Mary Alice Altorfer

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Mary Alice Altorfer is a paranoid Texan who hosted a visit from her two grandchildren, whose father is a nigger. The children swam at the River Tree subdivision pool every day for about a week before someone posted a flier on the pool gate bearing a picture of a black man with a large afro haircut, his arms folded across his chest and the words "POOL'S CLOSED" superimposed.

She has mistaken an internet meme for a racist attack and she wants to bring the police in - OMFG - to investigate the matter.

Latest rumors have it that Mary, egocentric, egomaniacal, strongly religious and always feeling persecuted and at the center of all attacks, is merely attention-whoring. Oh wonder! Who is to say for sure she didn't stick the lulzy "Pools Closed" (...due to AIDS and Stingrays) poster on the fence herself ? Time will tell.

The original raid took place as Anon's crusade against racism, sparked by a little black American boy who was denied access to his local pool because he was apparently HIV positive. Hence the "Pool's Closed due to AIDS" phrase. Little does Mary know that she is hindering anon in helping remember this great injustice. In fact, she cries racism instead.



—In early July 2008, Racism was used instead of chlorine, for great justice!.


[-+]Click Here for more JewTube videos.

It started with this



Lulz quotes

"Who wouldn't want her grandkids at the pool?"


—The Internet, for great justice!

"It's just a bunch of racist, homophobic, geeks."


—Mary Alice Altorfer, on why her nigger son-in-law won't work

"A joke is when two people laugh. I'm not laughing."


—Mary Alice Altorfer, I believe that's just you.

"They’ve messed with the wrong granny.”


—No no we're all pretty sure we got the right granny, The Internet

"I’m now on the Internet, with people making fun of me in the thousands,"


—And growing at a rate of 40,000 per hour, The Internet

"With this in mind, Altorfer said she’s now certain — even more so than earlier this week — that the sign outside her pool was meant specifically for her biracial grandchildren Nicholas Martinez, 9, and Isabel Martinez, age 6."


—Im sure it was, like the habbo raids were an attack on a single computer in eastern europe.

"A single news broadcast of Altorfer’s story garnered more than 100,000 YouTube hits by Thursday evening. That morning, it was among the top 5 videos viewed on the site nationwide."


—That was 100,000 personal attacks on you Mary, remember that!, 100,000 Viewers on YouTube

"she receives a phone call — usually racist — 'about every minute and a half.'"


—This is unacceptable, 15 seconds is the maximum time between calls!!, Mary Alice Altorfer

"I don’t even know if it’s about me and the kids anymore."


—Never was, get over it, lulz

"A second sign posted Thursday depicted a caricature of Altorfer herself, and as of Friday, her grandchildren were on their way home to California. Their visit wasn’t cut short, exactly, but 'their father is worried about the kids,' Altorfer said."


—You start an Internet war involving your grandchildren & you think their father wont be worried?, epic fail

"She also has been the victim of an online and telephone attack known as a raid."


—Be glad you're not a Scientologist..., Anonymous

"I was really frazzled"


—Mary Alice Altorfer, speaking of her time hunting niggers in the southern Sahara.

"A week ago, New Braunfels grandmother Mary Alice Altorfer had never heard of YouTube. Now she’s a hot topic on one of the most influential Web sites in America."


—Wait, what? how?, wtf lol

"She said she received more than a dozen phone calls from 'unlisted numbers' Saturday morning, but didn’t answer any after the first call. 'When my phone rings, it’s usually a person I know,' she said. 'I would really appreciate them stopping this.'"


—You said what now??, Anonymous

"'You pull up that phone number. My address is posted there,' she said. 'That scares the absolute hell out of me.'"


—Mary Alice Altorfer talking about her fear of PHONE BOOKS, lulz

"Racism? In my pool?"


—Mary Alice Altorfer scared for her life.

"This kind of stuff is old."


—Mary Alice Altorfer, lol srsly, newfag?

Pool's Open

That's right nigga

A second poster, saying "Pool's Open", appeared Wednesday at the River Tree subdivision pool gate. Put up by an older man with a beard, the sign was removed by the Police for fingerprints and ruining everybody's fun like usual.

Contact details


Mary Alice Altorfer waited. The lights above her blinked and sparked out of the air. There were racists in the subdivision. She didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. Her warnings to Cernel Joson were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.

