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Michæl Jackson was a 50-year-old Albino manchild who found fame and fortune as a homosexual pederast and so became a poster boy for NAMBLA. He could also sing and dance like an organ grinder's monkey. Born as a small black boy into a large family of singing and dancing chimps, he eventually struck out on his own to turn into a white tranny version of Diana Ross, travel around the world luring young boys, monkeys and Elephant Men to slumber parties at his very own castle, Neverland, and to prove once and for all that when the big hand touches the little hand, it's time to get the fuck right outta there!
On June 25th, 2009 Wacko Jacko was playing doctor with his personal aesthetician after a hard day rehearsing for an upcoming tour and after nagging the shit out of the poor IRL doctor about not being able to sleep, keeled over from an overdose of the hospital-grade elephant tranquilliser Diprivan (or "milk" to Jacko). Yes, that's right, great justice finally had its day as Jackson was put down by the Grim Ræper for being the damn dirty ape he is via lethal injection. Jackson's highly polished exo-skeleton will be stuffed with robotics and placed on display at Disney's Hall of Presidents.
Long rumoured to be the leading cause of ejaculations in underage bans, it wasn't until 2003 that the long arm of the law touched Jacko inappropriately when one of his many victims' mothers revealed lurid description of Jacko's wedding tackle after he ran out of hush money. Despite being legally a white woman, Captain EO played the race card like OJ in his/her 2003 pedophilia trial.
Amongst the train wreckage of a life full of batshit crazy behaviour, he leaves a legacy that includes being the author of W's controversial No Child's Behind Left plan and saving humanity from the Beatles voluminous catalogue of songs (after outbidding Paul McCartney for the publishing rights) by preventing iTunes from offering said drek to the public.
Always a controversial figure, he will nonetheless be fondly remembered for the infamous "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV at Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1, 2004 in which he exposed his penis to Justin Timberlake during the half-time show
Q: What do Michael Jackson and KMart have in common? A. Little boys' pants half off!
He will be missed by children everywhere for so many will never know the sweet caress of Michael Jackson's gloved hand.
- 1 Life At Home
- 2 "Thriller" or "I'm a pedophile, put me in jail"
- 3 The Elephant Man
- 4 Movie Career
- 5 Bubbles
- 6 Early Life
- 7 Pedo Trials: Part 1 of 2
- 8 Pedo Trials: Part 2 out of 2
- 9 Jacko's Kids
- 10 The Mask of Pedo
- 11 This Is It!: The Comeback
- 12 Death
- 13 Trolling
- 14 Perez Hilton, first responder
- 15 Conspiracy Theories
- 15.1 Pepsi did it
- 15.2 Rock Band did it
- 15.3 Jews did Michael Jackson death!
- 15.4 Jews did Michael Jackson!
- 15.5 Mark Sanford did it
- 15.6 Iran did it
- 15.7 AEG Insurance Scam?
- 15.8 Farrah Fawcett did it?
- 15.9 Doctor Did It
- 15.10 Illuminati Did Michael Jackson
- 15.11 Jews Jealous of Allah did Michael Jackson (Copypasta)
- 15.12 Castrati
- 16 Funeral
- 17 Autopsy
- 18 Michael Jackson Lives
- 19 Bel-Air
- 20 Bel Air Ver. 2
- 21 Legacy
- 22 Death: The Ultimate PR
- 23 Now that he is Dead, let the whoring begin.
- 24 An Hero, From Beyond the grave
- 25 Gallery
- 26 External Links
Life At Home
MJ originally constructed for himself the perfect tool for drawing in his preferred cuisine: an amusement park where children "never grow up" and "don't want to go to school". It was his primary romp for years until people realized that a grown man running a theme park for children all by himself was a little creepy. Jacko closed his own pool after his rape trial, moving back to Whorelywood with the intent to rebuild his fondle-factory in Berlin. Just thinking about plump little blue-eyed blond-haired Nazi children made Jacko drool so much his lips fell off: it was that or too much plastic surgery and amazing buttsecks with Macaulay Culkin whom he had fiddled the hell out of for many years after his copy of "Home Alone" on VHS(a.k.a. Exhibit C) became recognizable only as the worlds most valuable container of Jacko spunk.
