From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Germans)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Typical German citizen
Come and See Germany!
and the typical German PC also known as Internet Hate Machine
A well-integrated German immigrant
German national sport
Typical German mongoloid fascinated by the modern technology of a fork. Pictured with a captured blonde jew-slave.
Typical Beer of Germany
In germany, computers work different.
German history.

Germany or Islamische Republik Neutürkei, is a country of beaver faces in the middle of Eurabia and is also the World Headquarters of the Michael Richards Fanbase. It was founded in 1999 to supply Europe with queers and shit music, in an attempt to compete with San Francisco in Amerikkka. Since then it has been a total camwhore and everyone fucking hates it.

Ethnic Germans are Sick fucks.

One must realize that all Germans are Nazis and kill Jews for lulz. All Germans will claim that they were in Austria during the war and will lie about everything, even if it isn't needed.


Germany is most noted for its involvement in World War I and the sequel, World War II: The Reckoning 卐. Talks of World War III (Seed of Hitler 卐) have been rumored due to Germans having an immortal Inferiority complex.

Germans have the distinction of making the fastest turn-around from fascist to hippie, unlike the Italians.


Germany is almost entirely inhabited by Krauts and Neo-nazis. The rest are Turks, the niggers of Europe. They are known to bitch about France together with the Dutch, after they persuaded them that attacking France was fun and they lower the per-capita ratio of gays who inhibit chunks of Germany, seeing as how most are macho and enjoy beating pussies (both definitions apply).

A typical, well-raised and well-behaved German child at play.


In short, the German accent sounds like a typewriter, eating foil, being thrown down a fucking stairs. Unfortunately for these brutal cunts, they are all born with an unusually thick amount of smegma in their throat, meaning that their speaking is always impaired, and comes out in horrible coughing. They sound like Gollum having an orgasm


Typical Deutsche SCIFI
Stormfags know better

German sports is centered around the annual Giant Beer Stein dive. On the 4th of August, every hamlet brings out the revered Giant Stein and fills it with the local brew. Contestants then compete to see whose high dive can displace the most amount of beer. The winner is the one who can splash the most t-shirt clad women, whereupon the judging of the wet bewbs occurs. Cannonball dives are encouraged. What beer remains is distributed, free of charge, to the crowd. Losers are retrieved from the bottom of the stein and are given a Hero's burial. Dancing and knee slapping ensues.

Other popular sports include: drinking, yelling, cannibalism, precision engineering, knee slapping, driving fast, porn involving human waste products, spanking France, blitzkrieging over the vast lands of largest country in the world (The Netherlands plus Atlantis) and drinking.

Six Germans enjoy soccer, Formula 1 racing, and skiing.


In Germany the age of consent is 14, but it usually goes even below that since in today's German society it's applauded to lose virginity as soon as possible, especially to exotic individuals. If you're still 16 and virgin in germany, chances are you gonna stay one for a very long time, even a homosexual won't be interested in you. Also Germany was one of the first mass producers of pr0n after WWI till WW2 era. One does not simply watch German pr0n without cringing hard.

German slutty chicks.png

Thug lyfe ist cool.png


What Germans are really thinking about.
Angela Kazmierczak, a Polish refugee, stranded on the coast of the North Sea in 2005. Seven months later she became the P.M. of Germany.

There are only 4 parties that the average German will vote. The big establishment parties SPD (left leaning) and CDU (Merkels Party, supposed to be center right conservatives, but really is left leaning as well. Then there are Die Linke (literally commies) and Die Grünen (commies pretending to care about the environment). After the FDP (classic liberals turned neocons) died, those 4 are the only parties left that are socially acceptable to vote, and most people have voted for them for decades and will continue to do so simply because that's what they and their dad always did.

All other parties are fringe parties, and those who manage to get some momentum, like the AfD, are constantly attacked by the media and establishment politicians so the average Joe believes they are Nazis and hates them with a passion.

Merkel, since forever, has been a flip flopping cunt, a grade A populist. Something big happens, her plan is to wait how the population reacts to it and she will adapt and react in a way that would please the majority, or at least those who cry the loudest. That's how she can go from 'multiculturalism has failed' to 'Islam belongs to germany' to 'multiculturalism is a sham' in a span of a few years.

The state media, her propaganda outlet and the most trusted news source by a majority of the population, is very good at protecting her and justifying her decisions. So the average old farts voting CDU forget about her flipflopping really quick and continue to vote for her because the media tells them everything is fine.

It's a bit like the two party system you have, only that we can chose between 4 kinds of progressive horse shit who all like each other anyway.


