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    Mikeroach113

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    File:Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
    so you can't say anything bad! :-(


    Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
    File:Mikeroachaspergers.png
    Go back to your hugbox, aspie.
    File:Mikeroachbanned.PNG
    And there was much rejoicing.

    Mikeroach113 is probably one of the most egotistical douchebags to ever grace the hipster-stained site of Last.fm. He's a 21-year-old internet tough guy/asshole, and a hardcore Christian metalfag (LOL WUT) who listens to hair metal shit all the time, and plays games like Megaman and is a Capcom fanboy. He's also obsessed with the record label Atlantic Records and wants to fuck Ahmet Ertegun's corpse.

    EPIC UPDATE: As of 4/7/08, Mike has gotten himself B& from Last.fm. Commence butthurt faggotry now.

    Fun Facts

    • He's simultaneously in a group called "New Rock Sucks" but also in a group called "Limp Bizkit Fans".
    • His music tastes constantly clash with one another, because he listens to arena rock and hair "metal" like Bon Jovi and Night Ranger, but also listens to punk like The Clash and The Dead Milkmen (he also referred to the Dead Milkmen as 'DMM', which NOBODY does).
    • Once banned a user from a completely unrelated group he owned for liking Nirvana.
    • His original account got suspended from YouTube, probably because he's even a failure there.
    • He makes fun of you if you have even the slightest different music taste to him, but is quick to point out the idiocy of someone who threatened him for "having a different opinion to theirs on Linkin Park". See also, Hypocrite.
    • He's a closet furry.
    • He wants to fuck anime chicks.
    • He thinks Frank Zappa sucks. However, upon seeing this article, he will delete all traces of saying that and then claim to be a long-time fan, just to fit in with the 'cool kids' (this has been confirmed).

    Pairings

    File:Mika and Throttle by Wilbury.gif
    Mike shows off one of his many favorite non-canon pairings and his 1337 MS Paint image editing skillz.

    For some bizarre reason, Mike is absolutely obsessed with character pairings, not unlike Nintendomaximus (they'd probably become extremely close friends, in fact). Like, there's the obvious, like Shinji and Asuka (though, it's doubtful he's even SEEN Evangelion, or made it past two episodes at least) and the ones that make absolutely no sense, such as pairing a character from a video game called Snatcher with a furry from Biker Mice from Mars (he's real 'old skool', by the way). Keep in mind that a lot of these pairings he thought of himself for MySpace RPs (srsly).

    Though he manages to masturbate to hundreds of cheesy 'OTPs', there's one thing he absolutely can't stand: yaoi.


       
     
    I hate yaoi, and if any yaoi fan comes within 100 meters of me, I'll verbally rip them apart.
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on yaoi

    He will 'verbally' rip them apart, because Mike is a man of peace.

    Things He Would Fap To

    Quotes

    Here are some quotes to prove how much of an intellectual person Mike is:


       
     
    Probably Heero Yuy so I can **** Relena, and tell her how much I love her.
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on what anime character he would like to be


       
     
    Jessie and James are a hot couple,and I don't got enough hentai of 'em! I don't want any XXX stuff or anything, just like simple, R-rated stuff. Maybe one of Jessie stradling James, and rubbing his chest, while he throws his head back with his eyes closed and grits his teeth. Or maybe one of James sucking on one of Jessie's breasts, and finger ****ing her pussy. How about one of Jessie in her black two piece bikini or some kind of sexy clothes licking ice cream or sucking on a lolipop or a pop sicle or something? Anybody know a good place to get R-rated TR hentai?
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on failing at Rule 34 and further proving that he is and forever will be a virgin


       
     
    I can just imagine a hot girl rubbing or clawing my chest with "Cream" playing in the background.
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on wishful thinking


       
     
    Recently, a friend of mine told me that REAL neo-nazis were used as extras in those concert scenes and during the rally in The Wall movie. This really bothers me.
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on being bothered


       
     
    Tonight I felt really sexy. This song called "All She Wants Is" was playing while I was looking at pictures of this hot girl, and I was struggling to breathe, and needed to check if the A/C was on! The feeling I had while looking at this chick and having this song playing was so sexual. It felt so good!
     