He lived with his a myriad of prepubescent servants and his Nanny with lupus. He has also expressed his wish to move to Poland and live in a castle purchased there, although he may have been unaware that the country's demographics were not ideal, having fewer young boys than girls.
"Thriller" or "I'm a pedophile, put me in jail"
Years before Jackson was first accused of liking kids too much, he recorded a HIT album where all his plans and intentions where clearly stated. The album was released by Epic records (for real) but before they released the album they decided to change some of the title songs, so as to make Jackson's intentions less obvious. Bolded are the words that were deleted:
- "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' (With That Young Boy)" – 6:02
- "Baby (Boy) Be Mine" – 4:20
- "The (Underage) Girl Is Mine" – 3:42
- "(Chasing After Loli Ass Sure Is a) Thriller" – 5:57
- "(I'll Show You How To) Beat It" – 4:17
- "Billie Jean: (An 8 Year Old Can't Be Pregnant)" – 4:57
- "Human Nature: (I'm Just God's Messenger)" – 4:05
- "P.Y.T. (Pretty
YoungUnderage Thing) " – 3:58
- "The (Loli) in My Life" – 4:12
The Elephant Man
Jackson was also an IRL Troll and had created many "false" stories about himself, apparently to see if he could "control" the media, a plan that would unfortunately backfire on him. such as sleeping in an oxygen chamber to prolong his life, and buying a sex toy. Another notable event occurred in the Mid-1980's where Michael Jackson tried to purchase the skeleton of Joseph Merrick, aka the Elephant Man. He ultimately failed to obtain the skeleton. When asked the reason for his fagging, Michael Jackson stated that "it was mostly for the lulz". People suspect however, that it was in fact not for the lulz but for other recreational activities.
In addition to starring in Moonwalker and hundreds of music videos, at the time of his death, Michael Jackson was in pre-production on a prequel to Hustler's popular Barely Legal series.
A series of films, including a bunch of shotas reenacting "Bad", but the only notable part of this film is the half hour long "Smooth Criminal" video, where Michael Jackson fights Joe Pesci from Home Alone, an evil supervillian who wants to get kids hooked on drugs, but even worse, end prayer in schools. Naturally MJ takes offense to this, dances around, turns into a car, dances some more, shoots a guy while dancing with hookers, then rescues the kiddies. But then he disappears into the night sky. Just like E.T. The kiddies cry on a street corner.
But then MJ comes back. Just like he did in real life.
Half an hour of Michael Jackson wearing extensive makeup to look like a fat white dude who accuses Michael Jackson of being a freak who corrupts children. To which Michael Jackson dances around with ghouls. Wow. That'll convince any skeptic of your sanity.
—Quincy Jones, defending chimpmongling
After failing to secure a bag of bones to stick his dick into, Jacko purchased a chimpanzee called Bubbles to stick his dick into. As is well known, chimps love nothing better than to sit around masturbating between displays of faeces hurling and Jacko thought that slipping his own dick (which was not yet white and hairless) in would be a cinch. At first it was, so Bubbles became an entourage of one, Jacko's confidante and BFF, accompanying him to recording sessions and music videos shoots. On the road they shared a hotel bed and Jacko's wardrobe.
Life at home was sweet for both primates, with Bubbles and Jacko sharing a bedroom at Neverland. Bubbles was fully toilet trained and allowed to use Jacko's private crapper but was often seen sitting in a crib wearing a diaper to satisfy Jacko's diaper fetish. Historically,bedtime at Neverland Ranch was always when the big hand touched the little hand.
Sadly, in 2003, Bubbles was kicked to the curb after his little hand grew too big for the big hand -anyone watching Law & Order: SVU know that this is classic pedo behavior. Also, with the arrival of Jacko's first IRL child, Prince Michael 1, Bubbles had outlived his usefulness.
