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This article is about a furry piece of shit. If you're searching for the faggot protagonist with a dildo arm, then see Fullmetal Alchemist.
Edward Elric is a female who likes to turn perfectly good anime characters into nekos and then write fan-fiction about them doing each other in the ass, putting it on Fanfiction.net. Her nickname is derived from the main character of Fullmetal Alchemist - Edward Elric - and uses it to roleplay sexing up a similarly neko Envy.
It's a surprise that the dumbass even gets the chance to have her way with furry fantasies and still get off, but people love to use her for her money, which she gets from practically shoving her hands in old people shit from working at a nursing home. Even then, she spends all of it on Furcadia, because she just has to have all the most expensive pixels available. Because of this, she complains that she never has any money whatsoever. Whenever she owes her friends money, she doesn't ever bother to pay them. She's always in debt to somebody, no matter who it is. And her excuse? She doesn't have enough money to do it. No fucking duh. And speaking of Furcadia, all the little pixels she likes to have of her gay male furries are usually of them dressed up women's clothing. She tends to claim that this is perfectly fucking normal. Just like her obsession for shelling out over $300 dollars for a pixelized name. A motherfucking name on a pathetic game that's for total losers.
Aside from loving the chance to rip copyright characters from anime, she likes to drag in little girls to be her "girlfriend', but all she ever really uses them for is yaoi induced roleplay. She can't ever keep a girlfriend for a long time either - she probably hasn't kept one for more than 3 months. After breaking up with an old ex-girlfriend of hers, she ranted for days about being used for money and called herself a "cashcow". She's definitely a cow alright.
UPDATE: After calculating the current cost of her pixels based off the tags in her Furcadian desc, this fag has spent approximately over $2,450. That's only including her current fag pixels, add an additional $300 for her name and $30 for the current port and we've got nearly $3,000 spent on fucking furfag pixels. Way to go Edward, forget college tuition when you have pixellated butterfly wings for your feline fag.
The Furcadian Life: Edward
Because she's so lonely, she's forced to spend most of her time doing nothing but sitting her pixel ass around on Furcadia. Here, she fakes a life where she thinks she's absolutely happy, but really, she has the saddest life known to man. Here, she picks up little girls to be her new "Envy", every time she gets another ex. Each time she breaks up with them, she makes a bigass fuss and throws a huge hissy fit, but then eventually makes up with the ex and becomes good friends with them.
Things similar to this have happened where one of her ex's parents feared for their daughter's safety when they found out she was dating someone on the netz. At one point in time, she wanted to visit one of her girlfriends all the way in another country. And another girl she dumped without the girl's notice, because the girl was gone for too long, and that she couldn't wait any longer. And here she was claiming she could wait forever for the one she loves.
And it isn't just Edward and Envy that are in her possession - she has the rest of the 7 Deadly Sins, a bunch of other FMA characters, and probably more. Aside from Edward and Envy, she has a fetish for couplings such as Gluttony x Greed and Ivan x Fletcher. Along with that, she enjoys shoving boys into frilly little girly dresses.
Do not assume that Edward spends all of her sad Furcadian life humping little boys though. She apparently thinks she's a ninja, meaning that she can actually hide on Furcadia with secret accounts! Hell, Toboe, Hige to name a few.
Rantings, Bitchings, Angstings and Whinings
Being the bitch that she is, Edward has the ultimate fetish in arguing and ranting at any chance that she can, when in truth, she can't fucking argue her way out of a building. She also loves to shove her nose into things that don't concern her and she has no clue about. Her methods of attacking people usually consist of typing up a huge lecture (that usually goes around in circles over and over again for about 30 paragraphs), and then claiming that she's too busy to reply.
She also has a favorite tendency in being a hypocrite. She points out other's flaws, when she does the same thing. She likes to think that other people are absolute losers with no life whatsoever, when she's spending most of her time with her $500 piles of pixels. She absolutely loves to rant to her so-called friends as well.
