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|It has been suggested that this article should be merged with South Ossetia. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page.|
Important notice: This tl;dr article was written by Butthurt Putin Fanboyz. If you live outside of the Motherland and do not have your head ducktaped to a television set that rapes your mind with Russia Today 24h/24h, odds are you WILL find this boring.
How He Became President
Back when Georgia was all happy and shit, Shevardnadze pwned Mikhail hardcore in an election. Mikhail claimed that he won and bawwwed to some faggots in the U.N. who changed the vote count to make the West think that he won.
After that faggotry, he gathered over 9000 Georgians to have ghey orgies in front of Shevardnadze's home to get him to summit to Mikhail. However, unlike Mikhail, Shevardnadze didn't give a shit and told him to stfu.
An Act of Extreme Faggotry
After the massive faggotfests Mikhail threw, he decided to fag everything up a bit more.
He zerg rushed the true president with fucking ROSES (instead of guns or fucking swords or some fucking shit, how fucking ghey is that shit). Shevardnadze, who felt there was too much faggotry around him, decided to GTFO, while Mikhail stayed behind to fag up the parliament building.
Later Shevardnadze, feeling butthurt for letting Mikhail fag shit up, decided to send in the Army to raep Mikhail, and declared a state of faggotry. However, with so much faggotry emitting from Mikhail, they turned gay for Mikhail and refused to raep him.
Later, after a meeting arranged by the Russians, Shevardnadze decided:
... then GTFO'ed the fagfest Mikhail turned Georgia into.
In 2005, while U.S. President George W. Bush was getting a blowjob from Mikhail in Tbilisi, Vladimir Arutyunian, who was tired of Mikhail's faggotry threw a live hand grenade at Saakashvili. It landed in the crowd about about 60 feet from Bush's cock after hitting a girl and did not detonate. Arutinian was arrested in July of that year, but before his capture he managed to kill one cop. He was convicted of the attempted pwn of Saakashvili and Bush, and the pwnage of the cop.
Fucking With The Red Bear
Last Thursday, bored of all the NATO cocksucking, Saakashvili decided to invade South Ossetia to rid it of all the Russians so he could officially control all his country. However, he forgot about the raep-machine Russia had waiting outside of Ossetia, and his military of fail fucking forgot to bomb the only fucking tunnel link from Ossetia to Russia because they were to fucking busy bombing civilians. Really there was ONLY ONE fucking tunnel you had to fucking destroy to keep the Russians out.
After Georgia had their asses handed to them, the Russians continued to zerg rush them. However, Mikhail somehow managed to shoot down four Soviet fighters and one bomber. The Russians were not amused by this, and decided to do what they did in WWII: pull a Russian reversal.
After the Georgian Air Force was knocked out of existence like the Dodo, the Russians began to lolbomb Everything within one kilometer of a Military base, which as fucking usual, the Georgians had to put right in the god damn center of all their cities. Some argue, this was a good idea since it would make the Russians look bad that they had to bomb civilians. However, the
Sovi Russians don't give a shit, they only care about not hitting the Stalin Statue in Gori.
So upon seeing the extreme Soviet Ræp machine that he invited into his country since his fail force forgot to close the door, he decided to call up his E.U., and Ukrainian fuck buddies to come on over to Georgia to make the Commies to stop bombing everything. This also provided some lulz since the French President almost got hit by a bomb just trying to land at the damn Airport.
After that, Georgia took the French President on a tour of Gori, the birth place of the greatest leader of Russia, Joseph "Man of Steel" Stalin. Mikhail had a fucking flack jacket (paid for with U.S. Tax dollars), while the fucking Frenchman only walked in a suit (once again proving that the Georgians are more fail than the goddamn French). While on the walking tour of the City, the Russians got word of this, and decided to Fly a jet over Gori just to scare the shit out of Mikhail for the Lulz. This caused Mikhail and at least 100 of his bodyguards to leave the French president and run like little faggots until the Russian Lulz Jet made another pass. The Failorgians then piled on top of Mikhail to make a meat shield and get in some buttsecks on the side.
After that faggotry, Mikhail got some fucking common sense back into him and hightailed it back to T'bilisi where he then managed to get some Russian official to sign a Peace treaty. Meanwhile Mikhail's Eurofag friends decided to have a fuck party while the Failorgians had a faggotfest out side. Lulzily enough the Peace Treaty only lasted 10 hours, while the Russian Official who signed it was later ahot under Putin's Orders.
The next day, the Russian Black Sea Fleet (that was b& from the Ukraine for the lulz) sunk most of the Georgian fleet (which was given to them by the Ukrainians since the USSR/Russia wouldn't allow Georgia to keep its fleet) while the Russians Marines landed in and around Porti Georgia.
After that faggotry, the Abkhazians got in on the lulz and invaded West Georgia with the Russians backing them, helping them capture Porti where they then found some bitchin' Humvees.
As you have noticed, this article is full of pro-Russian propaganda (wait, Georgians aren't Russian?). Nevertheless, unless you're living in a shitty third world nation located in Middle East or Central Asia, you might have hard time trying to give a fuck about a war that involves Russians, ex-Russians, and mountain Jews. So here's a summary of notable lulz in this war:
- Some shitty third world country got pwned by Russians, the usual villain. Although history says they were brothers about twenty years ago.
- The victim starts bitching, asking for help.
- Here comes the good guy, the mighty USA. However there was no oil in Georgia, so the Jews controlling the government decided not to give a fuck about it.
- Eurofags start complaining about all the violence and killings that occurred. However, they suddenly realize that unlike USA, which is over 9000 miles from Georgia, they have Russians next door. Being internet tough guys, these cowards bow down to Russia. What a bunch of hypocrites.
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