Jacko justified the breakup and dumping Bubbles on the chimp's overly aggressive love making style where Bubbles had reversed his traditional position as the 'bottom' in sexual relations to being the 'top'. TL;DR, Bubbles was now assraping Jacko as opposed to Jacko assraping Bubbles.
Today, Bubbles has lived at many places since his failed attempt to assassinate Prince Michael and failed attempt to an hero. He lives in an animal sanctuary where he has a new best friend, Sam: A 40 Year Old Chimpanzee nicknamed Bubba. Now Bubbles will have many nights of tender tender love making, just like the old days.
In a special by Animal Planet, sister La Toya Jackson came to visit the chimp and exchanged tearful words. Yes, she is actually talking to a monkey...
To a monkey
Jackson's early life was full of moonbeams and happy times. Father, Joe Jackson, would give all Jackson children encouragement to pursue their dreams and desires by having hurtful buttsecks that left a deep impression on young Michael.
The Jackson family during the early days.
Pedo Trials: Part 1 of 2
In 1993, Jacko was tried for being a pedo after a 13-year-old boy called Jordan Chandler(nickname Rubba aka that kid with the lying faggot of a dad that makes it possible to make fun of Jacko <3) accused him of putting the big hand on the little penis, kissing him, fapping and oral sex, with a detailed description of Jacko's junk. His info was so precise, he even pinpointed where the vitiligo splotches were, the length of the performer's pubes and that he was Jew. While he was in Monaco to be given 8 more awards at the World Music Awards. Throughout the show Jacko was sitting next to the Prince of Monaco with Jordan on his lap, bouncing him on his knee whilst whispering RUBBA into his ear. No one thought that this was just plain WRONG.
Jacko, being too much of a pussy to have a trial, settled the case by giving the accuser's family over 20 million dollars. Some say that this was proof of him being guilty. Others say that he couldn't have a trial because of his health (SPOILER: He was an addict). Now, had this been the extent of Jacko's allegations people would have left him alone, but the damn bastard couldn't stop himself from having...
Pedo Trials: Part 2 out of 2
After making a jackass of himself in a documentry, Jacko gets accused of more molestation in 2003. This was the final blow to his career. The accuser was a former cancer patient who had his spine removed at a young age and his final words were to Michael Jackson. His wish came true and while he was said to be ready to die in a few weeks. But after he met Michael, he's saved. Michael Jackson sucking your cock = the cure for cancer.
A trial ensued (for once) and it ended with Jacko being found
guility innocent, before being told to gtfo to Bahrain. Only god knows what really happened there...
Note how Jacko was accused of all this in 1993 and again in 2003. It was ten years before and after. So, if Jacko lived to see 2013...
—F. Marc Schaffel is coming to his own defense on word that Michael Jackson’s 911 charity single "What More Can I Give" isn’t being released because of his porno directing past.
Michael Jackson's kids (the ones he had as opposed to the ones he had), who are all completely white, are not his biological children (OBVIOUSLY). In fact, the biological father is widely known to be Mark Lester, the blond-haired former child actor who played Oliver in a gay musical movie.
Looking at Lester's childhood photo, which seems to fit the image of Jackson's ideal sex partner, one has to wonder what Jacko's children were being used for exactly.
Moreover, it appears that not only did Jacko not sire even one of his children, he never formally adopted them either. ED hopes that he will be posthumously prosecuted for kidnapping. In his will, he left custody of
his the kids to Diana Ross.
—Actual quote of one of its kids, further proving that he loves kids in bed.
The Mask of Pedo
On December 13th, 2008, Michael Jackson reappeared in the spotlight using an old trick from Elizabeth Taylor/Liza Minnelli to gain sympathy from his fans by faking a mental illness. This time it took the form of what could be best described as dressing up like a Bollywood version of Zorro.
