|This person has Assburgers Syndrome, |
so you can't say anything bad! :-(
Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
There is no shortage of feminists, there are damn sure plenty of batshit feminists, but there aren't many women who are so deluded as to transcend these petty descriptors. Cue NaokoElric2250 (AKA Rikku2250 and referred to by friends as Jade Greer). Living in Blochairn, Glasgow and talentless even by DeviantArt standards, "Naoko" is the result of an unplanned pregnancy by her slut mother and deadbeat dad who ran away before she was born, dodging the bullet of a malformed freak-baby and simultaneously leaving Jade with severe daddy issues that explain why she's the way she is now. Yes, Jade is a grrl on a mission: use insanity as the ultimate weapon in her futile struggle to achieve social justice... at least, what she believes to be social justice.
If you thought you knew what a true feminist was, then chances are you're a slutty, wretched, brainwashed retard. Despite the fact the world regards feminists as women who fight for equal rights for men and women, this enlightened freedom-fighter knows for a fact the rest of the entire world is totally wrong. And now you're probably asking yourself, "What can I do to enlighten myself and live as a superior, stronger, intellectual being?" You can start by reading this handy list of all of the facts you've been brainwashed into opposing!
- Nonvirgins cannot be raped. They gave up their consent when they gave up their body to their first partner. Note: This only applies to women.
- All lesbians are bisexual since one lesbian has to serve as the man by being the penetrator. No. There is no such thing as clitoral stimulation.
- Men do not use women. Women allow themselves to be used, but remember that nobody is doing the using.
- Excluding men from the decision to abort is oppression and makes the woman a selfish bitch since all pregnancies are intentional. All of them.
- Engaging in recreation sex for pleasure or bonding is unhealthy and makes you a weak person. If you are a woman.
- Women do not enjoy sex, they are only brainwashed into thinking that they are enjoying it, like the placebo effect. Women who enjoy sex are only slaves to men.
- If you are a woman who wants and enjoys sex, you have daddy issues and you need to seek a therapist or go to a mental institution.
- If you have masturbated or tongue-kissed, you are not a virgin.
- If you are a rape victim and have phobias revolving around being raped again, you, first of all, aren't a virgin and cannot be raped, and second of all, it's not a fear because you want it and that's why you are thinking about it.
- Sex, unless for procreation, is only violation and defiling. Love and Sex do not coexist unless during procreation.
- If one phallic object is okay to enter a woman, then all are. Consenting to one man/object is consent to all men/objects.
- Women who have sex for pleasure are oppressed.
- Women who have had sex are not capable of fighting effectively and are only capable of hair-pulling and scratching as they are too busy thinking about sex (as they always are 24/7) to fight effectively.
- Sex is self-destructive and disgusting. If you are a woman.
- You are only equal to men if you do not submit yourself to them by having sex. If you are a woman who has had sex, your body belongs to the man who had sex with and he assumes all control over it. All. Control.
- Men cannot be sexually abused by women. Men do not feel the agony women do and therefore cannot be raped.
- Non-virgins are worthless, violated pieces of shit. End Of.
- No sane woman would ever degrade her entire gender with non-procreative sex.
- If you are a woman and you enjoy non-reproductive sex you are filthy, weak, unintelligent, self-hating, self-disrespecting, undignified, dishonourable, self-oppressing, man-pleasing and a living sex doll.
- Because of physical difference, only men can be cheated on. If a woman had sex or used a dildo before entering a relationship, she has cheated on her partner and he, therefore, is okay to have sex with another women.
- Penises are disgusting because they flap around and stick-up.
- If a woman's ultimate goal in life is to marry then she is sullying the name of women everywhere and needs to go back to the '50s
- You cannot wash semen and germs from a penis or a vagina. They are on there forever and are always covered in semen and germs.
- The rape victim is always at least partially responsible for her rape.
- Slut shaming is not an issue as sluts spread germs and disease, ruin romance and waste resources. Virgin shaming on the other hand, is a terrible and rampant problem.
Naoko's opinions regarding various subjects are simply too extremist and inconsistent to conform to anything previously known to man. At the buffet of philosophy, she has amassed a twisted and odious amalgam of factoids to suit her particular and most peculiar worldview. Thankfully she has the power of hilariously poor grammar at her disposal to assist her in her quest to kill all sluts and protect her hymen.
