John has recently returned from his mental institution, and is currently accessible to communicate with. Warning though, John has been put away for over two years and has been subtly rehabilitated. He has began to question things and is not quite as gullible as he used to be. However, he is still THE JOHN BULLA and some things never change.
John Steven Bulla is a 63 year old retard diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who believes he is the only ordained minister of God. He claims to have the "holy priesthood", which allows him to cure major diseases such as AIDS and cancer, wake beautiful women from the dead, and kill demons. John is also registered sex offender. However, all of the "beautiful women", "nasty demons", and people inquiring about his church are complete frauds; people toying with his schizophrenia, and for some reason he believes everything people say.
John Bulla was discovered hosting a tinychat room around 2009, where he blasted unwarranted self-importance about his church The Church of Christ with the Elijah Message. He was easily deceived with videos of white whores. He soon moved on to Skyping with fat ugly whores that would flock to him. He often performed exorcisms of demons possessing ordinary people. During this time, he would often show off his junk on camera, but stopped later on due to an incident which involved a "demon" calling his mom, where she walked in on him during the act. Demons would also often hack into the computers of his girlfriends and distribute his nudes. Later that year his tinychat was hacked into and obscenities were written into the description, and he became overwhelmed by the number of demons pretending to be him. At this time, his mother forbid him from accessing the website and he began to refer to tinychat as "of the devil." However, despite his efforts to stay away from demons, he continuously uses Skype, which he believes to be created and run by demons. He also spends hours talking to demons on his cell phone.
- Hiatus from the internet
Late 2010-early 2011 harbored a major turn of events for John as he was strongly concerned about "Judgement Day." He believed that on this day, Jesus was going to come back and go to battle with the Devil. As more demons began to contact him, he felt as though the prediction was beginning and he had to fight side by side with Jesus, otherwise everyone on Earth will become demons (It has not been stated whether or not this has anything to do with his current ideology; all men are demons, all women should be his and if they are not, they are demons). During this time he began intimate relations with his online girlfriend Stefani, the daughter of Steve Jobs. Since Steve Jobs was very sick and she was going to receive his inheritance, she offered him her fortune to help build an actual church. John created a Facebook page and started talking to important people such as TV Host Dr. Phil, who also began to offer him money. However, in a turn of events someone messaged John explaining that everything was a lie, in which he did not reply. A couple days later John left the internet and wasn't seen until late 2013.
Early 2013 until 3/11/2014 harbored John's craziest days. He had completely stopped taking his medication and was refusing any sort of treatment. On top of this, his health began to decline because he had started to associate specific nutritious foods with demons (such as bananas and turnips). Instead, he began drinking beer as part of his holy sacrament daily and only would eat salmon, potatoes, and coffee. He began to develop a bit of a following from people who had the sole intent of trolling him, and was spending most of his time speaking to them. He would only sleep for about 3-4 hours a night, and would often cuss out "niggers" and "demons" in person. This got him into a lot of trouble, and on 3/11/2014 at around 6pm John was taken away from us for what seemed to be an eternity. The night of his departure, John was convinced that his poop was possessed by the VonWolf demon and that the only way he could make him leave was by performing an exorcism, which consisted of consuming a large sum of laxatives, allowing the shit to sit in a tuba-wear container for about 7 hours, and then sticking his penis inside of it (he believed that VonWolf was not gay, and thus did not want to forcefully suck John's dick. Therefore he would be forced to leave John's poop for good). After this, John applied a full face of dollar tree make up and covered himself in maxi-pads. This is just an example of how nuts the man had become.
Meanwhile, the police had started a case about John because Guy Waggoner had changed the address on John's playboy magazine prescription to another pedophile in the park. John was actually the only pedophile that was not on probation, and was therefore allowed pornographic material. Alongside this, John had pissed off all of his roommates forcing them to move out. The landlord was genuinely scared that John would get himself into a lot of trouble by pissing off these offenders that he lived with, so he had contacted John's mother in an attempt to get him institutionalized. Eventually he was evicted, given a court trial which he lost, and then committed to a funny farm. However, recently John has returned- heavily medicated and a lot more stable.
At the age of 6, John went over to his friend's house for a play-date. As he was playing with a toy car (his head slightly tilted in the other direction), his friend shot him in the stomach and left him bleeding on the floor. Luckily, his friend's mother found him on the ground and called an ambulance. John claims he "could have died" from the bullet to the heart, but luckily it skimmed the area and he came out okay. This can easily be interpreted as a prerequisite to his holy priesthood.