This Is It!: The Comeback
—Jacko, exposing himself in front of millions of horny fans, March 2009
In March 2009, Jacko announced that he would be playing live again for the first time in 12 years with a 50 date residence at Londonistan's O2 arena starting in July. Strapped for cash and attention, he planned to revive his catatonic career and make hueg amounts of Jew Gold to pay off his mountain of debt. He also needed fresh, young meat to feed his ravenous appetite for shota; since his kids had grown so old they now revolted him so much he'd stopped getting protein from them and was so incredibly frail and underweight that nobody really noticed, since he always looked like that.
With a cash advance from the O2 and a firm of venture capitalists called AEG he set about trying to get into shape for the gruelling tour. He rented out LA's Staples Center for full dress-rehearsals and hired the Incredible Hulk to whip him into shape. The rehearsals were filmed and
will probably be have been fashioned into a sloppy motion picture. Jacko's attention seeking family claimed that a body double was used, but nobody gave a shit. As nobody gave a shit about the movie to begin with.
THIS IS WIN
It is now reported that SONY and AEG, in an attempt to cash in on Jacko's post death sales jump and salvage what they invested in jacko for this tour. Are going to through the magic of editing going to cobble together 80 hours of footage shot during the rehearsals of the tour to make a probably nowhere near coherent film about Jackson's final days (But easily more coherent than those last two sentences.) The price tag of the film is already reported to be at least $50 million.
On Thursday, June 25th, 2009, Michael Jackson died in the act of lovemaking, having a heart attack. This is considered one of the best ways to go, preferable to rotting in an old folks home or dying of cancer. The young boy who Jackson was making love to at the time called paramedics; his name was not released. Most news agencies omitted this fact, leaving a mystery of who called paramedics when Michael Jackson was unconscious at the time. Regardless, Jacko was clearly not on his bee.
The compassionate, humanitarian brain-trust /b/ was quick to exploit it with endless threads featuring the heart attack meme and Michael Jackson photoshops. His dying wish was to donate his organ to a sick child (so that his organ would forever be inside a child).
TMZ reported the initial diagnosis was that Jacko had died from cardiac arrest caused by a massive cocktail of drugs including Dilaudid, Vicodin, Soma, Xanax, Zoloft, Paxil for anxiety and heartburn pill Prilosec administered by a black person doctor. The Los Angeles coroner's office has deferred Jacko's inquest awaiting toxicology tests and to provide ample time for the media shitstorm to rage on for a week or two. Shortly thereafter, Jesse Jackson appeared on CNN calling for a full and thorough investigation of the facts and Jacko's live-in doctor (who it was reported, had gone on the lam) suggesting that this was MURDER! He then called for OJ to be released from jail since he's an expert in tracking down the real killers
While it has since been confirmed that he had a heart attack in E.R., initial reports were of a stroke in the Pediatrics wing.
Meanwhile CNN reported Vanillaface moonwalked off this mortal coil. Goodnight sweet prince. Fark reported that he had just begun work on Thriller 2: Electric Boogaloo! Though his heart is no longer beating, Disney has inspected the body and declared that the high quality plastic exterior makes him a great candidate for animatronics. The same news report told how he was planning to rekindle his popularity, but the only thing he accomplished was becoming the first white black person to die of something besides gunfire.
Now that sick fuck Jackson is dead, it is impossible to determine exactly how many Hundreds or possibly even Thousands of children he victimized at the neverland ranch, as well as elsewhere.
The media being the two-faced, money grubbing scum that they are, all of sudden had a new found respect for Michael Jackson. It turns out after making many cruel jokes at his expense, stealing as much of his money as they could, and publicly humiliating him, they decided to just sweep all the nasty things they said under a rug and act like it never happened. As overwrought, outpourings of unconditional love for the Gloved One rained down upon the masses from all and sundry, /b/ remained the sole voice of reason in the tragedy, celebrating this living embodiment of Shotacat's life and death, creating kthxbyes in their inimitable style. Meanwhile faggotry reigned the day on the likes of twitter, YouTube, facebook and blog after blog after blog.
Everyone seemed to have forgotten how shocked & appalled they were back when Jacko was on trial for diddling shota. People posted tributes and childhood memories, songs and vidyas of how important The King of Pop had been in their lives and how he'd provided the soundtrack to the indiscretions of youth; that first mugging (Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'), that first fap (Beat It), that first child molestation (Pretty Young Thing).
