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deviantART user memories-long-gone started a chain reaction of asshattery that resulted in her getting thoroughly pwned when she stumbled across fellow user HickorySmoked’s Invader Zim “art”. Like any civil minded DA user, she decided that a good flaming was in order. Well, good might not exactly be the word for it. Her initial flame consisted solely of an all-caps plea for Hickory to ” GOD!!! STOP SCREWING UP OUR CYBER-SPACE WITH THIS CRAP!!” on one of her pieces.
Thus the battle of memories vs. Hickory began.
An interesting note about this dispute is that, unlike most documented DeviantART disturbances, neither Hickory nor memories were popular artists and didn't have any minions to set on each other, thus they had to fight their battle directly.
The Wrath of a Story Artist
Hickory was not one to take such insult lying down. Not after the very few glowing reviews she'd gotten for such pieces as zim squirel and dib kills keef at any rate. She responded with like venom, but poorer spelling, and resorted (seemingly by default) to accusations of jealousy.
Memories proceeded to pull the Familial Link card, claiming that her father was an artist and that he said that he never started out as badly as Hickory. Which would've been a good, though rather shoddy due to lack of proof, argument had she not then went on to proclaim that she was a "story artist" who wrote "storys" that people "wanted" to read.
What Hickory lacks in... anything admirable, she makes up for in the ability to find one flaw and pummel it into the ground. She picked up on this "storys" nonsense quickly and built the whole of her rebuttal with it. When faced with her own douche baggery, memories, in an act of great lulz, claimed that that was how it was supposed to be spelled.
What's wrong with my fucking spelling of "storys"? That's how it's supposed to be written, you need to fucking stop with this. "u writ "storys" huh? mayB u shood learn 2 spell it if ur gonna be a "story artist". ill post wat i want if i want." Let me see if I've got this right: "You write "storys", huh? Maybe you should learn to spell it if you're gonna be a "story artist". I'll post what I want, if I want." Did I get that right? Oh and if "storys" is not correct, then how do YOU spell it, oh mighty perfect speller? Is "stories" more of your style? Cause "story's" means " story is". So that can't be it.-memories-long-gone
Memories' main tactic of pretending to have to first translate Hickory's responses continued throughout the battle.
While we're on the subject of grammar, story's can also refer to the possessive form of the word.
Example: Unlike the "storys" memories writes herself, this story's grammar and spelling are, for the most part, correct.
The Front Lines
The battle moved on to the front lines when memories, fed up with Hickory's badly spelled, mind-numbing responses, posted directly to her Devious Comments box on her front page. Hickory, however stupid and illiterate she may be, did not think dipwad was harsh enough a name and called her on her pussification.
She responded with a few choice insults, though none really all that biting. Perhaps seeing this, she pointed out that Hickory was only bringing herself down by wanting to be called names. Hickory responded by saying that it wasn't that she wanted to be called names, but that if memories was going to resort to such a juvenile strategy, she could damn well pick some with some bite to them. Her exact words were:
it not me wanting to be called names. its me wanting to be call GOOD names if thats the way ur gonna do it. the words should be worth teh space u use 2 writ them, any writer knows that.
The last sentence actually sounds vaguely like one of the basic rules of writing according to The Elements of Style, a staple read for fledgling "story artists", though how Hickory came up with such a thing is beyond comprehension as it's clear she doesn't read.
At this point, memories insisted that she was indeed an "story artist" and demanded to know if Hickory had read any of her shitty, generic Kingdom Hearts fanfic. Hickory admitted that she didn't, on the grounds that memories would've only deleted her comments on it. However true this may have been, it's a given that the real reason is because Hickory cannot read. Not that reding any of memories shit would've improved her as a being much.
It was at this point on her own Comments box that memories declared that she was locked in a "battle of wits" with Hickory and that the only reason she hadn't blocked her was because "she enjoyed it". This statement was to be rather pitiously contradicted by her own actions, but at the time, Hickory's only response was to meatspin her. This prompted memories to call the Internet police.