In his younger years, John was called by his middle name "Stephen" or "Steve". He suffered minor abuse and outing by his father, who in later years he claims to have "caused the death of his father by praying to God and wiping the dust off of his feet off at him." John graduated from high school and went on to receive an (obviously very outdated) degree in computers. During so, he has admitted to doing a lot of drugs (specifically hallucinogens such as LSD) which are thought to have progressed the onset of his schizophrenia. During this time, his brother Art Bulla introduced him to Mormonism in which he became very fond of and later became an elder. However, he soon discovered The Church of Christ with the Elijah Message and became very close with one of the elders, John. After John passed away, it appears that John Bulla got in a dispute with some of the other members and left. He now claims that he is the only ordained minister of the church. This means he is the only person that can allow marriage, divorce, etc. He is the only person who can baptize you into his "church" (which, currently, has not yet been built and includes no legitimate members).
Later on, John married a woman and had an affair with his step daughter. There have been several different claims made about the incident:
- His wife was a demon and so was the daughter. Since the wife wanted out of the relationship and was obviously fed up with his claims of holy priesthood, she made the daughter lie.
- He had an affair with his step daughter, and once his wife found out she lied about the whole thing.
- It didn't happen at all.
- And finally, my personal favorite; his step daughter was raped, but not by him! By a clone of him that originated on the planet Jupiter. John vividly recalls attempting to open a locked door, seeing the face of the clone followed by the screams of his step daughter.
However, 3 is clearly incorrect since John is a registered sex offender and lives in a community for sexual predators. He also served 10 years in prison for the incident.
After John went on a hiatus, he moved in with his "very beautiful adult black girlfriend" Cherryelle. Like John, she had just been released from a mental institution and believed in his holy priesthood. However, their relationship was clearly very rocky, as observed by his posts on Facebook. His posts shuffled from "I just got done fucking my very beautiful adult black girlfriend" to "me and my very adult black girlfriend have broken up and I am going to the bar to look for another woman" all the way back to "me and my very beautiful adult black girlfriend are back together and just had sex." She apparently smoked weed, stole money from his hands on several occasions, and made several claims that she was a man. When asked to describe the sex, John said that she would "never take off her panties" and would only suck his penis with a condom on. John's mother apparently did not approve of Cherryelle, alongside most of his friends who claimed she was a man. The relationship came to an end when John withdrew $60 from an ATM, only to have Cherryelle pull it out of his hands and put it in her pocket. John moved into the sex offender park, leaving Cherryelle at the apartment by herself, without any money for bills or electricity. He claims "she must have really suffered because it was a very hot summer and she did not have air conditioning". John hasn't spoken with 'her' since.
Family and Personal Relations
As mentioned earlier, John's father was abusive and didn't accept his "priesthood." John now refers to his own father as a demon.
John seems to have a close relationship with his mother, living with her until his late 50's and even allowing her to control his internet and other privileges. She does not accept of his "priesthood" but does not shame it as much as his father. Demons have also gone out of their way to contact the mother and inform her of his internet usage, which she does not approve of. However, after learning of John's internet tactics, the mother freaked out and had him committed to a mental facility. John does not forgive his mother, but he does not seem to be on very bad terms with her either.
Art Bulla, John's younger brother (who he refers to as a "crazy fat man with a beard"), is also very religious, however he practices Mormonism. He is not as extreme as John, but seems just as desperate for women as he isn't a sex offender. It is important to note that John and Art were both on the same page with religion, but John craved more power and felt more holy- creating the divide between the two. When you force the two together on a phone call, they often debate their religious beliefs and call each other demons. Art hosts blogtalkradio shows and lives in butt fuck nowhere, Mexico. At one point he had a big religious following. His daughter claims that Art is a very vile, evil man and some believe that he also developed the pedofile gene- leaving a very bad mark on his family. He was essentially outed by the whole Bulla family and is not in communication with any of them.
Brad Bulla, aka John's brother who skipped the crazy genes, is not in communication with John for the most part. However, Brad had a red-headed son who died in a car crush because of a drunk driver. John thinks Brad is a hypocrite for shaming drunk drivers since Brad is, in fact, an alcoholic himself.