     
     

    —Mike Roach, on further confirming his perma-virginity

    A Hate Boner for Grunge

    File:Nirvanasucksil7.gif
    An extremely unfunny hate gif done by Mike's mentally impaired Indian friend. Note the shitty edits, really bad attempts at being funny and edgy, and the fact that he ripped off the Nirvana Uncyclopedia page. It's enough to make anyone who hates Nirvana actually want to listen to them.
    File:Mikeisaliar.JPG
    Linkin Park does suck, but does this look like 'respecting other people's opinions'? Mike is terrible at lying.

    A well-known fact is that Mikeroach in fact hates Grunge music, especially Nirvana. However, Mikeroach just won't shut up about how "AC/DC lol pwns Nirvana", or trolling anything related to Nirvana and grunge, reducing him to nothing more than a stupid childhood bully who hangs around the sandbox.

    A theory of why Mikeroach hates Nirvana and grunge as a whole is because Kurt Cobain killed his father. And raped his mother. And then raped him, thus making him gay.

    Another thing is, Mikeroach listens to the grunge band Soundgarden, and denies that they're grunge. He's got a 'super cool anti-grunge metalhead' reputation to keep, you know?

    Recently, after being trolled, Mike has claimed that he 'respects other people's opinions' and 'is only a douchebag to people who are one to him first' in a laughable attempt to cover his ass. We all know he's lying, because of the countless amounts of shoutbox comments he's plagued the site with over the years.

    He recently FINALLY admitted that Soundgarden is grunge, but only when someone told him that Chris Cornell said they were in the following chat log.

    Mike Roach: Internet Hero

    Mike has now decided to go from a complete jackass to a complete jackass who sticks his nose in other people's business. Right now he's closed all his hate groups and put up pussy ones and attracts even more trolling. He also hates 4chan and thinks he's got them "all figured out."

    Mike Hates Mudkips

    AND THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS 7CHAN

    BEST FRIENDS

    They're all internet tough guys, just like Mike himself.

    File:Mikeroachlolwut.png
    INTERNET TOUGH GUYS PWN EVIL!!!!
    • Nachiro - Some Spanish guy who speaks in broken English and is often begged by Mikeroach to tell people off for him. He also thinks Siouxsie and the Banshees is technopop. LOL WUT?
    • Akarshshekhar - An Indian who is responsible for the failure of a hate gif seen in this article. He's also a generic metalhead fag who for some reason has U2 and ABBA on his overall Top Artists list. However, he hasn't been online in a few months. It is a theory that he was decapitated by a rabid cow. Or possibly eaten by a python.
    • Heavymetalninja - Oh lawd.
    • Pishkus - Mikeroach only befriended him after he found out he also liked Sammy Hagar over David Lee Roth, which is just retarded.
    • Timskinner1 - Foreigner fanboy.
    • Hairmetaladdict - Gay, corrupt moderator who threatens to ban anyone that points out Mikeroach113's incredible bullshit. Actually, HMA hates Mike.
    • Arnxx - A Eurofag who can barely speak any English whatsoever and threatens trolls by telling them to die of cancer, resulting in much lulz. He's also a weeaboo, newfag, and a furry who wants to fuck some pokeymans.
    • JKKDARK - Probably one of the gayest things to ever exist ever, only second to Hairmetaladdict. Also, attempts to be an elitist but fails because "she" has such a shit music taste. Also a Sonic fantard.
    • Kphoria - A voraphile. Also one of Mike's brainless tools.
    • Dragonrider1227 - Another one of Mike's tools. He is black, claims to live in Disney World, and wants to fuck Jenny the Robot, Sally Acorn, Frankie Foster, Krystal, Gadget, and a bunch of other cartoon characters. He has a FurAffinity account full of terrible MSPaint porn of his fursona fucking them.
    • SlashTheHedgehog01 - Yet another one of Mike's tools. He thinks everyone's out to hack him, when in reality he was probably retarded and gave out his password to a /b/tard. He's also a generic Sonicfag.