Like any good practicioner of DA etiquette, HickorySmoked decided to have a look see at memories deviations. Upon which she found this masterpiece DELETED. You could smell the irony, not to mention the hypocrisy, through the screen. And Hickory, in an astonishing act of tact, offered the rather vague observation of "huh, imagin that'.
memories promptly hid the comment for fear that her one watcher might see it. Hickory quickly made it known, however, by outing her right beneath her proclaimation that fighting with Hickory was "fun". memories unhid the comment to save face, then denied ever having hid it in the first place.
Who's the Most Fucktarded of Them All?
Despite memories' claims that arguing with Hickory was enjoyable, when the mysterious "civilian moderator" Counter-Intelligence approached her with an offer to remove the comments each had left on both of their pages in exhange for her password and email address. She gave up the information with thanks. Not just casual thanks either. Fucking grateful thanks. Little did she know what a tool she was.
He sent a similar message to Hickory, with intentions to delete deviations from her profile and then upload them to memories', but Hickory, despite every other stupid ass thing she's done, had the sense not to give out her information (allegedly 28 years old, she had probably been phished before and knew better) and instead apologized then lulzed openly about it in her journal.
Even Sora Never Got Pwned this Hard in the Ass
Once Counter had the information, he set to work. First he uploaded a new deviation to her account entitled "PWNED" (deleted). Then he posted the following journal entry:
My name is memories-long-gone and I am a lol-cow.
I have spent the last three days fighting with a fucking moron. And to what end? I was so inflamed by the moronic ramblings of what is almost surely someone’s sockpuppet that I trusted a complete stranger with my password simply because he said he could get her banned. If he was a pedophile, he would’ve raped me and I would’ve liked it.
Although I claimed that fighting with HickorySmoked was “fun”, it was painfully obvious to the few people who stop by this miniscule and inconsequential profile, except the equally lulzy FadeStrikemind, that I was really wound up by her misspelled, poorly stated, and downright awful replies. And yet, though both she and myself claimed that we were “equally matched” so far as the wits went, she pwned my stupid ass not once, but twice. If only her posts were more legible, the lulz would’ve really ensued at my expense.
Let me explain the gist of them since Hickory is far too stupid to do so herself. I claimed that I was engaged in a “battle of wits” with her. At which point she noted that I had hidden her singular comment on my deviation “The People”. The comment was in fact hidden at the time of her post because I am a pussy who didn’t want anyone to note the irony of her words. (If Hickory knew what that word meant, I’m sure she would’ve used it.)
Then, in a desperate attempt to try and win the argument and end her literary diarrhea on my comments box, I told her that she should’ve just ignored my original comment and went about my merry way. She pointed out that I could’ve done the same upon finding her profile in the first place. Cornered, I claimed it was my right to have an opinion of her art and could leave comments as I so desired. To which she responded by pointing out that she could do the same. Foiled by my own shoddy logic, I claimed I could no longer understand her and feigned boredom with her antics.
Then Counter-Intelligence approached me with an offer to remove all of Hickory’s posts. He claimed he was a “civilian moderator”, but due to the fact that Hickory’s only countable infraction was meatspinning me, he could not ban her himself, but that he could remove the inflammatory things she had said on my page, particularly the meatspin link. Needless to say, I eagerly gave him my password like a camwhore gives away the goods for wishlist gifts.
The only reason I can imagine for why Counter-Intelligence would do this to me instead of Hickory is because I am a much bigger tool than she is. Story of my life, huh? Maybe I should use my awesome “grammer” and turn it into one of those “storys” people want to read instead of flaunting my usual repertoire of fanfiction for fandoms were the sheer number of submissions a day throws mine to the back of the bus.
In conclusion, the only thing stupider than HickorySmoked is myself because at least Hickory had the sense not to give out her password. Nevermind that the very TOS that he said I was in violation of also states that admin will NEVER ask for my password. Alas, I am a n00b at life and all my base are belong to Counter now.