Mary Alice Altorfer was President of the Homeowner's Association for fourteen years. When she was young she watched the swimmers and she said to dad "I want to swim in the pool daddy." Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY RACISTS"

There was a time when she believed him. Then as she got oldered she stopped. But now in the River Tree subdivision of the New Braunfels she knew there were racists.

"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the racists!"

So Mary Alice Altorfer gotted her plasma rifle and blew up the wall.

"SHE GOING TO KILL US" said the racists

"I will shoot at her" said the cyberracist and he fired the rocket missiles.

Mary Alice Altorfer plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.

"No! I must kill the racists" she shouted

The radio said "No, Mary Alice Altorfer. You are the racists"

And then Mary Alice Altorfer was a klansman.

Teh End.


Mary Alice Altorfer Gallery About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Mary on her personal reform on racism

A Refrain of Echoes from the Reflecting Pool
by Mary Alice Altorfer

When I was a young girl, I thought he was crazy. Growing up in rural North Carolina had shaped my viewpoint of right and wrong into a very narrow scope of black or white. Martin Luther King Jr. was a colored man, foolish enough to call himself my brother, and uppity enough to think white folks like me cared. "Ain't no dumb nigger gonna change what goes on in these towns or back roads," I used to think.

I can still visualize Alabama's Governor Wallace standing on those school steps, vehemently attempting to block desegregation; defiant to his president but faithful to his constituents. Even as a child, I knew that the man was not unique. Verbalizing what the South thought, Wallace was just another good ol' white boy with a degree of respectability because of his elected office. Federal troops may have brought Alabama to her knees, opening a lot of eyes to an ugly side of life in moss-draped Magnolialand, but the heart of Old Dixie still beat with a steady rhythm of hatred and bigotry.

Tired of newsreels with civil rights marchers being attacked, maimed, or killed, tired of watching some crazy black guy get his ass ripped by Cujo-like police dogs, and more tired still of watching even crazier white folks (Northerners, I used to tell myself) getting their heads cracked open with billy clubs, my attention waned. My life at that time had changed, and in my teenage list of priorities, Martin Luther King and all he stood for was quickly forgotten. Highlights those years for me in the early '60's was my move from North Carolina to Southern California, and my discovery of boys.

My daddy used to say, "You can take a girl out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the girl." I think he meant country, but South works much better for me. Either way, it did come back, shadowing my life and its decisions.

One day in 1967, more broke than bigoted, I applied for a job at a cannery in West Oakland. Hired, I found myself working in an enormous food processing plant at a great salary, a white speck in a blue-collar, predominately black workforce that, during the packing season, numbered in the thousands. A generous paycheck squelched my initial apprehension. Although overwhelmed at first, eventually and hesitantly "they" became my friends, and I learned "they" had families. Before too long, I became one of "them". My skin color didn't change, but my heart did. There were now faces on the expletives I had once used. Faces that did not look alike, and faces that I looked forward to seeing every day. My new friends, to my joyful gastronomic discovery, ate my kind of food or, depending how you looked at it, I ate theirs. Too many years in North Carolina had left me with a culinary taste for ribs, cobbler, greens, and cornbread, and West Oakland restaurants generously obliged me.