She thinks that anyone who disagrees with her is either jealous or stupid, no matter how wrong she is.
You'd think from all the long ranting and bitching at nothing in particular, she'd have the smarts to do a tl;dr on her damn rants. Here's a tip for those who do what she does; tl;dr - I'm a fucking bitch with nothing better to do but be an ass to you.
In one of her more recent shows of her lack of mental health and fragile emotional state, sources claim that Edward went on yet another five million paragraph rant, all because she takes the internet too seriously.
—Edward's ultimate display of maturity.
Notice the typos and over use of the world cunt, sounds like that time of the month for Edward's dried up cooch. Remember, if you ever point out how wrong Edward is she'll claim you're obsessed with her.
To prove to the world that she is so "hardcore" and tough, Edward or whoever licks Edward's fat ass at the moment have come up with a new method to prove she doesn't care and is tough. On Furcadia, the place she spends all of her hard earned money to have the pixel power she lacks irl, she likes to stick the alts she spent goo gobs of money on near people who piss her off! Yes, she keeps her computer on line, spends money to keep characters around that contain her inane ranting. Because that really proves she's not psycho, right?
—Edward, totally not butthurt by ED.
Because apparently it's really cool to play a furry game, spend hundreds of dollars on a furry game, RP on a furry game but call everyone else furfags. Also note the editing ED comment...coming from someone who sticks alts around, leaves their computer on 24/7 to do it and tries to insult people via a description not to mention also edits ED herself (or has her imaginary friends do it) to combat the "fags" she claims to "not care about." If she perhaps got out of her house more often other than to buy underage yaoi mags maybe she'd see no one really cares about her e-rants and they only really make herself look psycho. Then again, she'd have to turn off the computer for that one. (On a side note, for someone that really hates theft, this really cool person stole the set of rules that someone else quickly wrote up for a different purpose, as a description, copied here: RULES OF THE FIREPIT 1) ABSOLUTELY NO TOLERANCE OF FURFAGS 2) ABSOLUTELY NO TOLERANCE FOR FURFAGS 3) NO FUCKING DRAMA 4) ABSOLUTELY NO TOLERANCE OF FURFAGS 5) ??? 6) PROFIT!!!)
Edward used to be e-famous as "Link's Queen", who wrote the most ridiculously detailed and badly spelled epic Mary Sue fanfiction in the entire Legend of Zelda fandom. Link's Queen, or Jenna as she was known as back then, insisted that she was a "lucid dreamer" and that her dreams of Link and Hyrule were, in fact, reality. They were the basis for her fanfiction. Jenna insisted that she really did have four children with the Hero of Time. In an alternate universe.
She did go on a date with a man once. But she insisted on bringing her invisible husband Link, and her date did not get along with Link, so it ended in disappointment.
No Jenna's legend is complete without mention of her arch nemesis, Jules.
When called on her insanity by fanfic reviewers, one of them was the thorn in Jenna's gentle side: Jules, who Jenna claimed to be her arch nemesis for life. Jules, in the words of Jenna, "through me into the lion's den," who was "responsible for the action of other's!!!!" A woman whom Jenna believed would "end up in the physic-ward before your 30!" and often told her, "I WILL TAKE U DOWN!!!" On finding out that Jules was, in fact, a Native American, Jenna called her "red faced pig" who was only angry "because she lives on a reservation!!!" When called racist, she claimed, "Some of my best friends are black!" She also weirdly blamed Jules for 9/11.
This is the introduction to the fanfiction:
"Dreams come in many forms. Some good, some bad, some very realistic, even ones that feels very real. A dream may come to us from happy events, or even stem from bad events in our lives. Some come to us as a pleasure dream and some come as nightmares. Some become vague memories after time, while some stay very rich in our minds. This is a story about a dream that I had. A dream that became more dreams. A dream that would end one night then resumes the next. It became like a second life. Ever since I became a Zelda fan, I grew an interest in Link. I thought of him as the perfect man. One that you could not find of this world. I thought of him as a man that should have been. The more that he attracted my attention the more I became more attracted to him. I felt like there was a connection between him and me. Then he became a part of me, and after that I fell deeply in love with him.