It's almost as if they could -maybe- one day overlook The Holocaust and give another tortured artist with issues -Hitler- the props he surely deserved for being an inspiring leader, a terrific orator, a non-smoking animal lover with a keen eye for graphic design and style who also got the trains to run on time. One can only hope.
MJ cockmonglers have responded by locking themselves in cupboards, self-mutilation, MJ tattoos, and BAAAAWWWING about how the world is a cruel and violent place; subsequently expressing the desire to assault people who don't think or act as they demand. Scientists have concluded that the universe revolves around these illiterate specimens.
Some people were glad he died
The phrase "Fuck that nigger Michael Jackson" was said a total of 9 times during the above movie. also cocks. The Well of Untapped Lulz :
—MJ Idolater on pacifism
—facebook post - be careful what you wish for
In the meantime, you can help by trolling people on the Internets with mock outrage at all this praise for Jacko and comparing him to Hitler. Go to someone's virtual facebook shrine and leave comments to their comments feigning disgust that someone would sweep Jacko's crimes against humanity under the rug. Tell them they probably spent MJ's pedo trial damning him to Hell and if not, ask them if they would let their kids sleep over at Neverland or hang out with Uncle Josef. Tell them that Hitler was a brilliant motivational speaker and a seriously snappy dresser.
Most people won't take the bait because they know it's true: Jacko was a sickfuck. But some will puff up their e-chests and rise to the defense of MJ. Now you pounce and accuse them of hypocrisy and double standards. Ask why they hate children so much and how come pedophilia is okay when the molester is a celebrity. If they BAAAAAW that you're out of line or whatever, admit that, yes, you're sorry, comparing MJ to Hitler is terribly unfair to Hitler.
Another effective trolling technique is to liberally apply mock outrage at both the fact that he is to be memorialized and that the huge tribute is to be paid for by your hard-earned tax dollars. Since the State of Collyfornia is now bankrupt and issuing IOUs to pay for most services this adds fuel to the fire. It has been estimated that police overtime needed for security at the memorial in downtown LA will cost $2,000,000 alone and you are going to be paying for it.
Comments such as:
Trolling YouTube Comments
Perez Hilton, first responder
As news of Jacko's death reached Perez Hilton, Perez set about what Perez does best: showing that, as gay as he gets, he can ALWAYS get even gayer. He made a blog post claiming that Jacko was just faking it to get out of contractual obligations. This caused abundant butthurt and threats of violence so Hilton tried to backtrack and apologise for the fag-on-fag violence. This wasn't enough for some misguided, gay anons who called for a raid on Hilton (see: Talk:Michael Jackson). ED awaits the fallout from this gay Operation Thriller faggotry and leading expert tfo will bring you news as and when it happens.
Pepsi did it
PepsiCo. tried but failed to defoliate Jacko's nappy head with napalm during the filming of a Pepsi commercial in the '80s, so Jacko turned to the painkillers from which would eventually be similar to the rumors of him taking drugs that led to his death. Also, when the contract ended with him, Pepsi's stock market did fall for a while. Ergo, Pepsi did it.
Rock Band did it
Rock Band Unplugged had the song "ABC" by The Jackson 5 on it. Michael Jackson was 11 when the song was released. 11 days after the release of the game, he died.
Jews did Michael Jackson death!
To get back at Michael Jackson putting a "Voodoo curse" on Supreme Jewish Leader Steven Spielberg, a day before his IRL death, upon entrance into an IRC channel, a Jew compulsively typed in "ah Michael Jackson, ah what?" Given the fact that this Jew has tha OCD, he has special powers, effectively putting a curse on Jacko and killing him.
- 1. Jewish monetary perverts drool at the billions accumulated by MJ. They say shalom and try to invite themselves to dinner and MJ says "GTFO."
- 2. In addition, Jews at the CIA want to insert memes into his lyrics so that they can sell more dope to the listeners. MJ says "gb2hell."