As it appears, John also has some younger sisters, but doesn't communicate with them often. One of them has a cat which he considers to be "of the devil", where as another had a dog who hid under a bed from John after he commanded it to stop doing something. John is also skeptical that the dog was listening to what he was saying and reported the information to other, more powerful demons.
John has sparingly talked about "the one who got away", a beautiful woman "maybe the most beautiful woman he has ever met in real life" that he used to have relations with. She was his first wife. He claims that she is the one that gave him genital herpes and herpes of the mouth. She tried to kill him by stabbing him with a knife, which led him to call the cops on her. He hasn't talked to her since the 1980's and often wonders where she is, but he says that "since he looks and acts younger he deserves younger women, and she is an old lady now" so he wouldn't want to see her anyway. She also had a son while they were married, which he supposedly did not marry because he "is not a faggot".
John's second wife was supposedly "very beautiful" (bear in mind he called Cherryelle beautiful...) but was also a very wicked person. He claims that she lied alongside her stepdaughter with the rape accusations. Not much other information has been released by him at this time.
Notable Demons, Friends, and Girlfriends
- Warner Brothers
Initially John had a major distrust of Warner Brothers because he believed they had created a movie featuring him without permission. He believed that Bill Waggoner was working with Warner Brothers, and that he was one of the major demons. However, in recent days he has made little mention of Warner Brothers as it seems he has made stronger enemies with different demons that he believes are calling him directly from the depths of hell.
Voldemort is a modern day demon, and clearly one of John's biggest enemies. He has captured and injured many of John's girlfriends. He dwells from Hogwarts, a realm similar to hell. He has created many things such as canned peaches and marijuana. John has since given up canned peaches (actually, he claims to have given up peaches all together), claiming that he does not want to eat something "made by a demon."
Bananas are demon phones who are also able to talk and will go out of their way to make sure John listens to them. They have high pitched voices and sometimes faces. John recognizes the sound of one of these awful banana demon phones.
- Stefani's twin sister
Turned out to be evil and sneaks into Stefani's house and Stefani takes shits. She goes on her computer and tries to talk to John. She is one of the highest power demons out there, as she is the head witch of all of the witches. She knows magic and spells.
- Clones from the planet Jupiter
These are demons who live alongside Jupiter and have created a cloning machine. So far, clones have only been made of John and Stefani, since they are the only threats. John recognizes the difference between clones and humans. Clones all have individual personalities; some are demons, while some are nice individuals.
John began relations with this girl around late 2009, after finding out his previous girlfriend was a demon. Stefani Inafets, formerly known as Lisa Brennens, the daughter of Steve Jobs, has since inherited all of her father's fortune. She offered to share it with John, in hopes of actually building a church and bettering the living situation of John. However, despite her efforts, their relationship went on a turn for the worse as demons kept hacking into her computer and adding themselves to the call. Finally Stefani got sick of the distance and hopped onto what she believed to be a plane going to Florida, however during the flight she noticed that the plane was heading in a different direction (to hogwarts), and out of fear she jumped out of the plane and ended up in the desert of England. She then used her father's company jet to pick her up and take her back to Texas. This was not the first attempt of Voldemort, as he had broken into her house and beaten her many times. Stefani was diagnosed with brain cancer in late 2013, John healed her by praying. The two have since gotten back together and hope to get married. UPDATE: Stefani and John have since been married, and he has baptized her and omitted her into his church as his first ever member. Since John is only allowed one wife in heaven, he claims he will choose her. He genuinely loves this woman and considers her to be his main bitch.
- Mary the Virgin
Mary the Virgin is Jesus's mother, and the wife of God the Almighty. Her and God the Almighty are the two most powerful people in the world; she has even more power than Jesus. Mary sometimes speaks to John and helps him out.
- Moses's wife
Moses's wife has vagina power and has offered her body to John Bulla. She often has sex with Moses while she is on the call with Bulla.
Moses is John's best friend. He has a lot of heavenly power and wields a Holy Sword that permanently kills demons. Moses helps John out a lot. He also stays with Stefani and protects her from demons. He kills a lot of demons, also.
