George Floyd

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George Floyd was an upstanding, intelligent, African American, porn actor, and a career criminal who tragically died in May 2020, while being arrested in Minneapolis, Minnesota for fraud. His death was the obvious outcome of normal police-african interaction, but media spin sparked a nationwide BLM-sponsored full-blown-aids mass chimpout the likes of which have not been seen in decades. Mass looting and unrest plagued the country for nearly the entire year as many normal Americans were glued to their television sets saying good Christian prayers for the RACIST HITLER PRESIDENT to order the military to crush the anarchist faggots reigning havoc in the streets. Unfortunately, police push back was inadequate to crush the commies under boot.

In early August 2020, the police bodycam footage of Floyd's arrest leaked, brutally exposing the media's entire narrative of "GEORGE FLOYD DINDUNUFFIN & RACIST COPS".


   
 
I CAN'T BREEVE!
 

 
 

—George Floyd shortly before dying of a fentanyl overdose

Before Stardom

Prior to his death in May, George Floyd lived like every other black man in America. He was born on October 14, 1973 in a poor part of Fayetteville, North Carolina. He played basketball in high school and dropped out of college. In the 90s, George Floyd tried his luck as a rapper for a while. From 1997 to 2005 Floyd was arrested six times for possessing drugs, trespassing and theft.

At some point while in Houston, George Floyd starred in a porn video with some black slut named Kimberly Brinks. She sucks his dick, he eats her pussy and then they fuck. The video itself is a sickening one-cut take of greasy negroidal copulation that belongs in a book fire. Kimberly is your standard projects-grown barely fuckable gutter whore cleaned up and dolled up for the camera by her human trafficking boyfriend. Floyd, obviously under the influence of various illicit substances gives a half-hearted performance and a half-flagged erection due to the congestive heart failure setting the scene for a possible healthcare emergency. You can tell "Big Floyd" is enjoying himself and has no problem treating this piece of human dark meat like the toilet slut she is. Overall, The video is indistinguishable from every other shitty porno video on the internet.

Prior to his unfortunate interaction with Derek Chauvin, Curious George was already well known to police around the country. In 2005, George "The Gentle Giant" Floyd along with five other black men broke into the home of a mexican family in Houston, TX. Among the family members inside the home was a pregnant woman, her boyfriend and their infant child. Floyd, taking control of the robbery, pointed his handgun at the pregnant woman's stomach and demanded money for chicken and/or drugs. As none were to be found found, George and his Merry Band of Nigger Raiders made off with some jewelry instead. Floyd was caught shortly after assaulting the woman and charged with "Endangering the life of an anchorbaby" which is a felony in Texas.

In 2007, was sentenced to five years in prison. When he got out, he said "Yo Homes Smell Ya Later!" and moved to Minneapolis to start a blossoming new chapter in his life.

In short, before his rise to stardom he played basketball, did/sold drugs, fucked black bitches, spent time in prison and committed violent crimes.

Death of George Floyd

On the evening of May 25th, 2020, Floyd was drunk driving in Minneapolis when he felt the pang of one of many addictions he was nursing at the time, in this case being nicotine. Floyd was, unfortunately broke since his usual job of beating drunks, taking entry bribes from underage bar patrons, and acting in porn had been restricted to the recent plague of Chink AIDS.

Luckily for Floyd, he had utilized all the free time on his hands to learn how to use his $20 inkjet printer to copy himself a new source of income that even Warren Buffet would be envious of. After using said paper to acquire some smooth fine-cut Virginia richness he treated himself to a victory cigarette in contented bliss as he had finally unraveled the secrets of fractional reserve banking. In his mind, he was good as long as he didn't copy his last $20 more than 10 times. The store owners didn't see it that way and confronted Floyd, their fingers stained green with printer ink from the DIY cash they'd been handed. Being a thug, Floyd told them to fuck off, so fuck off they did and called for the assistance of some of Minneapolis' finest.

According to the Newsmedia, several white supremacist doom marines led by officer Derek Michael Chauvin responded rapidly to the call. Their armored Dodge Charger plowed through numerous black children on the way to the scene. Upon approaching Floyd's vehicle they ordered him out. Floyd declined as he was busy nursing a puppy back to health. After the officers naturally shot the puppy, Floyd voluntarily began exiting the vehicle when he slipped on a banana peel and fell onto the cop's taser, which became lodged in his throat. Due to the fact he was high on fentanyl, cocaine and infected with the COVID-19 strain that only affects simians, Floyd's life was in grave danger. The heroic militarized white supremacist cops then assisted Floyd over to the curb where Chauvin did his best to dislodge the taser by using his knee to squeeze it back through Floyd's throat hole.

File:George Floyd Drugs.jpg
early on in the fateful encounter

While Chauvin was rendering critical life-saving aid to Floyd, Floyd began desperately crying "I can't breev!", prompting Chauvin to kneel even harder on Floyd's neck in an effort to save his life. Several racist onlookers attempted to interfere with the delicate operation which only distracted Dr. Chauvin, who needed to apply his full concentration at the time. Sadly, his efforts were in vain as Floyd expired due to cardiac complications brought on by a fentanyl overdose.

When George Floyd's spirit left his body, dark ominous clouds quickly formed over Minneapolis. Rain began to pour as Chauvin shook his fist to the sky screaming, "WHY, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO TAKE THE BOY SO SOON!?"


The Chimp Uprising

Footage of Chauvin's heroic efforts were posted all over social media. Unfortunately for Chauvin, the cell phone video distorted the context of his actions and he was falsely accused of deliberately killing Floyd. With large swathes of America being bored from lockdown and mostly unemployed, Niggers and SJWs took to the streets countrywide and proceeded to peacefully protesting against the perceived brutality. Within the space of a couple of weeks, the protests spread across over a dozen cities and escalated from the "peaceful" action of blocking off streets to encompassing the "peaceful" destruction of property, the "peaceful" setting of fires and the "peaceful" liberation of flat screens, sneakers, prescription medication and Nintendo Switches from the oppressive clutches of capitalism. They even created their own country "peacefully" resulting in several deaths and at least several dozen rapes.


Saint Floyd's Funeral Procession

Floyd's family, being greedy niggers, never let an opportunity to rob whitey go to waste. Cashing in on white guilt, they started a gofundme for his funeral with a goal of $1,500,000 and instead got 14 MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Many questions of "why do you need $1,400,000 for a funeral?" and "how many cartons of Newports and buckets of KFC can you buy with 14 million dollars?" arose after the goal was met. In true niggerly fashion, his family bought Saint George a solid gold casket to be paraded through town by a voodoo nawlins brass band in celebration of their massive payday.

The Crucifixion of Derek Chauvin

Towards the end of April the trial for Derek Chauvin will commence. Each day during his trial he will be stripped before a crowd so that all may see his guilty white skin. He will be marched up the hill to Golgotha, while Antifa centurion soldiers whip his back with a cat-o-nine-tails. The strength of his knees will diminish as he carries the white burden for all of humanity.

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Featured article August 6 through August 7, 2020
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George Floyd Succeeded by
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