Consensual intercourse is an abomination unto Jade. Woe betide any woman foolish enough to desire the dick, for the act of penetration is the most brutal display of dominance and irreparable oppression that any woman can or ever will suffer. Homosex is great, except for the fact that the only legitimate use of sex is to reproduce... so I guess homosex is right out, then. Procreation must be done away with as well, because it all leads back to vile, despicable, inhuman, oppressive penetration. Thusly shall the ring of logic forever turn.
The rape of a virgin female is an unforgivable atrocity. As for anyone else... well, get fucked. A non-virgin female can never be raped, as she has already consented. It doesn't matter when, where, with whom, or under what circumstances, once is more than enough to last all eternity. Honestly, if a woman has already debased and oppressed herself with cock in the past, what's one more going to hurt? Naturally, men cannot be raped. Never. It simply isn't possible for any man for feel the agony that a virgin female feels when raped. That's probably because forced buttsex is one of the most joyous sensations that a human can hope to achieve.
Jade Greer is apparently more intelligent than ALL her peers. Her knowledge regarding society and sex far surpasses everyone else, including people who study the subject professionally and have degrees specializing in them. She is also the ONLY person in the WHOLE WORLD who understands the concepts of 'consent' and 'hypocrisy', according to her own words.
Below is how she interprets what OTHER people think of her, and of course, why she considers them to be wrong.
- I am SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair, and wear a skirt (It's actually called a kilt). - Yes, everyone thinks that.
- I am GLASWEGIAN, so I MUST be a NED, drink “buckfast“, wear tracksuits and trainers all the time and speak in slang. - I think her cultural view is a little narrow.
- I am SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. - LOL
- I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. - Yes you are a bitch.
- I am RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. - Yes you do shove beliefs down peoples' throats.
- I am a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. - Only white women do that.
- I HAVE MOSTLY MALE FRIENDS, so I MUST be sleeping with them all them. - God knows none of them would want to sleep with you.
- I am a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly…or crazy. - Both, yes.
- I dislike the BRITISH ARMY, so I MUST be a terrorist. - The British have an army?
- I support the SNP, so I MUST hate the English/British (I only hate the racists, members of the EDL, and the Royal Family). - Sure, why not.
- I wear GLASSES so I MUST be a geek (I can be one sometimes, though). - Then why contest it?!
- I am BISEXUAL so I MUST think every girl I see is hot. - You are ASEXUAL not BISEXUAL, note the term 'sex'
- I am a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. - In addition to being anorexic, people apparently assume she's fat.
- I am SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. - Back to the 'ugly' thing.
- I am a (LAPSED) CATHLOC so I MUST hate homosexuals. - I think catholic priests would know otherwise.
- I am WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I am black. - There's black people in Scotland?
- I have a few REALLY CLOSE FRIENDS, so we MUST be lesbians. - Yes, everyone thinks people fuck their close friends.
- I do not BELIEVE IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE BEFORE MARRIAGE, so I MUST be a religious nut. - Uuuh. Yeah?
- I am a VIRGIN, so I JUDGE everyone that is not. - YOU DO THAT THOUGH.
- I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. - I don't even comprehend this one.
- I SCOLD others so I MUST be an over-controlling bitch. - Yes that is what that means.
- My hair becomes GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. - Yes, that IS what that MEANS.
- I am DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch. - DO YOU SEE A PATTERN HERE?
- I am INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. - You aren't intelligent, just weak.
- I am a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. - BUT YOU DO THAT THOUGH.
- I am a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. - Bwuuuh?!
- I have a DISABILITY, so I MUST be on benefits. - Who gives a shit?
- I DISAGREE WITH/DISLIKE/HATE my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. - I don't think you live in the US so no one cares.
- I am a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. - You just labeled yourself a person, QED.
- I like COMPUTER GAMES, MANGA and ANIME, so I MUST be childish. - Just a weeb.
- I do not want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. - What is with your obsession with lesbians?
- I cannot help pointing out MISTAKES so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. - Again, that IS what that means.
- I am NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. - Just because you happen to be a loser doesn't mean that's why.
- I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. - Yes, no one reads but you, special snowflake.
- I love YURI so I must be homosexual. - AGAIN WITH THE LESBIANISM.
