Plot (if there is one...)

    Basedworld is forever.

    Constant themes deal with him subconsciously wanting to fuck the shit out of his dead mom, his problems having a vital life-affirming relationship with his father who is too busy fucking the underage clone of Shinji's dead mom to notice him, and his having to pilot an alien/robot life form (that's secretly his dead mom in disguise) in order to attempt to defeat nearly invincible, huge alien life forms (who are actually biblical angels that represent one of the paths humans could have taken if they had eaten from the tree of life instead of the tree of knowledge in the Garden of Eden) who are hellbent on awakening the final angel Lilith (who is Adam's slut on the side) so she can turn the planet's inhabitants into a huge ball of cherry Kool-Aid for no readily apparent reason. WTF?

    File:600px-Giant Rei and GODCOCK 11.jpg
    End of Evangelion climax.

    In Japanese, "Shinji" means "whiny Oedipus-complex bitch boy". Also the word "plot" doesn't mean anything in Japanese and hence this show defined American film and anime for the next generation by showing how easy it is to get a fanboy to part with their money when you have convinced the viewer that they are watching something deep by looking like a bad acid trip and properly pacing the sex and explosions. It's no surprise that Michael Bae claims to be a fan.

    The highlight of Shinji's career as a pilot was fapping to an unconscious Nazi loli NOT LOLI YOU FAILED ABORTION (which actually does happen during the first 10 minutes of the second film). Later, while still unconscious, Earth's defenses send her out to fight the giant alien whatevers and she gets eaten alive because Shinji was too busy curling up in a corner and BAWWWing. The show is also about a penguin who lives in a refrigerator and a blue haired dick named Rei Ayanami, who is a clone of his dead mom. Kinda like Star Wars really, except everything that goes unexplained just turns up to be Shinji's mom.

    Fapping done right.

    Evangelion is notable for having over 9,000 final episodes, not to mention the 2 new movies recently released with alternate, alternating endings after the three movies already released. The show was created by some 1337 azn who was put into a mental hospital because he would slam the door on his dick. Every fangirl and fanboy just hate him because of the shit endings he keeps on throwing at them like a monkey would throw scat in a zoo. One day, last Thursday, he heard the doctors talking about Latin/Greek medical terms and freudspeak. The bat shit insane director thought it was "deep" and "philosophical" so he added some shallow references to Jesus and Gnosticism and he came up with this shit. He is also responsible for crucifying the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. See Xenoshit if you would like the copied yet makes more sense version of this non-sequential bullshit.

    By the end of the series, Shinji is so emo that he single-handedly causes his clonemom Rei to rape the world, causing every person on it to turn into orange tang. Good going. Also the movie End of Evangelion should be noted for having the biggest pair of tits that you will ever find anywhere. It should also be noted that in the last episode, we find out that Shinji's dad is, in fact, Shinji's mom. Go figure. Cheer up, emo Shinji.

    The Characters

    Asuka is waifu to millions of Donald Trump fans everywhere.
    She's begging for it yet Shinji is too emo/thick to realize that she wants him to play her like she's a harpsichord from hell
    • Shinji Ikari: The Third Child. A useless loser who's only still alive because his EVA goes apeshit whenever he's in danger. When he isn't whining or navel-gazing, he can be found masturbating to comatose girls. At the end of the series, his psychological issues lead him to destroy humanity, making him lead candidate for world's biggest fuck up. After causing the orange Kool-Aid apocalypse in the End of Evangelion that was Third Impact, he decided to go for rounds 2 and 3 in the remakes. So much tragedy could have been avoided if he'd just gotten therapy. He may or may not be bisexual, but he's definitely a bottom.
    • Asuka Langley Soryu: The Second Child. A typical fourteen-year-old girl who uses an arrogant, abrasive façade to hide the scared child she is inside. Why is she so miserable? Well, her mother went batshit insane thanks to losing part of her soul, and later entered a suicide pact with a doll. All she wants is for Shinji to treat her like a throw away fuck doll and screw her til she can't walk anymore but Shinji's to much of a pussy to man up and ride it like he stole it. Hell, this bitch even comes into his room in the middle of the night only wearing a pair of panties and a smile and he leaves her alone after she climbs into bed with him and says that she hates to be alone. After this elightening fact, do we really need to explain why Gendo Ikari, Shinji's father has no respect for him?
    • Rei Ayanami: The First Child. A clone made from Yui Ikari's genetic material, combined with the essence of an angel and a robot. Gendo intends to use her to start his own Third Impact so that he can fuck his dead wife again. When she's not getting ready for her role in the event, she stares at walls. She's unpopular in-universe, but countless fat-fuck greasy weeaboos masturbate to her IRL and have unofficially cannonized her an autistic goddess because, like them, she has poor communication skills, likes to sit in corners rocking back and forth while hitting her head against the wall and her desire to live with the bare minimum. Because she's one of many clones, she doesn't give a shit about her life.
    • Misato Katsuragi: NERV's operations director. An alcoholic who hates the Angels because of her daddy issues. She alternates between being a scarily competent military genius and a goofy party animal. Fanboys chalk this up to character complexity (that or mental illness), but these inconsistencies seem more likely to be caused by bad writing. She may or may not be a pedophile who wants to bonk Shinji, get into a three-way with Shinji and Asuka or play with herself while she watches Asuka and Shinja screw like bunnies in the spring.
    • Gendo Ikari: Commander of NERV and a member of a global Jewish occultist organization that rules the world, called SEELE (insert Rothschild reference here). He closed his heart off and sent his son off to live with a teacher after his wife died. At some point, he grew an ugly neckbeard. Now he has a rather disturbing relationship with Rei, his wife's clone. Being the Jew that he is, he manipulates absolutely everybody as part of a confusing scheme where he subverts his fellow Jews on SEELE while at the same time trying to start a Third Impact of his own. Why? Because he wanted to reunite with his dead wife, and wasn't willing to become an hero. Couldn't give two fucks about his pussy son and puts him in a robot with his dead mother in it against his own will.
    • Kaworu Nagisa aka Tabris: The Fifth Child and Seventeenth Angel. He was sent by SEELE to replace Asuka after she went full Terri Schaivo. His purpose was to end the world, but fell in love with Shinji. Eventually, the urge to merge with Adam became too strong, so he ran into the basement. He found Lilith there instead, and not wanting to merge with her, got Shinji to crush him because he couldn't self-terminate.
    • Toji Suzuhara: The Fourth Child. Shinji accidentally put his sister in the hospital. Because of this, Toji punched him on his first day of school, only to later befriend him. To get his sister into a better hospital (apparently, Second Impact fucked up the Japanese healthcare system), he agreed to become the pilot of Unit-03. Little did he know that it was infected by the T-Virus, so Gendo forced Shinji to tear the Evangelion apart, crippling Toji in the process. Then he got turned into tang at the end of the series, which was probably a mercy, when you think about it.