- 3. Jews insert bait children into his life. Indeed, some of the children's families were bff with their Jewish attorneys.
- 4. MJ smells trouble, and responds with lyrics. Jewish lawyers made him change it. The song is accompanied by creepy music that gives you visions of Jewish shark lawyers trying to banhammer you for good. The unedited version of one of his lyrics went as follows (srsly):
- Jew really fucked
- Jew thought he really got control of me
- Jew out there,
- Jew really wants to get me
- Kick me
- Kike me
- Use me
- Abuse me
- Sue me
- Jew me
- Take control of me
- 5. Jews never find anything funny if it is at their own expense so proceeded to banhammer him. They fail at the banhammer but succeed in putting him out of commission.
A related theory is that the music biz did Jacko for revenge. His last studio album Invincible in 2002 had tanked and Jacko had gotten into a heated dispute with his label Sony and leveraged himself out of his contract after accusing them of failing to spend sufficient jew golds marketing and promoting him. Of course this had absolutely nothing to do with his refusal to go on tour in support of the record. Jacko and the head of the label went toe-to-toe in the media and Jackson alleged the label head was a "devil" and a "racist" who did not support black artists and used them solely for profit (no shit). He charged that the label chief had called his pal Irv Gotti a "fat nigger."
Mark Sanford did it
After getting busted for going AWOL from his day job as the Governor of South Carolina, Republicunt "family values" fanboy Mark Sanford (described by Stephen Colbert as "incredibly boring ... a manila envelope glued to a beige wall... a walking, talking Ambien") admitted he was off in Buenos Aires having an extramarital affair with a
spicy moderately attractive Argentinian chica and NOT on a surprise solo hike on the Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day). Naturally, the old media went batshit crazy and had pwnta field day at the Governor's expense and were set to drag all the skeletons from Sanford's suddenly interesting closet.
However, on the eve of blowing the lid off the secret lovers' steamy emails and such, Michael Jackson suddenly dropped dead. With a shot at being the GOP's 2012 presidential candidate on the line, things were not looking good for the aging Lothario ... until the spotlight shifted. Coincidence? You be the judge.
Iran did it
Following the hotly desputed re-election of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iranians protested the results as the vote was the one shred of freedom they thought they still had. They even went as far as condemning the Supreme leader which is apparently a big no-no. The American and other Western news media would closely observe this RAGE throughout the following weeks. YES THE MEDIA WAS REPORTING ACTUAL FUCKING NEWS FOR ONCE.
AEG Insurance Scam?
TMZ reports that AEG who funded the Jacko "This is It" tour paid for a hefty insurance policy from Loyds of London covering among all things DRUG OVERDOSE.
Farrah Fawcett did it?
It is no coincidence that Farrah Fawcett and jacko died on the same day. Reports state that earlier that day, on her deathbed Farrah's last dying wish was for all the children in the world to be safe. So God smiled on Farrah and killed Michael Jackson. What's the difference between Farrah and Jacko? One screwed Majors, the other screwed minors....
Doctor Did It
It it now becoming apparent that his Doctor Conrad Murray is responsible for drugging Jacko to death as the Coroner has requested all his files as well as the LAPD, Los Angeles Country Sheriff, and now the DEA and FBI because this will not be the same without the Party Van. They all want to know how this Doctor got his hands on a IV administered drug that is only available at hospitals.
Illuminati Did Michael Jackson
The Illuminati was infuriated when they learnt that Michael Jackson was going to reveal the truth about the Illuminati's conspiracy to take over the world and reduce the world population by 90% in his next concert. They had their eyes on MJ every since he created this non-satanic song which has a somewhat empowering effect, which is exactly the opposite of what the Illuminati wants (since everyone in the music industry must submit to Satan in order to get anywhere).