Deadly German sharp shooter

The German military is historically one of the world's most powerful. However Germans have worst ever military leaders, who lost all world wars. The most famous German weapon are german fat women used as anti-tank weapon system. Germs were invented in Germany, and used to global effect. The black plague was, as its name suggests, invented in the Black Forest (unlike the gay plague, which was developed by the US Government) and in the 14th century killed some 75 million people across the world in the greatest military mobilization in history. It was also used as a fairly good excuse to persecute Jews. So no change there then.


Germany is recognized for its numerous culturally important contributions to world literature...
Nena, popular German musician with her gay friends.
Lead singer of Rammstein, a popular German band.
Germans love to partay.

Germans are most famous for Nena, a popular 1980's rock star who wrote a song about red balloons, peace, Jews, Hitler 卐, and some other shit. They also have a ravenous appetite for wannabe American musicians, most notably David Hasselhoff. When not drinking beer, Germans are generally engaged in evil plans and starting wars. Their entire culture revolves around evil and war. And sausages. And beer.

Germany is the proud owner of the world's oldest medieval city, Disneyland. Disneyland was once ruled by a despotic emperor, Walter Mitty vonDisney, until he was finally usurped by Queen Snow White. Her castle, Neuschwanstein, remains to this day, a huge tourist attraction.

Germans are frugal and consider it a matter of pride to wear dirty underwear and jeans.

Popular German pastimes include:

  • Attending highbrow cultural events such as cabarets featuring transsexuals blowing Doberman Pinschers.
  • Getting horribly fat and pretending like it's normal.
  • Invading other countries, in any possibly way.
  • Making crap music and trying to make fun of America because they got their ass kicked hard by the good ol' USA
  • Drinking beer.
  • Being whining pussies whenever someone brings up their country's wrong doings.
  • Killing six million Jews.
  • Making Profit with exports of industrial machines, cars, electronical goods and weapons for corrupt and dictatorial countries whose Military sell them later to Criminal Organizations!!

Typical German children book

"Der Giftpilz" by Julius Streicher

A mother and her child are gathering mushrooms in the German forest. The boy finds some poisonous ones. The mother explains that there are good mushrooms and poisonous ones, and, as they go home, says:

"Look, Fritz, human beings in this world are like the mushrooms. There are good mushrooms and there are good people. There are poisonous, bad mushrooms and there are bad people. We have to be on guard against bad people just as we have to be on guard against poisonous mushrooms. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, mother," Fritz replies. "I understand that in dealing with bad people trouble may arise, just as when one eats a poisonous mushroom. One may even die!"

"And do you know, who these bad men are, these poisonous mushrooms of mankind?" the mother continued.

Fritz slaps his chest in pride: "Of course I know! They are the Jew! Our teacher has often told us about them."

The mother praises her boy for his intelligence, and goes on to explain Jew "poison": the Jew pedlar, the Jew cattle-dealer, the Kosher butcher, the Jew doctor, the baptised Jew, and so on.

"Just as a single poisonous mushrooms can kill a whole family, so a Jew can destroy a whole village, a whole city, even an entire Nation."

Fritz has understood. "Tell me, mother, do all aryans know that the Jew is as dangerous as a poisonous mushroom?"

Mother shakes her head.

"Unfortunately not, my child. There are millions of aryans who do not yet know the Jew. Our boys and girls must learn to know the Jew. They must learn that the Jew is the most dangerous mushroom in existence. Just as mushrooms spring up everywhere, so the Jew is found in every country in the world."


Germany's education system is one of the best in the world. Always known as whimsical and fun-loving people, the Germans begin educating their children at a very young age with educational but fun children's programming. The Bundesrat makes it for every child before age 12 to hate his or her german blood and the state of Israel with equally intense guilt and hate.


Don't fuck with Germans
German history pwned.

The Germanic tribes were a lesser race of hairy barbarians swinging off trees shitting on each other while performing butt sex. They later found sticks and stones put it together which gave rise to today's Germany and the famous sacking of Rome. The Vandals and the Visigoths took turns tag-teaming Rome in what is now known as The Ass-Raping of Rome. The Vandals then went on to punk-rock stardom in the mid 1980's. The Goths just went on to become BDSM club attendees.

WWII began last thursday, when Hitler 卐 and Mussolini became buddies. Then, his army took over and started pwning Jews by the millions. It continued until the United States and England counter-pwned them. Because of this embarrassing defeat, Germany made it a law to delete fucking everything on the Nazis and anyone who mentions them will be gone faster than someone who said "Candlejack". Nazi-ism transferred over to America and is manifested through feminism.