    Horrible Spinoffs

    Since the targeted audience of angsty teenage males was reached by the show, spin offs of the series were produced in game and manga form and sold for high prices. In one of the games though, Shinji stops being a pussy and gets laid. Too bad his first time is with the gay character. So in a sense, you COULD say Shinji IS being the pussy, since Kaworu most likely was the Butch in this relationship, giving him total pwnership of Shinji's mangina.

    Dealing with Evangelion fantards

    Evangelion is extremely popular with useless nerds who think that throwing random Christ imagery and flashing random Japanese text on the screen in a cartoon about giant robots is deep and meaningful and who think that it is perfectly acceptable for a director to get 50 hours of screentime and still not be able to tell a story. The best way to troll Evangelion fans is to refuse to see the movie. This makes them butthurt. Not to mention that Evangelion is an uncreative rip-off of Ultraman, just with more colors and misconstrued teen angst.

    Rebuild: The Return of the Emos

    OMG, It's Back?!! You thought that the raving fantards had finally dropped the show after 12 years. You thought /a/ was finally done discussing how "DEEP" Evangelion was. You were wrong! Apparently, Hideaki Anno has decided to bless us with another installment of mind-raping mecha anime staring emo traps and this time, it's gonna be in the form of 4 feature-length movies. The series is called "Evangelion: Rebuild" and it's an attempt by Hideaki Anno to milk this battered and bleeding cow for all it's worth. So far, the first and second movies have come to America on DVD, with the third installment finaly released after three years of doing jack shit. The second movie introduces a new Mary Sue character named "Mari" that is fond of sniffing random crotches to see if they smell like the dirty bong water that makes up the joy juice filling the Eva's entry plug and alters the original plot near the end. This has caused many oldfags to RAGE, but some normal people hope this means the finale won't be a total mind-fuck this time.

    Instead of "fixing" the series with a "good" ending, they instead went in the complete opposite direction, by creating an even greater mess than ever before

    Anno seems to have realised that nobody wants to see a show about emo faggots constantly bitching and has instead turned it into a series about people in robots who get shit done. Hawt jailbait, too. Can't forget that, can we?

    Unfortunately the third installment has thrown all previous improvements out of the window. Everyone is weird and depressed again. Shinjii has also become the dumbest character in the entire mini-series. He is so fucking stupid that he actually unleashes armageddon TWICE in three movies so far. Holy shit.

    Of course, some oldfags are suggesting that the whole thing is just a continuation of the batshit fucking insane finale of the original series, set in some kind of alternate dimension. If that is the case, prepare to have your virgin minds surprise sex'd once more by the gigantic, throbbing, radioactive cock of Japan itself.
    Congratulations Shinji


    Shinjii kills himself, stopping the man-made cycle of reset. Letting god recreate earth with its regular cycle. Everyone dies and the show ends. Or Shinjii mans up (yea right) and fucking massacres angels left and right, Asuka finally sees him for what she's always wanted and shows Shinjii love which is all he's ever wanted... OR ... the director fucks us again, just wait and see in 2020.

    No Rei Is This Cool

    The creator of this insane mess wrote the character of Rei to be as disturbing as fuck. What with being a brainwashed semi-robotic loli who is normally seen badly injured and in bandages. Even he was creeped out when instead fanboys decided that an underage child abuse survivor with the personality of a pot plant would make the hottest waifu ever and bought millions of body pillows for trillions an trillions of Jew Gold.

    YouTube Gallery

    Better than dying a virgin
    File:Guy Love NGE.jpg
    A typical scene from the manga (No, srsly. Chapter 67. Google it, motherfucker.)

    Evangelion Photo Gallery

    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

    See also

    External links

    It's real lol.Fake [1] A Shitty Rant. from 29-year old animefag "Penguintruth" from the AnimeNewsNetwork. Who Proudly Proclaims towards the Sane-people "No, You Do Not Have More Balls Than Shinji Ikari"

    Typical episode of this shit

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