Jews Jealous of Allah did Michael Jackson (Copypasta)
Not surprisingly, this particular theory holds considerable sway in the Middle East. The synopsis goes as follows: MJ had converted to Islam in the Middle East and intended to do a final farewell concert, encouraging his fans to do the same. Jews got wind of his intentions, and since he did not pass through any long tunnels where they could accidentize him like Diana when she got pregnant with an Arab, they had to kill him by injection. Apparently, Jews wanted him to continue pushing Diet Pepsi to the Americunts, not Allah!
Michael Jackson's voice never broke. He never broke into falsetto to reach those notes, he could just hit them without effort. All of his brothers are big lantern-jawed men, but he - even before all the surgery - never looked any older than 11. Why?
Because the Jackson 5 was a money machine, and it all depended on Michael's voice. Joe Jackson is not a nice man, and never was. He did not take Michael to Mexico for an operation to ensure that that voice would remain angelic. He got good and drunk drunk and did the deed himself, with the boot.
This fact explains pretty much everything, the kids in the bed, the dance stuff where he'd touch himself like a woman. That's why the sexy dance moves in the "Thriller" video are so unconvincing and just wrong. Go watch it - it's obvious that this man has never actually fucked. He never put his dick in any of those kids - he was physically incapable of it. This is not to say that what he did wasn't sexually molesting the kids, just that it was quite a bit creepier than the paedophile rape everyone thinks it was.
Dude's dad kicked him in the balls, as a child, to cripple him and keep his voice sweet. You know it makes sense.
Jacko had a gala public memorial service at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Jackson did not appear from the dead and deliver a true-to-life rendition of "Thriller", much to the chagrin of most of the audience. Paris-Michael Katherine did, however, deliver a heart-felt speech at the end about how great a father Jacko was, and how they will lose their $1000/week allowances. It is not known who coached her into making said statements, as everyone knows Jackson's fatherhood suffered a brutal death after falling three stories off a balcony.
The hapless losers who invested $400 million for Jacko's comeback tour (who also own the Staples Center) gave out 11,000 free tickets to the public instead of selling them at a high markup. After burning $400 mil on a now canceled due to death tour, why not just lose more money?
During the faggy memorial service, Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson took the stage; the latter having appeared in the music video Remember the Time (I Raped You). After everyone watching asked themselves "why the fuck are they there," Magic Johnson went on to recount a tender
crisp moment he shared with Wacko Jacko:
LAWDY MICHAEL, IS DAT SUM CHIKKINZ?
During the service various speakers all lauded the strangeness that was Michael Jackson, spouting tall tales such as creditng Wacko Jacko with the election of Barack Obama as President (not that there aren't similarities).
It was reported that the Jacko family first opted for cremation, but it was discovered after years of plastic surgery and various chemical treatments to his skin that his body is now flame resistant. NASA has approached Joe Jacko in the hope of getting corpse samples to use in research on new heat shields for space vehicles.
It has been reported that Jacko has finally been buried at Forest Lawn Cemetary, instead of doing the right thing and donating his body to science fiction.
Initial autopsy results were inconclusive but reports from the Los Angeles Country Medical Examiner's office do showed that Jackson's body was 35% plastic and other recycled materials. After the rest of Jack's chassis had been released for embalming and burial subsequent autopsy and toxicology tests were done on Jackson's brain. On August 24th, 2009, the final results were leaked revealing the obvious: Jacko had died of a massive drug overdose and although he'd done the world a favour, Jacko's personal physician was accused of MURDER!!!
The doctor, cardiologist Conrad Murray, had been treating Jackson for insomnia for about six weeks with a buttload of the hospital-grade anaesthetic Diprovan every night via the tip of his penis. Murray said he feared Jackson was becoming addicted to the anesthetic, which is supposed to be used only in hospitals and other advanced medical settings, so he had lowered the dose and threw in the sedatives Valium and midazolam.
According to court records Murray said he resisted a tired Jacko's incessant whining for Diprovan (which he referred to as "his milk") fearful that the pop star had developed a dangerous addiction to the drug. Instead, Murray administered the sedatives Valium, lorazepam and midazolam five times over six hours but it didn't work and he continued to demand his "milk". Jackson stopped breathing about 10 minutes after Dr Death relented and finally gave in to his patient's demands.