- Satan AKA Moonie Pie AKA Wifedivorcer666 AKA Dril
Satan is John's greatest enemy. He is the most powerful of all of the demons. There have been many imposters, but he is the real devil. He is a black demon with a massive penis who loves to fuck and kill John's girlfriends. He likes to torment John about his dead wives and girlfriends while also often pretending to be a woman who wants to marry John. He owns a big house on Pluto, a planet that is very similar to hell, and spends a lot of time vacationing up there. According to John, Satan's phone number is +1(666) 666-6666 and his twitter accounts areand .
Jesus is Jesus. John listens to anything he says and has gone through a lot with him, such as blessing Jesus's alter and buying a nigger-fighting cowboy hat VIA Jesus's request. He was the first holy figure to come into his life.
- The Apostle Paul
The Apostle Paul is also John's friend. He spends a lot of time helping him and talking to him, and also overlooked the baptism of Stefani.
- The Arch Angel Michael
A friend of John's also who works with God.
- The Arch Angel Gabriel
A demon who pretends to be an Arch angel and is really a dark angel. He is also a faggot.
A demon faggot man who fooled Stefani and pretended to be a woman. John thought that Liz was a woman, but once he found out she was actually a man, he cursed her and ended things.
- The Lion King
The king of Lions, who are heavenly beings. He often recruits John to help stop the awful demon Tigers from eating his cubs.
- Al Pacino
Al Pacino is one of John's friends, who may or may not get baptized into his church. He is making a movie staring John and has been toying with the idea of casting Danny Devito to play John.
Shyloh, a deaf "very beautiful adult white girlfriend", began to contact John. She initially made claims of being 19, and within the second day of talking she began to show herself naked on camera. During this time he became very excited, causing him to cum into a bag and hold up on camera, while he laughed.(Later on he explained that sexual activities make him happy, causing him to laugh). However, after a couple of weeks of extreme sexual tension between the two, Shyloh revealed that she was 13-year-old and John felt as if this was okay (proving that once a pedophile, always a pedophile). However, it appears that he had second thoughts about Shyloh, and their relationship has become rocky due to accusations of lies and deceit.
- Jessica Durby
Jessica Bulla, aka Odin was a girl that claimed to be the niece of the Queen of England. She first contacted John about joining his church and then ended up being in a relationship with him. After dating for a while they exchanged nudes. Jessica surprised John saying that she's moving to the USA. She arrived at her motel in Clearwater, Texas and sent John to pick her up. Before arrived she was kidnapped and taken back to Texas and was put into a basement where she was tortured. The demon that kidnapped and tortured her was Odin.
Most of John's girlfriends despise this girl due to her constant accusations of demonhood. Yet he, for some reason, trusts and listens to her. She seems to enjoy exposing John's girlfriends, IE; Claimed that Steve Jobs had no daughter named Stefani, where as Stefani changed her name later on in life due to marital problems between her parents. However, she remains "just friends" with John.
Since the dawn of his internet days, John has always had a fascination with Britney Spears. She seldom contacts him, but he still has a fascination with an image of her on the cover of one of his 2005 Playboy Magazine. He said "I don't even know what she looks like now, but she is very beautiful."
Odin is a commander of 1 of the 49 legions. With each legion there are over 9000 deamons. Odin is also responsible for the kidnapping, rape and torture of Jessica Bulla and Christine Mallard.
- Judas Iscariot
John thought he was the guy from the Bible, possessing his ex-girlfriend. He used to threaten to do nasty things with John's girlfriend and John himself. John thinks that Judas killed his girlfriend.
- Christine Mallard aka VonWolf Demon aka The Demon Moore
VonWolf is an experienced Internet troll and celebrated Old-fag. He was first introduced to John Bulla during a Facebook raid of Toaster Steve. Since then, he's been riding the roller coaster of emotion and story lines that is John's life. Christine Mallard has a troll Skype account that got involved with John, since than she's been constantly attacked and raped by demons, even giving birth to a demon spawn, herself. She's been taken to space to compete in basketball tournaments, buried alive and resurrected, imprisoned in Hell, held hostage in the Scientology headquarters, and all around molested. Her love for John has never wavered even though he constantly calls her a bitch and blames her troubles on her affinity towards drinking wine. VonWolf is Christine's main tormentor and also the demon of Facebook, webcams, microphones, and cellphone companies.
Maria was John's beautiful rich white girlfriend until she turned out to be a demon faggot liar. Maria started the "BULLALEAKS" project where people would send her screenshots of interactions with John, and she would compile them into her twitter account.