Today,Germany is filled with freespirited,democratic Gutmenschen, Kanaken, fat,old people, turks, Russlanddeutschen/Polacken, Türken, Harz4-Empfängers and OliverKahn. The real, Nazi-Germans all migrated to America/Argentina/the internets or went extinct because of the above mentioned laws. This, and many other factors, lead many historians to believe all Germans are homosexuals. Their preoccupation with spiked helmets under the Kaiser as well as their infatuation with Adolf Hitler lends credence to this theory. David Hasselhoff's popularity among German pedophiles seals the deal.


Germany likes money, most of it coming from the Jews. They are still financing their country today on what they stole from them. 67 percent of their exports are beer, with the majority of the remainder coming from sausages and tight underwear - precision engineered for fat middle aged men.

Due to the fact that only the USA is still allowed to ambush foreign countries for no reason and stick some of the guys there in camps, Germany is forced to export its war without shooting self. This export takes the form of Nena, Angela Merkel (the actual tribe leader that looks like a male but is in fact a female (some suppose this is part of a confusion-strategy, or an eloped part of a bio-lab, or an import from North Korea, or sth. else)), the rock band Rammstein (a brainless imitation of the Bloodhound Gang ... uh?), weapons, sauerkraut, cars built for streets without speed limit, weapons, and not to forget weapons, especially weapons that are built in countries like Brazil by companies that are owned by Nena, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Marlene Dietrich.

Useful economic products

Germany is also known for some very useful products. The German pornindustry is worlds largest exporter of scatporn. About 30 percent of the gross national income is generated by the export of movies with beautiful girls (and some ugly ones) trenched in warm crap and filled up with piss. In 2001 the two leading exportnations of scatporn, Japan and Germany fought the so called Scatwar. This big economic warfare, in which Germany defended its leading role in the worldscatpornproduction, conclude 2009 with the dismissal of George Bush the well-established us-american pro-japanese-scat aktivist.
Further 15 percent from the GNI were earned by Bukkakepornmovies. German Industrials like John Thompson use the national addiction of German Girls for fresh cum. The most german, so called, nazichicks start their bukkaketraining in the age of 12.
Since the market for skeleton porn collapsed in 1945, the German pornproducers failed in reactivating the request.

German vocabulary

Germans are too stupid for their language to have a fully developed vocabulary, so whenever a German realizes that he doesn't have a word for something he sticks several other words together. Thus any retard can quickly learn to comprehend German, and anyone who can't can safely be assumed to be a fucktard. Important German words are as follows:

  • Scheisse - means: I love you darling, but you just came on my shoes.
  • Es ist Zeit für Rache! Wir müssen die Juden ausrotten! means "It is time for revenge! We must exterminate The Jews!" 卐
  • Blitzkrieg - means "lightning war". Basically, it includes aerial raids followed by large-scale infantry invasions. There are two reasons for such a war: if you start a war every 10 or twenty years and keep on fighting for too long, you soon have too many wars to remember which one to fight for on which day. The second reason is that the soldiers wanted to be back at home, when the evening program at TV starts (see also beer).
  • Waldsterben - means the dying of many trees. After WW2 the Germans needed a new enemy. The only things left to be killed were Africans and the trees. Because the streets to Africa are not adequate for German cars nonexistent, a silent war on trees started. Its ongoing result is the Waldsterben.
  • Kindergarten - a garden where kids grow. Very simple.
  • Buestenhalter - a device to hold boobs. Seriously.
  • Schwarzfahren: [lit. Black riding] The crime of being black on any public trains. Fine is 50€
  • Komm' nicht raus die Huren: I will do the German dance for you; it's fun and gay and tra-la-la!
  • Gebräunter Deutscher: Tanned German. What the European media call mudslimes after terrorist attacks instead of saying Muslim.

Note: Don't forget to pronaunc yoor Plpspths.

German Government and Politics

The Socialist Republic of Germany is known for its rather Marxist approach to government, with many strict and retarded limits on free speech. For example, here is a list of things that are illegal in Germany:

  • denying the Holocaust
  • the use of swastikas (tough shit, Buddhists and Hindus, Germany has a pussy guilt complex to overcome)
  • performing a Hitler salute
  • wearing a Nazi costume
  • mentioning anything even remotely related to Hitler or Nazism
  • having even remotely right-of-center political views
  • having a Charlie Chaplin mustache
  • homeschooling
  • doing a barrel roll by pressing R twice.
  • playing Gears of War
  • playing any violent video game whatsoever
  • being a Citizen of an American Client State
  • speaken yiddisch

German political parties are known for their wide diversity of ideologies. For example, there is a communist party, a liberal party, a socialist party, a progressive party, and a moderate party. Any party even remotely right-of-center is immediately labeled as being fascist and is banned. This is because Germans are big fucking pussies with guilt complexes.


