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East Turkestan

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Flag of Uyghurstan
First East Turkestan Republic flag
Second East Turkestan Republic flag

East Turkestan (aka East Turkistan, Uyghuristan, and Uyghurstan) is the name used by butthurt Uyghur nationalists for Xinjiang (Chinese for "New Frontier"), a land little known outside China despite some potential for drama.


East Turkestan was under the control of several Chinese dynasties and Mongoloid khanates through the centuries. Most of the land eventually converted to Islam. By the twentieth century it was under control of the Qing Dynasty and then the Republic of China infidels. In 1933, East Turkestan decided to part with the infidels and established itself as the First East Turkestan Republic. They begged for recognition from other countries but it was denied. The East Turkestan Republic lasted about one year until it was reintegrated into the Republic of China, where it became China's testing ground for nuclear weapons.

In 1944, East Turkestan tried again once again and created the Second East Turkestan Republic. This time, the East Turkestanis were aided by the Soviet Union. In 1949, the East Turkestani leadership who were in Moscow were invited to the People's Consultative Conference. They boarded a Soviet aeroplane to Beijing, which crashed, killing all aboard. The People's Republic of China gained control of East Turkestan, which persists until today.

Independence movement

East Turkestanis feel that the People's Government oppresses them and puts down their culture, language and religion. This is true in Xinjiang as well as the rest of China because it is the will of the people, who, being accustomed to centuries of authoritarian rule, think it is the way things ought to be done. They are also being assimilated into Han Chinese culture. East Turkestan independence does not have as many foreign supporters as Tibetan independence, perhaps because no one has heard of them and perhaps because they don't have a huggable, loveable figurehead like the Tibetans do.

The East Turkestan Islamic Movement, some buddies of Al-Qaeda and the Taliban, have been waging jihad against the infidels since 1997. They wish to revive East Turkestan as an independent state and convert China's billion people to Islam. The United Nations and several countries call them terrorists. There are secular-oriented independentists under the influence of Turkish Kemalism out there as well.

Like many butthurt lands and wannabe countries (Kosovo, Kurdistan, Palestine, South Ossetia, Taiwan, Tibet), supporters of East Turkestani independence are fairly easy to troll. Simply voicing support for the status-quo and spouting Chinese propaganda may be enough to get them worked up. One may also point out the Turkestan Islamic Movement's history of terrorism in China. It is impossible to troll those opposed to Xinjiang's independence because China has such a sterling record in the region.

Reasons to support East Turkestani independence:

  1. You are from there and are butthurt about being part of China.
  2. You are a foreigner and want to hurt China.
  3. You are an Islamic fundamentalist who wants to make another country under Muslim law.
  4. You think China would be better off without those Muslims anyway.
  5. You are anti-communist.
  6. You don't know any better.

Reasons to not support East Turkestani independence:

  1. You are aware of the massive oil reserves present in Xinjiang (East Turkestan's impossible-to-pronounce Chinese name) and know their only motivation is to hog all the oil profits to themselves and subsequently garner support for Islamic extremism in struggling Muslim countries by donating oil money to them.
  2. Supporting East Turkestan means you support the terrorists and hate America. Why do you hate America?
  3. You are an infidel.
  4. You don't know any better.
  5. You don't care.

See also

External links

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