Then Martin Luther King was assassinated, which prompted me for the first time in my life to draw back and take a long hard look at the man. He and I were still young when he was killed. I suddenly realized, hell, he didn't change just the South, he was the catalyst for change regarding race relations for the entire world! It was years after he originally delivered his "I Have a Dream" speech that I actually sat down, watched and listened to it on television.
I was dumbstruck not only by what he said, but how: It was spoken in the cadence of a Southern Baptist preacher man; not only a speech but a true deliverance; not just eloquence but words turned into gospel. Both man and speech were unforgettable, and they gave me goose bumps. Martyred for what I took for granted, the Reverend King managed a celluloid "laying on of the hands" for me, because I changed. Some could argue (with my Catholic background) that the prayers of many nuns had been answered.
Change was difficult, but it was a challenge that I took. To quote Rev. King, I began to pick my friends and associates "not for the color of their skin, but for the content of their character."
I live by a simple code espoused in writing by Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence. It states, "All men are created equal, and they are endowed by the Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." The Rev. Martin Luther King put meaning into those words for me. Once a person I ridiculed, he would later in my life become a role model.
More than four decades and 3,000 miles have distanced me from the very defined racial barriers and hatreds that I knew as a child. "No Colored Allowed" was a sign that symbolized that negative era of human rights from which Martin Luther King emerged. A black man who broke stride, stepped out, and stood up to what must have seemed an impregnable wall of discrimination and indifference. To have been there, and to have known the opposition that he faced, makes me gasp at his raw courage.
I am not black, therefore, I cannot say "I know how it feels" because I do not, but there are some things I do understand. Posted signs reading "Whites Only" or "No Colored Allowed' are no longer allowed, but the actions and hearts of many still bear their imprimatur.
Confederate symbolism is to the American South what the swastika was to Nazi Germany. Both represent the tears and toil of a specific race of people, and Mississippi's vote last year to retain its century-old flag with the Confederate battle cross emblazoned on it, was an affirmation of malice not a nostalgic link to the past.
For the new South to cling to such a divisive representation of a bygone era when slavery and lynchings were acceptable, demeans half their citizenry and taunts the ghosts of Martin Luther King, Medgar Evers, four little girls in their Sunday best, and the lifeless body of every black man, woman, and child to ever swing from a Southern tree limb.
Mississippi's resistance to change should have opened a lot of eyes, both blue and brown, to an anachronous place caught yet in a warp of hate, and remind an otherwise ignorant nation, that such values still exist in America.
History can placate hate. Often, it is written according to the bent of the author, and often it is learned according to the bent of the teacher. Slavery did not begin in America, nor is it confined to the white man's exploitation of the African slave; any good pupil of history knows this. But enslavement is not limited to coerced and free labor, it is also the loss of human dignity--the latter perpetuated in this country long after Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Issues stemming from slavery inspired restricted neighborhoods and clubs, segregation, voting inequalities, and much to the regret of the people who maintained these lines, and readied the tree limbs for the poor souls who crossed them, inspiration also went out to the civil rights leaders who sought to change these limitations: Martin Luther King being one of them. The Song of the South did not lull him into forgetting his place in a society that found order in the subtle, and not so subtle, denigration of an entire race of people. He was a pupil who read beyond the written word and knew the real history of the region.
The anti-bellum mansions that trail their legacy of mint juleps and cool verandas throughout the southern part of the United States still represent for many a sweeping vista of genteel living. Their enduring white-columned porches, gracious reminders of a time before northerners and abolitionists, when the Negro knew his place, and the plantation was a realm unto itself. However, the history and heritage of the South have never totally integrated with the truth. Behind the mystique and the mansions, are the slave cabins and the sharecroppers' shacks; the bent backs of a people, whose free and cheap labor, created an arbitrary landscape of beauty, refined as the sugar it produced, and coarse as the bestial manner in which it operated.
The shadow of Martin Luther King looms large. He understood that our future depends on how we remedy the sins of the past, but his invocation for justice and equality did not advocate restitution or level demands. Simplicity is its strength. Evangelists don't go quiet, and the bullet that snuffed his life did not stifle his voice. I heard it.
Along with Presidents Washington and Lincoln, the Reverend Martin Luther King has earned a commemorative day off. Too bad, it was not more candles on his birthday cake because there is still so much work to do. Hate never takes a holiday.

I believe racism has been a hot topic on her mind since she was young (and racist), when she joined the workforce she was made to work with black people that made her change her beliefs and understandings, hense most probably is the reason why she has a batshit insane tendency to assume the Pool's Closed sign was Racist and nothing more than a racist attack on her (what better!) half-black grandkids.

After reading this story, she probably wants to promote herself as a person fighting racism and saw this sign as a way to get attention doing so, taking advantage of the situation - she alerted police & news media to attempt to make herself the hero of the news.

Unfortunately Mary didn't realize the Pool's Closed poster was a part of an internet meme and known to millions online.

TL;DR - And then Mary Alice was the racists

News Articles

Use scrollbar to see the full image

Alleged racism attracts online attention

Use scrollbar to see the full image

Another news story, triggered by a letter from an anon (obv troll is obv)

See Also

External Links

[WatermelonsFried Chicken]
Mary Alice Altorfer is part of a series of topics related to Black People
Nigra walking.gif Places

AfricaAfro-chanAtlantaDead Nigger StorageDetroitE.S. Nigger Brown StandEgyptGambia ♠ The GhettoHabbo HotelKenyaLiberiaMediatakeoutMozambiqueNawlinsPrisonRepublic of Sierra LeoneSomaliaSouth AfricaSudanTanzaniaWashington, DCZimbabwe


AboriginalBlackineseBoko HaramChavCripsGothNativeNiggerNegressNigraOFWGKTATransniggerWiggerYounger Woolwich Boyz