I know that may sound queer to you but love is a mysterious thing and should not be taken lightly. Love is a very strong emotion, an emotion that should be treasured. Love comes from the heart, but when it takes hold, it's got you. I quite don't understand it myself, but I do know that when I first laid my eyes upon Link I fell in love with him. My heart just told me it was right. Told me he was the one, the one I had been searching for. Ever since then I have felt that it was destiny that has brought me to him. Even in my mind it feels the same. I don't consider myself any different from anyone else. Though I have love for someone that is not really there, he will always remain very real to me inside my heart and in my mind. Even to this day I still love him. He has kept me very happy. He has made me happy when I was sad. He has made me feel stronger about myself. He has even taken care of me in ways that no one else can. Even though I have feelings for him, I'm not any different from the rest of you. I will always hold him close to me in my heart. He is still on my mind and I still have dreams. The connection stills remains strong, and the dreams very real.
I lived an entire life with Link in Hyrule. All stemming from a series of dreams. Dreams that I want to have. Dreams that I make happen. From the first day I met him, to the birth of our first child, to even the days when Link and I prepared our family in the event that Gannon should return. This book is based on my inner life. A second life lived in a far away land in another time line in another dimension. A tale of love, passion, despair and hope. I enjoyed my inner life. I looked forward to going to sleep to it every night. And I look forward to ones that will come, because LOVE WILL NEVER DIE."
It also included, among other things, an entire chapter in which Jenna and Link have tiger sex (complete with about three pages of the two of them saying "Grrr" to each other,) and an entire chapter devoted to their "bonding" session in which they drink each other's urine.
Jenna also threatened to become an hero over her internet dramallamas:
"Re: fare well mai friends...."
NO!!!!!!!!!!! MUST THERE BE A CHAIN REACTION?! A domino affect?! First, Steve, then you, NOW ME?! When where the insanity end?!?! WHERE?!?! Let me explain something. Explain about the thought of death... su1c1de. Just recently, and no offense is intended... but, I had begun having su1c1de thoughts over this ENTIRE crap with Jules. In my dreams, my haunted dreams... I was seeing images of watching myself die. The dreams started out with my contact to Bold that I wanted a personal interview with her on all this MIL, BS.
Next, I'd see myself sitting in a chair, in an almost empty white room with Bold sitting across from me. There, I explained to her how I felt about the whole MIL situation. However, at the end, I suddenly slowly pull out a caliber pistol, and raise it to my right temple. I remember saying, please forgive me, and good bye softly to Bold before pulling the trigger, and last hearing the pop before my head falls sideways, blood spattered everywhere.
I can see the shocked expression on Bold's face. I even remember her pleading with me to not pull the trigger before I did. I can even remember seeing a large window on the wall, one of those two way mirrors, where someone behind it can see out, but you cannot see in. I remember Jules. Jordan and DG standing behind it, watching me. And their shocked stunned expressions after I pulled the trigger."
After the biting criticism of Jules, and after a hilarious send-up of her fiction entitled My Life With Link on fanfiction.net, by two women calling themselves the "Aku Soku Zan Syndicate", and after countless MSTS and merciless criticisms, Jenna and her sleek, beautiful body changed her name to Kitiara and left the LOZ fandom.
Mind, however, this was from back in 2000.
Alt Theft and lulz
Edward is well known for parading and prancing herself to display what a fucking saint she is. On a well known Furcadia user site she makes it her own personal mission to take care of any port thefts or alt (username) theft, even if she has no idea what is going on. Unfortunately, she has torn her image.
One Christmas she had all of her alts in a dream. Someone, who had bought the alt Roy Mustang from her, commented on this. Edward proceeded to rant for around twenty minutes since she was insulted. Later that night, it was reported missing. Edward had harassed the original owner to report Roy Mustang missing, and then proceeded to buy the alt off of her once again.
