⚠️ Encyclopedia Dramatica is currently being restored by automated scripts ⚠️

There's been a lot of questions as to what's going on with the site and what comes next. So we have this (ordered) roadmap of what's being worked on and what's to come. This will be updated until the roadmap is complete as Æ has a lot of missing features and ideas that I'd like to fix in regards to its offerings before I implement big plans for the site's popularity and well-being in 2021.

Æ Roadmap

  • Content restoration (Mostly done, few things missing that will be restored sporadically)
  • Image restoration (Being run in background, nothing I can do cept wait)
  • Æ Imageboard (Currently being worked on)
  • Mediawiki upgrade and backend fixes
  • .onion domain for Tor-friendly editing and viewing
  • CSS overhaul (Fixing things like the videos on mobile, and overall a rehaul of the wiki's look to be more friendly to readers)
  • Paid bounty board for new articles (Won't be managed by me for legal reasons however I will ensure it runs smoothly)
  • Anonymous phone # service for those seeking ban evades from Twitter as well as a phone number not tied to their name (more details at launch)

  • Currently we are nearing our annual LLC renewal fee ($650) as well throwing the funds required for these other changes and aspects. If you would like to support Æ consider purchasing a copy of The Hustler's Bible or securing some Merch. Donating is also appreciated however I would rather give something back as per the two options above.

    If you have any questions you can join our public Telegram chat to DM me privately or @ me in chat.

    You can also email me via [email protected]

    Merch notes: Thank you to all who have purchased merch. We will ship late January or mid February depending on our provider's speed.

    Here's to setting the world on fire in 2021! - aediot


    From Encyclopedia Dramatica
    Jump to navigation Jump to search
    Hail to the king, baby.

    Haskell is a functional committee-planned programming language that wants everything done its way and no one else's. Although it claims to play well with others, this is a complete lie, and it never leaves its mother's basement. Haskell's codebase is fucking huge, weighing in at almost a gigabyte for the main compiler and other essential utilities.

    Haskell is similar to Firefox in that there are thousands of extensions that can be enabled, that way Haskell can be turned into Python in case the user is uncomfortable with functional programming. Also like Firefox, Haskell is a language that everyone talks about, but no one uses.

    The Early Years

    Many years ago, a group of researchers decided that out of the 200 different functional programming languages that were available at the time, all of them sucked equally. However, Miranda, the cream of the crap, had the largest ass and was chosen to become the base from which Haskell would be born.

    Simon Peyton Jones and his merry band of mathematicians, hereto-after referred to as "the gang," went to work on what they figured would become the best programming language ever...

    The Gang. Notice Simon Peyton Jones in his signature yellow jacket and scooter. (Far Right)

    The IO Question

    Once the gang finished planning their language, they realized they had created something that had no I/O. In other words, when a Haskell program ran, the box heated up, but nothing happened. Realizing their ghastly mistake, the gang tried various kinds of methods in order to address the issue. They experiemented with Xylatol, Mixadolin V, Quothenol D, and Bayer Children's Heroin. Finally, after a 17-hour long trip on Ritalin, the gang pulled an obscure concept out of Category Theory, known only as the "Monad."

    Monads became the final solution to the IO problem, and confused programmers the world over.

    What the Fuck is a Monad?

    A Monad is kind of like a box (only it's not), in which data may be "placed" inside of it (only it's not). A Monad is a lot like a Chinese finger trap; once you get your dick caught in it, there's no getting it out. In other words, Monads are a prison for data. Monads are the sole reason people have a hard time understanding Haskell. In fact, the concept of Monads is so scary that the fact that they are scary is scary in and of itself, disabling people from even attempting to understand Monads.

    Artist's depiction of a Monad.

    Prison Break

    Although no one talks about it, there is a super 1337 backdoor into the monad prison system (as far as IO goes, anyway).

    Prelude> import System.IO.Unsafe
    Prelude> :t getLine
    -- Uh oh, evil IO has taken our data prisoner!
    getLine :: IO a
    Prelude> x = unsafePerformIO getLine
    Prelude> :t x
    x :: a
    -- Congrats, assface!

    The Now Years

    Today, Haskell remains the single most talked about language that no one uses. Many have tried to use Haskell, but are unable to comprehend the dizzingly abstract concept of a Monad. Even the word, "Monad," scares the hell out of most programmers. Entire books have been written just about Monads. However, most of them are very cryptic, and their authors probably don't even know what a monad is.

    So, instead of doing anything constructive with the language, most people just write about the language like the dumb pricks they are, while the gang continues to make more language extensions that no one will use.

    Code Snippets

    Hello World

    module Main where
    main = putStrLn "Wello Horld!"

    Get 'er Done

    module Main where
    class Fuckable a where
      fuck :: a -> Maybe a
    data Dog = Dog String Bool
    instance Fuckable Dog where
      fuck (Dog name fucked) = if fucked 
        then Nothing 
        else Just (Dog ("Fucked " ++ name) True)
    screwThePooch :: Dog -> Maybe Dog
    screwThePooch = fuck
    main = do
      let myDog = Dog "Jackson" False
      return $ screwThePooch myDog

    Hack the Gibson

    module Main where
    import System.Gibson
    import System.Gibson.SecretCodes
    hack = hackTheGibson secretCode1
    main = return hack

    Notable Works

    The only person in the world, other than SPJ, that knows what a Monad is.

    Below is a list of notable works written in Haskell.

    External Links


    Haskell is part of a series on Programming.

    [2 L337 4 MEEnter the Matrix]

    Softwarez series.jpg

    Haskell is part of a series on


    Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.