Aaron AlexisAbner LouimaAdria RichardsAfro NinjaAfroduckAinsley HarriottAlison FloydAl SharptonAmanda KijeraAmericanDad86Antoine DodsonBags of MoneyBANGSBarry BondsBernie MacBill ClintonBill CosbyBlack DiligentBarack Hussein ObamaBLACKB0NDBLACKbusterCriticBLACK_MANBlue-SixBomani ArmahBrandon PhillipsBrenda WilliamsC-NOTECandyJunkieCarlos Deangelo BellCarltonCasey BrezikCharlie Check'mCharles RamseyChris DornerCondoleezza RiceCosmo SetepenraCRoadwarriorCulexorCupcake ThiefCyntoia BrownDarius McCollumDangermanDave ChappelleDcigsDramasetterDr. Laura SchlessniggerEugene TerreblancheFresh PrinceFuture the rapperGary ColemanGeneral Butt NakedGeorge FloydG-ZayH2OHappy NegroHerman CainIsmaaiyl BrinsleyIsaac HayesJadaJames BarkleyJames WatsonJeremiah TrueJesse JacksonJkidJoseph KonyKanye WestKerney ThomasKobe BryantLatarian MiltonLil BLoud NigraM0M0koMadThad0890MajelaZeZeDiamondMalcolm XMark EssexMartin Luther King, Jr.Matrooko11Marvin Morvan and Alex TeniolaMary Alice AltorferMaurice ClemmonsMeek MillMicah DawsonMichael AregaMichael JacksonMichael VickMike TysonMintahMiss LandmineMr PregnantMr. TMuteba KidiabaMychal BellNawlinWikiNicki MinajNigger PigNtokozo QwabeOFWGKTAOG LocOJ SimpsonOld Spice GuyOprah WinfreyP DiddyPurple AkiQueen KongRachel DolezalReverend XRobert Butler Jr.Rocky LockridgeRon MexicoRoyce da 5'9"RucasRudy EugeneSenator Barack Hussein ObamaSheneequaSonicfoxSoulja BoyStarlaglamSteve Hodder-WattSteve StephensSweet BrownRick RossTacgnolTarisai VusheTay ZondayTedius ZanarukandoThe Booty WarriorThe CrackheadThe TrashmanTiger WoodsTookie WilliamsTony48219Tony EvereadyTrayvon MartinTyra BanksUnMaskingTheTruthValisHDVester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan IIViperWaluigis-girlWill SmithWoah VickyWrong Location Nigger


Are You Serious?BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUDBix NoodBlack FathersBlack History MonthBOOYA!Dat AssDINDUNUFFINEbonicsENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK ITFirst World ProblemsFlea Market MontgomeryFuck The PoliceGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleHack is Wack!Happy NegroI Go Chop Your DollarImma Let You Finish IM PRESSIN CHARGESNiggers tongue my anusNot racistRead a BookScrub Me Mama With A Boogie BeatSittin On Tha ToiletSmell yo dickThanks ObamaThe BoondocksThese CuffsWE WUZ KINGZ AN SHEITWHOOYou'll Cowards Don't Even Smoke Crack


365Black.com419 Nigerian Email ScamsBasketballBlackbirdBooty ShakingChikinsChimpoutConspiracy theoriesCrackDallas Sniper AttacksDogo Nahawa MassacreDolemiteFUBUJenkemKFC Double DownKool-AidLinux for NiggersNigga Know TechnologyPool's ClosedRacismRapRapeRiotsSlave TetrisSoulja Boy Tellem ChatSwagThe Black SentinelThe Great Black Dick Hoax (see also Niggerdick and Niggercock)TwitterUbuntuVoodooVuvuzelaWatermelonzWorldstar Hiphop


BLACK FACE contempoLynchingNO NIGGERSSlavery (see also Nigger Manual)


AIDSAll The Niggers Are DeadBlack Lives MatterBlack People Love Us!Chocolate RainComputer Science IIICulexorGay Nigger Association of AmericaJena SixP.A. PalaceSheeeitThere are no niggers on the InternetUnemployment ♠ and Welfare


A. Wyatt MannAznCopsDylann Storm RoofEbola virusEmploymentEpic Beard ManIlluminatiKu Klux KlanJames WatsonJohnny RebelJustine SaccoKramerRacismSpicsPopobawaWWhite peopleWhite supremacyWhitewashing

Portal trolls.png

Mary Alice Altorfer is part of a series on