Edward once bought an alt from someone only to never pay them for it. The owner of the alt took it back. It created lots of lulz on the Furcadia Alt Market, where she proved that typing fast and screaming will get your point across clearly as the following quote demonstrated:
- Nope. That's bullshit. Koi is mine and I am teh sole logger for the last six months. She's mine. And SHE TRADED ME YAOI BACK. Regardless. I want Koi and I AM getting her. I don't like liars. 'And this was MONTHS BACK she gave me back Yaoi. MONTHS. Ciro can CONFIRM hjow long I've HAD Koi.
Also while trying to convince someone else she was innocent as seen here, we find out that Edward has children.
- SHE IS MY ALT EDS FUCKING IC DAUGHTER TOO Nyyyggghhh
Oh wait, not IRL children.
Her most recent theft, or in her world "misunderstanding" was noted in a thread on Furcadia Alt Market (now deleted), a prime example of how Edward makes everything under the sun about herself, she avoids the fact that she actually scammed someone by saying she's having "emotional stress" which apparently stopped her from paying $10 to clear something. A funny thing coming from someone who would sell what little soul she had for any FMA alt or any alt dealing with yaoi gay boys.
Even more of her money is wasted on a pair of websites for her favorite two characters of all time - Edward and Envy. As she states on Edward's website, she will not use Edward to yiff with anybody else, unless their character has Envy in their name. That totally leaves the chance open to any noob whoever wanted to hook up with the bimbo.
She's also a thesaurus thumper, but her skills definitely don't show. She fails to use words properly, and even spells the simplest of words wrong. Even when she goes on rants, all she can do is use caps and go the fastest possible, giving her so many chances to fuck up her spelling. In fact, she even claims she's going to call the authorities about the shitcyclone her internet drama brought onto her.
URGENT ALERT SOUND DA BELLS
Apparently this page is under attack, oh noes! Ed-tard or one of her yaoi fangirl cock sucking friends apparently do not like the truth of about Ed's insanity being known! On a daily basis they edit this page to remove the proof of Edward's psycho behavior and her scamming of people on Furcadia. Be warned!!
Recently Edward decided to revoke the usage of an alt that was being traded from Envy to another player as a shared alt. She came up with this after she decided the player had a "hypocritical nature" and "furc obsession." Yet when confronted with the idea that Edward had a Furcadia obsession, she denied it up and down! She even proceeded to call them "delisuions"! Obviously buying 2 of every life digo for over $100 each and not to mention spending $300 for a username is not obsessing! She then said that if her best friend wasn't sick, she wouldn't be on Furcadia. That doesn't explain the countless hours of yiffing her 19 year-old girlfriend up the ass and then shitting out babies with names like "Koi" and "Unschooled" (What, is the kid retarded?), even though both characters are boys! This can't be proven though because she avoided the question of 'how much money have you spent on Furcadia?' when confronted by Kiyichichi - probably because she then realized that she's spent so much money on Furcadia that she could have bought a mansion. So who's to know how much time she really spends on Furcadia! Thus it has been concluded that if you don't talk to Edward on a daily basis and you don't have 2 sets of every life digo available, you're obsessed with Furcadia and you need to get a life by working at a retirement home.
- Ed's Alt Market account, where she's baleeted every single one of her alts except for Edward, like we don't know what else she owns.
- Ed's own account on the same site. Apparently she's a pussy and only her "friends" can view it. (EDIT) Link works again.
- The newest victim of this cow, Ed's new e-fling. Let us hope she milks this cow dry!
- Edward's LiveJournal
- Edward Elric on fanfiction.net
- Elric's account on The Rabbit Hole
- Internet LOL 101
- A shrine to Edward's former identity, ~*Link's Queen*~ containing plenty of batshit crazy and LULZ
- EdwardElric = AIM Yes, this woman pretends to be a man even on AIM. She shit money to get the real thing.
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