Alternate Spellings

  • Deutschland
    • Goyschland
  • Nazi-land
  • Krautonia
  • Czech Republic of Sudanish
  • Poland
  • Austria
  • Turkey
    • Turkany
      • Turkistan
  • Cuckistan
  • Cold Caliphate

List of Famous Germans

German Music: Examples for typical German bands

Composing a typical German song is rather simple: You either need a bunch of drunken soccer fans who are almost about to choke in their own piss but are still able to sing a few tones OR the band name Rammstein plus 3 random power chords. The result of both often looks much gayer than it sounds but is actually good for the lulz, especially when a couple of jobless Mexicans bang their heads to a song which is about buttsecks without even knowing it...

A typical Kraut concert by the most typical German band Rammstein


Germans love self-bukkakke

A typical German punk band

An actual popular German band, Die Prinzen, showing Germany's true colors.

People actually listen to this.

A typical Kraut concert by the most typical German band Rammstein

A typical Kraut concert by the most typical German band Rammstein

But also if your band's name isn't Rammstein you still have the chance to become a popular German musician. After the second world war, many German citizens were poor. However, thanks to the Marshall Plan Germany's economy could grow very fast, although every German citizen will deny this and will tell you that Germany rises from the ashes and rubble because of the hard-working Trümmerfrauen and Malochers. Most people are now almost as rich as a typical Russian citizen in the cold war. That is unfortunately not enough for some bands to buy some adequate instruments.

You have good chances if...

  • your bandname is Rammstein
  • you have a nice ass (only effective for 16 year old girls)
  • you have big tits (Also effective for men)
  • you are German, duh
  • your bandname is Rammstein
  • you wear leather trousers
  • your bandname is Rammstein
  • you can give Dieter Bohlen a nice head
  • you are dumb as shit
  • you are a gay eurofag
  • you used to not be a kraut

Protip: Name your band after one of the fucktillion death camps for U.S. dollars in Germany, preferably Ramstein (spelling optional).

Rammstein's biggest concurrence is the band Knorkator which is popular for its typical German style. The following video is quite intellectual for German conditiones and is probably one of the most expensive videos in the entire music history:

  • Every well rated Hollywood action movie is a wet shit compared to this

Some Examples of trolling Germans

German school signage.jpg
  • Talk about kicking their asses in WW1 & WW2
  • Consider every single German being a Nazi or ask if their grandparents voted for Hitler (44% actually did )
  • Confuse them with Dutch, Austrians or Swiss
  • Congratulate them on starting and losing every world war
  • Tell them that bombings of German cities (especially Dresden) were justified and that Arthur Harris did nothing wrong
  • Remind them that 100 years ago Napoleon got all of France united and became influential in the politics of the German provinces, and that World War and World War 2.0 still don't make up for the fact they required assisted government by french pussies.
  • Remind them of the mass rapes commited by the Soldiers of all Allies during Invasion of Germany in the end of WW2

German National Anthem

Old Anthem

  • Performed by Germany's most famous musicians, Rammstein.

New Anthem


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
Commonwealth Of ED.PNG The Commonwealth of Encyclopedia Dramatica
Members Afghanistan | Albania | Antigua and Barbuda | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | The Bahamas | Belarus | Belgium | Brazil | Bulgaria | Canada | Chile | China | Colombia | Croatia | Cuba | Cyprus | Denmark | Dominican Republic | Ecuador | Egypt | England | Estonia | Fiji | Finland | France | Fyromia | The Gambia | Georgia | Germany | Greece | Haiti | Hungary | Iceland | India | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Japan | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Latvia | Lebanon | Liberia | Lithuania | Madagascar | Malaysia | Mexico | Moldova | Mozambique | Nauru | Netherlands | New Zealand | Niger | Nigeria | North Korea | Northern Ireland | Norway | Palestine | Pakistan | Peru | Poland | Portugal | Romania | Russia | Saudi Arabia | Scotland | Sealand | Serbia | Sierra Leone | Singapore | Slovakia | Somalia | South Africa | South Korea | Spain | Sudan | Switzerland | Sweden | Syria | Tajikistan | Tanzania | Thailand | Tunisia | Turkey | Ukraine | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Venezuela | Vietnam | Wales | Zimbabwe
Kick Banned Confederate States of America | East Turkestan | Kosovo | Kurdistan | Ireland | Islamic State | Quebec | South Ossetia | Taiwan | Tibet
See Also For drama in your neck of the world, please consult the Encyclopdedia Dramatica Lulz Map. Also see: ED:Map

Featured article November 28 & November 29, 2016
Preceded by
Bernie Sanders
Germany Succeeded by
Tess Holliday