Apparently, she finds the time to write fanfiction between bouts of pretending to be the world's most autistic despot. That is, of course, if one is to understand that "write" is a code word for "shit on a keyboard." Her masterfully created work has EXACTLY the same plot as the original Full Metal Alchemist manga, but with the crucial and ever relevant twist of gender bending. No, seriously. She liked FMA but she hates men so her solution was to, in brilliantly autistic fashion, write a transcript of the entire plot of the manga, word for word, only change everyone's gender. The only real difference seems to be that this rendition would appear to have been created by a dyslexic chimp who has somehow come into possession of a typewriter.
Naoko on EDF2
At one point someone made a thread regarding this four-eyed, yet blind autistic on the the Encyclopedia Dramatica Forums. Finding this she made the regrettable choice of coming to confront them. Her plan was to show her superior intelligence using typos, how not mad she is using walls of text and calling the EDiots on the forum sad losers. However, her initial act of superiority did not last long and became even less convincing when she began deleting comments from her profile page, threatening to get one of the moderators banned for spamming her and perpetually rage-quitting and returning to the forum.
More lulz where had when some of her dox were pulled and she began screaming that everyone on the forum is a stalker and that they have made an entire forum about her. This is obviously not true and what they had actually made was a thread. But Naoko does not let basic english get in her way and when she sees this article she will probably claim that we have made an entire wiki about her. But the comedy did not end there and she soon informed us that she is calling the police, much to the indifference of everyone.
|Nobody has heard of this person, but whoever they are, vandalizing this article only makes us want to learn more...|
—Her boyfriend, On why he's with her.
After being smacked around on the forum for a while, Naoko couldn't take it anymore and yet somehow didn't realize that she can just leave. What was her solution? To call her boyfriend. Yes, despite repeatedly stating that she is a strong, independent women and she does not need, nor will she EVER ask a man for help, she ran to her boyfriend (Matt Granger) to come fight her battles for her (and this is not the only site where she has done this) ON HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY! This sad excuse for a man named "Maximothe1" (Real name: Matt Granger) appeared on the thread and displayed a hilarious inability to use both basic grammar or any punctuation whatsoever. All his replies consisted of homogeneous walls of text, uninterrupted by any commas or periods to separate them into distinct phrases, sentences and ideas.
However, the idea of being this person's insignificant other is in itself is so depressing that, as retarded as he may have been, everyone on the forum secretly felt sorry for the poor loser who the only girlfriend he could ever get is a deformed, borderline retarded psycho who hates men and will never be in the same room with him wearing less than three layers of clothes and a chastity belt, and he can forget even thinking of her ever touching his penis. And what does he get for his efforts? Her continual mistreatment, demands that he proof-reads her awful fanfiction and spends his birthday defending her on the internet (despite his repeated attempts to get her to stop feeding the trolls) and blue balls the size of mars.
And so, the pathetic, chubby loser must forever resolve himself to trying to sneak a peek at her in the shower and later masturbating under the covers while she sleeps next to him while sticking his hand down her pants, crying softly to himself and praying to God she doesn't wake up.
Regardless of any pity they might have felt, it was still not enough to get the EDiots to back off. And, being that his brilliant plan was to deflect the attention from his pet retard to himself had worked a little too well, maximothe1 soon cracked under the pressure and began erupting in displays of massive butthurt. These displays were then captured and converted into dramatic readings for the lulz. Finally, the horrific ordeal ended with both of them vowing to leave EDF2 and never return, while secretly still obsessively watching the thread until the next time Naoko rears her ugly head once more (like she has for the past 20 times she has rage-quit the thread).
Mere days after this article's creation, he tried (and failed) to remove it; he can't even blank properly. Surely, the future holds great wonders for him.
Later, when the thread had gone way off-track, he returned with a new account to make one last assult in which he insuted ED, EDF2, his girlfriend and himself for some reason and gave us his powerword by using his real name as his username.
- On a wiki about Merlin
- Her PSN profile
- On some other site
- Another FMA site
- Her profile on TGWTG
- On a forum about Naruto
- Her photopucket
- On GameFAQs
- On some anime forum
- Another site about Merlin
- On the gamespot website
- On some forum
- Another fanfiction site
- Another game site
- Some kind of Ask.com analog
- ANOTHER forum about Final Fantasy... This person really has a life
- Her boyfriend's account on a Yu-Gi-Oh! site.
NaokoElric2250 is part of a series on