⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    Matt Crimmins

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search
    78px This article is entirely factual.
    Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.


       
     
    threads like this make me proud to be
    a mechanic of the internet hate machine

     

     
     

    WhiteMystery

    File:MattProfile.jpg
    According to Matt he is a "model"

    Matt Crimmins aka MattGRAVE aka Corblo II aka Matticus666 aka Matt Ballinger (irl) is an 19-year-old McDonald's fry cook, goth fucktard, and aspiring baby-daddy of 17-year-old-girl FROSTBRAT aka FROSTBITE |A/p|. What you are about to read is a textbook example about what happens to conceited /b/-tards when they try to run shit on ED when they don't have a clue about what it's all about. He also likes to throw people's shirts on top of roofs for lulz.

    Can't We All Just Get Along?

    It was a slow day on Encyclopedia Dramatica's new ED Users mailing list, which is known as WhiteMystery's "less frightening and confusing IRC Chatroom". However it can never be predicted when the next lolcow will come along.

    It all started with a fairly innocuous request for some wiki technical help from someone of no importance, which was promptly and helpfully answered. Then for seemingly no reason Matt Crimmins aka Matt Ballinger chimed in with the delightfully composed:







    The Lulz Begin


       
     
    Matt: Do us a favor and go impale yourself on a mascara brush.

    * http://www.myspace.com/matt_is_jesus

     

     
     

    Aghar

    File:SarahAldridge.jpg
    Matt's new loli Sarah, purely there to disprove Matt's homosexuality.

    With great haste, the datamining began by a number of EDiots, various MySpace's [1][2][3] [4], Deviantart's [5][6] and vampirefreak [7] profiles were uncovered.LOOK AT HIS Xbox 360 gamertag. Nice Harry Potter game... faggot.

    What can be gathered is that Matt:


    Let's Make Babies

    Claire's DavianTART page is completely devoid of artwork. In fact, it would be completely worthless if not for her journal entries, where we get to watch a stupid teenage girl drop out of school and get pregnant in just a few short paragraphs.

     
     
    One day I'll be out of home, and not at school. I'll have a job, and Matt wont be mad at me... And we'll have a little boo and have out happily ever after...
     

     

    Claire, making plans for the future



     
     
    We will have our happy ending... Fate will always fuck with us... And we will always keep on pushing on... All that matters is me and you.. Boo will come...i know it...

    I love you.

     

     

    Matt, knows that their hearts will go on


    13 days pass...

     
     
    I eat. I sleep. And I have no real plans for my life. Every journal blog entry I make up ends up sounding emo. Mainly because I can express my happiness openly, but it's not exactly easy to let out your sad feelings without being called emo. Not to mention I hardly ever feel happy anyway--there's just nothing out there to make me constantly smile.

    I'm bad luck.

     

     

    Claire, giving up all hope for the future



     
     
    Your not bad luck baby, and Boo is inside you spreading my good luck. He shares my gifts with you hunny...I love you.
    Matt.

     

     

    Matt, gonna be a daddy



    Reaction to this Article


       
     
    Thanks guys, really..... nice work.

    My only defense was the amount of vodka that was running through my system last night when i wrote the "<oi>" remark...
     


     
     

    —Matt Crimmins

       
     
    I don't mind the article at all. I know id do the same thing to anyone being a dick.
     

     
     

    —Matt Crimmins




    External Links




    Gallery of an emo vampire

    Gallery of Fail About missing Pics
    [Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
    I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...
    Matt Crimmins is part of a series on
    GOTH
    [Grow up and quit whiningEmbrace your inner darkness]
    I WILL NOT KILL MY CLASSMATES...

    Perverts

    Don HenrieJerry from Doomsday Refreshment CommitteeJonathon The InhalerLustiferaMichelle BelangerRyle Garamonde

    Pussies

    Brittany HolechkoDimmuborgiressIckeriss69KurtBatzLarathenMatt CrimminsMissHannahMinxMsUmlautNeil GaimanNickolausPaulie CalafioreSinnSophie LancasterSuccubbusTrent Reznor

    Psychos

    GothzillaHouse KheperuJeff WeiseJasmine RichardsonKimveer GillLindsay Kantha SouvannarathMemoryandDreamPink SpiderSephirothslaveSebastian BosseTodd Hoyt

    Posers

    Dani FilthEx-RayeFesazukichanJack SpicerJetTheeReaperPaganDeathKnightTooDamnFilthyVoodoo devil dollYouZeriara

    Places

    BasementsColumbineDeadJournalGoth macrosHot TopicRichland Collegiate High SchoolVampire Community Message BoardVampire FreaksVampire PosersVampire Shitty

    Pastimes

    Aiding the Dark Lord in BattleAngstBeing EdgyCuttingDrugsGuroHomosexualityNeil Gaiman's SandmanNecrophiliaNot having friendsMurderMy ImmortalPoetryRuining the InternetSchool ShootingSuicideThe Nightmare Before ChristmasVampirismWhere The Dead Go To Die

    Noise

    Anal CuntThe CureDoomsday Refreshment CommitteeDr. SteelDream TheaterEmilie AutumnKoRnLinkin ParkNINthe Sisters of MercySlipknotTool

    Matt Crimmins
    is part of a series on
    Ausfailia
    [CollapseExpand]
    200px

    People

    AboriginalsAdolf HitlerAlanaJonzeAndrew QuahAnnalise WallikerAntonAshley TownsAush0kAustral-AznBill SpiderMichaelDragon800Blissyu2Blunty3000BogansBoochanBooster4444Brenton TarrantCarly RyanCatherine DevenyCbeeCharmaine DragunChin-chanClare WerbeloffCocaine BabeCorey WorthingtonDariusHunterDarkfalzDarkspeedsDavid ThorneDegenDennis FergusonEinsidlerEmmalinaGarry Francis NewmanGas Mask GirlGeoffrey LeonardGina RinehartHeath LedgerIain HallJake BilardiJames PackerJarrad WillisJasonafexJodie Gater and Stephanie GestierJoel "Inciter" IvoryJosef FritzlTypo-ChanLeah CostaLiz ShawLoveinavoidMartin BryantMatt CrimminsMel GibsonMickyy MooMyNameIsLennyNeighboursRianaRolf HarrisRupert MurdochShareeSnapesnoggerSophie DelezioSteve Hodder-WattSteve IrwinSummoner YunaSuper Planet DolanSuzi OlsenTarisai VusheTechaTeenage Kings of WerribeeThedreadedkettleTheHill88Tim WardTom WoodTrap-kunTrinity BatesYiriCommunityChannelStylidiumlane


    Places

    AdelaideBrisbaneCanberra
    Great Western Highway
    MelbourneMill Park Tree
    New ZealandPerthPort ArthurSydneyTasmaniaToowoomba

    Politics

    Australian Internet FilterAustralian Federal PoliceAustralian Media ED InterviewPaula BensonBook of CADNOCATThe ChaserJulia GillardPauline HansonJohn HowardThe Kate PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaOperation TitstormProject FreewebKevin RuddNational AnthemSorry DayDianne ThorleyNick XenophonTony Abbott

    Featured article December 28, 2007
    Preceded by
    419 Nigerian Email Scams
    Matt Crimmins Succeeded by
    Internet Vigilante Group