- Kimberly Female
Kimberly Female is John's missing girlfriend, and former "Honored Monarch to the Mayor of Alabama". She mysteriously disappeared in May of 2017 and John has been praying for her to come back since.
Modern Day Spastics
As of late 2013, John's schizophrenia and lust for sexual conduct has worsened. After meeting Shyloh, his inner sex offender has come out. John engages in activities such as playing recordings of the Playboy Channel on his cell phone while walking around the food store. He claims that by doing this, it will scare off the evil, demonic men that are flirting with the "very beautiful adult white women." However, he seems to push away all of the women that come to him; accusing them of demonic behavior, sorcery, or witchcraft.
—John S. Bulla - VIA twitter 2014
Early 2010 enjoyed a happy John Bulla who advocated his religion to all people of "different races and religions." This man actually enjoyed the company of others; whether male or female, demon or future member of his church. He had hope that he could conquer all the bad in the world and convert the demons into members of his church. This man listened to Gospel and wouldn't give into sins. He'd hardly swear and his mind was not set on "sexual offender" mode.
—John S. Bulla - VIA skype 2010
However, when John returned to the internet he was not the same man. It is thought that he is undergoing an episode, as part of his schizophrenia. This John is frail in appearance; if you look at the before and after picture posted online, you can literally see how much he has deteriorated in physical appearance. This John is a hate machine; he hates demons, men, sharks and insects (especially mosquitoes), and ugly women. This includes women with deep voices. He "refuses to talk to demons" (but, as said before, he still does. This is thought to be out of desperation). If he doesn't like something or is being accused of being wrong, he claims that "God says" his way is right and calls everyone a demon or a faggot. Faggot has also become a very common term, alongside liar and demon.
—John S. Bulla - VIA skype 2014
John, Poop, and his child-like antics
This has been a new re-occurring topic. Clearly one dear to John Bulla's heart, as he is happy to talk about it often and stress the importance of steering clear of these two demonic foods in order to prevent from "splatter shits": Turnips and Bananas
He has also discovered that removing yeast and vinegar from his bread (That he makes himself) helps him to take nice "holy shits". (John should make a cooking show). His diet consists of Sal-mon (which he pronounces like a fucking retard), potatoes, coffee, tea, beer, and the occasional bag of um... cheese puffs.
However, after a few messages from God the Almighty, John found out that Sal-mon and tomatoes are actually of the devil and strayed close to a diet of eating sacramental bread and alcohol.
John stopped drinking alcohol as requested by Mary (as demon bacteria had infected all alcohol in the world). However, John decided to ask Mary if he could use a Brita to filter his alcohol, in to which she replied no, but they came to a conclusion- John could put his alcohol through his coffee machine before drinking it.
On top of this, John has begun to stress the importance of straying free of strawberries, claiming that strawberries make his ass bleed (although everyone knows that john has a prolapsed asshole covered in horrible hemorrhoids which he refuses to get checked out)...
Infact, John mentioned a story of going to the doctors VIA ass pain, claiming that the doctor stuck his finger up his ass and it did not feel good (we later told him that the finger was actually the doctor's penis). John said he walked out immediately after because they were trying to stick something up his ass and he "wasn't into that gay shit", later claiming "I knew the doctor was a faggot, I wipe the dust off of my feet on him"
John also pays very close attention to how he wipes his ass. He does it in these important steps:
- Make sure your toilet paper actually goes inside of your asshole
- Closely examine the piece of toilet paper as you are wiping
- Use the exact same piece of paper over and over, keeping a close eye on it, until it is so full of shit that you have to grab another
- You do not have to wipe your ass as soon as you shit, oftentimes John will just get up and walk around
- Do not put pants on, though
John has also explained his farts, claiming that he takes all of his clothes off and then wipes his ass sometimes.
This also helps Stefani out, because she enjoys seeing John's ass (as do all holy girls, John has one fine ass)
On the other hand, it has appeared as though John's mental state has spiraled downward, as the things that excite him and make him laugh vs. the way he acts and his mannerisms have become very child-like. This man succumbs to the will of anything that the high-level heavenly figures ask of him. He laughs frantically when he is aroused and also find pleasure in the beheading of demons.
He also gets very, very upset if he is rejected. He makes business cards (which you can see next to one of the pictures of his shit) and hands them out. He has business cards for both pretty women and ugly women (and men).