Thanks for your support, memories-long-gone
As a last measure to ensure the lulz, he changed memorie's password to "dumbass", but didn't change the email address. This would guarantee that memories would know immediately the asshattery she had subjected herself to.
In doing this, he knew he left her profile to be reverted back to it's original status. Which was why he screencapped it instead:
Earlier in the "battle of wits", in what we assume was an effort to seem smart and metaphorical, memories added the phrase "When I was a child, I fought as a child and spoke as a child. But when I became an adult, I had that child taken out back and shot..." to her much less intelligent one of "Something this great deserves something stupid. Like pie. Yeah, pie." It was generally taken as a subtle jab at Hickory that, of course, went right the fuck over her head.
Despite her new and improved signature touting her as a mature adult handling a minor annoyance, she soon shattered that facade by repeated rising to Hickory's and Counter's jibes.
As if memories couldn't prove herself any stupider, almost rivaling Hickory for the throne in fact, Counter tried to sign in as memories again, just to see if she changed her password. She had. Upon experiementation, he found that she had changed it back to "longlost". What kind of dumbass, after being mercifully given back the account that was just taken from them for their stupidity, changes the password back to what it already was?
When Counter questioned her on such a dipshitted move, she claimed that it was different now. Only to be confronted by the fact that Counter was able to sign in with the old one. Yet again, memories was caught in her own shoddy lies.
She blocked him from her account and deleted the one good deviation she had in her gallery thereafter.
Being blocked from her DA account didn't stop him from executing great justice, however. He emailed her to let her know that this article existed in the hope for more lulz. She has since deleted all of her own work and hidden all of the comments on her profile, in the hopes that her dumbassery could not be viewed from here. Thank the powers that be for inventing the Print Screen butan.
memories' pussification apparently knows no bounds, forever cementing herself as a giant soppy pussy for the rest of forever. Or until Encyclopedia Dramatica, DeviantArt, and my hard drive all crash on the same day and the information is wiped from all three.
After a long sabbatical, during which memories claims to have been at a "mental institute for suicidal teens" (lol, so close to an hero), memories returned on May 30, 2007, posting not shitty Kingdom Hearts fan fiction but shitty poetry. After thirteen days of nothing but comments from one of her two watchers (technically, she has four but two of them are Hickory and Counter, and as they're both blocked they can't comment) she posted a journal entry reeking of whine-baggery, bitching about how no one read her shit poems and that she was dreadfully stupid, being a third time freshman and all. This was met by a single comment from that same watcher, who guided her back to her hugbox, telling her that memories surpassed her by several steps when it came to writing (one can only imagine the atrocities to be found on her profile if this wasn't just lip service).
Feeling generous, users DjangoDurango and tasteslikechili decided to oblige memories and unwittingly exposed themselves to the awful. Being civil-minded individuals and fighting against the urge to declare the poetry a demolition zone, irreparable by any measure, they offered condolences in the form of humble suggestions on how memories might improve the pieces. Little did they know, this was not what memories wanted.
The next day, memories declared that she did not care about her work enough to spell words correctly and that if one didn't like her poetry "don't read, dumbass." She then posted this journal entry:
Apparently, memories was expecting ass-kissery for posting abominations of literature. The true irony of all of this is that this same girl once told a certain someone that she shouldn't post bad art at all, much less post it, beg for comments, then get upset when they weren't glowing cunniligus for her apparently weakened ego.
If this is what "mental institutes for suicidal teens" do to you, the living should envy the dead. Even moreso.
- memories-long-gone's DeviantART profile
- The ff.net profile she practically handed out to anyone who cared to troll her there as well.
- HickorySmoked's DeviantART profile
- Counter-Intelligence's DeviantART profile
- Lulzy banter between memories and FadeStrikemind. What a pair of tools. DELETED Luckily, Counter was prepared for such faggotry.
Memories-long-gone is part of a series on
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