⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot



    John Kerry

    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search


    John Webster Kerry (born Jonathan Israel Kohn) was an inept Democratic challenger to the Presidency in 2004. Couldn't pull out a win against George W Bush, a man less intelligent than a rhesus monkey that spent its developmental years being tested for the effects of black tar heroin on cognitive ability. Perhaps his downfall was brought about by forgetting Poland. Or when he asked all the Vietnam veteran's to throw their medals over a bridge to protest the war, but when it came time to throw he "forgot his", but soon remembered they were shoved up his ass, along with George Bush's cock.

    His popularity resurged in 2007, when he founded the Lemon Party and promised the elderly free gay sex to be paid for entirely by the federal government. He announced he will run as his party's nomination for president in 2008, with this proposal being a key part of his platform. He has found an unlikely supporter in George W. Bush, and if elected, they will unite on January 20, 2009 in some of the smokiest buttsex ever recorded in human history.


    While failing to run for office, Kerry exhibited many leadership qualities: staying on a bicycle while it was moving, signing his name without any help, and smiling for the camera when his handlers poked him with a cattle prod. He dealt well with his loss, vowing to cold-shoulder the Republicans at his country club. Unlike Al Gore, however, he did not try to grow a beard.

    He often made out with his running mate on the campaign trail, prompting weird fangirls to write scary fanfiction.



    Suspected Zombie

    File:Zombiekerry.gif
    John Kerry is a suspected zombie. Approach with caution.

    John Kerry was suspected of being a zombie on June 14th, 1968 during his tour in Vietnam as a Swift boat captain. After getting off the boat to take an extraordinary long leak, his crew noticed a wound on his neck that would be fatal to a normal human. Kerry received the Purple Heart for this injury, though there were rumors he ate the flight crew on his trip home.

    John Kerry sounds like Thurston Howell III from Gilligan's Island, further evidence that he is a zombie. John Kerry should be approached with extreme caution.

    It had been confirmed that John Kerry was a zombie after he snapped his neck in a waterboarding accident; getting bukkaked by dolphins. He came out with skid marks in his pants and smoking a cigarette. Autopsy photos have shown that the dolphin's Semen Soaker had broke Zombie Kerry's neck. John Kerry later confirmed that he planned this incident with the dolphins to make his gay lover, John Edwards, jealous.

    E-celebrity

    After spending an estimated twelve billion dollars on his campaign, John Kerry made some internet users aware of his existence. Several years later, Google reports these linger opinions:

    The United States has a population of several trillion people, making Kerry's audience awareness -5.

    Current surveys of the general public report:

    Fun Facts

    • He is actually a Jew.
    • John Kerry was determined in an official science poll to have the longest face in the Western Hemisphere, narrowly beating out Jay Leno.
    • Judging from the lack of responses to official inquiries, John Kerry does not like mudkipz.
    • John Kerry also has a massive dick. Trust us on this one.
    • Disappointing millions all over the world, Kerry is not in fact a camel.
    • In his spare time, John Kerry stabs children with his pointy chin.
    • John Kerry doesn't care about Poland.

    Gallery

    Video

    RT '2035' promo: Retired Obama, John Kerry, & ft President Snowden

    'John Kerry' and 'Barack Obama' appear on RT for its 10th anniversary

    See also

    John Kerry
    is part of a series on Politics.
    Ideologies: [You are wrong!We are right!]

    Alt-rightAnarchyCapitalismCentrismCommunismConservatismDemocratHippieLiberalismLibertarianismMiltopismNaziNihilismNeo-conPacifismRepublicanReconquistaSocialismStoner GuruTory

    Issues: [Fuck it, Too lazy.Get it fixed!]

    AbortionArab SpringBahrainBarron TrumpBirthCISPADeath penaltyDrugsEnvironmentalismGaysGeorge Bush doesn't care about black peopleGirlfriendsMarijuana AddictionGround Zero MosqueMarijuana AddictionMass ShootingGun controlGunsHealthcare (2) (3)• HomelessHousing CrisisHuntingIceslaveIranMarriageMiller TestMiltopiaNAUPimpin'RacismShoesTaxesTerrorismUnemploymentWarWelfare

    Politicians: [Rigging Elections is funVote for me]

    AhmadinejadAkinB.AllenG. AllenAngleAshburnBachmannBhuttoBin LadenBlagojevichBlairBoehnerG.BrownS.BrownBunningJim TraficantDubya BushGeorge H. W. BushBurrByrdCainCameronChavezCheCheneyChomskyChretienChurchillClintonClinton IIChelsea Clinton Hillary Clinton CleggCohenColemanCorbynCowgerCraigCthulhuCunninghamCurtisD'AlemaDeanDelayDuterteDwyerEdwardsFaganFiorinaFoleyGerald FordRob FordGellerGillardGingrichGiulianiGonzalesGoreGrahamGravelGreeneGriffinHagueHansonHardingHarperHitlerHowardHuckabeeHusseinJacksonJamesJidetteJohnsonJohnson, BorisKennedyLaRoucheLBJLottKerryKindKissingerKucinichLewinskyLiebermanLimbaughLoughnerMajorMarceaux.comMarxMcBerryMcCainMcHenryMcKinneyMercerMichael BloombergMooreMorocco MoleMussoliniNaderNixonObamaO'DonnellOsbornePainePaladinoPalinPaulPelosiPencePerryPinochetPrittPutinQuahQuayleRasanskyReaganRendellRiceRobertsonRomneyRoveRuddRumsfeldRyanSaakashviliSandersSantorumSchumerSchwarzeneggerSharptonCyril SmithJacqui SmithSpitzerStevensStranahanSupremeTaitzThatcherThompsonThorleyTPMMuckraker MoleTrudeauTrumpVenturaVitterWarsiWashingtonWaxmanWeinerWestWilliamsWilsonWolfowitzXXenophon

    Parties: [No beer? Fuck that.Hell yeah, a party!]

    America's Third PartyBlack BlocDramacratic PartyHard PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaNorth American DONG PartyOBAMACORNSocialist Workers PartyPirate PartyZapatistas

    Tactics: [Rage Quit.How do I get elect?]

    2013 US Government ShutdownBlaming ChinaCaptain Nigga DefendaCloward Piven StrategyCuckservativesDemockeryDoomsday ClockG20 Toronto LollercaustLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberal guiltMacaca#NotMySuperbowlChampsOccupy DemocratsOperation LemonpartyRaped StatisticsThe ResistanceUpworthyWunderground

    See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communities