John also invested in some very important holy items;
- A cowboy hat, formally known as his "nigger-hating hat" which repels niggers VIA a message from Jesus
- A white bathrobe, also known as his "holy robe" which gave him more power
1/15/2014, 3am: John gathered his laptop, toothbrush, coffee machine (he enjoys coffee in the morning and wasn't sure whether or not she had a machine), and a bunch of other important objects in a box and headed out onto the highway in hopes of meeting and fucking a new very beautiful adult white girlfriend. The woman gave him a faulty address and claimed that she would be asleep, so he should bang extra hard on the door- and if she doesn't answer, he should bang on the window. Mid-way through the car ride John spilt coffee on himself; burning his penis and causing a stain on his pants. At first he had second thoughts, but he decided to head anyway, as he was encouraged by a group of Clones who had contacted him VIA cell phone. Once John arrived he had second thoughts and decided to turn back home, with the hopes of returning at around 10 the next morning.
2/xx/2014 - Bulla began speaking to Jesus and his wife Stefani about his plans to go out to the bars and pick up women using his "beautiful women" cards. After speaking of his plans with Jesus, Jesus convinced Bulla that he needed to make an alter in downtown St. Petersburg Florida covered in olive oil. The location was very specific, One Fourth Street N., downtown St Petersburg, a street corner designated by city, with a webcam to give people remote access to view the activities in front of the Municipal Building. After frequenting several bars, Bulla recieved a call from Jesus that it was time to create the olive oil alter. While on the phone with Jesus, Bulla moved to the location previously specified, and began to create an alter by garnishing a concrete street pillar with olive oil. After doing this, Bulla began to partake in the Sacrament and raise his hands in the air to pray. At the same time he was approached by a man trying to sell him an electric razor. Much of this event, was captured via filming from "Heaven"
2/xx/2014 - A new holy figure entered John's life after he prayed fervently for the protection of his wife Stefani from clones and demons because of her repeated "deaths". This new holy figure was none other than Moses. Moses was sent a special space pod from Heaven to assist John with his church, but was mainly tasked with protecting his wife Stefani from the demons and clones. As Moses was closing in on Earth his space pod was intercepted near the demon moon base run by the infamous Moon Man demon. The Moon Man demon, who was in charge of the demon banana phone networks and hacking operations was one of the biggest threats to John and his wife Stefani. In fact the previous month, he had overseen the death of Stefani, which consisted of her being stabbed 72 times with a knife. However, the demons on the moonbase were in for a surprise, as they were quickly overpowered by Moses who wielded the "Holy Sword" infused with the power of God to extinguish demon souls and kill them permanently. After a brief fight, Moses overran the base and came upon the Moon Man demon himself who sat upon a throne made of bananas and turnips. As he was fighting the Moon Man demon, Moses stole the demon's voice, as he would later use it in his plan to trick and kill other demons while on Earth. The Moon Man demon was no match for Moses and after cutting the demon up limb by limb, Moses took the demon's body & aura and threw it into a shredder. Moses then set explosives on the moon base and destroyed the demon communications hub. The hub's destruction effectively destroyed the banana phone network for the demons thus leaving them scattered and disorganized. As of now, the remaining bananas serve no other purpose than to annoy people by appearing and talking, usually when they are not around. This has been occurring several times while John talks to his wife and she leaves to take a shit. Moses got back in his space pod, and arrived on Earth off-course landing in Oklahoma, he would later take out a bank loan to buy a truck and travel to Texas to find and protect John's wife Stefani from the demons. As of now, Moses has been living in Stefani's house sleeping on the living room floor, and killing any demons that have been attacking her. As per his plan, he uses the Moon Man demon's voice to lure demons to Stefani's house and kills them with the Holy Sword.
2/xx/2014 - Several events took place. One such event was the discovery that the Archangel Gabriel turned out to be a fake clone. Additionally several of John's wives and girlfriends turned out to be fake or demons. One good event took place which was the introduction of the Apostle Paul who joined the ranks of Moses and Jesus to assist John in his ministry on Earth. Although Jesus currently commands the siege of the demon clone facilities on Jupiter from his Starship Enterprise, he still finds time to talk to John over the phone and give him guidance. One thing Jesus asked John to do was buy a cowboy hat that would give him protection over "Niggers". This hat was the first addition to John's "Holy Wardrobe". Additionally, John began to change his belief structure about his religion on several things after learning more from Jesus and Moses. One thing in particular he learned from Jesus was that drinking alcohol was not a sin. This would have ramifications later in the future.
