John Sakars is a vegan porn star, animal rights activist and talented musician who enjoys violating YouTube's upload policy by posting videos of his sexy, wet, naked body. His favorite pastimes include drinking green smoothies, eating out beautiful vegan vaginas and having cats lick syrup off his tiny, malnourished penis.
Sakars is best known for his mad guitar skills. He knows about three chords and only uses one per song. John refuses to use any sort of mastering software and as such his voice is horribly untuned. Listening to more than two Sakars songs in one sitting has lead to brain tumors, spontaneous abortions in pregnant women and runs the risk of turning the listener into a vegan. Sakar's interesting voice is possibly a side effect of having his testicles surgically removed which, thankfully, means he can never reproduce and create more mindless pro-vegans (assuming his dick ever actually penetrates a vagina at all). The lyrical content generally revolves around veganism, his penis, other men's penises, bestiality, and bathtubs.
Go Vegan Muthafucka: The Movie
This should explain everything.
Many people who have called John out on his bullshit often leave our favorite cat-rapist a message or two on Youtube. John has made a series of videos of him reading 'mean' comments telling him to shut up, However unfortunately John has far too many rocks in his head to take that advice. Many people also complain that John has weird fucking teeth however John still thinks that having a removable tooth and licking food off of it is sexy. We can only hope that John takes the commenters advice and shuts the fuck up.
John also loves licking vegan vaginas, and has produced several softcore porn videos, all of which are hosted on his YouTube channel. Somehow he is unaware of XTube, videos of him licking invisible genitalia, molesting vegetables and strip dancing are listed alongside videos of him protesting, interacting with the general public and sledding with his nephew. Sakars knows that vegan women secretly fantasize about him sticking his limp veggie dick in their assholes. Because of this, he believes it is his duty to cater towards them in his videos as he is way to busy masturbating to cats fucking to travel around the world reaping in the vegan pussy. If you are a homosexual, it is perfectly acceptable to have fantasies of John licking your balls or your cock. John's lack of sex is certainly frustrating him, hence the reason he is in his forties and still spends all his time making shitty vegan videos.
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|Featured article April 7th, 2014|
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Neutral Milk Hotel