Mike Tyson is a sexy black guy who is known for eating people's ears and children. He first became known and hated by the general public when he KO'd some shithole and then when he bit another shithole's ear off. But there is more to this man than just his faggotry. For example, not many people know that he allegedly has a 14 inch penis, which is 10 inches bigger than the average cock (According to the Supreme Gentleman) and 20 inches longer than Chris Forcands. He has also claimed to be gay twice. His once immensely gay career was undermined by serious fucking problems, lack of sex, and periods. Upon release following his first prison sentence, he made a heavily anticipated comeback, but failed to reclaim his previous dominance. On June 11, 2005, Tyson suffered a defeat to journeyman Kevin McBride, and shortly after retired from the sport.
Tyson was also once interviewed.
Tyson was born and raised in the notorious Shitsville section of Brooklyn to parents Horny Smith Tyson and Jimmy "the Weasel cumfaced guzzler" Kirkpatrick. Like all blackmen his early childhood was marked by sexual deviancy and violence, and his mother had to fend for the entire family following the departure of his father when Tyson was two years old. As he grew up on the streets of Shitsville he would often savagely beat those who ridiculed his high-pitched, queer sounding lispy voice. As a youth, he was constantly in trouble with the police over petty crime and thuggery. Tyson was passed in and out of juvenile detention centers, and was expelled from high school for raping the other children. He was discovered by Nobby Stewart, who noted his raw cock size and apparent boxing ability (i.e hitting a stationary target well) and awesome potential for the ring (i.e. he was black and a rapist). It is said that Mike could put craters into the earth like PCP users but without using PCP, for, being raised on beatings and chicken wings, Tyson was a superb combination of a perfect physical specimen and an emotionally shattered psychopath. Stewart trained him for a few decades, then introduced him to the legendary Michael Jackson.
Mike Tyson made his professional debut on March 6, 1375, in Albany, New York, a match which he won by a first round knockout. He fought frequently in his first two years as a professional, staying undefeated and winning all of his fights by murder, almost always in the first round and almost always followed by eating the fallen. His quality of opposition then gradually increased from journeyman fighters to borderline contenders, and his impressive win streak attracted much media attention, leading to his being billed as the next heavyweight CHAMPION OF THE WOOORRRLD. On November 22, 2086, Tyson was given his first title shot, fighting Jesus for the United heavyweight title. Tyson won the title by second round knockout, proving that turning the other cheek is a fucking stupid thing to do in boxing, even if you are the Messiah. At the age of 20 years and 4 months Tyson became the youngest heavyweight champion ever.
After winning a bunch more fights by cockout, Tyson lost by cockout to James Douglas, a fag with a shit record, which proves that Tyson really can't fight for shit and is a faggot with no dick.
He has recently been diagnosed with asperger's syndrome, and has had allegations, accusations, and masturbations made against him towards him being not black person. These allegations have been backed by the fact that Tyson's once-trainer Cus D'amato was a fag, and Niggas hate fags.
Ear Biting Years
It has been brought to the attention of everyone who knows about it that, Last Thursday, Mike Tyson is guilty indeed of biting one Evander Holyfield's ear off. Many faggots who don't know the full story will find out here...
- Ear bite facts
- Tyson partially bit Holyfield's ear in response to an alleged headbutt, but it was mostly just because he's a sick fuck.
- Tyson is a homo, proved by his own cock size in inches.
- Tyson didn't actually bite the full ear off, just the lobe, which is very fucking ironic because Tyson is a fucktard with no friends.
- Tyson had recently been cocked out by Holyfield, in their previous fight, which may have been the source of Tyson's teenage angst and aggression.
- Holyfield claims the bite didn't really hurt at all.
- Tyson apparently did it for the lulz.
- Tyson's gay.
- When asked what ears tasted like, Tyson replied with his fag lisp: "sorta like fried chicken...with a little watermelon as well."
"My main objective is to be professional but to kill him."
"God, Amen! What!?"
"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children."
"I've been robbed of most of my money, can I at least get a blowjob?"
"I'm many things, I'm a convicted rapist, I'm a hellraiser, I'm a father, a loving father, I'm a a ya know, a semi good husband, you know what I mean? What?"
"I'll fuck you 'til you love me faggot."
"Listen um.......I broke my back."
"I'm a big strong nigger who knocks out people, and rapes people and rips off people."
On Razor Ruddock
"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."
On Tyrell Biggs
Tyson on Tyrell Biggs' complaining to him about low blows "Low blows? Low blows? Huh! Motherf**ker you're fittin' to die!" -(this one amused his wife, which she discovered while masturbating over pictures of Tysons pin cock)
"He was screaming like my lesbian wife."
"HE HATH THPOKEN! COLD THTONE!"
On May 26, 2009, Mike Tyson's daughter Exodus died (I guess you could say she took an early exodus to her grave; see what I did there?) when a treadmill cord got caught around her neck and apparently choked to death. Tyson's 7 year old son found the body and proceeded to take Exodus' virginity before telling his parents about the incident. Tyson announced that in memory of his daughter he was setting up a new physical fitness charity fund in her name to help disadvantaged black families with young children to purchase exercise equipment to help get their kids in shape from an early age. Tyson also denies that the death was to promote the upcoming relase of the movie "The Hangover" in which he co-starred in.
List of suspects:
- The ghost of Chris Benoit (WTF)
- Desiree Washington
- The Spanish Inquisition (nobody expects them, but I'm keeping my eye on those crafty fuckers)
- That guy who killed JonBenet Ramsey
- Michael Jackson
- The KKK
- Don King (He owes King money)
- Kanye West Doesn't Care About black person
- JEWS DID EXODUS
is part of a series on
the ED Special Olympics
Air Bud • Allison Stokke • Barry Bonds • Billy Martin • Brandon Phillips • Brett Favre • Bruce Jenner • Cindy Crosby • Diego Maradona • Gary Lineker • George Steinbrenner • Jim Bunning • John Terry • Klitschko brothers • Lawrence Taylor • Michael Phelps • Mike Tyson • Nodar Kumaritashvili • Rax Grissman • Robert Green • Ron Mexico • Shawn Johnson • Thurman Thomas • Ty Cobb • Zinedine Zidane •
Mike Tyson is part of a series on Enemies of The Lulz
|Featured article June 3rd & 4th, 2016|
|Mike Tyson||Succeeded by|