2/xx/2014 - Things have been going well for John. Following the discovery that many of the women who were his girlfriends and wives were actually fake or demons, John began to realize that he and Stefani were meant to be together. After talking with Moses about how men can only have one wife in Heaven, John chose Stefani to be his ordained wife and asked to baptize her so she could officially join his church. Directed by the apostle Paul, John conducted the baptism over the phone while Stefani was in her "bathtub." Another addition was made to John's "Holy Wardrobe" with the purchase of two small fanny packs that he would put his cards and driver's license in.
2/27/2014 - Moses and John's wife Stefani convinced John that he should buy some beers and drink with them for their own version of "Holy Thirsty Thursday". John had little money left on his bank as it was the end of the month and he was out of food stamps. After calling Wal-Mart John went to buy two 4 packs of beer. Not known at the time but would be realized later John actually bought a 4 pack of beer (Natural Light) and another 4 pack of malt liquor (Steel Reserve), not knowing the difference between the two. That Thursday night when Moses got back from fighting the demons, John, Moses, Stefani, and the Apostle Paul were all drinking and having a good time. John drank 3 of his beers in about a 2 hour time frame and became relatively tipsy. In fact he became very emotional and cried over the fact that his wife Stefani had been killed by demons in the past, and later over the fact that his wife Stefani was sitting on the floor. The night ended well, with everyone having a good time.
3/1/2014 - John received a phone call from God the Father himself and the Virgin Mary who was Jesus mother. This was a very rare even because God often does not contact anyone as He is very busy, but John was an exception because he was doing so well with his ministry. John began talking with the Virgin Mary who also talks to him through his wife's Skype as they were in heaven together. He learned several things that day including that masturbation was not a sin from The Virgin Mary, and that in Heaven there is a swingers club, and Moses told him that when he got there he could have sex with his wife Zipporah who also thought John was a very sexy man. Later that night, Moses and Stefani and the Virgin Mary convinced John to have a few beers while he washed dishes. Unbeknownst to them at the time was the fact that John had run out of Natural Light beer and was drinking his other four pack which he thought was beer, but would later be realized that it was actually malt liquor. After one and half cans John began being very emotional and began crying over a broken cup. After he stopped crying he began commenting about how drunk he was. Only having one and half cans, the Virgin Mary and Moses insisted John continue drinking because he couldn't possibly be drunk off of that little amount of alcohol. As he finished his second can and began his third, he started speaking incoherently, slurring his words, and was barely able to stay on his feet. He made a comment that he needed to use the bathroom and left the room to go take a shit. As he was there, heaving and moaning could be heard and several minutes later, John could be heard puking. Not being responsive and concerned for his safety, a call was placed to the local Sheriff's office and they were dispatched to check up on him. Several minutes later John came back and took the laptop with him to the toilet to finish taking a shit. As he was doing so, a look of pain came across his face, and without hesitating he stood up while he was taking a shit and begin puking again. At the same time the sheriffs were banging on doors and windows of his home , trying to make sure he was okay. He finished taking a shit and without wiping, pulled up his underwear and stumbled out of the room and signed off of Skype for the night.
3/2/2014 - Even though he was very drunk the night before and said he would never drink again, without anyone telling him, John who recently received his food stamps for the month, went to the store and bought an 18 pack of Pab's Blue Ribbon beer and 3 bottles of wine. John currently has a beer or two every night and is living life to the fullest now that he became aware that drinking was not a sin. That day the Virgin Mary contacted John and convinced him to take pictures of his shit, and post them on social media sites to prove to the demons that his shit was not "splatters" like the demons were saying they were. John followed through with this and posted pictures to Twitter and Facebook as per Mary's request. (see John, Poop, and his child-like antics )
3/3/2014 - John went to the thrift shop, and as per a request by Moses, bought two very holy white robes. These robes are the latest addition to the "Holy Wardrobe" of Bulla.
He makes some very important tweets on his twitter account. You can also check out his old tweets on his hacked/abandoned accounts.
(outdated: last used 12/2015)
John Bulla is part of a series on
|John Bulla is part of a series on Aspies.||[Sperg out]|
is part of a series on
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