Michael Jackson Lives
Don't believe Ondor's lies. We brought him back, we had the technology!
This is the story all about how
My pulse got flipped turned upside down,
Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there,
I'll tell you how I had cardiac arrest in Bel Air.
In Gary, Indiana born and raised,
In the plastic surgeon room is where I spent most of my days,
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxing all cool,
and sittin' in a van outside of a school
When a couple of parents said I was up to no good,
said I was molesting their kids in the neighborhood.
I got in one little incident, and the police got scared
and said "You movin' with your Blanket and children in Bel-Air"
I said I'll do a big concert tour, and when it came near
I needed a trainer - my body stress load was severe.
One morning that I woke up and suddenly felt pain,
I said "Nah forget it, YO HOLMES LET'S TRAIN!"
The very next day, 'round 11 or 12,
blood stopped rushing to my heart valve.
I collapsed on the floor, and to rejoicing of haters
I yelled to the world "yo holmes smell ya later"
Slipped into a coma and I was finally there,
dead of cardiac arrest at my home in Bel-Air.
Bel Air Ver. 2
This is a story all about how my HHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNGH!!!
His legacy continues in every shitty rerelease of his music, his family, and Pedobear. Also this guy
Death: The Ultimate PR
Before Jacko's death, no one gave a shit about him and his music. Only because it isn't even good enought to suck monley balls. To everyone, including his own family he was a washed-up pop star, with plastic skin and a fake nose. LaToya (Michael's evil twin brother) publicly accused Jacko of being a pervert on Geraldo Rivera's talk show in the 1990's. Now he is an infallible pop music legend and his music is hotter than ever. Use this to your advantage and profit off his corpse while you still can!
Now that he is Dead, let the whoring begin.
With jacko dead, the rest of the jacksoff family is without their primary cash cow. Like Elvis before him, it is time to plaster his plastic surgery ravaged face on anything and everything. First up are two video games, one the Michael Jackson Experience, a Wii dance game.
The most ambition project is Planet Michael, a HEUG MMO set within Michael Jackson's World based on his music videos and career. It is not known is players can enter the game as such characters as, Plastic Suregon, Private Doctor, Neverland Maid, Monkey Wrangler, Coffee Enema Administer, Anal Tampon Inserter, Personal Doctor Shopper and the best of all a 12 year old boy.
If this game becomes reality, there is much LULZ potential for griefing. The Patriotic Nigras will probably shut the servers down withing in 30 minutes of opening, which is a terrible, cruel, and IGNORANT thing to do.
Fun things to do.
- Go the Neverland as a 12 year old boy.
- Ask when bed time is, when the little had touches the big hand.
- Find Bubbles and give him a spanking.
- Close the pool because it has Aids.
- RAID Neverland, swarm the sim with characters all dressed as police, start asking where the CP is.
An Hero, From Beyond the grave
Can you really blame him?
- Stupid ass MJ website with forum to spam and make fun of
- The Cheeto That Foretold Michael Jacksons Future Amongst the crapflood of Jacko memorabilia available on eBay.
- Michael Jackson Moonwalk Cheeto.
- First site up within minutes of his death, goodjob.
- First person to PURELY FUCKING OWN HIM after death.
- The History of Michael Jackson's face.
- Computer generated image of how Jacko would look if he never had plastic surgery.
- Another person who bleached their skin. Compare the earliest album to the later ones.
- Pranksters pull a fast one - one pretends to be MJ and vomits all over the window of a Victoria's Secret.
- Michael Jackson jokes
- Jacko's Morning routine
- Rapper's Jacko diss set to South Park clips.
- Michael Jackson once paid to have a voodoo curse put on Steven Spielberg for not casting him in the movie Hook as
pedoPeter Pan, Jackson's demise once and for all proves that Jews > Voodoo
- Facial feminization surgery guinea pig
- Wacko Jacko's secret stash!
- Doujinland.com - Sure to contain lots and lots of sick fuckery.
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|Featured article June 26, 2009|
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