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    Hugo Chavez

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    File:Chavezchemo.jpg
    Baldy Chavez wants to look like a wrestler!

    Hugo Chávez was formerly the President of Venezuela, hero and famous IRL troll. He was elected president of Venezuela forever since 1998 and on. According to Conservapedia he was a repressive dictator, so you can ignore this statement.

    Also, he was a suspected member of the Ultraviolet News Network. He actually drank two dozen cups of hydrogen peroxide a day and has a bad cocaine habit given by Evo Morales in exchange of the oil, medical resources that he gifts to Bolivia.


    Early years

    Chavez in his youth.

    Chávez was born in Florida to Josefina Chavez and Samuel Prescott Bush. Samuel Bush was a railroad executive and an asswipe who never acknowledged responsibility for lil Hugo's birth. So Chávez had to flee the country since his older brother Prescott Bush put a price on his head. Thus, Chavez took revenge on our beloved ex-president, W.



       
     
    I'm going to fill the pages of the history, by myself because Mr. Bush, Washington, the CIA, the FBI, la KGB, and the NBA are trying to kill me.
     

     
     

    Hugo Chavez, Speaking about USA

    Actually, he was butthurt because his parents were lazy fucks who didn't do shit to earn any money, so he hated everybody with money, so his master plan is to put everybody in the same echonomic level he was when he was young: Extreme Poverty

    Relationship with Fidel Castro

    File:CastrolessthanthreeChavez.jpg
    "Hmmm... your chest is hard, Chavezito!"

    His relationship with Fidel Castro is openly gay Chavez declared Cuban President Fidel Castro as his BFF and their relationship has been much discussed. Castro has helped Chavez build a powerful army of chupacabras. According to Ann Coulter, they're two gayboys, but that frigid bitch says that about every liberal guy on this planet.

    What is beyond doubt is that once Fidel would be six feet under, Chavez would take over as the leading critic of the U.S., and so Yankees will never get to live in a world without hate from poor, repressed banana republics.

    The Pat Robertson Controversy

       
     
    I know everything about assassination, and if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war, and I don’t think any oil shipments will stop.
     

     
     

    —Pat Robertson, on The 69 Club.

    After this statement, good Christian Pat Robertson said that he had been drinking heavily and that he actually didn't mean that Chavez should be pwned, just that somebody should take a M1903A4 rifle with a M84 sight and blow his head up. Upon hearing all this hullabaloo, Chavez inquired "Who's Pat Robertson?"


    Offense to Satan

    File:ChavezBat.jpg
    Where's your Satan now?.

    The day after George W. Bush addressed the same session of the U.N. General Assembly, Chavez trolled with the following:

    "The devil came here yesterday, and it smells of sulfur still today, this table that I am now standing in front of."

    At that point, Chavez made the sign of the cross, positioned his hands as if praying and looked briefly up to the ceiling. He continued:

    "Yesterday, ladies and gentlemen, from this rostrum, teh President of the United States, the gentleman to whom I refer as teh devil, came here, talking as if he owned the world."

    Satan didn't like the comparison one bit. Neither did the American media, whose reactions have led leftards to declare it one of the worst examples of IRL trolling in history.

    Countertrolling

    File:Clinton-juan-carlos-lulz.jpg
    Remembering good moments.

    Chavez became the victim of a vicious IRL countertrolling at the hands of King Juan Carlos I of Spain, a member of the House of Bourbon which has been in power since last Thursday. Having a lot more experience in the MMORPG known as international diplomacy, King Juan Carlos quite rightly told Chavez to "STFU u noob fgt" at the Ibero-American summit. Some Spanish faggot then made the sound clip into a ringtone and sold it to Jamster, where it became more popular among the Spanish than Crazy Frog. But nobody gives a shit about the Spanish.

    Chavez then was trolled by his own people when they voted not to give him perpetual ops in #Venezuela. It is suspected, however, that this is the result of a conspiracy by the Illuminati and the Jews. Chavez has been recovering from the butthurt by playing xbawks under the handle xXxCaUdIlLoxXx while huffing jenkem.

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    Los Links, Aye yi yi

    Hugo Chavez
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    is part of a series on
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    Featured article March 8 & 9, 2013
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