    Bands Mikeroach Approves Of

    File:Prince 1.jpg
    Mike's hero.

    And more shit, including some actually decent/good bands that he gives a bad name with his obnoxiousness.

    Summary: You hate any of the music he likes? You're as evil as Hitler and Charles Manson!

    Youtube

    File:Mikeroachdeny.PNG
    Mikeroach, denying fucking everything.

    Mikeroach has a YouTube account that he uses to post his shitty AMVs. However, when a group of trolls invaded his page and left some delicious flames, he went batshit and claimed that he wasn't Mikeroach113, even though Mikeroach has some of the AMVs on his MySpace.

    Mike has made several YouTube accounts, all of which have been suspended or he 'had to close due to trolling'.

    He also has a set of various YouTube accounts, all to attempt to piss off video game reviewers who Mike happens to dislike. What's even more pathetic is that he often comments on the videos he makes with his alternate accounts, making him fail even more. Last seen cocksucking Silent Rob and the Irate gamer.

    Youtube Tribute to Mike Roach

    What to do:

    • Rate it a 5 and favorite it. Maybe even leave a lulzy comment.
    • Troll any of Mike's sockpuppets or asskissing friends.
    • ????
    • PROFIT!

    DevianTART

    File:Reallytalentedlol.JPG
    Mike is truly a gifted artist.
    File:Joeandersonwhat.jpg
    Mike, are you even trying anymore?

    Of course, as an added bonus, Mike is also a TARTlet. He also has 0% artist talent, so what he basically does is post reviews of video games and movies (in which 75% of the movie review is of how shitty the soundtrack is). What he's been pretty much doing for the past four years of being a TARTlet is beg people to draw hentai of some obscure video game chick and spamfave any shitty piece of ecchi he can possibly find.

    He also created another DeviantART account, for some questionable reason. He then tried to hide it with the guise of 'Joe Anderson' and that he lives in Chicago (who wouldn't be embarrassed to admit they live in the slimebucket that is New Jersey?) and 'doesn't play video games'. Butthurt indeed.

    Comment Lulz

    Here are some examples of Mike's faggotry around DA.

    Trolling Mike

    Mikeroach is really fucking easy to troll. However, being the coward that he is, he'll most likely just block you and delete fucking everything. And if he doesn't delete it, he'll probably just repeat himself like the retard he is.

    • Bring up 4chan. He absolutely hates 4chan.
    • Make fun of the fact that he's an aspie. He will then use Asperger's as an excuse to say he's handicapped and will probably call you a racist.
    • Tell him his 'peacekeeping tactics' are doing the exact opposite of what his retarded mindset is on.
    • Spam his shoutbox and clubs. Useful ideas are his lack of musical knowledge as far as grunge, industrial, and actual emo goes, his hilarious bad 80s music vinyl collection, and the fact that Beavis & Butthead have a better chance at scoring than he does.
    • Bring up his horrible and lulzy poetry.
    • Call him a butthurt faggot, because it's the truth.

    MSTed Fanfic

    Mike is an author of the highest caliber. Here is a MSTing of his work done by a loving fan.

    Chat Logs

    Some people have gotten a hold of Mike's contact info, and have managed to get some lulz from him. We have learned of his extreme paranoia, idiocy, and the fact Asperger's can be used as an excuse for anything.

    ((Click here))

    Fanart

    MOAR
    Add pixplzkthnx to Mikeroach113
    Plz to be adding some pix now kthnx. Consult the image selection process for help, or just google up some pix.
    Plz remove this notice once there are plenty of pix.

    See Also

    External Links

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