⚠️ Final stages: EDiting to re-open shortly ⚠️

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Somehow still going? You can check statistics for more information)
  • Æ Imageboard (Delayed, work to be resumed at a later date)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)
  • If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch Status: Merch is in. Waiting for USPS envelopes to mail out.



    Murder

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search
    What? This article needs moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
    You can help by adding moar names of killers; including school shooters etc; also names of murder victims.
    Scooby Doo murder.jpg
    File:Iwillkillyouwithmybearhands.jpg
    Not such a bad a way to go
    File:PoohMurder.jpg
    Blunt instruments are commonly used to end lovers' spats

    For those who live OTI, just consider murder an IRL permaban. Refers to the premeditated killing of one human by another human (usually). Being completely and utterly, undeniably pwned by another individual. Some people find the need to murder themselves; this is referred to as suicide. If they create profound internet drama in the course of doing so, this makes them an hero.

    The most common motive is hatred of the victim by the murderer, with the second most common being the stupidity of the victim and third most being the desire to be subject matter on CSI. The prevailing method is violence. The typical result is death, although not always the death of the would-be victim. Some argue that all murders are committed by niggers, but it is actually the smaller black population that gives this appearance.

    Unsolved murders are left alone to "age" in a casket of oak for many years, thus earning the name "cold case". Murder connoisseurs say the primary difference is in the scent of the murder, and that aging can bring out many subtle flavors usually missed by the palate. If stored incorrectly, however, aging can cause the murder to go stale, resulting in lulz loss.

    Rape and murder often go hand in hand. In this case, the motive is not hatred of the victim but simply the need to shut her the fuck up.

    PROTIP: if you are ever on trial for murder, pleading "I did it for the lulz" will instantly make it justifiable. Try it.

    "Premeditated"

    There is some debate as to whether premeditation (meditating before killing) actually helps. 90% of murderers report that it does not, 1% are ninjas, and 2% believe that "you should experiment and find what's right for you." The rest were killed by their victims and were unable to partake in the survey.

    Another interesting fact is that the majority of murder victims know the person who kills them. Therefore being a sad basement dweller with no friends might be a good survival strategy, just not for humanity,because you can't reproduce that way, its called natural selection. Then again, what about that goldfish in your room...

    Not to be confused with premedicated.

    How to off your family

    Pool Party

    1. Have a pool party at your house with your immediate family
    2. Put roofies in the drinks
    3. Wait for family to fall asleep
    4. Duct tape them to Pool chairs
    5. Push chairs into the pool of flamethrowing fires
    6. ????
    7. GRAB THE MONEY YOU FUCKIN' JEW!

    BBQ

    1. Drug family
    2. Tie them up
    3. Put them in car
    4. Chain doors shut
    5. Add gasoline
    6. Set car on Fire
    7. Videotape it
    8. Go to the masturbasement later on so you can jack off

    Dubai Style

    1. Prepare dinner
    2. Prepare sauce
    3. Crush sleeping pills
    4. Process chunks into powder
    5. Heat up to 43F max in oil pan, add tomato sauce. Mix.
    6. Serve food
    7. Act like nothing is happening
    8. Listen to your son saying "This will be my last dinner with my parents that I love"
    9. Say in your mind "Everything is for Freemasonry."
    10. Your son falls asleep suddenly slamming his head to the table - Just like how it happened to his older sister ~18 years ago
    11. Ask butlers to take him to his room as he's tired
    12. Bribe coroner telling him "I am Dubai Ruler, wanna die? write down it was from a heart attack"
    13. Fill Application Form of Personal Army request so you could spread fake news of Cocaine OverDose
    14. Write down a poetry on how saddened you are about your son's death to make things look fine
    15. One less supporter to Anonymous is dead
    16. CongratuFuckingLations you are officially known as The Murderer.

    Sleepy Time

    1. Wait until family falls asleep
    2. Get your knife
    3. Stab them
    4. ????
    5. Cut yourself

    Lawn Work

    1. Knock Family out
    2. Tie them up
    3. put them on front yard
    4. Turn on lawnmower
    5. run heads over
    6. ?????

    Hanging out

    1. Find a sturdy tree and tie several nooses around it
    2. tie up family
    3. hang them from tree nooses(just like christmas)
    4. snuff it

    House Painting

    1. Reveal father of the family that he's next
    2. Knock him out
    3. family wakes up all tied up
    4. murder family with axe
    5. paint wall with their blood
    6. ???

    Hate-Based

    File:MurderKitten.png
    Most of our adorable pets are considering it

    Murder against particular ethnic groups has existed since the beginning of time. The largest hate-based mass-murder to date is the Holocaust, however Hitler did it for the lulz and has no pix so it doesn't count, and no, Holocaust Porn is merely anecdotal. The largest occurrence of hate-based murder not fueled by lulz was the 9/11 attacks carried out by the Jews. The Armenian Genocide is another great example of mass-hate-murder.

    Killing lots of people need not be the only type of hate-crime, however. Sometimes a few, well-placed killings will be enough to make members of the target group fear for their lives and thus no longer bother you. However, the murderer must be sure to make the killing obvious, as people will not get his message if such murders are hidden. Ways of accomplishing this include:

    PROTIP: Leave the body (or bodies) for others to find, as this generates maximum lulz.

    Famous Murderers

    Nuvola
    Moar info: Template:High Scores.
    Nuvola
    Moar info: Template:Psychopaths.
    File:Dethklok-nathan.jpg
    Idea for a song: Murder. A guy... A guy gets murdered. And eaten. At an all-you-can-eat buffet. Uhhhhh... Oh! And that happens forever. Yeah.

    Individuals

    • Andrew Kehoe- Killed 38 kids and 6 adults and went out with a bang in 1927, beating Adam Lanza's score streak 64 years before that kid was born. [1]

    Groups

    Entities

    Victims of Murder

    Those scene kid fucktards.

    People who deserve to be murdered

    See Also

    Best. Defence. Ever.


    [Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
    Murder is part of a series on Gun Control
    Locus in quo:

    Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Chris Dorner 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 David Long 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Shoahdown at the Synagogue of Doom 🔫 Christchurch mosque attacks 🔫 Virginia Beach Shooting 🔫 Gilroy Garlic Festival Shooting 🔫 El Paso Walmart Shooting 🔫 Dayton shooting 🔫

    Supporters

    Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Tara Strong 🔫 Trayvon Martin 🔫 Quinton Reviews

    Main ideas:

    Assault Rifle 🔫 Gun 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Arson 🔫 Bombs 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

    Haters gonna hate:

    Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

    Acts of revenge:

    Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

    Objectors:

    Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama Bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre 🔫

    Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

    Columbine 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre 🔫 Anders Breivik


    Murder
    is part of a series on

    Life

    [BRB HugboxGo Live One]

    City Skyline.jpg